How would you handle this situation?

[allante]

Ladies, I am seeking your input on how you would handle this situation. I have clear evidence that my wife is checking my cell phone. No, before you jump to any conclusions, I have nothing to hide, just regular calls, my schedule and contacts. Plus, if I was going to do play it that way, I wouldn't be using my regular cell. Anyway, I tricked my phone out to give an indication that it has been messed with and she is obviously messing with it.

So I figure what is good for the goose... Anyway, she opened the door on this so I decided to check her phone. Interestingly enough, I find several flirtatious text message conversations with some guy on her phone.

On the surface at least, our relationship seems cool. Sex is good and on the regular, we talk and go out. There is no indication that either of us is unhappy. So, should I bust on her now about going through my phone and her texts, or should I set up more clandestine methods and start gathering more info on her?

 

[smoove2k6]

Ladies, I am seeking your input on how you would handle this situation. I have clear evidence that my wife is checking my cell phone. No, before you jump to any conclusions, I have nothing to hide, just regular calls, my schedule and contacts. Plus, if I was going to do play it that way, I wouldn't be using my regular cell. Anyway, I tricked my phone out to give an indication that it has been messed with and she is obviously messing with it.

So I figure what is good for the goose... Anyway, she opened the door on this so I decided to check her phone. Interestingly enough, I find several flirtatious text message conversations with some guy on her phone.

On the surface at least, our relationship seems cool. Sex is good and on the regular, we talk and go out. There is no indication that either of us is unhappy. So, should I bust on her now about going through my phone and her texts, or should I set up more clandestine methods and start gathering more info on her?

Im not a lady but i will give you a little insight to this one, if your relationship is good on the surface and your not giving off the signs of wrong doing then you may want to sit and think this one out. If she is going thru your phone then she is looking for dirt. This can be due to the fact that she is feeling guilty about her own actions and feel you may be doing the same. Guilty people always feel as if the other can be doing the same thing that they are. If i were you i would ask her in a calm way if there was something inparticular (sp) she was looking for in your phone, and then politely ask her if you can see her phone. If she in fact has nothing to hide then she will turn the phone over with no questions. If she feels guilty and she in fact thinks that you will get upset over the texts that you already know are there, then she will give you resistance on giving up the phone.

Just my 2 cents

 

[LoneStar29]

Yeah I'm feelin' smoove2k6's post on this one ... I would forget the whole "gathering info" on her ... if you're relationship is as good as you say it is then there is no need for sneakiness ... just be straight and ask her why she is going through your phone ... it may be cuz the guilty accuse type of scenario or maybe she is just insecure ... but talk to her and find out ... then like previously suggested ask her to see her phone and her reaction should tell you want you wanna know ... if she has nothing to hide then she wont mind getting what she's dishing out ... good luck

 

[Andeyhollawho]

Im not a lady but i will give you a little insight to this one, if your relationship is good on the surface and your not giving off the signs of wrong doing then you may want to sit and think this one out. If she is going thru your phone then she is looking for dirt. This can be due to the fact that she is feeling guilty about her own actions and feel you may be doing the same. Guilty people always feel as if the other can be doing the same thing that they are. If i were you i would ask her in a calm way if there was something inparticular (sp) she was looking for in your phone, and then politely ask her if you can see her phone. If she in fact has nothing to hide then she will turn the phone over with no questions. If she feels guilty and she in fact thinks that you will get upset over the texts that you already know are there, then she will give you resistance on giving up the phone.

Just my 2 cents

Chuuch...

 

[Cleopatra_J]

Chuuch...

Somebody said chuuch... I need a suit...

 

[kjxxxx]

Man fuck all that church shit. Man if you are happy leave it alone. If you she is messing up and you want to still be in the light don't let her know what you know cause you will have blown that source of info.

If you are not ready to deal with negative side of what you might learn then leave that shit alone. Leave her phone alone and live clean. Let your conscience be free and let your mind be free of negative thoughts cause that shit will drive you crazy to where you start creating shit where there was none.

Maybe one day you can sit down with her and discuss how you expect each other to conduct yourselves with others and what you may consider inappropriate for a wife and what she may consider inappropriate for you. I think we all go into relationships expecting the other person to behave how we think they should but what they think they should is different from what we think.

Like one of the things you may want to discuss is situations: situations that start out as innocent but ... Here is one (something I learned in Amway): Avoid situations where you are alone with another woman. Always try to make sure there is more than just the two of you there, lest the situation can be misinterpreted. knipp flirtation in the but before it gets mistaken for a welcome to go further or before someone else mistakes it for more than you know it is.

 

[Adam Knows]

Ladies, I am seeking your input on how you would handle this situation. I have clear evidence that my wife is checking my cell phone. No, before you jump to any conclusions, I have nothing to hide, just regular calls, my schedule and contacts. Plus, if I was going to do play it that way, I wouldn't be using my regular cell. Anyway, I tricked my phone out to give an indication that it has been messed with and she is obviously messing with it.

So I figure what is good for the goose... Anyway, she opened the door on this so I decided to check her phone. Interestingly enough, I find several flirtatious text message conversations with some guy on her phone.

On the surface at least, our relationship seems cool. Sex is good and on the regular, we talk and go out. There is no indication that either of us is unhappy. So, should I bust on her now about going through my phone and her texts, or should I set up more clandestine methods and start gathering more info on her?

she's checking your phone because she knows the content on her phone and is feeling guilty and is trying to reverse it back onto you to alleviate her guilt by justifying her reasons for the "flirtatious messages" on her phone.

 

[smoove2k6]

Man fuck all that church shit. Man if you are happy leave it alone. If you she is messing up and you want to still be in the light don't let her know what you know cause you will have blown that source of info.

If you are not ready to deal with negative side of what you might learn then leave that shit alone. Leave her phone alone and live clean. Let your conscience be free and let your mind be free of negative thoughts cause that shit will drive you crazy to where you start creating shit where there was none.

Maybe one day you can sit down with her and discuss how you expect each other to conduct yourselves with others and what you may consider inappropriate for a wife and what she may consider inappropriate for you. I think we all go into relationships expecting the other person to behave how we think they should but what they think they should is different from what we think.

Like one of the things you may want to discuss is situations: situations that start out as innocent but ... Here is one (something I learned in Amway): Avoid situations where you are alone with another woman. Always try to make sure there is more than just the two of you there, lest the situation can be misinterpreted. knipp flirtation in the but before it gets mistaken for a welcome to go further or before someone else mistakes it for more than you know it is.

I would agree with all this, IF he said he just started dating the woman and was feeling her. But this is His WIFE. Every thing you mentioned should be known way before he even proposed, let alone actually got married. If he cant talk to his wife alone about something then what the hell is the point in being with her. You may want to talk to your jump off, or even your fuck buddy in public with other around as not to create a scene, but if you cant talk to your wife about things alone that bother you, then your marriage is over. You dont Air your dirty laundry in the street.

 

[Chaise]

I hate people who play games like that . . . I say just sit her down and ask her straight out why she is going through your phone and also tell her that out of curiosity you went through her phone and want to know why she is engaging in inappropriate conversations with other men . . . is there something you need to know . . . is there a problem brewing that you guys need to fix before it gets worse . . .

 

[SWATLANTA]

Chuuch...

Somebody said chuuch... I need a suit...

I got the offering plate...

 

[shanebp1978]

@ a married couple in each others phones.

 

[sean69]

@ a married couple in each others phones.

Caflik Mass!

 

[kjxxxx]

I find it interesting that folks think the wife is dirty and looking for dirt on him. Sooner or later in a relationship people check each others phone. They check because the other person have information in the phone they want. Maybe a phone number. They check to see what the phone is like. They check not because they want to find dirt but just because they want to learn more. We are all curious people. The more you are able to share the better the relationship should be. The fact that he was able to check her message and see something he didn't like was good because she didn't delete it. She is not worried about him reading it. He has a problem when he see her get a text read it smile then delete it. And when it happens a bunch of times. She goes through his things because she cares for him and like to know everything about him. If this is the kind of person he is with, then he has to accept her for that. If she is that kind of person and then she stops and start being secretive then maybe he has something to worry about then. Perhaps he could send a message to his phone for her from someone else phone saying "I love you wife's name. I am so happy that I am still your favorite subject and I don't want you to stop studying me and coming up with things to do that brings me happiness. Love you husbands name "

I want to keep people married not help them look for reasons to seperate. Lets keep it that way people.

 

[SWATLANTA]

I find it interesting that folks think the wife is dirty and looking for dirt on him. Sooner or later in a relationship people check each others phone. They check because the other person have information in the phone they want. Maybe a phone number. They check to see what the phone is like. They check not because they want to find dirt but just because they want to learn more. We are all curious people. The more you are able to share the better the relationship should be. The fact that he was able to check her message and see something he didn't like was good because she didn't delete it. She is not worried about him reading it. He has a problem when he see her get a text read it smile then delete it. And when it happens a bunch of times. She goes through his things because she cares for him and like to know everything about him. If this is the kind of person he is with then he has to accept her for that. If she is that kind of person and then she stops and start being secretive then maybe he has something to worry about then. Perhaps he could send a message to his phone for her from someone else phone saying "I love you wife's name. I am so happy that I am still your favorite subject and I don't want you to stop studying me and coming up with things to do that brings me happiness. Love you husbands name "

I want to keep people married not help them look for reasons to seperate. Lets keep it that way people.

WTF !!

Dude said his wife is flirting with another cat via text. I don't care how the information was gotten, that shit needs to be addressed. It sounds like you are willing to turn your head and ignore the situation. What does it take for you to stand up and at least question the nature of their relationship ? Will she need to show up at 4am one morning with cum stains on her stockings before you get suspicious ? Women are the slickest at cheating because they do that shit right in your face. It could be perfectly harmless or it could be some shady shit going on, but to ignore it is naive at best...

 

[Mr MajestiK]

Im not a lady but i will give you a little insight to this one, if your relationship is good on the surface and your not giving off the signs of wrong doing then you may want to sit and think this one out. If she is going thru your phone then she is looking for dirt. This can be due to the fact that she is feeling guilty about her own actions and feel you may be doing the same. Guilty people always feel as if the other can be doing the same thing that they are. If i were you i would ask her in a calm way if there was something inparticular (sp) she was looking for in your phone, and then politely ask her if you can see her phone. If she in fact has nothing to hide then she will turn the phone over with no questions. If she feels guilty and she in fact thinks that you will get upset over the texts that you already know are there, then she will give you resistance on giving up the phone.

Just my 2 cents

^^^Close thread.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Caflik Mass!

 

[nemesys321]

real talk, i hope you dont love this bitch. no one else is willing to say it. im not either, but i will tell you this, i went through the same kind of shit 3 years ago. man i feel yo pain. if it dont hurt now, believe me, it's gonna hurt soon. if you dont want to know what she is doing and you want to stay "happy", then dont ask her shit and stop looking for more info. if you want to stay "happy" and "married", then forget what you read and never bring it up. no matter how happy you think you are, you must understand, woman are great at hiding there emotions and transferring feelings from one person to another. she may be all giggles and smiles with you, but trust me there's some other brother making that happen. if you are ok with this then close your eyes and enjoy your wife. i wasnt so i packed my shit. peace

oh dont kill her or her boyfriend and dont let her see you cry, be strong.

 

[grownazzblakman]

Ladies, I am seeking your input on how you would handle this situation. I have clear evidence that my wife is checking my cell phone. No, before you jump to any conclusions, I have nothing to hide, just regular calls, my schedule and contacts. Plus, if I was going to do play it that way, I wouldn't be using my regular cell. Anyway, I tricked my phone out to give an indication that it has been messed with and she is obviously messing with it.

So I figure what is good for the goose... Anyway, she opened the door on this so I decided to check her phone. Interestingly enough, I find several flirtatious text message conversations with some guy on her phone.

On the surface at least, our relationship seems cool. Sex is good and on the regular, we talk and go out. There is no indication that either of us is unhappy. So, should I bust on her now about going through my phone and her texts, or should I set up more clandestine methods and start gathering more info on her?

THE RED TEXT ARE REAL BAD SIGNS, imo.
OP, dunno if she actually cheating on you, but...

1. If she is 'flirting' with some OTHER dude via text messages... chances are VERY HIGH that she's also TELLING HIM ALL YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS also.

Either thru text messages, phone conversations, or 'in person'.
Because she is 'comfortable' enough to leave these messages on her phone since she has been 'in communication' with him for an extended period of time, imo.

Trust that any little fight or disagreement you have with her will be discussed with this random dude.... at some point. While YOU will continue to remain 'clueless' about any info concerning the next man.... until you decide to ever confront her.

--------------
2. Also everything will continue to seem normal... because right now she benefits from having the 'best of both worlds' , so to speak... and she is NOT trying to raise any 'red flags' to arouse any suspicion.

Cuz she's got YOU for stability & financial security of marriage... and she's got HIM for the emotional / ego boost of 'being desired' by other men, at BEST... or she's spending more time than you actually KNOW ABOUT with this dude behind your back, at WORST.

--------------
3. Some women are real slick, and if she WAS cheating... then the man she is receiving text messages from may NOT be the dude that she is ACTUALLY creeping with.

She would most likely delete those, or use OTHER methods to contact him... just like YOU would with another woman, as you stated above... cuz y'all both prolly 'think alike'. (Which is just one reason you married her, right? No disrespect meant, btw. )

So this dude could just be a 'platonic' friend / co-worker who is kinda flirty...
but she may also have a 'stunt-double' who puts in the REAL work... 'on location'.

[SIDENOTE] Stunt-doubles show up 'ready for action' whenever / wherever needed... on short notice... but are only 'on the radar' for mere seconds, cuz the LEAD ACTORS get all the 'spoken lines' and 'camera time'.

And 9 times out of 10... NOBODY ever notices, or even remembers a 'stunt-double'.
Until the footage gets re-wound & 'slowed-down' enough to see THE BIG PICTURE. [/SIDENOTE]

--------------
Now if you are cool with this 'whole situation' and don't want to confront your wife about it...
then things will continue 'as is' for the foreseeable future, imho.

Good luck with that, bruh.

 

[JofromthaNO]

THE RED TEXT ARE REAL BAD SIGNS, imo.
OP, dunno if she actually cheating on you, but...

1. If she is 'flirting' with some OTHER dude via text messages... chances are VERY HIGH that she's also TELLING HIM ALL YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS also.

Either thru text messages, phone conversations, or 'in person'.
Because she is 'comfortable' enough to leave these messages on her phone since she has been 'in communication' with him for an extended period of time, imo.

Trust that any little fight or disagreement you have with her will be discussed with this random dude.... at some point. While YOU will continue to remain 'clueless' about any info concerning the next man.... until you decide to ever confront her.

--------------
2. Also everything will continue to seem normal... because right now she benefits from having the 'best of both worlds' , so to speak... and she is NOT trying to raise any 'red flags' to arouse any suspicion.

Cuz she's got YOU for stability & financial security of marriage... and she's got HIM for the emotional / ego boost of 'being desired' by other men, at BEST... or she's spending more time than you actually KNOW ABOUT with this dude behind your back, at WORST.

--------------
3. Some women are real slick, and if she WAS cheating... then the man she is receiving text messages from may NOT be the dude that she is ACTUALLY creeping with.

She would most likely delete those, or use OTHER methods to contact him... just like YOU would with another woman, as you stated above... cuz y'all both prolly 'think alike'. (Which is just one reason you married her, right? No disrespect meant, btw. )

So this dude could just be a 'platonic' friend / co-worker who is kinda flirty...
but she may also have a 'stunt-double' who puts in the REAL work... 'on location'.

[SIDENOTE] Stunt-doubles show up 'ready for action' whenever / wherever needed... on short notice... but are only 'on the radar' for mere seconds, cuz the LEAD ACTORS get all the 'spoken lines' and 'camera time'.

And 9 times out of 10... NOBODY ever notices, or even remembers a 'stunt-double'.
Until the footage gets re-wound & 'slowed-down' enough to see THE BIG PICTURE. [/SIDENOTE]

--------------
Now if you are cool with this 'whole situation' and don't want to confront your wife about it...
then things will continue 'as is' for the foreseeable future, imho.

Good luck with that, bruh.

Never heard of the stunt double thing until now...


Soooo..... is that like a splackavellie?!?

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----------------------------------------------------------

The term"Splackavellie" first gained popularity as the title of a hit R&B song from 1998 by the artist Pressha, part of the soundtrack to the 1998 movie The Players Club, peaking at #27 on the Billboard Hot 100.

"Splackavellie" describes a kind of man (or "superman") that women who are in relationships use for sexual pleasure uncomplicated by relationship matters (perhaps because of them). Supposedly, when a woman's man isn't treating her right, her "Splackavellie" can "work it all night...until the morning light" in such a way that she is made to feel "right, right right!". Pressha and other promoters of the term claim that "every woman needs her own Splackavellie".

The unusual word is thought to be a blend of "Splack" and "Machiavelli." "Splack" is first used by 2 Live Crew in their song "Put Her in the Buck" as follows: "Lay the bitch on the bed, flat on her back - Hold her legs up high, make the pussy splack." Machiavelli is frequently cited by hip-hop culture, and the pragmatic use of deceit by a cheating partner is decidedly Machiavellian.

The Splackavellie remix became a fan favorite as well, with a more upbeat tempo and repeated chorus: "S, P, L, A, C, K, A, V, E, L, L, I, E: Splackavellie!" Many favor the remix version of the song because it lacks a groove-disrupting snippet from The Players Club which discusses one's options of persuading a person that is delinquent in paying his bills to follow through. Many options are discussed, but death is disfavored because "dead man don't pay no bills."

 

[grownazzblakman]

Never heard of the stunt double thing until now...


Soooo..... is that like a splackavellie?!?

Exactly.

Ol' dude that is getting all the 'face time on her camera phone' may not necessarily be.... Mr. Splacktastic himself.

HE could be one-in-the-same. (assuming she's cheating, that is)
Or he could just be a 'decoy'... and the OP would lose any argument with his wife about him if / when they ever discussed the issue.

Was my point.

 

[kjxxxx]

Ladies, I am seeking your input ....

Bro. Sorry the brothers are the only one that seem to want to discuss your situation. There were two 3 females who responded but they didn't really say anything relevant. I was actually looking to hear something from the females perspective especially something in the wifey role (from the wifey perspective). I refuse to believe that none of the women here has never recieved a flirtatious text from someone or a text that could be interpreted as flirtatious while in a relationship with someone

 

[watchin]

Bro. Sorry the brothers are the only one that seem to want to discuss your situation. There were two 3 females who responded but they didn't really say anything relevant. I was actually looking to hear something from the females perspective especially something in the wifey role (from the wifey perspective). I refuse to believe that none of the women here has never recieved a flirtatious text from someone or a text that could be interpreted as flirtatious while in a relationship with someone

I think it could all be innocent and not really all that shady. In regards to the texts, I have male friends and stuff like that happens. Its only a problem if it escalates or gets to a point that demonstrates there is interest in something more than a platonic friendship. I wouldn't automatically jump to suspicion.

My viewpoint is that he should be able to communicate with her. Ask her..see how she reacts. If he can't or won't that says a whole lot about the relationship.

 

[SWATLANTA]

My viewpoint is that he should be able to communicate with her. Ask her..see how she reacts. If he can't or won't that says a whole lot about the relationship.

 

[Andeyhollawho]

WTF !!

Dude said his wife is flirting with another cat via text. I don't care how the information was gotten, that shit needs to be addressed. It sounds like you are willing to turn your head and ignore the situation. What does it take for you to stand up and at least question the nature of their relationship ? Will she need to show up at 4am one morning with cum stains on her stockings before you get suspicious ? Women are the slickest at cheating because they do that shit right in your face. It could be perfectly harmless or it could be some shady shit going on, but to ignore it is naive at best...

Tabernacle!

 

[BrownTurd]

Everyone flirts. That is nothing to be concerned about. If she was really doing major dirt she would have deleted the messages. All women flirt to some degree married or single.

I hate to break some bad news to most of you....99% of women will check your phone or belongings. Women are not really looking for dirt ...but looking more for validation that you are the man you say you are and the one they fell in love with. Women talk and listen to their girlfriend stories all the time. When they check you phone and belongings it is a good feeling to them when they find nothing. You have to look at it through the eyes of a female. Since the age of about 13 women have been lied to just every single day. So sometimes they need extra validation.

Instead of looking through her phone simply ask your wife if or why she is going through your phone. Find out if their is any issue she is having with you or what could have caused her to be insecure.

 

[grownazzblakman]

Everyone flirts. That is nothing to be concerned about. If she was really doing major dirt she would have deleted the messages. All women flirt to some degree married or single.

Agreed about the 'flirting' part.

But not too sure about the 'deleting the evidence' part, tho.
(My reasons are below, fwiw)

I hate to break some bad news to most of you....99% of women will check your phone or belongings. Women are not really looking for dirt ...but looking more for validation that you are the man you say you are and the one they fell in love with. Women talk and listen to their girlfriend stories all the time. When they check you phone and belongings it is a good feeling to them when they find nothing. You have to look at it through the eyes of a female. Since the age of about 13 women have been lied to just every single day. So sometimes they need extra validation.

I hear ya.

But then again, think about it... the OP was so 'troubled' by what he discovered, that he felt compelled to seek advice... from COMPLETE strangers on BGOL... instead of his closest relative/s or friend/s.

I could be wrong, but I'm guessing....
EITHER...

a) He found ALOT of text messages. Not like just 1 or 2, mind you...
But prolly enough 'flirty exchanges' mixed with 'casual convo' to raise an eyebrow...
and he had a (real-life) "WTF?!?" moment.

OR...

b) He only found A FEW text messages...
that were explicit enuff to raise an eyebrow...
and he had a (real-life) "WTF?!?" moment.

Only the OP knows the facts.

Just saying. [**shrugs**]

Instead of looking through her phone simply ask your wife if or why she is going through your phone. Find out if their is any issue she is having with you or what could have caused her to be insecure.

Good advice.

 

[onyxfemme]

Did I see SPLACKEVELLI!!!!!!!

I REMEMBER THAT SONG!!!!! HELLLLL NAW!!!!!

 

[SuchATease]

I hate people who play games like that . . . I say just sit her down and ask her straight out why she is going through your phone and also tell her that out of curiosity you went through her phone and want to know why she is engaging in inappropriate conversations with other men . . . is there something you need to know . . . is there a problem brewing that you guys need to fix before it gets worse . . .

word, I wouldn't wait around I would just confront her and ask what's up? it makes no sense to pretend like you didn't see it or ask her why she feels the need to go through your phone. I've learned in my relationship to nip shyt in the bud before it blows up or gets worse. No need to pretend like things didn't happen.

And as a woman I think it inappropriate to be sending flirtatious text to another man. If I have the need or desire to flirt my husband/SO is a text away. I can admit that it's always nice to hear nice things from men other than your husband/SO but you say thank you and keep it moving. I don't know what prompted her to give out her phone number to this dude and that's something I would ask her as well.