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BREAKING: Trump Administration Appears to Blame Obama for Photosynthesis After Reflecting Pool Turns Green Again
In what may be the most ambitious attempt yet to wage war against basic biology, the Trump administration is reportedly blaming Barack Obama for the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool turning green after a $14 million renovation.
Yes, really.
Just days after the newly refurbished Reflecting Pool was unveiled as part of Donald Trump's patriotic makeover of Washington, the familiar green algae returned, apparently unaware that it was supposed to respect the president's construction budget.
The pool was expected to sparkle in what Trump described as a glorious new era of American greatness.
Instead, Mother Nature responded with photosynthesis.
According to administration officials, however, the real culprit may somehow be Barack Obama.
Because apparently the former president not only controls the weather, gas prices, hurricanes, and Taylor Swift, but now algae too.
Interior Department officials insisted that advanced "nanobubbler technology" is successfully killing the algae bloom and suggested previous administrations failed to properly maintain the pool.
Translation:
The pool turned green.
But somehow that's Obama's fault.
Scientists have not yet determined whether Obama personally instructed microscopic algae to launch an attack on Trump's reflecting pool. Investigators are also reportedly exploring whether chlorophyll, sunlight, and photosynthesis are part of a broader deep-state conspiracy.
Experts remain skeptical.
The administration spent approximately $1.7 million on a new ozone nanobubbler system designed to keep algae under control. Unfortunately for the White House, algae appears to have missed the press release announcing its defeat.
Within days of reopening, green growth returned.
Normal people might conclude that algae is a natural occurrence in large outdoor bodies of water.
Washington, however, is not populated entirely by normal people.
Instead, officials offered explanations that sounded suspiciously like someone trying to explain why a luxury yacht sank after announcing it was unsinkable.
Communications officials described the algae bloom as part of the "normal start-up process."
Which raises an obvious question:
If it's normal, why is Obama being blamed for it?
The administration's logic appears to be that the algae is dead, dying, dormant, sleeping, vacuumed, defeated, conquered, and simultaneously still floating around for everyone to see.
It's a remarkable achievement in both biology and public relations.
Meanwhile, Trump is already promoting the Reflecting Pool as a centerpiece of his upcoming July Fourth celebration, where military bands, patriotic performances, and Trump's personal playlist are expected to take center stage.
Nothing says "America First" quite like holding a victory rally next to a giant puddle currently engaged in a public dispute with photosynthesis.
The irony is that the Reflecting Pool has struggled with algae, leaks, and maintenance issues for decades under administrations of both parties.
But only in modern Washington could a naturally occurring algae bloom somehow become Barack Obama's fault nearly a decade after he left office.
At this rate, if the pool develops a mosquito problem, expect a congressional investigation into Obama-era insects.
And if the grass around the Lincoln Memorial grows too fast?
The Trump administration may have no choice but to declare war on photosynthesis itself.
After all, sunlight has been suspiciously woke for years.
