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Funny Bedroom Stories - Post yours I'm sure everyone has a story they can share.

Mo-Better

Mo-Better

The R&B Master
OG Investor
Of course your stories need not be limited to the bedroom. I'm sure funstuff has happened in the car, basements wherever. I'll start it off.

Before there was Viagara there was Clor-Trimetron a decongestant for cold symptoms. I had met this girl while riding the commuter train to New York. We had talked about getting together and decided that Saturday was going to be the day.

I thought I was getting the sniffles so I decided to take some Clor-Trimetron tablets to dry up my sinuses. Foolish me popped 2 pills when I should've taken one. These were 12 hour pills and yes they worked. This was around 12 noon. So she arrives around 2 and we start to get busy.

This was the most orgasmic woman I've ever known. She had an orgasm before I ever got her undressed. (I swear) In bed she was incredible every few strokes was another orgasm. This went on for hours. Went on so long we broke for dinner.

So we chilled a bit listened to some jazz, she had some wine, and now she's ready for more. So we start up again and she's as orgasmic as she was before but suddenly her ego is getting a little wounded. Now she is starting to complain, "we've been at this for hours and you still haven't cum."

She tried everything imaginable and I still couldn't cum and no I was not trying to hold back. Well finally about 1:00 am she gave up and asked me to call her a cab which I did. After she left I settle down and drifted off to sleep.

About a half hour later door bell is ringing. I look outside and she's back. I let her in thinking something was wrong. Nope! Now she's fussing ain't no way I can go home! You ain't cum yet. She's striping off her clothes coming through the living room and starts on me again.

Here we go again, all through the dark early morning hours. We take a break, get up fix and eat breakfast around 8 and was back at it again. Finally around 1:00 pm I finally cum. (boy did I ever)

She admitted her ego was shook. She couldn't accept she could be in bed that long with anyone and they not cum. That was why she came back. It wasn't until later that day I realized the medicine was the cause. But I never told her what happened. I never took those pills again before sex either.

Yeah right! :lol:

I ended up paying for my mistake. My arms were all scratched up. My stomach muscles and hamstrings were sore for the next 2 days. It almost hurt to breath and I couldn't take a full step to save my life, but with each ache I would smile. Now if only I could remember her name. :D
 
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I had to wear a hat for week due to my ex scarring my head when i ate her out and she came and scratched my head and damn near gave me a half moon part in my hairline.....
 
Galvatron78 said:
I had to wear a hat for week due to my ex scarring my head when i ate her out and she came and scratched my head and damn near gave me a half moon part in my hairline.....
Click to expand...

:lol::lol: man you killing me


Mo-B...:lol:@ those pills making you the stamina daddy
 
Shadow said:
So you're not going to tell them how we got caught on the beach the other night, right? :rolleyes:

Supposed to be our secret, girl. shhhh.....:D

:lol:
Click to expand...

What was funny about it?
Did a bright polka dot colored VW Bug full of midget clowns roll by y'all and yell "FUCK HER,WE DID!"???
 
Shadow said:
So you're not going to tell them how we got caught on the beach the other night, right? :rolleyes:

Supposed to be our secret, girl. shhhh.....:D

:lol:
Click to expand...
:eek: but baby that late night "dip" was a pleasure :yes: getting caught only made it better:lol:
And uhmm how'd you know I like the beach at night :cool: lol....:D

Mo-Better said:
Baby, I still have a few left of those pills left. Hollar! :devil:
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HOLLLLAAA...:D....should I holla harder or you got the idea ;)

t0k3 said:
What was funny about it?
Did a bright polka dot colored VW Bug full of midget clowns roll by y'all and yell "FUCK HER,WE DID!"???
Click to expand...
:hmm:
 
I got one that nobody would believe so I'll tell one that ain't mine instead.

This one almost killed me...literally and turned out to be one of life's most embarrassing moments to boot.

When I was in college I used to talk to this fine,cool as hell but touched in the head mixed girl all the time at lunch.
She had a thing for middle aged married white dudes of all things.:smh:
Anyway,we got on the subject about females telling their friends about dudes that suck in bed.
She was saying how she didn't have any problem letting a dude know of their shortcomings and gave me an example.
She told me about this dude she messed with recently and that not only was he hung like a grain of rice but he was a 2 pump chump.
She goes on to tell about how he rolls over like he's the man and has that I just killed it look on his face.
After a minute or 2 he asks her when they can hook up again.
She says to him "Is your dick going to be bigger next time?"
Right when she said that I was taking a swig off my milk and I choked,milk squirted out my nose,everyone around started laughing at me until I started turning blue and my eyes were about to pop out of my head.:lol:
They were about to call an ambulance:lol:
 
t0k3 said:
I got one that nobody would believe so I'll tell one that ain't mine instead.

This one almost killed me...literally and turned out to be one of life's most embarrassing moments to boot.

When I was in college I used to talk to this fine,cool as hell but touched in the head mixed girl all the time at lunch.
She had a thing for middle aged married white dudes of all things.:smh:
Anyway,we got on the subject about females telling their friends about dudes that suck in bed.
She was saying how she didn't have any problem letting a dude know of their shortcomings and gave me an example.
She told me about this dude she messed with recently and that not only was he hung like a grain of rice but he was a 2 pump chump.
She goes on to tell about how he rolls over like he's the man and has that I just killed it look on his face.
After a minute or 2 he asks her when they can hook up again.
She says to him "Is your dick going to be bigger next time?"
Right when she said that I was taking a swig off my milk and I choked,milk squirted out my nose,everyone around started laughing at me until I started turning blue and my eyes were about to pop out of my head.:lol:
They were about to call an ambulance:lol:
Click to expand...

not only was he hung like a grain of rice but he was a 2 pump chump. :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
 
The first time I ever squirted it hit him in the eye. I will never forget the look on his face.
Priceless. I also didn't know what it was so I thought I peed on him :lol:
 
Breaking up the livingroom furniture. My boy did this back in high school. It was during mid-terms exams. We would only had half-day sessions. He asked this girl over to his mom's house. They would have the place to themselves till like 4.

He tells me they get busy and she's screaming harder, harder, harder. So to honor her wish this fool braces his feet against the arm of the couch. Next thing he hears is BOOM-BLAM CRASH! The arm of the couch was ejected away from the couch, knocked over the end table, broke the lamp and dropped the remaining section of the couch to the floor.

The girl ran out of there. He called me over to see if I could help put it back together. Bad move, when I saw that couch and totally lost it. I had tears rolling down my face I was laughing so hard. After I stopped laughing I tried to help him but that couch was finished.

So when his mom came home she went ballistic. The whole thing got blamed on a football player named Bruce who didn't really exist. Needless to say homeboy was grounded for the remainder of the school year for having company over. I don't think his mom ever bought the story.
 
ok, this is when i was young and naieve, this is only one of many moments that i look back and laugh at.

It was my 19th b-day, had the all day party going, cookout in the backyard, drinks, cards the whole nine. This female i was cool with came down from VA and brought her female friend who was visiting from NY, Long story short, all three of us end up in the bed, my boy and some chick he brought are in the other bed and we all having a good time, well im hitting the ny chick from da back and all of a sudden i feel a gush of warm liquid around my dick, balls and running down my leg. I jumped back, looked down, raised my arm, and was about to D-bo her ass in the back of the head with a tyson right hand when my boy grabed me in mid swing and was like what you doing, I looked at him with the most serious look on my face that i could come up with and told him, it was instinct, I dont hit women, but she pissed on me, he laughed his ass off. I was like :confused: and then he told me about women squirting. Until that day, i never knew they could do that.
 
smoove2k6 said:
ok, this is when i was young and naieve, this is only one of many moments that i look back and laugh at.

It was my 19th b-day, had the all day party going, cookout in the backyard, drinks, cards the whole nine. This female i was cool with came down from VA and brought her female friend who was visiting from NY, Long story short, all three of us end up in the bed, my boy and some chick he brought are in the other bed and we all having a good time, well im hitting the ny chick from da back and all of a sudden i feel a gush of warm liquid around my dick, balls and running down my leg. I jumped back, looked down, raised my arm, and was about to D-bo her ass in the back of the head with a tyson right hand when my boy grabed me in mid swing and was like what you doing, I looked at him with the most serious look on my face that i could come up with and told him, it was instinct, I dont hit women, but she pissed on me, he laughed his ass off. I was like :confused: and then he told me about women squirting. Until that day, i never knew they could do that.
Click to expand...

I'm glad he stopped you. Women with that capability I find to be very special.:yes:
 
When I was a freshman in college I stayed in the dorms. We had these too little twin size bed in our rooms. One day I am with my girl at the time and I was on top of her and when we went to switch positions, I went to get on the side of her so she could climb over me to get on top. I must have forgot how little those beds were becuz in the middle of me moving to the side of her I ran out of bed and fell naked on a cold ass tile floor. I looked up at her and saw she was about to laugh and I just told her to shut up and I jumped back in the bed and continued fucking. I may have fucked even harder after that.
:lol::lol::lol:​
 
Crown&Coke said:
When I was a freshman in college I stayed in the dorms. We had these too little twin size bed in our rooms. One day I am with my girl at the time and I was on top of her and when we went to switch positions, I went to get on the side of her so she could climb over me to get on top. I must have forgot how little those beds were becuz in the middle of me moving to the side of her I ran out of bed and fell naked on a cold ass tile floor. I looked up at her and saw she was about to laugh and I just told her to shut up and I jumped back in the bed and continued fucking. I may have fucked even harder after that.
:lol::lol::lol:​
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Lololololol that happend to me too!!!:lol:
 
Crown&Coke said:
Not only did it hurt a lil bit but then the damn floor was cold as shit. My freshman year in college was fun. I got lots of stories from staying in the dorms.​
Click to expand...

Better to hit the floor then to roll over and still be on her:eek:
 
Crown&Coke said:
When I was a freshman in college I stayed in the dorms. We had these too little twin size bed in our rooms. One day I am with my girl at the time and I was on top of her and when we went to switch positions, I went to get on the side of her so she could climb over me to get on top. I must have forgot how little those beds were becuz in the middle of me moving to the side of her I ran out of bed and fell naked on a cold ass tile floor. I looked up at her and saw she was about to laugh and I just told her to shut up and I jumped back in the bed and continued fucking. I may have fucked even harder after that.
:lol::lol::lol:​
Click to expand...

:lol::lol:
 
t0k3 said:
Better to hit the floor then to roll over and still be on her:eek:
Click to expand...
Yea you right. She wasnt but 5'3 maybe 110 at the most and I am 6'3 and was about 200 lbs. That little ass bed was horrible. My feet was always hanging off the end of the bed when I was sleep. I think back and wonder how the hell me and that girl use to sleep together in that bed.

I remember one night she was mad at me while we were laying together and she had the nerve to tell me to not touch her. I hit her with :hmm: and told her that as small as this bed is, the only way we cant touch is that one of us get out the bed.
:lol::lol::lol:​
 
bigirl said:
The first time I ever squirted it hit him in the eye. I will never forget the look on his face.
Priceless. I also didn't know what it was so I thought I peed on him :lol:
Click to expand...

Same here. Dude was disgusted cuz he swore I peed all in his mouth and on his face. But I learned I was able to squirt, so something good came out of it.

I remember for my 21st b-day, my man at the time wanted to see me shitfaced. We got a bottle of Haitian rum, Belvedere vodka, tequila, Henny, and some juice. I killed the vodka straight in 45 minutes. 90 minutes later all the liquor is finished between me, him, and his roomie. Now he's pressing me for some buns. I say to myself, fuck it, let's go. Everything is fine till he wants me to ride. I get about 6 good strokes and I throw up EVERYWHERE. I'm like the girl in the Exorcist. I threw up in his face (got in his eyes, mouth, and nose), all over his bed, his dick, my boobs, and our clothes that were still on the bed. Homeboy proceeded to put me in the tub and turn the shower on. I woke up 20 minutes later drenched and cold while he's cleaning his damn Jordans. :smh:
 
SinaminDelite said:
Same here. Dude was disgusted cuz he swore I peed all in his mouth and on his face. But I learned I was able to squirt, so something good came out of it.

I remember for my 21st b-day, my man at the time wanted to see me shitfaced. We got a bottle of Haitian rum, Belvedere vodka, tequila, Henny, and some juice. I killed the vodka straight in 45 minutes. 90 minutes later all the liquor is finished between me, him, and his roomie. Now he's pressing me for some buns. I say to myself, fuck it, let's go. Everything is fine till he wants me to ride. I get about 6 good strokes and I throw up EVERYWHERE. I'm like the girl in the Exorcist. I threw up in his face (got in his eyes, mouth, and nose), all over his bed, his dick, my boobs, and our clothes that were still on the bed. Homeboy proceeded to put me in the tub and turn the shower on. I woke up 20 minutes later drenched and cold while he's cleaning his damn Jordans. :smh:
Click to expand...

Funny the first time a woman squirted with me it didn't freak me out. She freaked. I'm like let me see if I can make you do that again. :yes: She wasn't having any of it. THEN! As time went one it became the norm for her.

As for your man wanting you drunk, he got what he deserved. Yeah I know it was a mess but he asked for it. No man in his right mind wants his MAIN girl drunk. BTW how did the rest of that night go?
 
Mo-Better said:
Funny the first time a woman squirted with me it didn't freak me out. She freaked. I'm like let me see if I can make you do that again. :yes: She wasn't having any of it. THEN! As time went one it became the norm for her.

As for your man wanting you drunk, he got what he deserved. Yeah I know it was a mess but he asked for it. No man in his right mind wants his MAIN girl drunk. BTW how did the rest of that night go?
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That's what I said. Then he changed his mind and I started getting frisky with him. Dick is dick, and I was feeling nice so I wasn't gonna turn it down... Silly ass me. The rest of the night consisted of me cleaning down my cell phone to call moms and let her know I wasn't coming home, drinking water, and sleeping till the afternoon.
 
SinaminDelite said:
That's what I said. Then he changed his mind and I started getting frisky with him. Dick is dick, and I was feeling nice so I wasn't gonna turn it down... Silly ass me. The rest of the night consisted of me cleaning down my cell phone to call moms and let her know I wasn't coming home, drinking water, and sleeping till the afternoon.
Click to expand...

You do know of course this was supposed to be, "Funny Bedroom Stories." :lol:
 
SinaminDelite said:
That's what I said. Then he changed his mind and I started getting frisky with him. Dick is dick, and I was feeling nice so I wasn't gonna turn it down... Silly ass me. The rest of the night consisted of me cleaning down my cell phone to call moms and let her know I wasn't coming home, drinking water, and sleeping till the afternoon.
Click to expand...

You do know of course this was supposed to be, "Funny Bedroom Stories." :lol:
 
Not in the bedroom but...

One morning standing in front of my home I got offered a blowjob for $1.86. (That's US) She claimed she needed to buy cigarettes. I tuned down the offer, told her cigarettes were bad for her health. :rolleyes:
 
:lol::lol::lol:
That one brings back memories

I was messin with this dude in high school while his mom was at work. So we finish and I get out of there no problem and go wait at the bus stop. So who gets off the bus that I was catchin? His mama!! She immediately called my mama and I was busted. But all for the best because the next week this nigga came to school wearing some busted ass Mystical braids.:smh:


superd_1004844.jpg
 
SinaminDelite said:
Same here. Dude was disgusted cuz he swore I peed all in his mouth and on his face. But I learned I was able to squirt, so something good came out of it.

I remember for my 21st b-day, my man at the time wanted to see me shitfaced. We got a bottle of Haitian rum, Belvedere vodka, tequila, Henny, and some juice. I killed the vodka straight in 45 minutes. 90 minutes later all the liquor is finished between me, him, and his roomie. Now he's pressing me for some buns. I say to myself, fuck it, let's go. Everything is fine till he wants me to ride. I get about 6 good strokes and I throw up EVERYWHERE. I'm like the girl in the Exorcist. I threw up in his face (got in his eyes, mouth, and nose), all over his bed, his dick, my boobs, and our clothes that were still on the bed. Homeboy proceeded to put me in the tub and turn the shower on. I woke up 20 minutes later drenched and cold while he's cleaning his damn Jordans. :smh:
Click to expand...


:smh: And he stopped. I would have kicked your ass when i was done.
 
Galvatron78 said:
I had to wear a hat for week due to my ex scarring my head when i ate her out and she came and scratched my head and damn near gave me a half moon part in my hairline.....
Click to expand...

:yes::yes:man i got a crazy scar going half way across the back of my neck and over my righr ear from my ex:smh::smh:. it always gets me a good laugh at the barber shop:lol::lol::lol:
 

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