Crossing the line with a Friend

[DeSiRe]

i have a male friend of over 10 years....we have been very close for the majority of this time

up until recently the relationship was strictly platonic

after a few confessions from him and myself the relationship now has an added sexual bonus...im concerned about what could be the future of our relationship


has this happened to anyone here? did u run into any problems and how did u handle it? was the friendship affected?

 

[DeSiRe]

when i say concerned i mean regardless of whatever happens i dont want to lose or compromise our friendship...that is my #1 priority

just wanted to clarify

 

[MCP]

Desire.

I was once in this situation with a good friend of mine many years ago. We went back quite sometime from our college days. Our friendship was something we both cherish at the time. We could talk for hours on just about anything in our lives, relationship with our partners at the time, family issues etc. A few friends whom we both knew even thought that something was going on between us at the time.

A few years later she moved to Manchester after accepting a job offer there and she always asked me to come down to see her when I had time to do so over the weekend. Eventually I did visit her. Over that weekend a lot of conversing and true feelings between us led to some bed bumping

We soon realised that this wasn't for us, I was concearned also about our friendship and the way we saw things were rapidly changing. We decided that it would be in our best interest not to pursue this route. Soon over time our chats and phone convo's were getting less and less frequent and our friendship almost fizzled out completely.

Yes we are still are friends today, but things aren't what they use to be especially with our friendship. To this day I still do miss that. Looking back in hindsight I wish I just kept my feeling about her bottled up and just remained friends with her.

Desire, your friendship will not be the same as it was before, especially if things don't work out for you both. Just be prepared for the worse (not that I'm wishing that on you)

Wish you all the best.

 

[QueEx]

Interesting topic Dee.

You know what they say: friendship can be a many splendored things.
Or, was that sex?
Or, was that love?
Shit. Was that hate?
Hell, I forget.
Maybe thats because in the end, it all tends to workout, one way or another, in time.

QueEx

 

[BrownTurd]

i have a male friend of over 10 years....we have been very close for the majority of this time

up until recently the relationship was strictly platonic

after a few confessions from him and myself the relationship now has an added sexual bonus...im concerned about what could be the future of our relationship


has this happened to anyone here? did u run into any problems and how did u handle it? was the friendship affected?

Friends becoming lovers(sexually) should not cause any problems in the relationship. The most intimate thing one can ever give or receive is a persons "Mind" I assume being friends for over to years you two have shared a lot of personal things with each other. The reason the mind is the most intimate thing a person could give is because the mind controls all of our actions, emotions and feelings. Since you have been friends for over 10 years and have shared so much...technically you had already made love to him mentally because you know things about him that his wife wouldn't even know. Now you are just expressing that intimacy you already had with in the physical form.

The only time a problem would occur is when entitlement shows its ugly head. Entitlement is when we begin to expect things from other people and now have placed expectations on them. Now things that did not bother us before starts to cause a reaction because of our expectations we have now set for this person. If you to can understand and don't place any expectations on each other you should be perfectly fine. The only thing that has changed in your relationship is now you are expressing your love physically and not just mentally.

 

[shanebp1978]

i have a male friend of over 10 years....we have been very close for the majority of this time

I'm sure when you say, " Friend ", you mean ugly duckling that you finally deemed attractive enough to hit.

Miss me with this.

You ain't got no male, " Platonic " friends.

The only MALE friend you will ever have at a give time, is that faggety fagget fag from your high school you still talk to, and or the man you are in a relationship with.

Every other non related male in your LIFE will potentially intentionally fuck the shit out of you.

Good day.

 

[BrownTurd]

I'm sure when you say, " Friend ", you mean ugly duckling that you finally deemed attractive enough to hit.

Miss me with this.

You ain't got no male, " Platonic " friends.

The only MALE friend you will ever have at a give time, is that faggety fagget fag from from your high school you still talk to, and or the man you are in a relationship with.

Every other non related male in your LIFE will potentially intentionally fuck the shit out of you.

Good day.

This is so true. Most women never grasp that concept

 

[dwnsouth]

^^^^ so true.....when the friend is fine.... or things are at a low and neither one of you have had any in a while....

 

[DeSiRe]

Desire.

I was once in this situation with a good friend of mine many years ago. We went back quite sometime from our college days. Our friendship was something we both cherish at the time. We could talk for hours on just about anything in our lives, relationship with our partners at the time, family issues etc. A few friends whom we both knew even thought that something was going on between us at the time.

A few years later she moved to Manchester after accepting a job offer there and she always asked me to come down to see her when I had time to do so over the weekend. Eventually I did visit her. Over that weekend a lot of conversing and true feelings between us led to some bed bumping

We soon realised that this wasn't for us, I was concearned also about our friendship and the way we saw things were rapidly changing. We decided that it would be in our best interest not to pursue this route. Soon over time our chats and phone convo's were getting less and less frequent and our friendship almost fizzled out completely.

Yes we are still are friends today, but things aren't what they use to be especially with our friendship. To this day I still do miss that. Looking back in hindsight I wish I just kept my feeling about her bottled up and just remained friends with her.

Desire, your friendship will not be the same as it was before, especially if things don't work out for you both. Just be prepared for the worse (not that I'm wishing that on you)

Wish you all the best.

thanks for sharing

do u think the sex drove yall apart or other life factors?

im like you...friendship is my #1 priority...i have only a few people that have lasted in my life this long...and i dont care how good the penis is i dont want to compromise that...i just hope its not too late

 

[DeSiRe]

Interesting topic Dee.

You know what they say: friendship can be a many splendored things.
Or, was that sex?
Or, was that love?
Shit. Was that hate?
Hell, I forget.
Maybe thats because in the end, it all tends to workout, one way or another, in time.

QueEx

i love your perspective

 

[DeSiRe]

Friends becoming lovers(sexually) should not cause any problems in the relationship. The most intimate thing one can ever give or receive is a persons "Mind" I assume being friends for over to years you two have shared a lot of personal things with each other. The reason the mind is the most intimate thing a person could give is because the mind controls all of our actions, emotions and feelings. Since you have been friends for over 10 years and have shared so much...technically you had already made love to him mentally because you know things about him that his wife wouldn't even know. Now you are just expressing that intimacy you already had with in the physical form.

The only time a problem would occur is when entitlement shows its ugly head. Entitlement is when we begin to expect things from other people and now have placed expectations on them. Now things that did not bother us before starts to cause a reaction because of our expectations we have now set for this person. If you to can understand and don't place any expectations on each other you should be perfectly fine. The only thing that has changed in your relationship is now you are expressing your love physically and not just mentally.

wow i never looked at it like that....im going to have to marinade on this for a minute

 

[DeSiRe]

I'm sure when you say, " Friend ", you mean ugly duckling that you finally deemed attractive enough to hit.

Miss me with this.

You ain't got no male, " Platonic " friends.

The only MALE friend you will ever have at a give time, is that faggety fagget fag from your high school you still talk to, and or the man you are in a relationship with.

Every other non related male in your LIFE will potentially intentionally fuck the shit out of you.

Good day.

for years...every man i dated hated the relationship i had with my friend

until recently i truely thought it was possible for a man and woman to have a platonic relationship if both people had their minds right...ive gotten in quite a few fights with ex boyfriends off of this

i told him intimate details about my sex and love life...and he shared his...but we NEVER crossed the line or even talk about it...the most we did was ever hug

its not that hes ugly or gay...there is a bigger picture to the situation and it was best we just stayed platonic

now that the bigger picture isnt as relevant i guess that gave us the greenlight to explore the curiosity we both have had about eachother for years

so to make a long story short...i agree unless hes gay eventually he will want to smash

 

[JofromthaNO]

I'm sure when you say, " Friend ", you mean ugly duckling that you finally deemed attractive enough to hit.

Miss me with this.

You ain't got no male, " Platonic " friends.

The only MALE friend you will ever have at a give time, is that faggety fagget fag from your high school you still talk to, and or the man you are in a relationship with.

Every other non related male in your LIFE will potentially intentionally fuck the shit out of you.

Good day.

Shane, expound on this point for a sister...cause, I do believe, men and women can have platonic relationships, particularly if they grew up with each other and view each other on a brotherly/sisterly level...or at least I heard that somewhere?

 

[Mo-Better]

Platonic relationships are nothing more than potential sexual relationships. Think about it you two have a 10 year history. There's been something there all along.

He was someone you could always talk to, call and go to a movie. Need help setting up your new stereo, fix your flat tire the handy guy who always sides with you if you have a problem, makes your problems melt away.

How do you handle it now that the line has been crossed? You enjoy the relationship and hope it all works out for you both. Have fun, do things together, you two have something most relationships lack. You two really know each other and most of all you two are friends.

BTW he's not married is he?

 

[QueEx]

Shane, expound on this point for a sister...cause, I do believe, men and women can have platonic relationships, particularly if they grew up with each other and view each other on a brotherly/sisterly level...or at least I heard that somewhere?

I won't answer for Shane but I can say for myself that you're right, men and women can have platonic relationships, with a lot of emphasis on, can, but "Can" takes a lot of effort and restraint. I have lots of female associates, many of whom I call friends of varying degree and the thought runs through my mind on the constant and opportunity is ever present. Because, however, I "KNOW" that introduction of the dick or lick changes that "friend relationship" drastically, fundamentally and often permanently, -- Platonic, when you consider the pros & cons, is often just less dramatic. LOL

QueEx

 

[DeSiRe]

Platonic relationships are nothing more than potential sexual relationships. Think about it you two have a 10 year history. There's been something there all along.

He was someone you could always talk to, call and go to a movie. Need help setting up your new stereo, fix your flat tire the handy guy who always sides with you if you have a problem, makes your problems melt away.

How do you handle it now that the line has been crossed? You enjoy the relationship and hope it all works out for you both. Have fun, do things together, you two have something most relationships lack. You two really know each other and most of all you two are friends.

BTW he's not married is he?

i dont mess with married men


























thanks for your insight

 

[shanebp1978]

Shane, expound on this point for a sister...cause, I do believe, men and women can have platonic relationships, particularly if they grew up with each other and view each other on a brotherly/sisterly level...or at least I heard that somewhere?

Pas de touché Madame.



I was specifically speaking on male behavior.

Explaining to a young lady the REALITY of her situation, and that thinking they were ever friends was a fallacy.

Your trying to corner me into saying something. Unfortunately you will find to your dismay I REJECT your shovel and no hole shall be dug.

An now before you formulate a response, I will invoke the male, " Get out of jail free " card, and in doing so chauvinistically belittle and invalidate any argument you might have cooking in that sweet little girly head of yours.









































































































Double standard
 
–noun
1. any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another, esp. an unwritten code of sexual behavior permitting men more freedom than women.

http://i36.tinypic.com/110zz9j.gif


Now by invoking Double standard and to highlight it's actual definition, I submit, that the aggression in most platonic friendship's originates from the male, and therefore the tone of the friendship is under sole control of the male.

An though I cited in my above post a universal natural male behavior, I state that it is an INDIVIDUAL decision of the male's to pursue to his win or defeat.

 

[Stix-N-Stonz]

Friends becoming lovers(sexually) should not cause any problems in the relationship. The most intimate thing one can ever give or receive is a persons "Mind" I assume being friends for over to years you two have shared a lot of personal things with each other. The reason the mind is the most intimate thing a person could give is because the mind controls all of our actions, emotions and feelings. Since you have been friends for over 10 years and have shared so much...technically you had already made love to him mentally because you know things about him that his wife wouldn't even know. Now you are just expressing that intimacy you already had with in the physical form.

The only time a problem would occur is when entitlement shows its ugly head. Entitlement is when we begin to expect things from other people and now have placed expectations on them. Now things that did not bother us before starts to cause a reaction because of our expectations we have now set for this person. If you to can understand and don't place any expectations on each other you should be perfectly fine. The only thing that has changed in your relationship is now you are expressing your love physically and not just mentally.

hit the nail right on the head with this one. from my own personal experience, i can say this is true. after it happens, you can't expect or demand anything out of the other person. just treat her the way you always have(him in your case) and everything will be cool. and when/if they get in another relationship, respect their boundaries and whatnot. friends with benefits can be a wonderful thing.

 

[hottmixx]

i have a male friend of over 10 years....we have been very close for the majority of this time

up until recently the relationship was strictly platonic

after a few confessions from him and myself the relationship now has an added sexual bonus...im concerned about what could be the future of our relationship


has this happened to anyone here? did u run into any problems and how did u handle it? was the friendship affected?

If you have nothing but platonic feelings towards him DO NOT ruin the relationship by adding sex to the equation. Because trust me, no matter what they say or how much shit they talk about sex not going to change how they act towards you that's a lie. If you know you have no feelings relationship wise towards him after the sex don't complicate your life. Trust me, it ain't worth it. But if you have real feelings toward him and you believe he has real feelings toward you then give it a shot. What do you have to loose?

 

[sean69]

I'm sure when you say, " Friend ", you mean ugly duckling that you finally deemed attractive enough to hit.

Miss me with this.

You ain't got no male, " Platonic " friends.

The only MALE friend you will ever have at a give time, is that faggety fagget fag from your high school you still talk to, and or the man you are in a relationship with.

Every other non related male in your LIFE will potentially intentionally fuck the shit out of you.

Good day.

Co-sign

 

[Andeyhollawho]

Pas de touché Madame.



I was specifically speaking on male behavior.

Explaining to a young lady the REALITY of her situation, and that thinking they were ever friends was a fallacy.

Your trying to corner me into saying something. Unfortunately you will find to your dismay I REJECT your shovel and no hole shall be dug.

An now before you formulate a response, I will invoke the male, " Get out of jail free " card, and in doing so chauvinistically belittle and invalidate any argument you might have cooking in that sweet little girly head of yours.

Double standard
 
–noun
1. any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another, esp. an unwritten code of sexual behavior permitting men more freedom than women.

http://i36.tinypic.com/110zz9j.gif


Now by invoking Double standard and to highlight it's actual definition, I submit, that the aggression in most platonic friendship's originates from the male, and therefore the tone of the friendship is under sole control of the male.

An though I cited in my above post a universal natural male behavior, I state that it is an INDIVIDUAL decision of the male's to pursue to his win or defeat.

In the immortal words of Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories..."WRONG"!

Women are just as capable and even MORE culpable in the demise of "platonic" friendships. From my experience...

Story 1...I have a gay cousin (doesn't everybody? ) and he has been gay for as long as I have know him. He hangs with the girls, considers himself one of the girls and he is family so me and all of my cousins protect him. Not like he needs much protection because he is relatively cool with everybody and has never appologized for what he is. So he has plenty of platonic girlfriends you would say. He tells me stories all the time of his "girlfriends" crying on his shoulder, telling him all of their man problems and TRYING THEIR BEST TO FUCK HIM!!! He laughs about it all the time like "What part of GAY don't they understand!"

Story 2...I have a homeboy who has a sister who is fine as all outdoors (GA phrase ) but for as long as I have known him I have known her. I've been with her through thick and thin and she is truly my friend. Now I know she is attractive and I'm pretty sure she finds me attractive but she is like a sister to me real talk. That doesn't stop her from every two years or so crying on my shoulder about how she wish she could find a man like me, how she loves me and can't believe I've never tried anything with her. We've been on trips together and everything but no dice from my side. But she put it out there ALL OF THE TIME!

I said all this to say the whole double standard is bullshit. Thank you and goodnight!