Sweet "Homeless" Chicago O'Hare airport is now a breakdancing shelter!!

[Thegooch]

After leaving lovely Philadelphia, me and mom had a 24 Hr layover in Chicago O'Hare Airport.

We arrived to find a lovely surprise when we decided to spend some time discovering in Americas 3rd largest airport.

I had to make sure we didn't book the red eye Twilight Zone flight. Because when we left the TSA gate it was as if a little of Kensington followed us (how did they run that fast or did they stowaway) to the Airport......

we were greeted by a new form of breakdancing/sleeping called Trespassing.

I stopped to ask someone why all the freestyle dancing was talking place and a lady told me the Supreme Empress of the Galaxy Lightfoot ordered this by decree.

She and her wife

the whtye Alien with no name were trying to save Chicago but were having problems with all the breakdancers finding a home to breakdance.

I really wasn't prepared for a breakdancing battle but since I was in Chicago I knew some fellow BGOL members who might help me with these breakdancers all over the Airport.

I texted @shaddyvillethug to see if he wasn't busy doing credit card scams and slutting welfare moms, to see if he could help with the problem. While I waited to hear back I sent mom to check on our baggage and waited for Shaddy to hit me back.

O'Hare breakdancing crews.....

Supreme Leader at her Home World

 

[Piff Henderson]

That's what happens in a country that doesn't give a fuck about its cities, the homeless, or mental health.

 

[34real]

Where's the security and the police?


I been checked Chicago off of my list of places to visit but I won't ever take a layover there either,where you in competition with homeless people for a place to sit and the people that work there don't give a fuck.....nope,not,no,hell no

 

[ORIGINAL NATION]

America sells vacations in outer space. You cannot be threatened with homelessness if it does not exist.

 

[shaddyvillethug]

After leaving lovely Philadelphia, me and mom had a 24 Hr layover in Chicago O'Hare Airport.

We arrived to find a lovely surprise when we decided to spend some time discovering in Americas 3rd largest airport.

I had to make sure we didn't book the red eye Twilight Zone flight. Because when we left the TSA gate it was as if a little of Kensington followed us (how did they run that fast or did they stowaway) to the Airport......

we were greeted by a new form of breakdancing/sleeping called Trespassing.

I stopped to ask someone why all the freestyle dancing was talking place and a lady told me the Supreme Empress of the Galaxy Lightfoot ordered this by decree.

She and her wife

the whtye Alien with no name were trying to save Chicago but were having problems with all the breakdancers finding a home to breakdance.

I really wasn't prepared for a breakdancing battle but since I was in Chicago I knew some fellow BGOL members who might help me with these breakdancers all over the Airport.

I texted @shaddyvillethug to see if he wasn't busy doing credit card scams and slutting welfare moms, to see if he could help with the problem. While I waited to hear back I sent mom to check on our baggage and waited for Shaddy to hit me back.

O'Hare breakdancing crews.....

Supreme Leader at her Home World

Son my phone was dead All day

 

[tallblacknyc]

Should I pray for chi nigs if Obama dosent?

 

[ZuluSam]

It’s fucking Chicago bitch. I guess she’d rather that humans freeze to death outside so she doesn’t have to see them.
On a side note, the wait for an inmate in Texas to go to the mental health hospital is four years.

 

[Biggillanoyz]

Only a fool would think that this is just an issue in Chicago and not just about every other major airport too.

New York


Atlanta


Los Angeles


Philadelphia

 

[ZuluSam]

Not Houston. But it’s not freezing cold half the year. They just posting up in tents under the overpasses.

 

[Thegooch]

Only a fool would think that this is just an issue in Chicago and not just about every other major airport too.

New York


Atlanta


Los Angeles


Philadelphia

Cool, good to know we could get some cross city battles going. My guardian angel in Phllly (Rockie) would love to put a crew together. $5 dollars, some contraband and way to the battle is all he needs.

Atlanta has no shortage of dancers. Unless you are talking strippers in the airport (ATL, I got you beat) the other people who like to dance in the city would violate HNICs terms of service. So we probably gotta rule out Atlanta.

LAs skid row may require gas mask and hazard suits

People already think I got a NYC bias. No need to shit on a place that already has all them rats and roaches. They have enough to deal with.

Would you like to sponsor a team for a battle?

 

[34real]

If I ever become homeless I know where to go...the airport,damn I would of never figured but I do remember the bus station used to be full of em but I guess it's now the airport.

 

[bham_brotha]

They deaded that at Hartsfield a while ago.

 

[Deezz]

Damn

They gots to get out of the airport. Just a public safety issue!

Some wild shit!

 

[Biggillanoyz]

Cool, good to know we could get some cross city battles going. My guardian angel in Phllly (Rockie) would love to put a crew together. $5 dollars, some contraband and way to the battle is all he needs.

Atlanta has no shortage of dancers. Unless you are talking strippers in the airport (ATL, I got you beat) the other people who like to dance in the city would violate HNICs terms of service. So we probably gotta rule out Atlanta.

LAs skid row may require gas mask and hazard suits

People already think I got a NYC bias. No need to shit on a place that already has all them rats and roaches. They have enough to deal with.

Would you like to sponsor a team for a battle?

Naw. You're on your own with this one. Good luck with your Bum Breakin Battles

 

[Thegooch]

America sells vacations in outer space. You cannot be threatened with homelessness if it does not exist.

Hmmm....Homeless people in space. The piss jokes would be priceless. Don't give me ideas.

 

[ORIGINAL NATION]

Hmmm....Homeless people in space. The piss jokes would be priceless. Don't give me ideas.

No really I was talking about multi millionaires have been taking vacations in outer space for around 20 years or more. For some reason they were showing it on news around 20 years ago then they started naming the ones that were going but they never said when they would return or interview anyone when they came back. It is like an experiment they were doing on the minds of the masses. Now they talk about it as a future thing. Elon Musk claims they will have a colony on mars by 2050. What the fuck do he really knows that we do not know? And they are not telling us. Strange shit because they have actually been sending seek and destroy missions out there for a while.
Every since whites came out of the caves and said we can overthrow God (blacks) we have witnessed a complete destruction of the black man (God), It was not a lie back then and it is not a lie now.
But for America to have such a homeless problem it seems we paid them to create this and keep it growing. If I work a job and do not do well then I get fired. But we pay taxes to be pimped like Jim Jones was pimping his followers in the CIA experiment called Jonestown. Something that must have happened thousands of years ago in order for the earth to be taken from blacks and devils dominate and kill us and all we inherit is hell.

 

[Thegooch]

Time was ticking and I still had not heard from Shaddy. I called the nigga and the shit went straight to voicemail. Go figure. Must be scheming hoes for EBT money.

Time was of the essence because by the decree of the Supreme Empress, I had to learn how break dance or ELSE. Hope she doesn't feed me to that wife of hers.

I was really bummed because the Supreme Empress doesnt play either. Did you hear what she did to the Bears for sucking so bad? She banished them to place in the Arlington system
and now they have to suck on a whole other planet.

Cool moon base tho

I guess I was on my own for now. While sitting in an airport bar, I started to smell a pungent aroma that would define my time in O'Hare.

Pissy Pants Pete (PPP) was the breakdancing champion of O'Hare. He and his right hand man "Homeless" Dan were a core of a breakdancing group called the Loners.

Pissy Pants caught wind that I needed help learning moves and that he could be of assistance. He said he used to be a homeless person inside of Soilder Field until the Supreme leader landed her spaceship on top of it in 2001...

..... and he wanted to stop her from opening some type of space portal with her final plans......

Pissy Pants told me he was an ex Jabberwocky (w/issues) and he his crew could help me with my problems

PPP ordered Dan to "show me some moves" and Dan started to pop lock like a robot from the 80:s

......Another member named Tweak showed me is go to move the Crackhead...



...one member named Bo weevil showed me how to do The Bo weevil......

... Drunk Dwyane showed me how to do the Subway.....

.....Then Homeless Dan did the cocaine .......

... ..and by that time I had enough. The smell was starting to burn my nostrils and I had learned enough moves for now.

This was all becoming a lil too much for me to handle. Aliens in shit is not what I anticipated when I got off the plane. I wanted to look for mom and told the guys I would find them later if I needed anymore moves.

I gave them some of my spare change and headed back to baggage claim to see how mom was doing with the luggage.

 

[doe moe]

Black folks living in airports but immigrants get free housing and welfare benefits.

 

[Coldchi]

they got the best house on the block.....................rent free.

 

[Thegooch]

.....it was time to find mum at the baggage exchange. It didn't take long for me to find her because she was decked out, head to toe, in Louis Vuitton and had acquired a new set of luggage that I had not seen before .

I asked mum if she aquired her new found designer gear by boosting luggage from the baggage claim or did she buy some stolen credit cards while she was in Philly.

She said a little of both (like WTF duz that mean?) and was told to shut up and stop questioning her like a Fed because she was my mom.

I told her I needed to learn some moves because the Supreme Empress was coming to the airport to judge the "Battle of the Benches". All the Breakdancing crews in the airport were gonna have to battle for the rights to sleep in the best spots in the airport.

The Loners needed help winning the battle and I needed help not being fed to the Whyte Alien. If they lost they could be banished to the Arlington system with the Sucky Bears. I don't know whats worse, being fed to aliens or being stuck in Arlington with Stinky Sucky Bears but I dont want to find out.

I asked if she had any ideas that could help and she told me she wasn't gonna get her Louis Vuitton dirty doing any goddamn Breakdancing and she had booked at first class flight to LA to go shopping.

She told me good luck dirty dancing with derelicts. She couldn't take the chance of getting the piss smell in her new clothes before her flight and that I was on my own.

Great, mom's off to LA and I got figure out how to help the Loners win the Battle of the Benches and not be alien chop suey.

I was still waiting on Shaddy to hit me back. His phone was still dead and I figured his unreliable ass was going to be realiable at being unrealible.

Maybe an angery welfare/baby mom had smashed his phone and he was at Cricket getting a new one or something. I dunno. Shaddy gone be Shaddy.

I guess was on my own and needed to find the Loners to prepare for the Battle. Time was ticking and the Supreme Empress waits for no one.....

 

[Z MONSTER]

Where's the security and the police?


I been checked Chicago off of my list of places to visit but I won't ever take a layover there either,where you in competition with homeless people for a place to sit and the people that work there don't give a fuck.....nope,not,no,hell no

Raleigh-Durham airport you can't go past the lobby if you don't have a ticket. Only passengers are allowed in the waiting area by the gates. If you're in the lobby soliciting or sleeping you will be told to leave. Never seen a homeless person there.

 

[Thegooch]

.... The Empress is coming...

 

[Thegooch]

Whats day is it? Where am I?

Wheres mom? Why am I looking at a Chinese building right now?

Sorry guys. Just got out of the Empress's space ship.

Its really nice in there. Got Maybach interior with Corinthian leather in shit. Spa and Basketball court. But on the outside it looks like a small Volkswagen Beetle. Go figure.

Let me explain how all this shit happened.

From what I remember, it was time to prepare for the Battle of the Benches. Everyone was practicing their best moves all over the airport.

Trespassing/Breakdancing was at an all time high....

... get down... Its ya birthday!!!!

Everyone was practicing their moves. And Pissy Pants Pete and the Loners were no exception.

Pete was especially spry this afternoon because he took an illegal shot of Narcan this morning that he saved for special occasions like this.



He told me he had some extra left over and was nice enough to ask me if I wanted some. I politely declined, telling him about my allergy to needles. Ahhh choo!!

I didn't know what to expect from the Battle of the Benches. I just wanted to see the Loners win and not be banished from the Airport by the Supreme Empress.



The time had finally arrived and the Empress mighty ship landed on top of the Gate EE Starbucks.

Chicago parking is very high, does she have to pay by the hour? Is that taxpayers money?

The Empress arrived with the Whyte Alien and they finally took their place to judge the dance competition of all dance competitions........

 

[Thegooch]

I finally got a text from Shaddy.....

312-362-3299
Help is on the way. Later

WTF does that mean Shaddy.? You could have just told me you were dodging child support ppwk and warrants for the same shit.

This dude....next time I come to this place. Mannnn.... Aliens and fucking breakdancers..... Fuck this place right now.... Fuck Shaddy too!!

 

[Thegooch]

We gotta end this Pissy Pants.......

The time had finally come. The battle we all been waiting for.

The Break dance crews had to assemble and get ready to perform for the Empress.

After she and her Alien wife shared refreshing a Starbucks Iced Frappachino, they took their place to observe the dance battle of the ages.

After all the dance training I was mentally exhausted. I could barely stay awake. But Sensei like Pissy Pants, helped me stay mentally altert with his smelling salts like body odor.

Everytime I wanted to give up "Sensei Smelly" would keep me woke with an essence I can still smell to this day.

Battle for the Benches.......

4 Break Dance Crews would battle for the privilege to sleep in luxury for eternity or until CPD finally got their act together (another eternity).

Including the Loners, the other crews were....

The Homeless Hipsters....

.... but they were known for being too doped up to complete....

.....next up was the LAY-Z Mutherfuckers....

...... but they were known for not being the most entertaining group....

...not to be forgotten was the Stank Hoes. Former street prostitutes who sold pussy in the Airport bathrooms......

.....But they were too busy making money to be bothered with a dance show right now....


.....and the Loners rival crew The Funkmasters. They were the real comp and Pissy Pants was jealous of their crew leader Funk Master Franko for being the smelliest man in Chicago.....

.....he could breakdance and salsa with the best of them. He had a smell so pungent that he made Pigpen from Charle Brown smell like Creed.

"Whats up smelly burrito" Pissy yelled at Franko. "Nothing much you left over Chop Suey" Frank chriped back. Tensions were already high and these two weren't making things better. I was a bag of nerves and threw up before the competition. But I think that was from the smell of rotten eggs and piss, but I digres.....

The Empress was growing tired and was ready for her performance. She and the Wife had front row tickets (thanks Oprah) to go see Hamilton that night and didn't what to carry the smell of the participants to the Opera. Whatta nice mayor, garbage juice odor and caviar probably dont mix well.

The crews were finally ready to go and the stage was finally set.

First up was the Funkmasters because they won a coin flip and wanted to set the tone.

Franko gathered his crew to get down, the music started to play..... then the sound of thunder started to errupt and I immediately knew something was terriblely wrong........

 

[Thegooch]

All hell had broken lose and Funk Master Franko no longer had half his body...

he was doinh the Shopping Cart Tango when a lighting bolt took his head and his body clean off. Unfortunately his legs didn't get the message and were still on Hammer Time after it happened.

I looked up at the Empress because I thought that Franko had done something to upset her Universal Glory....


...... But my surprise the Whyte Alien who I thought was her wife decided to eat her wife like hors d'oeuvres ......

Oh the humanity........

I look at Pissy and say......."We gotta do something about this Pissy Pants".....

Pissy Pants yells at the Whyte Alien.... Why have you done this, have we not appeased you......

The Whyte Alien made a loud burping noise and laughed, then proceeded to
not give a fuck like............

..... Whuuuuaat are you gonna do bitches.... The Whyte Alien proceed to say in some Alien language of sorts......


I was scared shitless and but I knew something had to be done....

We gotta end this Pissy.......

...... Pissy in the face of all this had a plan.... It wasn't pretty but it had to be done.....

Pissy Pants Performance.......

Pissy Pants had been waiting for this moment since those two Aliens made him leave Soilder Field.

Pissy started to Pee like no man peed before. He stole Frankos shopping cart and proceeded to pee slide into a light poll knocking it down.

Was hit by a few lightening bolts but managed to be insulated by piss and the rubber wheels on the cart.

Luckily, the Poll was connected to a lifesized 1/20 display Sears Tower that swung fast enough to hit the Whyte Alien in her stomach to knock the Supreme Empress out and while knocking the Whyte Alien out.

Finally a text arrived. It was from Shaddy. It read, look outside.......

I looked outside and saw another ship that said...


CHICAGO BULLS

To my surprise Demar Derosen come floating out gives an angelic smile and beemed the Empress and the Whyte Alien in his ship.

You had to see this to believe this.... or at least be on some shrooms. Demars left the thought in my head hecwas taking them somewhere they would be same from harm and that was that.

He takes off and was gone in an instant .

I looked at Pissy Pant and asked WTF just happened?? He says he doesn't know but he was just happy Franko got his head blown off so he could get his favorite bench back. I agreed and asked Pissy if he could figure how I could get home now.

He told me to take the spaceship dummy. I said what spaceship, he said that one on top of Starbucks. He was right, the Empress left behind her/his/its/x spaceship.

Looks like I was going home in luxury. But before I could tell Pissy goodnight, I heard a voice in Russian say.

Derre he izz!!!


Come to find out Mom had a little more than new luggage and clothes. Her crazy ass stole credit cards from Victor and luggage at the Airport that belongs Russian mob.

I jumped in the spaceship and it was time to ditch this place. But not before telling the Russians to go fuck themselves. Because how the fuck are you gonna find me in a spaceship bitches? LOL!!

I guess I will head to LA to go find mom before the Russian mob catches up with her.

See you later Chicago. Thanks Shaddy. Sleep well Pissy.

 

[Thegooch]

Chicago Memories

Dave West

You prolly wanna fuck??

Santy Claus

Brakedance Lance

Pissy Pants