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I hate when people say...

O

onyxfemme

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"You are so beautiful to be SO black"

I have heard this my whole life from various people. But I have never heard this from my MOTHER! She went down south to visit our family down there and I called her this morning to see if her trip was okay. She was like yeah everything went fine and everyone loves your pictures and they were talking about how beautiful you are. I was like yeah it runs in the family. And then she said......Yeah-I told them you are beautiful to be SO BLACK....:eek:

I am so mad at my mom right now! She knows better! Not only that, but hell my mom is around the same shade as me and she is gorgeous! Does she not love her own chocolate skin? Or did she go down south and get caught up in the Cotton Field Mentality??:angry:



SOL Let's Discuss!
 
Seriously people have said this to me my whole life, more so in my teenage and early 20's. Every now and then men say this to me when they are trying to holla at me. But from my mother? She knows better....:smh:
 
OnyxFemme said:
Seriously people have said this to me my whole life, more so in my teenage and early 20's. Every now and then men say this to me when they are trying to holla at me. But from my mother? She knows better....:smh:
Click to expand...


I need to see those pics.
 
Different people value different things. Growing up as a young boy society here in Barbados placed a high value on being red-skinned or of a lighter tone.

I even had a family member who wanted nothing to do with her child because she came out to dark. :hmm::angry:

Attitudes will always be there but ignoring people with a stupid attitude is all you can do these days.

I just wish we could get to the stage where we see a human being instead of peoples hair type, race or skin color.:smh:
 
AlexandMorgan said:
Different people value different things. Growing up as a young boy society here in Barbados placed a high value on being red-skinned or of a lighter tone.

I even had a family member who wanted nothing to do with her child because she came out to dark. :hmm::angry:

Attitudes will always be there but ignoring people with a stupid attitude is all you can do these days.

I just wish we could get to the stage where we see a human being instead of peoples hair type, race or skin color.:smh:
Click to expand...


:eek: You from barbados?
 
AlexandMorgan said:
Different people value different things. Growing up as a young boy society here in Barbados placed a high value on being red-skinned or of a lighter tone.

I even had a family member who wanted nothing to do with her child because she came out to dark. :hmm::angry:

Attitudes will always be there but ignoring people with a stupid attitude is all you can do these days.

I just wish we could get to the stage where we see a human being instead of peoples hair type, race or skin color.:smh:
Click to expand...

So sad! :smh:
 
OnyxFemme said:
"You are so beautiful to be SO black"

I have heard this my whole life from various people. But I have never heard this from my MOTHER! She went down south to visit our family down there and I called her this morning to see if her trip was okay. She was like yeah everything went fine and everyone loves your pictures and they were talking about how beautiful you are. I was like yeah it runs in the family. And then she said......Yeah-I told them you are beautiful to be SO BLACK....:eek:

I am so mad at my mom right now! She knows better! Not only that, but hell my mom is around the same shade as me and she is gorgeous! Does she not love her own chocolate skin? Or did she go down south and get caught up in the Cotton Field Mentality??:angry:



SOL Let's Discuss!
Click to expand...

Aww OF- first off you are beautiful and your complexion is a big part of your beauty to me.

Your mom likely has her own wounds- maybe she doesn't let you see them but they may be there. Our parents are flawed and human as everything. My mom is brownskin but because she grew up in a house of much fairer skinned women she thinks she's super dark and for a long time was very vitriolic about light skin women. I confronted her about that and we talked and she realized she was holding onto a lot of stuff that had less to do with complexion and more to do with the relationships with the women she was raised with. I'm also adamant that she not say that stuff around my niece who takes after that fairer side of the family. We have to stop passing baggage down to our little people.

Talk to your mom- tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels about herself or how she would feel if someone said that to her. The answer might surprise you.

Peace sis.
 
Izayoi said:
Aww OF- first off you are beautiful and your complexion is a big part of your beauty to me.

Your mom likely has her own wounds- maybe she doesn't let you see them but they may be there. Our parents are flawed and human as everything. My mom is brownskin but because she grew up in a house of much fairer skinned women she thinks she's super dark and for a long time was very vitriolic about light skin women. I confronted her about that and we talked and she realized she was holding onto a lot of stuff that had less to do with complexion and more to do with the relationships with the women she was raised with. I'm also adamant that she not say that stuff around my niece who takes after that fairer side of the family. We have to stop passing baggage down to our little people.

Talk to your mom- tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels about herself or how she would feel if someone said that to her. The answer might surprise you.

Peace sis.
Click to expand...


This sums it up right here. Thanks Izzy.


Onyx you know you are a beauty inside and out.










Peace
 
Izayoi said:
Aww OF- first off you are beautiful and your complexion is a big part of your beauty to me.

Your mom likely has her own wounds- maybe she doesn't let you see them but they may be there. Our parents are flawed and human as everything. My mom is brownskin but because she grew up in a house of much fairer skinned women she thinks she's super dark and for a long time was very vitriolic about light skin women. I confronted her about that and we talked and she realized she was holding onto a lot of stuff that had less to do with complexion and more to do with the relationships with the women she was raised with. I'm also adamant that she not say that stuff around my niece who takes after that fairer side of the family. We have to stop passing baggage down to our little people.

Talk to your mom- tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels about herself or how she would feel if someone said that to her. The answer might surprise you.

Peace sis.
Click to expand...

high explosive. Peace
 
the color complex is definatley a southern thing

sadly the media reinforces it with white/yella bone females in videos/movies

beauty comes in all colors and if someone does regonize that they got bigger problems than u think
 
What your dealing with is decades of brainwashing. Don't be angry at Mom, she really doesn't know any better. She's been brainwashed along with many from her generation.

As far back as I can remember I've either seen or heard negative things about anything black. Sporting events most home teams wear white, the visiting team wears any other color. In basketball if Larry Bird made a great play it was because he's always thinking on the court. If Magic Johnson makes the same play its because of his great instincts.:dunno: What an athlete. :smh:

Even old Warner Brothers cartoons, Africa wasn't Africa, it was darkest Africa. (now you know something bad is going to happen) Dark chocolate cake is Devil's food cake while white cake is Angel food cake. Light is bright dark is dull we could go on and on with this. :hmm:

There is a prejudice that exist within this country and many within our race unwittingly have bought into it. So when you hear ignorant statements just ignore them and move on. (I know its not easy) Your up against decades of brainwashing and self-hatred. Remember the video with the little children and the black and white dolls? Yeah it starts that early.

Watch Spike Lee's School Daze, Bamboozled and Drop Squad, these movies address these issues very well. In fact I can assure you, you will get angry while watching them but they are all important films IMO.
 
Izayoi said:
Aww OF- first off you are beautiful and your complexion is a big part of your beauty to me.

Your mom likely has her own wounds- maybe she doesn't let you see them but they may be there. Our parents are flawed and human as everything. My mom is brownskin but because she grew up in a house of much fairer skinned women she thinks she's super dark and for a long time was very vitriolic about light skin women. I confronted her about that and we talked and she realized she was holding onto a lot of stuff that had less to do with complexion and more to do with the relationships with the women she was raised with. I'm also adamant that she not say that stuff around my niece who takes after that fairer side of the family. We have to stop passing baggage down to our little people.

Talk to your mom- tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels about herself or how she would feel if someone said that to her. The answer might surprise you.
Peace sis.
Click to expand...

Definite Co-Sign! Wisdom are in those words . . .

And OF, as for the other people who say that, you can always reply, "Wow, you are so articulate for an idiot" (or asshole [or insert your own word here])
 
THE FACT THAT OUR MOTHERS AND FATHERS GIVE US LIFE
DOES NOT MAKE THEM PERFECT JUST BECAUSE THEY DID.
BLACK IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL...........:yes:
 
Izayoi said:
Aww OF- first off you are beautiful and your complexion is a big part of your beauty to me.

Your mom likely has her own wounds- maybe she doesn't let you see them but they may be there. Our parents are flawed and human as everything. My mom is brownskin but because she grew up in a house of much fairer skinned women she thinks she's super dark and for a long time was very vitriolic about light skin women. I confronted her about that and we talked and she realized she was holding onto a lot of stuff that had less to do with complexion and more to do with the relationships with the women she was raised with. I'm also adamant that she not say that stuff around my niece who takes after that fairer side of the family. We have to stop passing baggage down to our little people.

Talk to your mom- tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels about herself or how she would feel if someone said that to her. The answer might surprise you.

Peace sis.
Click to expand...

32222222222222.jpg


DeSiRe said:
the color complex is definatley a southern thing

sadly the media reinforces it with white/yella bone females in videos/movies

beauty comes in all colors and if someone does regonize that they got bigger problems than u think
Click to expand...

GTFOH with that regional bullshit. As a person who has lived in the North and Southern parts of the country, it is the same. Niggas are brainwashed EVERYWHERE.
 
Black people have been conditioned to feel that way since the slavery days. But don't feel bad about your skin color. If you know you're beautiful then it doesn't matter what others think. EVEN YOUR MOTHER! Or you could think of it this way, my mom who is half puerto rican doesn't feel black enough! She thinks she's too light and would love to be dark. She spends the entire summer in the sun so she can attempt to look like you. So those kind of things come in from both sides. Just love who you are!
 
I have learned to accept that my parents grew in a time when dark complexion was looked down upon, time of great brain washing blah blah blah. There is nothing really that u can do but once in a while tell them ur point a view and explain how u feel.

My dad has issues with people wearing dreadlocks and men braiding their hair but he has no issues with a white man having long hair with bangs and shit.

When he was young in barbados...during school a teacher would carry a comb thru ur hair and if it was knotty u would have gotten lashes. Punctuality and lookin proper for school was of great value. And the idea of a real man was one who had his hair cut/trimmed ..and no errings etc etc. IT was how he was raised and i can't do nuttin about that. However the barbadian society is accepting natural hair and dreadlocks more than ever now...so in time he'll understand that it is our hair and they should b no argument about how black people wear their hair...to school/work watever once it is tidy.

My mom now is always about this pretty skin thing and yeah she is fair skin. Its how their reality has been moulded from slavery days so...i dunno

WHile i was in cave shepherd tho...this dude was tellin another girl " girl u skin soo pretty u sure u black?"
 
Okay, so the posts in here lead me to conclude that many of you think OF's Mom's position is an anachronism. It ain't. It's nice to be in the company of such enlightened folks like yourselves, but everyday I hear well-educated (or at least becoming so) 20 year olds use language like "good hair" and "girl, he light-skinned" as if that were synonomous with beautiful.

Nope, we are, in general, still pretty fucked up in that department, ya'll. Sorry.
 
that's your mom, that's another generation who is not too far away from having a former slave a grandfather. she's got her reasons, it's up to you to get out of that mentality. dont' look at your skin tone to know your beautiful. black women are beautful in any shade, especially the dark ones. They have that Onyx skin tone that every white girl envies.

I love my dark women, Mmmmmmmm, they taste better down there too, shoooooooot. Dark women seem to be warmer, cuter, their eyes are brighter and their smiles are off the damn chain. I just dont' get it!!.

Just know that some brothers(be it friend or otherwise)love your rich dark skin.

have you posted a pic on here, becuase I'm late for that anonymous pic posting, but I'll take a look, LOL
 
LeroyDibiase said:
32222222222222.jpg




GTFOH with that regional bullshit. As a person who has lived in the North and Southern parts of the country, it is the same. Niggas are brainwashed EVERYWHERE.
Click to expand...

it's like calling a phoneline and you choose to talk to black women: all you hear is they have light eyes, and are light brown. I remember hearing this in my phone-line days, LOL. I wasn't looking for that skin tone description, but they had to say it like it was a prerequisite or something. almost always, they'd say they were light-skinned, DAMN. of course they'd lie about their weight, too, but that's besides teh point.

I love dark-skinned women, period
 
AlexandMorgan said:
Different people value different things. Growing up as a young boy society here in Barbados placed a high value on being red-skinned or of a lighter tone.

I even had a family member who wanted nothing to do with her child because she came out to dark. :hmm::angry:

Attitudes will always be there but ignoring people with a stupid attitude is all you can do these days.

I just wish we could get to the stage where we see a human being instead of peoples hair type, race or skin color.:smh:
Click to expand...



If only more people thought like you, Alex, this would be a better world, seriously.
 
Harlem's Angel said:
Black people have been conditioned to feel that way since the slavery days. But don't feel bad about your skin color. If you know you're beautiful then it doesn't matter what others think. EVEN YOUR MOTHER! Or you could think of it this way, my mom who is half puerto rican doesn't feel black enough! She thinks she's too light and would love to be dark. She spends the entire summer in the sun so she can attempt to look like you. So those kind of things come in from both sides. Just love who you are!
Click to expand...

the question is: what do you do about it? do you keep perpetuating the same ideology your mom's taught you all your life to your own child or do you change that? I want to change that.
 
1st let me say, thanks to everyone for the feedback. Ya'll know me, I am very secure w. myself. And I absolutley love my skin tone. It is who I am. What bothered me was the fact that my mom of all people made such an ignorant remark. She knows all the times I cried as a child when my class mates would "joen" on me. Her and my dad would always console me and tell me I should be proud of my skin. So for her to ssay what she did...Made me feel like, do she not know how ass backwards she sounded?
I'll talk w/ her when she gets back up here.....As of right now, I am glad she is enjoying her roots.:yes:




PainINDAss-I have posted many pic's on here. Everyone has seen my face ..lololol And I have posted anonymously as well. Do a quick search-you'll find me;)
PainInDAss said:
Just know that some brothers(be it friend or otherwise)love your rich dark skin.

have you posted a pic on here, becuase I'm late for that anonymous pic posting, but I'll take a look, LOL
Click to expand...
 
Hey Onyx, just so you know I get the opposite of that just about every day. Would upset me when I was younger. Then it would annoy me. Now I just look at them like the ingoramuses they are and keep it moving :yes:
 
bigirl said:
Hey Onyx, just so you know I get the opposite of that just about every day. Would upset me when I was younger. Then it would annoy me. Now I just look at them like the ingoramuses they are and keep it moving :yes:
Click to expand...

Are you serious? What do they say?
 
Heard if firsthand....wifey is dark and i am a lighter skin brotha. A older sista said it to wifey...."you are really pretty for a darkskin girl......i should call you black beauty":hmm:
 
OnyxFemme said:
Are you serious? What do they say?
Click to expand...

It varies depending on the person. White people tell me they almost as dark as me and hold up their arm to mine alot. I have strong features for being so light is another. Also been told by them I am not black. I just can't be :hmm:
I have even been called wigger by angry white women.

Now from black people I have heard various comments akin to "I got alot of soul for a half breed" or real ignorant cats on the street will actually ask me if I ever had a black man before :hmm: Also shit like I may as well just go ahead and pass :hmm:

Man all kinds of stuff. Everyone got some shit to say. Fuck em.
 

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