Why Do Women Say "If It's Meant To Be" When Even That Requires Action

[Steelwill2006]

I had this said to me a while ago, and I didn't quite know how to interpret it but one way. Now, what said to me was,"if we are meant to be together, we will". It was understood that she and I should just be friends until I got things in order. And I agreed. But what bothered me the most is that, we started as friends and talked alot. But all of a sudden, the frequent calls stop, along with messaging. She no longer had time to fit me into her schedule all of a sudden. I wasn't being clingy. Wasn't on some stalker shit, trying to win her back or nothing. Just didn't understand how in the beginning before things got kinda serious, we talked all the time. But now, we rarely talk. I just really valued the friendship, and wanted an explanation. So, finally, we had an chance to speak more in depth about what happened. That is when she stated the response in question.


I left it alone. But then I thought about it. How is there ever gonna be another opportunity in the future, when we rarely talk as it is now. This happened a few months ago btw, and the last time she called(which was about a month ago)I didn't answer my phone.

Doesn't really matter now, just want to know what the ladies have to say for future reference. She even said that she hopes we do have that chance, so what gives?

 

[BrownTurd]

You have to answers these questions playa

Did you fuck
Where you dating

 

[Blu Diablo]

She's currently exploring other options that appear to be better than her current situation with you. It's life, move on.

 

[Steelwill2006]

You have to answers these questions playa

Did you fuck
Where you dating

Yes, and yes

She's currently exploring other options that appear to be better than her current situation with you. It's life, move on.

I already have dude. This shit happened like 7 months ago. I don't like associating with many people as it is, and developing new friendships takes alot of effort. So I just wanted some insight as to why this woman, who suggested to me that we continue talking as friends, would do the exact opposite. No more, no less.

 

[owl]

Yeah, Blu is on point...she's either fucking someone else, or trying to get around fucking someone she is interested in using, and you were cramping her style...chalk it up...not just because it is over, but because it is over and you probably could do better...I mean come on..how fucking immature is that? Really, think about it....

 

[Steelwill2006]

Yeah, Blu is on point...she's either fucking someone else, or trying to get around fucking someone she is interested in using, and you were cramping her style...chalk it up...not just because it is over, but because it is over and you probably could do better...I mean come on..how fucking immature is that? Really, think about it....

Yeah, I dig that. I didn't even wanna talk to the broad anymore until she suggested we remain cool. So this is why I proposed the question to the board. Not only for my benefit, but also for general discussion. Like I said, I've moved on. But dang, we had one thing in particular which made me realize that perhaps the friendship was actually worth salvaging. That's life I guess.

 

[kwazdog]

It's a cop out bro...nothing more nothing less! Relationships only work when both ppl genuinely want them to...or when they want to keep fucking each other

 

[ladyscorpio]

Thought you said you were married. ohh wait *looks at name and title...

I had this said to me a while ago, and I didn't quite know how to interpret it but one way. Now, what said to me was,"if we are meant to be together, we will". It was understood that she and I should just be friends until I got things in order. And I agreed. But what bothered me the most is that, we started as friends and talked alot. But all of a sudden, the frequent calls stop, along with messaging. She no longer had time to fit me into her schedule all of a sudden. I wasn't being clingy. Wasn't on some stalker shit, trying to win her back or nothing. Just didn't understand how in the beginning before things got kinda serious, we talked all the time. But now, we rarely talk. I just really valued the friendship, and wanted an explanation. So, finally, we had an chance to speak more in depth about what happened. That is when she stated the response in question.


I left it alone. But then I thought about it. How is there ever gonna be another opportunity in the future, when we rarely talk as it is now. This happened a few months ago btw, and the last time she called(which was about a month ago)I didn't answer my phone.

Doesn't really matter now, just want to know what the ladies have to say for future reference. She even said that she hopes we do have that chance, so what gives?

 

[thighsneyez22]

But dang, we had one thing in particular which made me realize that perhaps the friendship was actually worth salvaging.

um...im curious... whats this one thing that's got u trippin?.

(btw... I apologize in advance for the next responses that I will give... but the multi-quote button doesn't work through my proxy)

 

[SlyMinx]

Yeah, I dig that. I didn't even wanna talk to the broad anymore until she suggested we remain cool. So this is why I proposed the question to the board. Not only for my benefit, but also for general discussion. Like I said, I've moved on. But dang, we had one thing in particular which made me realize that perhaps the friendship was actually worth salvaging. That's life I guess.

Off subject, but didn't you used to have like 20k posts a while back?

On subject, never have I said that shit, and I've never understood it when people -men and women- say it, so I'm gonna have to go with the majority on this one... Cop out.

 

[thighsneyez22]

Now, what said to me was,"if we are meant to be together, we will". It was understood that she and I should just be friends until I got things in order.

She really means "if you will become what will satisfy me then we are meant to be... until then, I dont see the point in me waiting around... if you arent pressed to change, I am not pressed to tolerate you (as is)- besides that- I am not even that attracted to you"

when she says she want to be friends she clearly doesn't really mean the way you were before because what ever it before was based probably on some type of pretense of eventually being romantically involved... without that context... she really doesnt see the point- but she would never tell you that because she is a nice girl that wouldn't want to hurt your feelings or be in bad graces with anyone.

 

[Steelwill2006]

She really means "if you will become what will satisfy me then we are meant to be... until then, I dont see the point in me waiting around... if you arent pressed to change, I am not pressed to tolerate you (as is)- besides that- I am not even that attracted to you"

when she says she want to be friends she clearly doesn't really mean the way you were before because what ever it before was based probably on some type of pretense of eventually being romantically involved... without that context... she really doesnt see the point- but she would never tell you that because she is a nice girl that wouldn't want to hurt your feelings or be in bad graces with anyone.

Everything you said seems to make sense and is on point. Especially the part about her being dissatisfied with my present state, which has been conflicting with her expectations of an ideal partner. What's funny is that after things came to a halt, she lashed out at me a couple months during a phone conversation after finding out I hadn't made much progression in my personal life. I thought that was very odd because it was unexpected for one, and we rarely talked when she did this. Her excuse was that as a friend, she was just concerned. But the frustration in her voice said otherwise.

I also believe you are right about her thinking there is no point in maintaining the kind of relationship we had before because she stated to me that she doesn't care about me the way she used to because we are not in a relationship. I didn't quite understand that reasoning because we spoke more then, as friends, then we do now. So I'm agreeing with you about what her motives and intentions were.

um...im curious... whats this one thing that's got u trippin?.

Well my sister is deceased and she's been the only person that could relate to me on how it's like to lose a sibling. It was almost like a mutual bond and I thought off the strength of that, things would revert back to how it was before. So that is why I was really bothered by her attitude.

Off subject, but didn't you used to have like 20k posts a while back?

On subject, never have I said that shit, and I've never understood it when people -men and women- say it, so I'm gonna have to go with the majority on this one... Cop out.

No, that is LeroySoupNutz.

 

[thighsneyez22]

Well my sister is deceased and she's been the only person that could relate to me on how it's like to lose a sibling. It was almost like a mutual bond and I thought off the strength of that, things would revert back to how it was before. So that is why I was really bothered by her attitude.



No, that is LeroySoupNutz.

I am sorry about your sister... rest assured that she is, too

I dont know what it is this change is that she is advocating, but this girl clearly is not one to settle for less- I say up your game (meaning make the change she is suggesting) or stop making excuses and belly aching about it... us women are so simple just do what we ask for the most part because its for the best- you know deep down that she is not asking you to do anything that wont make you a better man.

 

[shanebp1978]

I'm usually the one to say this.



Ninja you must be no options ugly.

 

[jedimasta]

I am sorry about your sister... rest assured that she is, too

I dont know what it is this change is that she is advocating, but this girl clearly is not one to settle for less- I say up your game (meaning make the change she is suggesting) or stop making excuses and belly aching about it... us women are so simple just do what we ask for the most part because its for the best- you know deep down that she is not asking you to do anything that wont make you a better man.

No offense, but fuck that shit. He's a grown ass man and shouldn't have to change anything about himself.

And if he does decide to change it should be for himself and not for some woman. Because if the change doesn't last, or doesn't work out as expected, it'll be the same shit all over again.

 

[OnSlaught]

I am sorry about your sister... rest assured that she is, too

I dont know what it is this change is that she is advocating, but this girl clearly is not one to settle for less- I say up your game (meaning make the change she is suggesting) or stop making excuses and belly aching about it... us women are so simple just do what we ask for the most part because its for the best- you know deep down that she is not asking you to do anything that wont make you a better man.

Come on now, are you fuckin' serious? She's insecure and I think some of your previous responses along with others that posted pose a better summation of the situation than what you just said lastly as far as being a solution. If he wants to change, that's cool, but I'll be damned if he should change for her ass. The current situation isn't working for her so she decided to find someone else which I think is fine to do but still fucked up in how she cut short the communication.

Oh, and please don't make sweeping generalizations and false conclusions about things...please, women, and for that matter people in general, are not simple AT ALL! You can't answer a complex question with a simple ass answer...Oh, and what would make him a better man is her being able to handle herself as a better and mature woman, 'cause right now she's coppin' out like others have said before.

I'm usually the one to say this.



Ninja you must be no options ugly.

Shane, I'm one for jokes most of the time, but come on, dude doesn't even deserve that. Really, your statement has nothing to even do with the post. He already said he hit it. Shit happens, and usually to comes to decent people from ASSHOLES...

Oh, and if you want to know, I've clowned Steelwill in the past, but that was uncalled for...

No offense, but fuck that shit. He's a grown ass man and shouldn't have to change anything about himself.

And if he does decide to change it should be for himself and not for some woman. Because if the change doesn't last, or doesn't work out as expected, it'll be the same shit all over again.

I couldn't agree more JM, I couldn't agree more...

 

[shanebp1978]

Shane, I'm one for jokes most of the time, but come on, dude doesn't even deserve that. Really, your statement has nothing to even do with the post. He already said he hit it. Shit happens, and usually to comes to decent people from ASSHOLES...

Oh, and if you want to know, I've clowned Steelwill in the past, but that was uncalled for...

Respect to you OnSlaught.

But what do I care. Steelwill2006 claims he's in the military. Matter of fact he's in Iraq right now.


He is not. I am a mod, I know what his exact position is.

Steelwill does what he does. Blah, blah. We tolerate him.

I didn't read his whole situation because it's prob. bullshit, I just dogged him because off bat, he's a piece of lying shit.

This is just life.

 

[thetipisthick]

Hell no be your self from the beginning if you are not that poetry writing, flower bringing pay your bills and cook your dinner kind of dude then don't pretend you are cause that is what they will be looking for the rest of the relationship. Live your life to make you happy. Let her go chase a fairytale.

 

[PussyMan]

Women will sometimes say "let's be friends"in the immediate aftermath of a relationship.

The moment a new man steps into her life, U become a liability so U will be cut off like she has cut U off. Chalk it to experience and move on.

Maybe when her emotional life stabilizes, she might want your friendship, maybe not. Either way it's not something to loose any sleep over. Get on with your life. She came and she is gone. C'est la vie !

 

[BusterHymen]

To me this story ain't complete. Seems like she wanted you to dump your (Wifey/Girl)after all this time you guys spent together. Some of the stories you confided to her in the beginning wasn't actually panning out, Your mistake. Most women will respect you better if your upfront with them in the beginning. The key to keeping the woman on the side is to not treat them like the woman on the side.

 

[OnSlaught]

Respect to you OnSlaught.

But what do I care. Steelwill2006 claims he's in the military. Matter of fact he's in Iraq right now.


He is not. I am a mod, I know what his exact position is.

Steelwill does what he does. Blah, blah. We tolerate him.

I didn't read his whole situation because it's prob. bullshit, I just dogged him because off bat, he's a piece of lying shit.

This is just life.

Point well made as well as taken Shane...

 

[Brown Bear]

Thread Closed. This is the correct answer. Wish her the best in life, cut your losses and do you.

True, she may want you to "change for the better," but what kind of change is that, specifically? Does she want you to do a job/task that you couldn't see yourself doing in life? Does she want you to stop chasing your dream career and just settle in a comfy cubicle, get a 401k and a shiny watch? Or does she want you to change bad habits, hanging around "That crowd" of people that will drag you down with them?

If it's the former, fuck her. If it's the latter -AND she's not the only person that sees this- then maybe you need to step back and take a look for yourself. In ANY case, if she says she sees that you need "change," look for yourself. If you don't see anything wrong, she's got issues and you're better off without her anyway.

Just my .02, YMMV.

 

[Brown Bear]

While I'm at it, listening to your story kind of reminds me of a page from my life...

Almost 3 years ago, I met the woman I'm still with to this day, and I was also friends with my ex-girlfriend. Before I met my woman, though, I had tried to patch shit up with my ex, but she insisted that we stay "Just Friends." So I agreed to it, never asking her if she was seeing anyone, never calling her on a Saturday asking her if she'd like to go out, my treat anymore. I was just "a friend" from that point on.

She'd talk to me about her ex (the guy she got with right after me), but I wouldn't talk to her about who I was dating, let alone that I was dating anyone. Then, I met and started dating my woman -excuse me, My Woman, with a Capital W. Anyway, little under/over a month into us talking, we started having sex, and my ex and I were talking less and less. She'd call me and jokingly say shit like "How are things with you and your new *girrrrlfriend*?" I'd always laugh it off and change the subject.

One night, I hadn't called her (ex) back, because I didn't get in the house until about 4am, and had to be at school in 3 hours. Next day, I pick up my girl and bring her back to my house, where we watch some movie I had, and afterward had sex. Almost 5 minutes after I came, ex calls. She's on some old "I'm offended that you didn't return my call last night" type of shit. I'm laying buck ass naked on the couch next to my woman (although we hadn't made it "official" yet, that was our second time having sex), so I ask her if I can call her back in an hour. "Why can't we talk now? What, are you trying to woo your *girrrrlfriend*?"

I say "Something like that, yeah."

*Silence for about 3 seconds*
Ex:Well, is it your girlfriend or not?
Me:Something like that, yeah...
Ex:Look, it's either a yes or no answer, is that your girlfriend or not?
Me: SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YEAH.
Ex:So you're trying to push me off the phone with you for some other girl? Is that what it is?
Me: Huh?
Ex:Friends don't push friends away just for some random old girl they're fucking with.
Me: What book did you get that out of? Look, lemme call you back, we can sort this out later, I got company.
Woman:Baby, you want some water?
Ex:Hmmph. Well look, you don't have to call me back AT ALL, EVER AGAIN, You aren't a real friend if you're going to choose--
Me: Whoa, whoa, hold on one motherfucking minute. When WE were a couple, I asked you if it would be okay if I hung out with YOU and YOUR friends since you would always hang out with them on the weekends, only to find out YOU were CHEATING ON ME WITH one of said friends, and YOU weren't even woman enough to come out and tell me that you didn't want to be with me anymore, I had to play detective. So you can take that hypocritical shit back.
Ex:That was different, I would've hung out with you and them, but you were being to close--
Me:WHICH IS WHAT A MAN IS SUPPOSED TO DO. Matter of fact, I don't know why I was so sympathetic to even try to rebuild some shit with your sneaky, two-timing ass. Don't call you ever again? You can bet on it. You'll be calling me before I EVER pick up a phone trying to get in touch with you.
*Click*

My Woman came out of the kitchen with a glass of water, a bag of weed and a life lesson:

"Baby, calm down, here, lemme massage your back. Calm down. Don't let anyone get you that upset. If she was a real friend she would've accepted you and the fact that you've moved on, and she would've been happy to see you happy. Life's too short to spend it sulking over a couple of missed calls. And, if she wanted you back, she should've been woman enough to say something before you found me."

Don't even sweat the situation, just accept the fact that she wasn't ready for what you had to offer, and that she fell victim to the 80/20 rule.

 

[thighsneyez22]

No offense, but fuck that shit. He's a grown ass man and shouldn't have to change anything about himself.

I whole-heartedly agree.

He shouldn't have to change himself nor should he wonder why she is not interested anymore when he doesnt not fit her picture of a compatible mate

...everyone has standards and she clearly didn't change hers to involve him in her life. After it was clear that change wasn't an option for him...she made change an option for her and ultimately changed her surroundings.

you are right...change is WAY too overrated.

 

[thighsneyez22]

The current situation isn't working for her so she decided to find someone else which I think is fine to do but still fucked up in how she cut short the communication.

I think you must have ignored the part where he said that she called but he didnt bother to pick up the phone...but anyway I digress...

I was listening to Mack lessons radio interviewing a pimp (a real one) and he said "a true pimp is not a true pimp if he knows why his hoe left"... now while Mr Steelwill (Mr Will henceforth) is not a pimp and his "intended", as I will call her, I hope is not a hoe, there is some extrapolation to their situation that we can make from the pimp's words.

They can be applied here because the meaning of the statement is that if you have some type of agreement to be together and something comes up and you talk about it and supposedly fix it...if that is the reason why your girl ultimately leaves... you arent on your game- people arent in relationships for their health- they are there to meet other's needs and at the same time get their needs met- when that doesnt happen they part ways. (or get parted from in this case). Mr will knows why she left... that means maybe he could have fixed it... if he didnt fix it that means that he was content to see her to leave more than he wanted her to stay because he had unlimited agency in this matter.

 

[DigitalAngel2007]

I had this said to me a while ago, and I didn't quite know how to interpret it but one way. Now, what said to me was,"if we are meant to be together, we will". It was understood that she and I should just be friends until I got things in order. And I agreed. But what bothered me the most is that, we started as friends and talked alot. But all of a sudden, the frequent calls stop, along with messaging. She no longer had time to fit me into her schedule all of a sudden. I wasn't being clingy. Wasn't on some stalker shit, trying to win her back or nothing. Just didn't understand how in the beginning before things got kinda serious, we talked all the time. But now, we rarely talk. I just really valued the friendship, and wanted an explanation. So, finally, we had an chance to speak more in depth about what happened. That is when she stated the response in question.


I left it alone. But then I thought about it. How is there ever gonna be another opportunity in the future, when we rarely talk as it is now. This happened a few months ago btw, and the last time she called(which was about a month ago)I didn't answer my phone.
Doesn't really matter now, just want to know what the ladies have to say for future reference. She even said that she hopes we do have that chance, so what gives?

It seems she did exactly what she said she would. Continue to remain friends with you. You just assumed it would mirror the friendship you had prior to you getting serious. You can't have that you can't erase that you guys were together. When you were friends before in the back of your mind you were wondering if you wanted to date her and she was doing the same about you. So even if you didn't have the time you made the time because a closer relationship was blossoming. This new friendship has already explored that option so it won't have the save fuel behind it to keep it going. She attempted to make contact with you and you didn't answer. I think it's time you have a lil' instrospection. It sounds like everything is back to rights besides the fact that you felt you should talk more than you have. Maybe she's used to talking to her "platonic" friends monthly or only when she's going through something.

 

[Steelwill2006]

Don't even sweat the situation, just accept the fact that she wasn't ready for what you had to offer, and that she fell victim to the 80/20 rule.

There was one night in particular where I swear I heard another dudes voice in the background, but she claimed it was the t.v. The conversation was similar to yours dude. Only difference was, I didn't care and told her I was fucking other hoes after she asked me if I was messing around with anyone. So, it's all good.

I think you must have ignored the part where he said that she called but he didnt bother to pick up the phone...but anyway I digress...

I was listening to Mack lessons radio interviewing a pimp (a real one) and he said "a true pimp is not a true pimp if he knows why his hoe left"... now while Mr Steelwill (Mr Will henceforth) is not a pimp and his "intended", as I will call her, I hope is not a hoe, there is some extrapolation to their situation that we can make from the pimp's words.

They can be applied here because the meaning of the statement is that if you have some type of agreement to be together and something comes up and you talk about it and supposedly fix it...if that is the reason why your girl ultimately leaves... you arent on your game- people arent in relationships for their health- they are there to meet other's needs and at the same time get their needs met- when that doesnt happen they part ways. (or get parted from in this case). Mr will knows why she left... that means maybe he could have fixed it... if he didnt fix it that means that he was content to see her to leave more than he wanted her to stay because he had unlimited agency in this matter.

I tried, believe me. But people cannot change, nor make progression just by snapping their fingers. If she wanted a nigga with a Masters degree and a corporate job, she should have cut me off soon after I got out the Army.