Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/kids?

[DiamondDeuce]

Ok I am a 30 year old professional male. I'm in good athletic shape.. and dont' have any children.

I do not seriously date women with kids for several reasons:

• I am a spontaneous guy.. a woman with a child can't be spontaneous.
• I don't mind slutting the mother out....but I would hate to enter a childs life..and then be gone.
• Usually there is a baby's daddy in the mix to complicate shit
• I don't feel right come behind and taking care of (dealing with) another negroes offspring
• Most important to me.. when I decide to marry that right one.. I want us to experience the 1st child thing together.

My assumption is that when I have a conversation with a woman..and it gets to that point of "should we exchange numbers" if she say she have a kid........I tell her how NICELY how I feel about the kid issue.

So from a woman's perspective...why do I get the nasty looks and responses..from women that have children? Is it jealousy?

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

 

[destinymarie]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I'm not sure if it's jealousy because I have 3 kids and I've never run into that problem. Some of the reasons you listed for not dating women with kids aren't true...The part about the baby daddy being in the mix is true in some cases...but not in mine...As far as mine are concerned..We're civil and all for the sake of the kids...All that back and forth doesn't happen...True enough some females feel like they're obligated to "be with" their kids fathers sometimes...but not all females are that way. I will admit that I realize it may one day be hard to find someone to settle down with but I'm seriously not looking...My kids have never known me to even have a male friend let alone a boyfriend. I used to feel uncomfortable as a child when I witnessed it with my mom so I don't want my kids to feel the same way. That's a hard question to answer because not all females with kids are the same. Although I can understand your reason for wanting to experience the 1st child thing together...I don't see why any woman would get mad at that...You know what you want and therefore you should be entitled to it...

 

[geist]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I don't think you have to be a female to see that they're getting pissy because you basically REJECTED THEM LIKE A WET FOOD STAMP. Most people don't take rejection well.

 

[INVICTUS3RD]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

My brother, I could not have said it better...but I think Denzel said it best in Training Day when he talked about the guys on his crew. 4 sets of personalities, 4 sets of problems.

I too am single and do not children...that I know of. And when I am seeking a mate, I feel the same way. If I sprung a pair of tickets to say, tonite's game, a lady with child(ren) can't hang like that, unless she has babysitter on tap. So it's difficult. Another thing that turns me off to dating women with children is that fact that they get attitudes, when they think I do not understand the fact that they have kids and (I HATE THIS EXPRESSION)...MY KIDS COME FIRST!!! I understand that all too well. But what kills me is that some women are like, "Oh well, my kids come first and if you don't understand that, then you need to leave." I understand that, but...with that kind of attitude, it makes me not want to understand that.

Dating women with children can be a delight, but alot of it depends on her and how she handles her biz. If her shit is tight, then it should be no problem, but if she is bit sloppy with hers, then the kid thing could mushroom. The fact that ol' dude still can come flying by, using dat lame excuse, that he is there to see his child, can suck.

Now the sister that responded, forgive me, I forgot your name, made a point about her and her children's father acting civil. Well maybe that is the case, but when another man sees his ex and his kids happy as shit with the next dude, there is a potential for problems.

If I do decide to rock with a sista that has kids, 1st, no more than one AND I gotta evaluate this sister's situation before diving in because, I, like you, do not wanna get in and out of a child's life. Been there, done that...AND IT SUCKS all around.
So I think that you are making the right decision.

 

[swiftandsilent]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Everyone has to make choices in life. If you choose to not date women with children that should not be anyones business but yours.

Co-Sign

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Some people acting like hot dog vendors. Not a good look.

 

[followup]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Ok I am a 30 year old professional male. I'm in good athletic shape.. and dont' have any children.

I do not seriously date women with kids for several reasons:

• I am a spontaneous guy.. a woman with a child can't be spontaneous.
• I don't mind slutting the mother out....but I would hate to enter a childs life..and then be gone.
• Usually there is a baby's daddy in the mix to complicate shit
• I don't feel right come behind and taking care of (dealing with) another negroes offspring
• Most important to me.. when I decide to marry that right one.. I want us to experience the 1st child thing together.

My assumption is that when I have a conversation with a woman..and it gets to that point of "should we exchange numbers" if she say she have a kid........I tell her how NICELY how I feel about the kid issue.

So from a woman's perspective...why do I get the nasty looks and responses..from women that have children? Is it jealousy?

I don't know what your fitness level has to do with the topic...

Anyway, it's your decision and possibly your loss. All those things you listed show that you know nothing about dating a single mother. I hope that your future wife is able to have kids because I don't know what you will do if she can't.

 

[voiceofthestreet]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Never Say Never ..... Naw Man I Assume Only A Woman Who Has Kids Would Get Upset At That ..... Belive Me My Nigg My Kids Ran Off A Couple Chicks I Was Really Feeling ..... Once This Girl And I Were Kicking It Pretty Cool For A Sec Then She Met My Kids And Was Never Heard From Again ( And My Kids Aint Even Bad ) All That Being Said Every Body Has There Standards So One Can Get Mad At That

 

[DiamondDeuce]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I don't know what your fitness level has to do with the topic...

Anyway, it's your decision and possibly your loss. All those things you listed show that you know nothing about dating a single mother. I hope that your future wife is able to have kids because I don't know what you will do if she can't.

Well this fitness point...has to do with my lifestyle which is HEALTHY and ACTIVE..........which describes my requirement in a woman as a long term mate.

What do I not know about dating a single mother? Or...as I have stated.........why should I care?

Even if my future wife is barren. We can still adopt.........yet it still will be our 1st child...for both of us........and we get to CHOOSE when.

 

[voiceofthestreet]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I'm not sure if it's jealousy because I have 3 kids and I've never run into that problem. Some of the reasons you listed for not dating women with kids aren't true...The part about the baby daddy being in the mix is true in some cases...but not in mine...As far as mine are concerned..We're civil and all for the sake of the kids...All that back and forth doesn't happen...True enough some females feel like they're obligated to "be with" their kids fathers sometimes...but not all females are that way. I will admit that I realize it may one day be hard to find someone to settle down with but I'm seriously not looking...My kids have never known me to even have a male friend let alone a boyfriend. I used to feel uncomfortable as a child when I witnessed it with my mom so I don't want my kids to feel the same way. That's a hard question to answer because not all females with kids are the same. Although I can understand your reason for wanting to experience the 1st child thing together...I don't see why any woman would get mad at that...You know what you want and therefore you should be entitled to it...

NOT EVEN A MALE FRIEND ?? WOW I THINK YOUR KIDS WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU HAD A MAN SWEETY YOU DONT HAVE TO GO COLD TURKEY ( EVEN THOUGH YOU DID NOT ASK ME LOL)

 

[owl]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Never Say Never ..... Naw Man I Assume Only A Woman Who Has Kids Would Get Upset At That ..... Belive Me My Nigg My Kids Ran Off A Couple Chicks I Was Really Feeling ..... Once This Girl And I Were Kicking It Pretty Cool For A Sec Then She Met My Kids And Was Never Heard From Again ( And My Kids Aint Even Bad ) All That Being Said Every Body Has There Standards So One Can Get Mad At That

Damn, we gotta go through that shallow stuff too? I haven't had any problems with women and my son, yet....and I will stress that, but I glad you put it in perspective....hell, u probably better off then...

 

[destinymarie]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

NOT EVEN A MALE FRIEND ?? WOW I THINK YOUR KIDS WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU HAD A MAN SWEETY YOU DONT HAVE TO GO COLD TURKEY ( EVEN THOUGH YOU DID NOT ASK ME LOL)

I've had a few friends...They've just never been around my kids..I'm sure my kids would understand..It's another thing that's hard for me to explain though....If I find someone that's comfortable with my situation...cool...If I don't..so be it...And my bad for not "asking" you... : )

 

[voiceofthestreet]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Damn, we gotta go through that shallow stuff too? I haven't had any problems with women and my son, yet....and I will stress that, but I glad you put it in perspective....hell, u probably better off then...

YEAH HOMIE , I GO THROUGH IT TOO , WELL "MOST" OF THE TIME (AND I SAY MOST OUT OF RESPECT FOR THE FEW BROTHAS LIKE YOU AND I WHO ARE SINGLE PARENTS ) FEMALES DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH A MAN WHOS HAS HIS KIDS ( DEFINETLY NOT AS YOUNG AS MINE (4 AND 5 ) BY HIS SELF ) BUT IF YOU FLIP THAT AROUND IT IS KINDA OF HARD TO FIND A FEMALE WITH OUT AT LEAST ONE .. SO I UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY ARE COMING FROM THAT WHY I USUALLY TALK TO WOMEN WITH KIDS

 

[Balla_man]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Ok I am a 30 year old professional male. I'm in good athletic shape.. and dont' have any children.

I do not seriously date women with kids for several reasons:

• I am a spontaneous guy.. a woman with a child can't be spontaneous.
• I don't mind slutting the mother out....but I would hate to enter a childs life..and then be gone.
• Usually there is a baby's daddy in the mix to complicate shit
• I don't feel right come behind and taking care of (dealing with) another negroes offspring
• Most important to me.. when I decide to marry that right one.. I want us to experience the 1st child thing together.

My assumption is that when I have a conversation with a woman..and it gets to that point of "should we exchange numbers" if she say she have a kid........I tell her how NICELY how I feel about the kid issue.

So from a woman's perspective...why do I get the nasty looks and responses..from women that have children? Is it jealousy?

Co-sign... I just don't get involved to save headaches!

 

[voiceofthestreet]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I've had a few friends...They've just never been around my kids..I'm sure my kids would understand..It's another thing that's hard for me to explain though....If I find someone that's comfortable with my situation...cool...If I don't..so be it...And my bad for not "asking" you... : )

I FELL YA SHAWTY

 

[onyxfemme]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Personally I dont see anything wrong w/ a guy who wont date a chick w/ kids. It's his preference. I think that the females that get mad are mad because basically you are letting them know-Aint shit happening w/ them and like someone said before people dont like being rejected.
Do your thing though.

 

[hustlehard718]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Me personally I dont have any kids but I dont mind talkin to a woman with kids as long as she is down to earth. I had one instance with an older girl that had about 4 kids but she thought she was at the top of the food chain. If you have children (women) please be aware that you should come with 110% cooperation.

Another female with a son I dealt with ... I would have to wait for the kid to go to sleep so she can come out at night (that shiiit is annoying). On top of that when I spoke to her on the phone...the kid would be in the background constantly mentioning things about his daddy this n his daddy that knowing that she was on the phone with another man.

I talk to a girl now that has 2 kids but whats crazy is there is always convienence when going out n coming over n all that. Her mother runs a day care so she doesnt mind watching the kids whenever. But recently her kids father met me...n now its like he trying to be a nag to her cuz he knows that she is fukkin somebody else.

But in this day and age its rare to find a girl that:
1. looks good
2. has a decent career
3. goal orientated
4. doesnt have kids
5. isnt at every club in NYC

Most of the time the only offset is #4...which is the kids or their looks. And another thing you could blame on the whole offspring factor is these suckas out here that IMPREGNATE a girl just because she's a dime at age 16...Its like nowadays cats throw in the towel and call it quits on life. I had a girl tell me "you need to settle down with someone and have a baby...what do you think you are here for"...BITCH IM ONLY 22!!!

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Personally I dont see anything wrong w/ a guy who wont date a chick w/ kids. It's his preference. I think that the females that get mad are mad because basically you are letting them know-Aint shit happening w/ them and like someone said before people dont like being rejected.
Do your thing though.

c/s

 

[PrincessC]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I agree with Onyx and SS...

I don't date men with kids...everyone should have the right to make that choice.

 

[DLateshow]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

There is nothing wrong with telling a women what type mate you are seeking. As long as you tell them upfront they have nothing to bitch about. I will say at age thirty your window not dating women without kids are getting smaller. It's a numbers game pure and simple. I have no problem dating a women with kids but she has to know how to handle her mothership and dating responsibilities. I find the vast majority of them do not so I was selective in who I spent my time with. If thats how you feel don't compromise. Just know you may be passing on some great women.

Dlateshow

 

[Rudey]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Once you start have kids you will change your mind.

 

[the flash]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

i remember a thread i started some time ago where the women got upset,as a single man with no kids you shouldnt seriously date a woman with kids!

 

[Crown&Coke]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Nothin wrong with that. Thats your preference. Most single women with no kids arent tryin to date men with kids either.​

 

[owl]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

YEAH HOMIE , I GO THROUGH IT TOO , WELL "MOST" OF THE TIME (AND I SAY MOST OUT OF RESPECT FOR THE FEW BROTHAS LIKE YOU AND I WHO ARE SINGLE PARENTS ) FEMALES DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH A MAN WHOS HAS HIS KIDS ( DEFINETLY NOT AS YOUNG AS MINE (4 AND 5 ) BY HIS SELF ) BUT IF YOU FLIP THAT AROUND IT IS KINDA OF HARD TO FIND A FEMALE WITH OUT AT LEAST ONE .. SO I UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY ARE COMING FROM THAT WHY I USUALLY TALK TO WOMEN WITH KIDS

Damn...my son is four too...lol
anywho....

Yeah, I've never had a problem with sisters with children, In a selfish way, I'm glad brothers are passing them up, well, at least these brothers on bgol are saying they are, I have still got to deal with competition offline....

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

c/s

You and Onyx are always bowing down.

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

You and Onyx are always bowing down.

 

[Robeson]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I will assume the women are expressing their true feelings, and if so I am a little surpised at the acceptance of the brother's position on dating women with kids. Of course he can and will date whoever in the fuck he wants to, but for women, many of them having kids themselves, to accept such a position as valid is interesting.

I never really thought about it because almost most of the women who make my dick get hard have kids. What ya gonna do? The ones that don't have kids their own array of drama which to me is no better. But if I were looking for a wife- which I am not-I guess I would take it into consideration also.

Interesting....

 

[Chicutie]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I will assume the women are expressing their true feelings, and if so I am a little surpised at the acceptance of the brother's position on dating women with kids. Of course he can and will date whoever in the fuck he wants to, but for women, many of them having kids themselves, to accept such a position as valid is interesting.

I never really thought about it because almost most of the women who make my dick get hard have kids. What ya gonna do? The ones that don't have kids their own array of drama which to me is no better. But if I were looking for a wife- which I am not-I guess I would take it into consideration also.

Interesting....

I would tend to agree that him not dating women with children is his preference and he is entitled to it. . . whether it is right or wrong is a matter of opinion. Though I don't have kids but I think of it like that this. . . why be mad at someone for not wanting you for who you are?

 

[Robeson]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

I would tend to agree that him not dating women with children is his preference and he is entitled to it. . . whether it is right or wrong is a matter of opinion. Though I don't have kids but I think of it like that this. . . why be mad at someone for not wanting you for who you are?

Where have YOU been? We are in desperate need of a niceness infusion on this board of late...

Your response is more in line with what I was expecting. Though you acknowledge his right to do what he wants, you do find it a curious line for him to draw. And you don't even have kids. I'm thinking that many women, who were committed to and impregnated by some asshole who left when the shit go real would be a little pissed off at a brother trying to skim the cream. Again, before I have to put on my flame retardant shit, bruh, you do you, it's nobody's business or concern.

Hmmm I have to re-read his post. I'm assuming HE doesn't have any kids.

Go to see you, Chi.

 

[ClevelandDawg216]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

i feel your pain. finding a black woman without kids is like finding one without weave. very difficult. im not saying i would never consider it again (because i've dated several women with children), but not if i can help it. i want one wife, and one mother of my children. in todays fucked up society, its getting harder and harder to find, though.

 

[Robeson]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

i feel your pain. finding a black woman without kids is like finding one without weave. very difficult. im not saying i would never consider it again (because i've dated several women with children), but not if i can help it. i want one wife, and one mother of my children. in todays fucked up society, its getting harder and harder to find, though.

Dude, I feel you, but may I point out the glaring contradiction (in general, I don't know you so I can't say this pertains to you): Brothers out here busily getting all the pussy they can (me too), and who are they fucking? Black women. Okay. I have read thread after thread about jumpoffs and throwaways. OK. We are adults. When everybody lays down, everybody should know the rules- EITHER PARTY MAY GET TOTALLY FUCKED OVER! No problem. But now I read this shit about guys who want women without kids. Where do kids come from? FUCKING! And I hope to God each one of the brothers having this criterion is childless themselves.

I'm not telling anybody who to fuck or love or marry. that's YOUR business. But I am compelled to comment on what appears to me to be bullshit. If a cat is living disciplined, keeping sexual activity to an absolute minimum (if any activity at all). When he wants a wife, he has every right to expect someone who has lived with the same discipline. But if any of you cats who are in the 100+ range as so many of you brag to be (I'm not there yet), and you are expecting a woman to be 25 and above without any kids, GOOD FUCKING LUCK!

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Dude, I feel you, but may I point out the glaring contradiction (in general, I don't know you so I can't say this pertains to you): Brothers out here busily getting all the pussy they can (me too), and who are they fucking? Black women. Okay. I have read thread after thread about jumpoffs and throwaways. OK. We are adults. When everybody lays down, everybody should know the rules- EITHER PARTY MAY GET TOTALLY FUCKED OVER! No problem. But now I read this shit about guys who want women without kids. Where do kids come from? FUCKING! And I hope to God each one of the brothers having this criterion is childless themselves.

You can have all the sex in the world and not have any kids, IF YOU TAKE PROPER RESPONSIBILITY. A man who is looking for a relationship/date and not just fuck looks at a woman who has kids (with the possible exception that they were conceived during marriage, but then that opens another can of worms as to why she got divorced) as someone who did not and, potentially, cannot take care of herself. No good-standing man wants a relationship with a woman who would allow herself to have unprotected sex outside of a marriage/long term relationship. It shows irresponsibility.

I'm not telling anybody who to fuck or love or marry. that's YOUR business. But I am compelled to comment on what appears to me to be bullshit. If a cat is living disciplined, keeping sexual activity to an absolute minimum (if any activity at all). When he wants a wife, he has every right to expect someone who has lived with the same discipline. But if any of you cats who are in the 100+ range as so many of you brag to be (I'm not there yet), and you are expecting a woman to be 25 and above without any kids, GOOD FUCKING LUCK!

You can have sex without having kids. Causation doesn't mean correlation.

 

[DiamondDeuce]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

Where have YOU been? We are in desperate need of a niceness infusion on this board of late...

Your response is more in line with what I was expecting. Though you acknowledge his right to do what he wants, you do find it a curious line for him to draw. And you don't even have kids. I'm thinking that many women, who were committed to and impregnated by some asshole who left when the shit go real would be a little pissed off at a brother trying to skim the cream. Again, before I have to put on my flame retardant shit, bruh, you do you, it's nobody's business or concern.

Hmmm I have to re-read his post. I'm assuming HE doesn't have any kids.

Go to see you, Chi.

You are correct I do not have any kids. So that should be a very clear indication that I aint trying to deal with any right now. Of course as I get older it gets harder and harder to find chicks without kids. Hell its getting real difficult to find black women who are in shape, got good sense, with no children. So now I'm having to start giving chicks aged 23+ a chance... cuz, they are in better shape and have less potential to have all the kids & baggage. Here in Atlanta its very difficult to even be around other races........cuz ATL is segregated by choice. It so many black folks down here.. that most don't socialize with whites outside of work. There aren't too many mixed culture spots around here.

 

[absolutvodka]

Re: Question for the Ladies: Why do women get upset when I say I dont' date women w/k

women get mad when you say anything that they don't like hearing

selfish creatures.