Women... Money... How much does it matter to you in a relationship

[DiamondDeuce]

some really do feel "entitled" to it just because......

I would have more respect for some of these women and tell the truth.......instead trying to wrap there bullshit up into "tradition" and shit

I wish some women on here would just say:
"Look If I can get away with it I prefer that the man invest more in getting to know me..........than I invest in getting to know him. That way if shit does not work out, then I have not spent any of my own money"

 

[xfactor]

no never married. once lived with a guy for 5 years and it was like being married but we were not married. would i don it agian? HELL NO.

So why are you crying victim? If you lived with someone for 5 years and felt you were getting the shaft financially, how can you blame him? People are going to do to you what you let them do. Taking advantage of others just comes naturally to most.

My whole point was that if a woman thinks a man needs to pay for everything ( or anymore than half ) for a woman that he is just dating, then something is wrong with her mentality. Then again, a lot of women put a price tag on their pussy anyway. Then want to complain about getting treated like those women that do. (I.E. porn stars, prostitutes, etc.)

"You get what you pay for."

 

[sexynbi976]

I've been with a guy with money and with a guy without money. My personal preference is someone with money. It just makes life a lot easier. Now I'm not saying that he has to have X amount of money for me to get with him. However, I know that I am very ambitious and I have goals and want a certain lifestyle for myself...so I expect the same for him - for him to be ambitious and to have goals and to be working towards those goals. I don't want money to ever be an issue in my relationship...been there, done that.

 

[bigirl]

So why are you crying victim? If you lived with someone for 5 years and felt you were getting the shaft financially, how can you blame him? People are going to do to you what you let them do. Taking advantage of others just comes naturally to most.

My whole point was that if a woman thinks a man needs to pay for everything ( or anymore than half ) for a woman that he is just dating, then something is wrong with her mentality. Then again, a lot of women put a price tag on their pussy anyway. Then want to complain about getting treated like those women that do. (I.E. porn stars, prostitutes, etc.)

"You get what you pay for."

show me where i cry "victim"

the rest of what you said i agree with. if you wanna play that shit as a woman then be prepared to put out.

 

[DiamondDeuce]

My whole point was that if a woman thinks a man needs to pay for everything ( or anymore than half ) for a woman that he is just dating, then something is wrong with her mentality.
"You get what you pay for."

My question for the ladies continues to be:

Why should a man invest more into getting to know a woman,
than the woman is willing to invest into getting to know the man?

 

[Adam Knows]

My question for the ladies continues to be:

Why should a man invest more into getting to know a woman,
than the woman is willing to invest into getting to know the man?

skewed perception of life...

 

[xfactor]

show me where i cry "victim"

Not specifically in this thread but just look at your posting history. You are more bitter when it comes to men than someone that was forced to suck on lemons. I do agree with your initial post about liking to go dutch as that is how it should be when you try to get to know someone initially.

the rest of what you said i agree with. if you wanna play that shit as a woman then be prepared to put out.

Of course you do, because it's fact

I wouldn't even say it's about putting out more than it's about CONTROL. If someone is buying you, they expect to control you. Delusional women (and most feminists) can't see this concept.

 

[bigirl]

If someone is buying you, they expect to control you.

*THREAD OVER*
you just expressed the essence of the matter one time

 

[xfactor]

My question for the ladies continues to be:

Why should a man invest more into getting to know a woman,
than the woman is willing to invest into getting to know the man?

"Because a "classy" woman doesn't chase?"

That should be the textbook/company line response you'll get but classy women these days are disappearing faster and faster.

 

[DiamondDeuce]

"Because a "classy" woman doesn't chase?"
That should be the textbook/company line response you'll get but classy women these days are disappearing faster and faster.

That logic is fuzzy

A female that goes "dutch" with a man is not chasing!
Anymore than a man going "dutch" with a woman is chasing her!

 

[HoneyBerry]

Why can't people understand that these are the opinions of some women. Each woman is different. But I will say that, a lot of comments are made on this board all day about, "women aren't the same as back in the day." And I actually agree with that. But men aren't the same either

 

[xfactor]

That logic is fuzzy

A female that goes "dutch" with a man is not chasing!
Anymore than a man going "dutch" with a woman is chasing her!

Female logic isn't rational in a lot cases.

You're going to give yourself a headache trying to figure it out

 

[DiamondDeuce]

Why can't people understand that these are the opinions of some women. Each woman is different. But I will say that, a lot of comments are made on this board all day about, "women aren't the same as back in the day." And I actually agree with that. But men aren't the same either

You still did not answer the question........


That what you wrote sounds good. It is about personal preference. I just call bullshit when I see it. It is all good if a woman desires a traditional man and relationship. But all too often I see women who want to have their cake and eat it too. They are traditional when it comes to a man pay for shit...........but flip the script when it comes to staying in a traditional woman's place.

I have talked to some women who do expect the traditional behavior from a man. But at the same time these women acknowledge that the man is the head of the household...and believe that a woman is supposed to clean take care of the house.......and provide a hot meal everyday for the man.


So again are you a traditional woman?

 

[DLateshow]

I will say this. I have dated many women and if I where to name the top 3 questions they ask it would be as follows.

1. Where do work
2. What kind of car you drive
3. Do have any kids


How is it that I may not know a womans mate name but I always know what kind of car he drives.

Dlateshow

 

[bigirl]

I will say this. I have dated many women and if I where to name the top 3 questions they ask it would be as follows.

1. Where do work
2. What kind of car you drive
3. Do have any kids


How is it that I may not know a womans mate name but I always know what kind of car he drives.

Dlateshow

Men who ask me these types of questions in the first moments of conversation make me make my phone pretend to ring and me answer and have an "emergency" and then they never hear from me again. I don't deal on that level. The kids question I don't mind. Not the rest tho.

 

[DigitalAngel2007]

I don't know how anyone could say money doesn't matter.

When you look for a job, a place to live, even a school you check everything out about these things and make your decisions based on your findings. Why would you leave out a man's financial position when deciding if you'd like to be with him???? Noone who has purchased a home, values good credit standing or owns anything of value would enter a long time relationship without considering the others current and future finances. Now if your broke then you shouldn't care about money because what do you have to lose???

And in reference to asking what kind of car the guy drives I don't ask that question. I've met guys in rare expensive cars living with their parents and guys in cheap used cars running various business.

 

[DLateshow]

"The kids question I don't mind. Not the rest tho"

This we can agree on. I lose interest quick when this questions come up so early in a conversation.


Dlateshow

 

[bigirl]

"The kids question I don't mind. Not the rest tho"

This we can agree on. I lose interest quick when this questions come up so early in a conversation.


Dlateshow

Its such an american thing that you meet someone and the first question is "so what do you do?" When they ask that I fuck em up one time I answer "fish, fuck and smoke what do you do?" I really really hate that shit

 

[blackmouth]

I don't care how much money you have, i wouldn't over look a man who beats on his woman.

Or a man who lives a life of crime.

But as long as we're in the same income bracket, I don't see a problem.

wow. i did NOT expect that response from you.

a life of crime is OK as long as the $$$ is similar to yours? my experience tells me that sometimes crime follows the criminal home.

that might not end well.

Why can't people understand that these are the opinions of some women. Each woman is different. But I will say that, a lot of comments are made on this board all day about, "women aren't the same as back in the day." And I actually agree with that. But men aren't the same either

women aren't the same as back in the day. they've got more opportunity in the workplace, equal pay (in most cases), and a newfound independence that a LOT seem to cherish. i think men have changed to adjust to that dynamic-since they do NOT have to be the sole providers anymore.

bring the equal money and independence into the equation with divorce, child custody, and criminal sentencing, and you should be able to understand why men are reluctant to marry nowadays. women NEVER marry down, but due to the progress women have made, most might have to marry down (financially).

 

[LeroyDibiase]

Why can't people understand that these are the opinions of some women. Each woman is different.

Probably for the same reason that women can't understand that the fucked up things that the shitty man THEY chose does, doesn't apply to all men.

wow. i did NOT expect that response from you.

a life of crime is OK as long as the $$$ is similar to yours? my experience tells me that sometimes crime follows the criminal home.

that might not end well.

I thought she made it pretty clear she could not overlook a wifebeater or a criminal. Hence the word "or". As in, I cannot overlook a wifebeater OR a criminal, no matter the amount of money, however as long as we are in the same income bracket, I am cool.

 

[DigitalAngel2007]

Its such an american thing that you meet someone and the first question is "so what do you do?" When they ask that I fuck em up one time I answer "fish, fuck and smoke what do you do?" I really really hate that shit

No offense, but why do you hate that question??? It seems like a quick way to get to know about a person. I may be bias because I love my line of work. I guess if you didn't like what you did you wouldn't want to talk about it. If you were doing what you love would you still that that question??

 

[DLateshow]

I don't know how anyone could say money doesn't matter.

When you look for a job, a place to live, even a school you check everything out about these things and make your decisions based on your findings. Why would you leave out a man's financial position when deciding if you'd like to be with him???? Noone who has purchased a home, values good credit standing or owns anything of value would enter a long time relationship without considering the others current and future finances. Now if your broke then you shouldn't care about money because what do you have to lose???

And in reference to asking what kind of car the guy drives I don't ask that question. I've met guys in rare expensive cars living with their parents and guys in cheap used cars running various business.

It's not that money is not important. The issue is when it comes up so early in a conversation and the man feels like he is being interviewed for a job. In most cases I can have a 15 minute conversation with you and determine what kind of money you make. If we are not on the same income level I doubt if we would have much else in common. Peoples interest pretty much are in line with there financial level. Your instincts are seldom wrong but greed overules common sense everytime.


Dlateshow

 

[bigirl]

No offense, but why do you hate that question??? It seems like a quick way to get to know about a person. I may be bias because I love my line of work. I guess if you didn't like what you did you wouldn't want to talk about it. If you were doing what you love would you still that that question??

because what they are really asking it how do you make your money. that is an offensive question to ask someone you don't know as your first opening question or even anytime soon. especially for west indian people. we don't deal with things in that type of way.

got to know about a person? a person tells me they are a banker. WTF that tell me about the person? not a goddamn thing just how they get their paycheck. for me and most my people how i get my $ is not the definiton of me and also i don't get my $ just one way but may ways.

so my answer to that question is "fuck, fish, have as much fun as possible, make music, make art, make love, etc" fucks em up every time

edited to say i do do what i love all day every day all the time

 

[blackmouth]

Probably for the same reason that women can't understand that the fucked up things that the shitty man THEY chose does, doesn't apply to all men.



I thought she made it pretty clear she could not overlook a wifebeater or a criminal. Hence the word "or". As in, I cannot overlook a wifebeater OR a criminal, no matter the amount of money, however as long as we are in the same income bracket, I am cool.

oops. maybe i misunderstood that. my bad.

 

[tripleds3]

I am new to the sistas forum, but I must say something. I used to think money did not matter until my man convinced me that it does matter. It matters because I ain't gonna be with no broke ass man. Yes, love is good, but when you broke love can only go so far. I guess I have an advantage because I was there when my man didn't have as much money as he has now. A broke man can't help monetarily and do things for me as quick as a man with money can. Why because my man with money has less worries. He is willing to do for me and not think twice about worrying if he will have enough money. No, I'm no gold-digger at all, hell, I can take care of myself. But a man with money is always good...

 

[DDDiva]

Money matters to an extent. No one wants to date a broke person, but he doesn't have to be balling out of this world. I guess it depends on this situation and if it needs to improve, what is he doing to upgrade his situation.

 

[sexylegz33]

Having a man that sincerly loves and respects me, honors me and treats me like his queen; is more important to me than how much money he has in the bank. The sex is very important too. I do not mind if I make more money than him, but I do mind if he is shiftless and depending on me to take care of him. I can't get with that.

I do believe the man is the head of the household regardless of who brings home the largest pay check. He may make less money, but be smarter with it. He might put a smile on my face when I get home from a stressful day at work. He may be my best friend and the person I can confide in. He may be a better cook then me. Do his part with the kids or cleaning up around the house.

If he's able to contribute to our bills and our savings; if he's putting his thing down in the bedroom, if he can take me out now and then and do special things for me, what's the problem? If we are in a committed relationship, we are a team, it's a combined income. Key word, combined, you can't be unemployed and not trying to find and keep a job, in that case you gotta go! I can do bad by myself!

 

[xfactor]

Money matters to an extent. No one wants to date a broke person, but he doesn't have to be balling out of this world. I guess it depends on this situation and if it needs to improve, what is he doing to upgrade his situation.

If women are thinking like this, why do a lot of them try to "date up" to men way out of their tax bracket? (I.E. An entry level female employee in corporate America trying to date an NBA player) You think the financial secure men want to date down to someone that gets paid something in yearly salary that they make in one paycheck?

Some of the female replies in this thread are making the women out as people that can be bought (and sold) like some type of live merchandise. Not a good look.

 

[DiamondDeuce]

If women are thinking like this, why do a lot of them try to "date up" to men way out of their tax bracket? (I.E. An entry level female employee in corporate America trying to date an NBA player) You think the financial secure men want to date down to someone that gets paid something in yearly salary that they make in one paycheck?

Some of the female replies in this thread are making the women out as people that can be bought (and sold) like some type of live merchandise. Not a good look.

Yo man get where you coming from bad example.
A cat that is rich (NBA PLAYER) already knows that they will probably have to date/marry down financially. Plus once a woman is not on welfare.........most cats don't look at woman's finances 1st when choosing a mate. The man are looking at the physical...and other traits.


I think what is more reasonable.... would be an example would be an average looking woman with 2 or 3 kids and little education ........holding out for a professional brother with means to rescue her.

Oh & Yes women the majority of woman can be had for the right $$$. You think even Jay-Z gets women based on his looks/personality? Do you think Beyonce would be with that nigga........if Jay was a mid level accountant somewhere?

Truth is the Truth

 

[DDDiva]

If women are thinking like this, why do a lot of them try to "date up" to men way out of their tax bracket? (I.E. An entry level female employee in corporate America trying to date an NBA player) You think the financial secure men want to date down to someone that gets paid something in yearly salary that they make in one paycheck?

Some of the female replies in this thread are making the women out as people that can be bought (and sold) like some type of live merchandise. Not a good look.

A lot of women have been taught to "marry up". But then again, I have heard of men saying that the woman they marry doesn't have to make as much money as them (if they are in a certain tax bracket) or don't have to work full time, or not have to at all if they're taking care of home/other things, especially if there are kids in the picture. It's all a matter personal preference and how you want your relationship to work. And it also all depends on what "broke" is to you. But I think people that are in serious relationships do need to discuss financial matters because you don't want to marry someone and find out their credit is screwed or find they're in $984790835 of debt. When you marry someone, that problem becomes yours and money is a big reason for divorce these days. It's just that people jump in the others' fiances earlier than expected.

 

[DigitalAngel2007]

I am new to the sistas forum, but I must say something. I used to think money did not matter until my man convinced me that it does matter. It matters because I ain't gonna be with no broke ass man. Yes, love is good, but when you broke love can only go so far. I guess I have an advantage because I was there when my man didn't have as much money as he has now. A broke man can't help monetarily and do things for me as quick as a man with money can. Why because my man with money has less worries. He is willing to do for me and not think twice about worrying if he will have enough money. No, I'm no gold-digger at all, hell, I can take care of myself. But a man with money is always good...

Hell yeah girl, that makes me think of this lyric

It's a cold world Baby Girl,
Lovin me is not enough
Find out when you fuckin broke
Love won't get you on the bus.

Fifty Cent "Get in my car"

 

[xfactor]

Yo man get where you coming from bad example.
A cat that is rich (NBA PLAYER) already knows that they will probably have to date/marry down financially. Plus once a woman is not on welfare.........most cats don't look at woman's finances 1st when choosing a mate. The man are looking at the physical...and other traits.


I think what is more reasonable.... would be an example would be an average looking woman with 2 or 3 kids and little education ........holding out for a professional brother with means to rescue her.

Oh & Yes women the majority of woman can be had for the right $$$. You think even Jay-Z gets women based on his looks/personality? Do you think Beyonce would be with that nigga........if Jay was a mid level accountant somewhere?

Truth is the Truth

No, the point I was trying to make to DDDiva and other women in the thread that think they should be "paid for their time" is that if money matters so much, do they think that trying to date way out of their tax bracket is feasible? And do they think that a cat that makes so much more money than them is actually taking them serious other than to hit?

But that is just the way of the world...A woman's worth is based on her physical appearance and a man's worth is based on his monetary value.

Sad thing is that too many people over value their actual worth.

 

[xfactor]

A lot of women have been taught to "marry up". But then again, I have heard of men saying that the woman they marry doesn't have to make as much money as them (if they are in a certain tax bracket) or don't have to work full time, or not have to at all if they're taking care of home/other things, especially if there are kids in the picture. It's all a matter personal preference and how you want your relationship to work. And it also all depends on what "broke" is to you.

Yeah but that is marriage. Dating and marriage are not the same thing and the main issue with most of this thread is goes back to control.

Would you want a man coming out of pocket and throwing things at you when you just met?

But I think people that are in serious relationships do need to discuss financial matters because you don't want to marry someone and find out their credit is screwed or find they're in $984790835 of debt.

That's the only time it should matter.

 

[nukdollars]

My question for the ladies continues to be:

Why should a man invest more into getting to know a woman,
than the woman is willing to invest into getting to know the man?

co-sign...i'm kinda glad I never had a girlfriend...most women these days ain't worth my time and damn sure ain't worth my money...and i'll be 27 on january 31...

 

[DDDiva]

Yeah but that is marriage. Dating and marriage are not the same thing and the main issue with most of this thread is goes back to control.

Would you want a man coming out of pocket and throwing things at you when you just met?





That's the only time it should matter.

Ok...please tell me where I said I should be paid for my time or I'm trying to marry outside of my tax bracket? When I mean by "upgrade his situation", I meant that I know people fall on hard times or hit a stumbling block and may have to take a step backward to take 2 steps fowards. But if he's trying to get back on his feet, I can deal with that. But if he's comfortable with taking those 2 steps back and staying there, then it's a no-go. When I said NO ONE in my initial response, I meant that for both men and women because let's keep it funky; nobody wants to date someone without a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. But if he's in the process of making moves with his life, as I am, then it's fine.

I never said that a man should throw things and keep coming out of pocket. I do believe in paying and/or going dutch. But then again, you do have some men who won't LET you pay for anything (yes I have dated someone that wouldn't let me pay for anything, he wouldn't even let me leave the tip) because that's how they were raised....