Puzzy vs. $$$$$$

[UnoBetter2]

ok ladies I got this friend, no bullshit, for real. She just started datin this cat 4 months ago and I guess she likes him. But shes strugglin with the bills and ask me to help her with the cell phone and car payment. I told her to ask him since he talkin all that shit about how much money he got while he wineing her and dining her. She said its too early, what!!!!!!!!!! I dont get this shit, its not too early for you to be suckin his dick then why is it too early to ask that nigga for some money to help a sista out. To make a long story short she finally ask him and he said no and I quote he said, "them are your bills". She come back to me and ask me to help her with the cell, fuck we tight and shit but dayam what the hell is this shit all about. Can you sista's enlighten a brotha before I say some shit that might jeopardize a great friendship? Cause right now I'm feelin like dayam you aint even a good ho at least they get paid to suck dick and take insults like that. I would have told that azzhole to bounce!!

 

[femmenoire]

I think that if you're good friends, which you should be first, then if she's in need she doesn't even have to ask.

I'm not a beggar and I hate asking for anything.

But if I'm in need and someone who is close to me be it friend, family or lover doesn't notice then it's either not that bad to begin with or they are just plain dense or insensitive. Then you don't need to be bothered with them anyway.

 

[UnoBetter2]

I think that if you're good friends, which you should be first, then if she's in need she doesn't even have to ask.

I'm not a beggar and I hate asking for anything.

But if I'm in need and someone who is close to me be it friend, family or lover doesn't notice then it's either not that bad to begin with or they are just plain dense or insensitive. Then you don't need to be bothered with them anyway.

Kinda how I was lookin at it but how do I get her to see it that way?

 

[p5ych3]

I'm a hypocrite. I tell chicks that they should have no need to want anything, but
i'm not gonna come outta pocket unless we cool like that. Got burned a couple times
helping chicks out way back when. I rather give you a little and forget about it, than
you ask to borrow a lot and don't come through. Pussy doesn't pay my bills.

 

[Harbinger]

Kinda how I was lookin at it but how do I get her to see it that way?

Uh, I think you might wanna re-read what Femme was telling you. Unless I'm mistaken, she's telling YOU to help your friend out, if y'all are such good friends. Also, good friends should notice if their friends need help, and the friend shouldn't have to ASK for help.

I agree you help your friends out. I disagree that as a woman, you ask a man you've recently met for money. Then he's absolutely gonna treat her like a ho, cuz that's how she's presenting herself.

And unless this is a rough patch, your friend might want to reassess her standard of living.

 

[youngjo]

Seriously maybe homie just feels as if he shouldn't have to pay for something of hers just to have sex. I know i damn sure wouldn't just go paying random girls phone bills just because we had sex. It's not like it's his wife, it's just a girl he fucks no strings attached.

 

[UnoBetter2]

Uh, I think you might wanna re-read what Femme was telling you. Unless I'm mistaken, she's telling YOU to help your friend out, if y'all are such good friends. Also, good friends should notice if their friends need help, and the friend shouldn't have to ASK for help.

I agree you help your friends out. I disagree that as a woman, you ask a man you've recently met for money. Then he's absolutely gonna treat her like a ho, cuz that's how she's presenting herself.

And unless this is a rough patch, your friend might want to reassess her standard of living.

Hmmmm, ok. I'm going to help her out but it's just that if it was me and I was sleepin with her I wouldnt hesistate to help her. And I wouldnt feel like I was payin for sex but I'd just be helpin her cause I care, no more no less. I dont know thats just me.

 

[Jam_Jam]

This situation varies from man to man. A lot of it depends on how bad he wants you. It is my opinion if you ask a man for something and he says no, you are not important to him. Now you should never asking for money on a regular basis. Once he knows what your bills are and also knows that you are having problems paying them, he should volunteer.

My brother went on a cruise last week and told me that he and his wife had a great time. He told me that I should go on a cruise. I called a friend of mine who like to travel and this is how the conversation went.

ME: I talked to my brother the other day and he said that he had a great time on a cruise. I'm thinking about going on one.

Him: Yes they are great. It is time for me to take another one. Can I go with you.

Me: Maybe

Him: Where would you like to go?

Me: Jamaica or the Bahamas.

Him: You go with me and I will pay.

Me: OK

Him: Do you want a 3, 4, or 7 day cruise.

Me: 7 days

Him: I can only get one cabin.

Me: Well get 2 beds.

Him: I will look. Oh yeah, and if you want any gifts you will have to buy them yourself.

Now this man volunteered, but I knew when I said 2 beds the money train was going to stop.

 

[Adam Knows]

But if I'm in need and someone who is close to me be it friend, family or lover doesn't notice then it's either not that bad to begin with or they are just plain dense or insensitive. Then you don't need to be bothered with them anyway.

and their you have it folks......

proof that most women out there see men as a atm machine.......

 

[Adam Knows]

not trying to be funny...

you do not come out of pocket for anyone that's not wife or wearing a ring soon to become wife.....

why?

because then it becomes expected of you to dig into your pockets whenever she needs anything, and will become an issue when you can't.

money destroys relationships. believe it now, or deal with the consequences later. even simple "friendships"....you see what most of these court tv show cases are about don't you.....

so she shouldn't be asking you or her boyfriend (especially not you if she has a boyfriend, that's a smack in the face.) she needs to ask family....

better yet it seems she's living outside her means....

 

[Blu Diablo]

I agree you help your friends out. I disagree that as a woman, you ask a man you've recently met for money. Then he's absolutely gonna treat her like a ho, cuz that's how she's presenting herself.

And unless this is a rough patch, your friend might want to reassess her standard of living.

Gotta co-sign this.

I don't know about anybody else friendships on here but I stay out of people financial affairs unless invited/informed so chances are better than not I won't know you need help until you ask and at that point I am not obligated to help but if we are truly friends then I generally will if I can.

Dude that she's seeing would not be completely in the wrong for not helping if your friend has shown him signs of fiscal irresponsibility.

 

[Peanutbutta]

This situation varies from man to man. A lot of it depends on how bad he wants you. It is my opinion if you ask a man for something and he says no, you are not important to him. Now you should never asking for money on a regular basis. Once he knows what your bills are and also knows that you are having problems paying them, he should volunteer.

My brother went on a cruise last week and told me that he and his wife had a great time. He told me that I should go on a cruise. I called a friend of mine who like to travel and this is how the conversation went.

ME: I talked to my brother the other day and he said that he had a great time on a cruise. I'm thinking about going on one.

Him: Yes they are great. It is time for me to take another one. Can I go with you.

Me: Maybe

Him: Where would you like to go?

Me: Jamaica or the Bahamas.

Him: You go with me and I will pay.

Me: OK

Him: Do you want a 3, 4, or 7 day cruise.

Me: 7 days

Him: I can only get one cabin.

Me: Well get 2 beds.

Him: I will look. Oh yeah, and if you want any gifts you will have to buy them yourself.

Now this man volunteered, but I knew when I said 2 beds the money train was going to stop.

As soon as you show up and get on the boat there is going to be an expectation of something unless you have made it crystal clear to him that he has no chance of getting any ass at all. Just because a man will pay for your trip does not mean you should accept gifts like that. the only way to maintain friendships like that is if you both pay your own way then there is no room for anybody to expect anything but two friends going on a trip. but when a guy bears the majority or all of the cost of a trip there is an automatic expectation.

Everybody should pay their own bills if you can't afford your lifestlye downgrade.
You friend won't ever make it to wifey if she continues to display financial irresponsibility that is a turn off

so you paying her bills so that she can have money to go out and buy shit to keep the next dude happy

 

[MartinAsante]

Sell pussy. No woman should ever want. Ever.

 

[SWATLANTA]

I think that if you're good friends, which you should be first, then if she's in need she doesn't even have to ask.

I'm not a beggar and I hate asking for anything.

But if I'm in need and someone who is close to me be it friend, family or lover doesn't notice then it's either not that bad to begin with or they are just plain dense or insensitive. Then you don't need to be bothered with them anyway.

So because you're not willing to swallow your pride and ask for help (especially from a friend, family member, or lover), the other person is dense or insensitive. I don't get it (call me dense ). A closed mouth does not get fed. There are only about four people in my circle (friends for 15+ years) that I would be willing to break bread with, but we would have no problem asking one another for assistance.

 

[BusterHymen]

not trying to be funny...

you do not come out of pocket for anyone that's not wife or wearing a ring soon to become wife.....

why?

because then it becomes expected of you to dig into your pockets whenever she needs anything, and will become an issue when you can't.

money destroys relationships. believe it now, or deal with the consequences later. even simple "friendships"....you see what most of these court tv show cases are about don't you.....

so she shouldn't be asking you or her boyfriend (especially not you if she has a boyfriend, that's a smack in the face.) she needs to ask family....

better yet it seems she's living outside her means....

Dude, your last sentence is key. My take on this is True male friends may help with a financial plan and not play the substitute financial man.

 

[femmenoire]

and their you have it folks......

proof that most women out there see men as a atm machine.......

Where did you get that from? I said friend, family member or lover. That could be a male or female.

Women this is proof that men who vehemently hate women, especially black women, only read what they want to read and hear what they want to hear to support their hatred towards us.

So because you're not willing to swallow your pride and ask for help (especially from a friend, family member, or lover), the other person is dense or insensitive. I don't get it (call me dense ). A closed mouth does not get fed. There are only about four people in my circle (friends for 15+ years) that I would be willing to break bread with, but we would have no problem asking one another for assistance.

Well my best friend and I talk about that all the time. We are very independent and self-sufficient. If I'm in trouble, I don't even have to ask. Same with my family. So I expect the same in the man that I'm close with and sharing my body with. It has NOTHING to do with money. If I'm sick or feeling under the weather, I may need a ride to the pharmacist. I shouldn't have to ask if you see me keeling over.

A good person, a caring person would automatically ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" or say "Let me know if you need anything."

 

[SWATLANTA]

Well my best friend and I talk about that all the time. We are very independent and self-sufficient. If I'm in trouble, I don't even have to ask. Same with my family. So I expect the same in the man that I'm close with and sharing my body with. It has NOTHING to do with money. If I'm sick or feeling under the weather, I may need a ride to the pharmacist. I shouldn't have to ask if you see me keeling over.

A good person, a caring person would automatically ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" or say "Let me know if you need anything."

The worse relationships are the ones where one party (male or female ) is expected to be a mind reader. If I see my lady holding her stomach, I may ask do you want to go to the Dr. but she needs to be able to say to me , "Something doesn't feel right, I need help" if I don't immediately recognize it. I may think that it's just bad cramps. Communication is key and pride destroys relationships (i've been guilty myself). You've never had to deal with an independent, self-sufficient female, but the same qualities that make them independent and self-sufficient makes it difficult to provide them with any assistance. Those are the females that are the quickest to throw in your face that they don't need (or want ) your help.

 

[femmenoire]

The worse relationships are the ones where one party (male or female ) is expected to be a mind reader. If I see my lady holding her stomach, I may ask do you want to go to the Dr. but she needs to be able to say to me , "Something doesn't feel right, I need help" if I don't immediately recognize it. I may think that it's just bad cramps. Communication is key and pride destroys relationships (i've been guilty myself). You've never had to deal with an independent, self-sufficient female, but the same qualities that make them independent and self-sufficient makes it difficult to provide them with any assistance. Those are the females that are the quickest to throw in your face that they don't need (or want ) your help.

No one is expected to be a mind reader. When one is upset or angry, or sad, that's visible. If I see anyone that I'm close with in those conditions, I immediately offer my help.

If a friend or family member says, "I'm having a bad day" or whatever, I'll ask how can I help make it better. I thought everybody was like that but life taught me that I'm very rare.

 

[Adam Knows]

Where did you get that from? I said friend, family member or lover. That could be a male or female.

Women this is proof that men who vehemently hate women, especially black women, only read what they want to read and hear what they want to hear to support their hatred towards us.

A good person, a caring person would automatically ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" or say "Let me know if you need anything."

how did you interpret "don't ask for money" into hating of black women?

you don't ask for money. ask your mother ask your father, ask your sister/brother...family not friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.

better yet you get it yourself.

if a man or woman is in that much need of additional money, what's so difficult about hustlin for it?

DIH and luvpussy among others that know me in person will tell you, regardless of what i do..if i really needed x-tra funds? guess what, i'll hustle my azz on ebay, you'll see me at a fuckin flea market or you'll see me do something....not sit there and wonder why isn't anyone helping me when i need it....you have to help yourself lady........


that damsel in distress notion went out with the jeri curl and the bump...

 

[SWATLANTA]

No one is expected to be a mind reader. When one is upset or angry, or sad, that's visible. If I see anyone that I'm close with in those conditions, I immediately offer my help.

If a friend or family member says, "I'm having a bad day" or whatever, I'll ask how can I help make it better. I thought everybody was like that but life taught me that I'm very rare.

If i'm angry or upset or whatever, I want to be left alone. People are different, I know females that think like I do and I know others that feel like it's up to their mates to bring them out of their funk. But I will repeat, the same qualities that makes a female independent and self-sufficient make it difficult to provide them with any assistance. Those are the females that are the quickest to throw in your face that they don't need (or want ) your help. You can't have your cake and...well you know the rest...

 

[femmenoire]

how did you interpret "don't ask for money" into hating of black women?

you don't ask for money. ask your mother ask your father, ask your sister/brother...family not friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.

better yet you get it yourself.

if a man or woman is in that much need of additional money, what's so difficult about hustlin for it?

DIH and luvpussy among others that know me in person will tell you, regardless of what i do..if i really needed x-tra funds? guess what, i'll hustle my azz on ebay, you'll see me at a fuckin flea market or you'll see me do something....not sit there and wonder why isn't anyone helping me when i need it....you have to help yourself lady........


that damsel in distress notion went out with the jeri curl and the bump...

Again, I said it doesn't have to mean money. There are lots of ways to help people. You can help someone get a job for example.

If i'm angry or upset or whatever, I want to be left alone. People are different, I know females that think like I do and I know others that feel like it's up to their mates to bring them out of their funk. But I will repeat, the same qualities that makes a female independent and self-sufficient make it difficult to provide them with any assistance. Those are the females that are the quickest to throw in your face that they don't need (or want ) your help. You can't have your cake and...well you know the rest...

While that may be true, a truly caring person would ask if they could be of assistance regardless.

 

[SWATLANTA]

While that may be true, a truly caring person would ask if they could be of assistance regardless.

How can you say what is (or isn't) in someone's heart ? Your perception may not be their reality...

 

[DarkOne]

You're not a true friend , because if you were , you would have given her the money straight away.
I always find myself in a similar situation as yours, except my friend has been going out with this dude for almost two years, and yet everytime she needs financial help , im the first person she asks for help. last time she needed a huge sum of money , she asked me, but i was not able to give her the full amount , so i suggested she asked her man , but she was against it . I never asked her why she was against it. I did manage to lend her half the money she needed though,and we talked the person she owed money into giving her more time to come out with the rest.

So i 'd suggest , you help you lil friend out if you really value her friendship. She is not taking advantage of you , trust me .

 

[femmenoire]

How can you say what is (or isn't) in someone's heart ? Your perception may not be their reality...

And this is why very few are in my private circle. Most people are incredibly selfish individuals and I don't have patience for it.

 

[Adam Knows]

How can you say what is (or isn't) in someone's heart ? ..

no one truly can say what is or what isn't. Everyone only has their "perception" of what is.

for example most people mistake philanthropists as big hearted people...most of the time it's not about heart it's about the back end dollars....

 

[SWATLANTA]

And this is why very few are in my private circle. Most people are incredibly selfish individuals and I don't have patience for it.

How do you know that you just aren't assuming that they are selfish ? They could be giving and caring, but because they don't meet one of your preconceived notions of friendship, or follow Femme's step-by-step book of what is right they get misclassified. It seems that you may be a little inflexible when dealing with people, which in itself could be perceived as being selfish...

no one truly can say what is or what isn't. Everyone only has their "perception" of what is.

for example most people mistake philanthropists as big hearted people...most of the time it's not about heart it's about the back end dollars....

Exactly, well put with the philanthropist analogy...

 

[femmenoire]

How do you know that you just aren't assuming that they are selfish ? They could be giving and caring, but because they don't meet one of your preconceived notions of friendship, or follow Femme's step-by-step book of what is right they get misclassified. It seems that you may be a little inflexible when dealing with people, which in itself could be perceived as being selfish...



Exactly, well put with the philanthropist analogy...

Because caring people act upon that emotion. They can't help it. I am that way. I don't expect EVERYBODY to be that way at all. But I know that somewhere someone out there lie that exists. I know that in my circle, I want those kinds of people. Doesn't make sense for me to closely involve myself with those who cannot reciprocate at the very least, the sentiment.

And yes it does limit my private circle. But that has always been ok with me. My family had always been limited because people didn't want to be friends with Haitians. We learned to rely on each other even when we were kind and gave to those who disliked us.

I am lucky that I found a friend who is on the same page with that. I know that I'd be incredibly blessed to find a man of that caliber.

 

[big enos burrnet]

I WHOULD HELP KNOWING THATS SHE IS IN GOOD STANDINGS TO PAY A BROTHA-BACK,,IF NOT JUST USE THE WORD NO,,ASK THAT N-WORD U ARE DATING TO HELP U OUT, IF NOT THEN SHE IS ON HER OWN,,ITS EITHER ONE OR THE OTHER U SHOULDNT HAV TO SOLVE SOMEBODY ELSE PROBLEM..

 

[SWATLANTA]

Because caring people act upon that emotion. They can't help it. I am that way. I don't expect EVERYBODY to be that way at all. But I know that somewhere someone out there lie that exists. I know that in my circle, I want those kinds of people. Doesn't make sense for me to closely involve myself with those who cannot reciprocate at the very least, the sentiment.

And yes it does limit my private circle. But that has always been ok with me. My family had always been limited because people didn't want to be friends with Haitians. We learned to rely on each other even when we were kind and gave to those who disliked us.

I am lucky that I found a friend who is on the same page with that. I know that I'd be incredibly blessed to find a man of that caliber.

I disagree about only caring people acting upon emotion, a lot of (most) crazy people act upon emotion because they can't help it. I do understand you maintaining a private circle. I do the same, but I am also starting to realize that I need to broaden my views regarding people, because my closed circle won't allow me to grow as an individual.

 

[Chicutie]

I WHOULD HELP KNOWING THATS SHE IS IN GOOD STANDINGS TO PAY A BROTHA-BACK,,IF NOT JUST USE THE WORD NO,,ASK THAT N-WORD U ARE DATING TO HELP U OUT, IF NOT THEN SHE IS ON HER OWN,,ITS EITHER ONE OR THE OTHER U SHOULDNT HAV TO SOLVE SOMEBODY ELSE PROBLEM..

C/s

 

[Cleopatra_J]

not trying to be funny...

you do not come out of pocket for anyone that's not wife or wearing a ring soon to become wife.....

why?

because then it becomes expected of you to dig into your pockets whenever she needs anything, and will become an issue when you can't.

money destroys relationships. believe it now, or deal with the consequences later. even simple "friendships"....you see what most of these court tv show cases are about don't you.....

so she shouldn't be asking you or her boyfriend (especially not you if she has a boyfriend, that's a smack in the face.) she needs to ask family....

better yet it seems she's living outside her means....

Me personally, I wouldn't have asked the dude I had been dating for 4 months for the cash... That's just me... But if he asked me how my day was, i wouldn't hide that I was hurting. It's not always about living outside your means, sometimes shit happens.

I do think that when people are struggling, those that are close to them can see it... and some do offer. I have friends that don't ask, but if I know they workin hard and need help, I'll offer. Because thats what friends do, real friends at least. My ex is like the only man I ever borrowed money from, and if he needed me I was there to lend it to him, even after we broke up and remained friends. If i'm up and you down, what kinda person would i be to sit back and watch you struggle???? I'm not going to pay for you to go to red lobster, but if ya car in the shop and you need to get it out.. I'm here...

And its not fair to say that people should always rely on family. I know that if needed cash most of my immediate family could do nothing for me. I'm doing slightly better than them, but no one can anticipate hard times.

 

[Adam Knows]

Me personally, I wouldn't have asked the dude I had been dating for 4 months for the cash... That's just me... But if he asked me how my day was, i wouldn't hide that I was hurting. It's not always about living outside your means, sometimes shit happens.

I do think that when people are struggling, those that are close to them can see it... and some do offer. I have friends that don't ask, but if I know they workin hard and need help, I'll offer. Because thats what friends do, real friends at least. My ex is like the only man I ever borrowed money from, and if he needed me I was there to lend it to him, even after we broke up and remained friends. If i'm up and you down, what kinda person would i be to sit back and watch you struggle???? I'm not going to pay for you to go to red lobster, but if ya car in the shop and you need to get it out.. I'm here...

And its not fair to say that people should always rely on family. I know that if needed cash most of my immediate family could do nothing for me. I'm doing slightly better than them, but no one can anticipate hard times.

one thing many people need to learn how to do is to "put away for a rainy day"...that has nothing to do with the author's friend...if i remember she's just short on money and can't pay for frivolous things (cellphone bill) . your always at one point or another going to have a "financial crisis" and should be prepared.

i guess i'm just one that strongly believes in independence in all aspects of it. doing the simplest things will prevent/aid misfortunes........ you can't live with the concept of the next man is always going to help you, because he is not.

 

[Harbinger]

This situation varies from man to man. A lot of it depends on how bad he wants you. It is my opinion if you ask a man for something and he says no, you are not important to him. Now you should never asking for money on a regular basis. Once he knows what your bills are and also knows that you are having problems paying them, he should volunteer.

My brother went on a cruise last week and told me that he and his wife had a great time. He told me that I should go on a cruise. I called a friend of mine who like to travel and this is how the conversation went.

ME: I talked to my brother the other day and he said that he had a great time on a cruise. I'm thinking about going on one.

Him: Yes they are great. It is time for me to take another one. Can I go with you.

Me: Maybe

Him: Where would you like to go?

Me: Jamaica or the Bahamas.

Him: You go with me and I will pay.

Me: OK

Him: Do you want a 3, 4, or 7 day cruise.

Me: 7 days

Him: I can only get one cabin.

Me: Well get 2 beds.

Him: I will look. Oh yeah, and if you want any gifts you will have to buy them yourself.

Now this man volunteered, but I knew when I said 2 beds the money train was going to stop.

I think everyone knows that this man is not just a friend. Also, there is quite a bit of manipulation going on here. This is the type of mindset that gets women in trouble with men who are better at this game than they are.

Sad.

 

[UnoBetter2]

Where did you get that from? I said friend, family member or lover. That could be a male or female.

Women this is proof that men who vehemently hate women, especially black women, only read what they want to read and hear what they want to hear to support their hatred towards us.



Well my best friend and I talk about that all the time. We are very independent and self-sufficient. If I'm in trouble, I don't even have to ask. Same with my family. So I expect the same in the man that I'm close with and sharing my body with. It has NOTHING to do with money. If I'm sick or feeling under the weather, I may need a ride to the pharmacist. I shouldn't have to ask if you see me keeling over.

A good person, a caring person would automatically ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" or say "Let me know if you need anything."[/QUOTE]

SPEAK GIRRRRL, SPEAK!!

 

[UnoBetter2]

You're not a true friend , because if you were , you would have given her the money straight away.
I always find myself in a similar situation as yours, except my friend has been going out with this dude for almost two years, and yet everytime she needs financial help , im the first person she asks for help. last time she needed a huge sum of money , she asked me, but i was not able to give her the full amount , so i suggested she asked her man , but she was against it . I never asked her why she was against it. I did manage to lend her half the money she needed though,and we talked the person she owed money into giving her more time to come out with the rest.

So i 'd suggest , you help you lil friend out if you really value her friendship. She is not taking advantage of you , trust me .

I just dont get it how can you sleep with someone that does'nt think your valuable enough to help when in need. At first I thought she was just tryin to front for this ninja tryin to make it look like she got it all together but, then latter I found out she actually ask and he made this silly azz comment sayin "those are your bills". This prick is dam near spendin every night at her crib, eatin, fartin, and shittin and he cant pay a cell phone bill. I sorry but fuck that!!! I paid the fuckin bill, put in on my AM-EX corporate card but fuck I just dont understand!! I mean I care about her and all but I aint gettin no puzzy so why should I pay for this ninja to fuck and get sucked on my dollar. I just feel like this is a good sign as to the kind of man he is and that she should drop his azz before it gets worse.