My dabble into Fantasy Writing: The Shield Of the Gods

carsun1000

Rising Star
BGOL Patreon Investor
Been playing with idea for a while. Read a lot of fantasy novels (George RR Martin mostly for context and understanding of the old world). I'm thinking 3 books if it pans out. I would prefer it as a movie script but I don't have time for developing three possible books to three possible movies. Especially if I'm unknown as is the case, have a main 9-5, and live outside Continental United States. . I used to use scrivener but I'm looking for something better if I decide to go the screen way.

I also had an idea about writing National Security II (amongst many others) with Martin Lawrence and Steve Zahn back as main characters but life happened and that took the back burner for now. I still have the story in my head.

For those that write on this board, not sure how you do yours. I play with a very loose storyline which allows to make changes as I go.

I also have 3 other finished manuscripts (Thriller/Suspense) THE STOLEN LIFE (set in Leesville, Louisiana), THE STOLEN EYES, and THE STOLEN BOOK (Both set in Colorado Springs, Colorado)

In the works: THE STOLEN SISTER (set in Colorado and Mexico), QUEEN of THE DESERT (set in Washington D,C and Baghdad)



THE SHIELD OF THE GODS​
BOOK I: The Coming of Queen Aggada

OUTLINE:
  • The good King Tulley dies after healer failed to cure his stomach ailment (poisoning). Dry lips, withering skin, IBS.
  • The council with the help of council member Farlow, the queen's lover and adviser, quickly installed Queen Agadda as the next ruler of the Berallin Kingdom as the king only had twin teenage daughters and no son.
  • Hardship was felt in the Berallin kingdom for the next twelve moons under Queen Agadda. More taxes imposed, land seized. More men from the villages across the kingdom forced to join the queen's army, daughters of villagers as young as fifteen forced to marry council members and army generals.
  • The palace's seer Charmytis, saw an unrest brewing in his dreams and warns Lord Farlow. Farlow then warns the queen of the seer's vision.
  • Queen Agadda makes a trip deep in the south end of her kingdom to meet Darram the rejected (was once Charmytis’ Lord) who tells the queen that the only way Berallin would win the war brewing in adjacent kingdoms is with the help of her twin daughters who Darram could transform to the most powerful of all with Tarinia controlling the land with giant wolves and Dacinia controlling the skies with giant eagles.
  • Queen Agadda was reluctant but allowed her two daughters to stay with Darram for one winter period. Old Darram transfers his two special powers to Tarinia and Dacinia by sleeping with the sisters.
  • He warned the queen that this sacrifice would come at a steep price as the twins would age at the height of their power but will continue to be powerful as they aged. The queen was willing to accept this risk to protect her kingdom. No marriage for the twins.
  • As Berallin prepares for war and to test their newly acquired powers, Tarinia and Dacinia attack the kingdom of Follot whose king (Pandell) was a cousin of king Tulley and enslave the whole kingdom for Berallin’s war needs. Follot is rich in minerals such as ore, emerald.
  • As the news of the attack on Follot reaches other kingdoms far and near of Berallin, seers Halden from the Watertown kingdom (Blue Stone), Barrinas from the Woodland kingdom (Red Stone), Krystas from the Bonedust kingdom (Green Stone), and Letaban (woman) from the Tallers' kingdom (Clear Stone) began to see the same vision as though the four kingdoms must come together to defeat the evil twin queens. A special power is revealed to each of the four seers in each stone previously hidden in their respective kingdoms and they must come together to forge a shield that will be carried by a virgin boy who must come from one of the four kingdoms.
  • Each king (King Erthan from Watertown kingdom, King Gunnigert from Woodland Kingdom, King Shnykis from Bonedust Kingdom, and King Babhert from Tallers’ Kingdom) from the four kingdoms put forward their best soldier to compete to carry the shield once forged. But none of the four soldiers could complete the tasks laid out by the four seers. The next contest will be two moons later where commoners could compete. It wasn’t until then that an eighteen year old boy from the Watertown kingdom began to appear to the seers in their dream.
  • Dymohs the fisherman came to light when he went fishing with his younger sister one morning and she accidentally fell over the boat as they struggled to rein in a net. As Dymohs dove deep in the river to save his sister, a spirit in the form of a sea snake appeared to Dymohs and wrapped itself around his arm, leaving an imprint on his right wrist. The spirit later known as Gingus was the roaming spirit of King Tulley who was looking for a worthy opponent of the old queen and the new queens.
  • Dymohs was empowered with skills and reasoning abilities unparalleled to any other general in the four true kingdoms. At the next contest of the four Kingdom Dymohs participated in the events and came out victorious half a day earlier than all other contenders.
  • At the gathering for the seeker of the shield carrier in Watertown was a man who had portrayed himself as a trader of imported textile. The man, Tyllon Krinos was no other than the long-lost cousin of Queen Agadda. Tyllon enquired about the reason for the gathering, and he was told by one happy villager that the kingdoms just found their savior in Dymohs who will lead the armies of the four kingdoms against the twin queens.
  • As Dymohs was proclaimed the winner of the contest, the second contender to complete the task was Sistania, the daughter of an Army commander from the Tallers’ Kingdom.
  • It was then decreed that Dymohs and Sistania will lead the true kingdoms in the quest to defeat the evil twins. Dymohs accepted the help. He will fight the war against the giant wolves and Sistenia will fight the war against the giant eagles.

  • BOOK II: The Coming of Dymohs and Sistania

  • After the decimation of Follot and the surrendering of its king to Berallin, mother queen is now confident that her daughters can win any war. This also means that Darram was no longer needed. The queen plots to have him killed. But Darram saw this coming a mile away and defected the forest for an unknown location. Darram spent time 20 days in the forest wilderness where on the last night he had a change of heart. But it’s too late to reverse his actions. The only option left was for him to side with the four true Kingdoms, if they would take him.
  • Tyllon Krinos unsuspiciously leaves Watertown for Gretzyn where he sought an audience with the Queen. On his third attempt, he succeeded at meeting his cousin whom he told of what he witnessed in Watertown.
  • Upon learning of the boy called Dymohs, the queen directed his daughters to lead a pre-emptive war on Watertown. This war quickly became the war of the four kingdoms with the Tallers using trees trunks as lances to down the giant eagles (Sistenia), Bonedust warriors using poisonous bonedust tipped arrows to attack the giant wolves, watertown warriors using poisonous water in gourds launched from catapults on the queen’s land warriors which eroded their armor (Dymohs) and allowed woodland warriors to use their spikes to take out the weakened land warriors.
  • So ensued the war of the 40 days and 40 nights. As the four kingdoms battled the Berallian armies, Charmytis power rises and

  • To be continued…..
Book III: The Forging of the Shield and The Four True Kingdoms' War for The Future



Excerpt:

THE CONSPIRACY AT THE PEWS

Queen Agadda just made it to the hallway that led to the small chapel at the east gate of the court when she turned around and faced her guards and chambermaid.
“Wait for me here,” she said with a stern voice. “I need a moment with the Lord. Even though Assalyn, the healer from Follot is highly regarded as a master of his craft, my prayers to our dear Lord and Savior would not hurt.”
“Your Majesty,” protested the guard commander, “We’re to be by your side at all times,”
“Commander Dillion, I understand the task you’ve been given by Commander Willard of the Council of Elders,” Queen Agadda said, approaching one of the most skillful protectors of the royal family. He dared not look at her even though he could feel her closeness to him. “However, a moment with the Lord would not hurt our cause now, don’t you think?”
“Yes, my queen. Please forgive me,” Commander Dillion said with his head bowed.

The queen smiled at him and patted him on his shoulder. With that, she pulled on the small wooden side door that led to the court’s church, entered and pulled the door shut behind her. She quickly looked around for the figure sitting in the second row of pews to her right. The figure saw her looking for him and waived her over. As the queen approached the man, she looked around once again.
“The Bishop?” She asked, feeling nervous about her meeting with the man who could make the difference in her life and future.
“You need not worry about him.” the man said shifting over to his right to make room for the queen. “He’s gone to the marketplace to pass out bread to the needy. He asked me to lock up once I’m done praying. From what I’ve seen of him in the past, he won’t be back for a long time. He’s another of the king’s delegates and the people love keeping him busy with their requests to the king.”

“That doesn’t mean we should sit here and tarry or even be seen together for that matter.”
“I know, but we’ve agreed to meet here when we need to exchange information, my adorable queen,” the man said as he took the queen’s hands in his and kissed them softly.
“So, what important information do you have for me?” The queen asked, as she allowed the man to rub her hands and then rest his right hand on her thighs.
“Of the twelve elders on the council, I’ve been able to sway seven of them in your favor, my queen. It’s looking good for you. And soon enough we’ll find out if the gods are with us. And I think they are.”
“What did you promise the seven you’ve secured so far?” Queen Agadda asked.

“Three of them, all lords from Guvestin want all the lands and houses your husband gave to Lord Bekart of Upper Gretzyn. They also want the docks and shipyard under his care which they consider strategic if your plan to attack other villages and kingdoms was to happen in the near future. I think if they can guarantee your selection then we can deal with Lord Bekart as we deem fit. A dead king shall not protect anyone I would assume.”
“What about the other elders? What do they want?”
“Lord Malkan of Terron wants you to guarantee that he could seize any land or lay claim any woman in his area if he so desires. He has his eyes set on the wife of a commoner in his borough, but he wouldn’t dare bring this forth to the King for sanctioning. With you, he thinks an arrangement could be made. He wants both the house and the wife.”

He slowed his roaming fingers to allow the queen to savor his art then continued.
“Lord Boorgia of Yarbon wants a one-time gift of fifty gold coins from every tax we collect from the commoners which means we would need to increase the taxes by fifty more golds on the people in all of the kingdom, especially if you plan on keeping our war coffer full. And Lord Commander Koslan of The Commanders’ Guard quarters wants a seat at the battle council for war decisions which can only happen if you can take all of the king’s trusted commanders off the high council and replace them with war hungry generals and commanders. I must tell you that Lord Koslan has one particular commander in mind he would like off the council. He sees the high council as a privilege and not a right and to him, this commander does not belong on the council.”

“Who does he want off the council?” The queen asked with a raspy voice as the man’s fingers were now roaming deeper under her garment.
“Commander Willard.” Lord Farlow moved closer to the queen as his breathing quickened. “They have history, he told me.”
“What kind of history do they have together?”
“I didn’t ask for the reason behind his hatred of Commander Willard, but whatever it is, we don’t need to know the reason, my Lady. But I can tell you that Lord Koslan is just as effective in planning battles and raids just as well as any of the king’s chosen ones. As I’ve said to you the last time we met, it’s time we brought the raids back. It’s time we found some kingdom to go to war against to continue to prove to the rest of the world that a change is coming. There ae several undiscovered lands around us that we need to take for the glory of Berallin and for the gods.”

The queen closed her eyes and savored what the man was doing. She seemed lost in what was going on under her garment. Not to say this was the first time this was happening, but the fact that it was happening in a place deemed sacred added to the tension she was feeling below her waist. She wiggled and moaned softly as the fingers explored her even further.
“Do you want me to stop?” The man asked.
She shook her head and said, “Tell me about the rest. I must know what I’ll be looking at once I become Queen of all of Berallin, and what I’m getting myself into.”

“Lord Artimon of the Great Hill sector wants a night with your beloved twins,” he said firmly, avoiding to look into the queen’s eyes as he revealed what was probably the most daunting request so far. But they both knew there was always a price to pain for their proposed change to the Berallin Kingdom.
Queen Agadda suddenly clasped her thighs around the man’s hand and stared at him, ignoring his wincing.
“Do not fret my lady, I told him that that will certainly not happen but that I’ll bring the matter up to you for a decision. At this point, he’ll entertain any suggestions you have if you want his vote.”
The queen slowly removed the roaming hand from underneath her garment and tidied up.
“Those two girls are barely seventeen years old,” she groaned. “They are still as pure as early morning water from the lake. I’m not sure I’m willing to go through with Lord Artimon’s offer. As a matter of fact, the twins won’t be part of any discussion.” Queen Agadda didn’t have to think long and hard about her twins. Just for any other royalties, children were always good for bargain for the good of the kingdom. They would be no exception and she would certainly not let a lord of the court deflower the girls and soil them, making it difficult for her and her council to offer them to the next prince or even king from the next kingdom.

“Do you have a counter offer then, my lady? Remember now, we would need all those seven votes to get the council to move in your favor. And since I want you to reach higher heights like you’ve never dreamt of, I could propose to him a discrete night with you instead. Mind you, my love, I’d love to keep you to myself but what’s at stake is worth the consideration.”
“What of Lord Bekart? Did you reach out to him as well? He certainly couldn’t have much honor to defend other than his name.”
“Your highness Lord Bekart is the hardest nut to crack of all council elders. He’s from the House of Tarhin. And in case you don’t know, the House of Tarhin was one of the settlers here when this great city was just a shanty village and the king revered that. In fact, he may be on to me since he’d already witnessed me talking to three of the lords at different times and places. I’ve always felt like he has eyes at the back of his head or that he could smell me yards away and wanted me to know that he knew what I was up to. Until I speak to the other elders, we should look into what the seven council members want in exchange for their votes. You must also know that King Tulley has some staunch loyalists on the council. They’ll expect one of them to be nominated to replace the king should he succumb to his illness.”

Queen Agadda walked to the two arched windows that faced the eastern wall of the castle. With nothing to look at except the perfectly laid stones which made up the high wall, the queen stood there and considered all the options presented to her by her most valuable member of the court. Although Lord Farlow was not on the Council of Elders as a voting member, he was the scribe to the council and knew of all that occurred at the meetings. If anyone was to be beheld within the king’s reign, it was Lord Farlow. He had valuable information about all of the king’s dealing and all the decisions reached by the Elders. He knew who was strong and who was weak.
He also knew which member of the council could be easily manipulated for his own benefit or the benefit of others who would in turn give him a gift or coins for working for them. Lord Farlow had approached the queen one day in the halls when the king was out hunting hogs with his party and she was receiving guests from Wellynt and offered to be the queen’s eyes and ears at the meetings, especially in matters regarding her home kingdom of Wellynt for a small reward of seeing the queen naked at least once in the month and at a place of his choosing. Queen Agadda accepted the offer and entertained the scribe, at least so it started until, she voluntarily added other steps to their arrangement which had intensified since the king took ill.

“I’d say yes to all the demands now, including Lord Artimon’s night with me, but none of these will see the light of the day if the king miraculously recovers from his illness. Especially if it was made known that the king was poisoned. I’m sure all the elders in the king’s corner will be looking to see who was responsible for this and they’ll bring that person to justice for all to see. No one attempts to kill Tulley the Merciful and get away with it.”
“Again, my queen, you need not concern yourself with this. I told you the night we applied the poison to the king’s drink that it would be hard for anyone to find out what was happening to the king. Not even the best healer across the oceans. No one has been able to treat something they can’t smell or judge by its color.” Lord Farlow noted as he stood up. “It’s safe to assume that the king won’t make it back from this. In a few days or a week at best, you’ll be on your way to being the Great Queen of Berallin. You must know how harmonious that title sounds my beautiful lady.”

The queen smiled at her lover and conspirator. It indeed sounded good to be called The Great Queen of Berallin. She would keep this title in mind and make it formal at her coronation.
“Thank you for all that you do, Lord Farlow. I wouldn’t even think of this possibility without you by my side.”
“You don’t need to thank me my queen. The throne of Berallin belongs to no one but you. You’re the only one with big enough shoes to fill them and that you will by the grace of the gods.”
With that, Lord Farlow headed toward the door behind the alter.
“I’ll lock this door after me. I must go show my face in the Great Hall for all to see,” he said before vanishing behind the double blood red velvet curtains.

The queen stood there and inhaled all that just happened. With little help from Lord Farlow, she was on her way to becoming the true queen and ruler Berallin. Not only the queen as the wife of a king, but a queen as the ruler of men and of cities and commander of battle groups. She quickly thought about her father, King Nurreng. She could not wait to invite him down to Gretzyn for her coronation. She had always wanted to impress him as his only daughter who fought for what she had become amongst five other boys. Soon enough the world would bow to her and call her Great Queen.
She smiled to herself, but saw the smile disappear when her gaze was set on the sculptured statue of the man crucified to a cross looking at her with his eyes piercing straight into her soul. She despised what the man on the cross stood for. She had only pretended to care because all of Gretzyn cared for this mere man on every seventh day.
She had attended the Cathedral of Saint Joseph but had never derived any pleasure in attending it wasn’t that the courts would frown upon her behavior and see her as a pagan. She looked at the statue with confidence this time and smiled. “Berallin will be mine whether you like it or not,” she whispered just a few feet away from the base of the carved statue.
 
DAYUM!!! I'd say your off to a great start. I've always suggested to wanna be book writers to work on an extensive and detailed outline first. And you've already done that.

Most wanna be writers don't actually write shit. Just talk about it. But you've actually started. And your stuff is good.

Don't be discouraged. A lot has changed in the books and movies world. Both for good and bad. Keep us (me) updated on your progress.

I'll be checking on you.
 
DAYUM!!! I'd say your off to a great start. I've always suggested to wanna be book writers to work on an extensive and detailed outline first. And you've already done that.

Most wanna be writers don't actually write shit. Just talk about it. But you've actually started. And your stuff is good.

Don't be discouraged. A lot has changed in the books and movies world. Both for good and bad. Keep us (me) updated on your progress.

I'll be checking on you.

Thanks, fam!. I'm chipping away at it every chance I get. I'll keep you(ya'll) posted.
 
DAYUM!!! I'd say your off to a great start. I've always suggested to wanna be book writers to work on an extensive and detailed outline first. And you've already done that.

Most wanna be writers don't actually write shit. Just talk about it. But you've actually started. And your stuff is good.

Don't be discouraged. A lot has changed in the books and movies world. Both for good and bad. Keep us (me) updated on your progress.

I'll be checking on you.
He mentioned George Martin. That has to be one of the most frustrating journeys since Robert Jordan’s ‘Wheel of Time’. Do you, be patient, map it out. The characters and the audience deserve it. In GOT everyone in the Sci-Fi communitty knew GRRM had no idea where the story was going bybthe time ‘Feast of Crows’ came out. At least Tolkien completed the story arc and went back for more material. George just punted and got that HBO money.
 
He mentioned George Martin. That has to be one of the most frustrating journeys since Robert Jordan’s ‘Wheel of Time’. Do you, be patient, map it out. The characters and the audience deserve it. In GOT everyone in the Sci-Fi communitty knew GRRM had no idea where the story was going bybthe time ‘Feast of Crows’ came out. At least Tolkien completed the story arc and went back for more material. George just punted and got that HBO money.
GRRM wasn't the easiest to read either. 15 pages of backdrop story before a dialogue!!! Very frustrating. most of my actions will come through the dialogues.
 
First of all, you nasty having them young girls fuckin for powers :lol:

Second, this is as good as anything ive read. Hire an agent. Let me know if you need help with that.
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: To get to the top is not easy. staying on top is even harder. something's gotta give. You actually read that...
 
Readings kinda my thing :lol:

I have a story where gorgons like Medusa turn men to stone, but its a euphemism for correcting erectile disfunction :lol:

Kinda like the Midas touch!!! Where homies dyck is ALWAYS hard or gets hard at the most embarrassing times. Like an Adam Sandler skit?
 
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: To get to the top is not easy. staying on top is even harder. something's gotta give. You actually read that...

We all did

If you deepen the dialogue in that church fingers scene?

You may have to go straight to adapt this for TV

You GOT SOMETHING HERE bro.

You gotta work on the character voices and distinctions, this thing already jumps off the page.

You hold attention well.
 
Fam I am not surprised...

I been heralding these brilliant brothers and a few sisters on here for many years

This has always been much more than folk realize.

Me, @godofwine and a few others were trying to get a writers thread going but nobody were interested. We would write a short story and the members would vote to see,who had the best story..This was around 2008 or 2009.
 
One more word of advice.

Don't post too much of your prepublished writing. When you're done copyright asap. It's easy for any of us to simply copy and paste what you've posted already and then rewrite some parts.

:lol:

Shit I might do it.
Bro he can copyright what hes got now.

He can also prove he submitted it for review and critique here.

So keep your greedy lil fangas off this man's fantasy porn.

I need to see if them gulls are freaks or not.
 
Bro he can copyright what hes got now.

He can also prove he submitted it for review and critique here.

So keep your greedy lil fangas off this man's fantasy porn.

I need to see if them gulls are freaks or not.

I've already done a poor man's copyright. I'm submitting it to the publishers and/or printers this afternoon. Even though I've been published three times and helped two others, I'm really not a great writer. He's definitely way more talented than I am. That's why I steal stuff like this.
 
More like for what dudes use viagra for :lol:

They come to town with a group of traveling elf strippers.

I could see that. The super elite have their own gorgon and they're treated like shyt. But then you have the ones that want nothing to do with that lifestyle and they live outside of towns that don't get tours from these groups, but dudes keep hunting them to cut a snake(s) off or a scale or even venom from them
 
I've already done a poor man's copyright. I'm submitting it to the publishers and/or printers this afternoon. Even though I've been published three times and helped two others, I'm really not a great writer. He's definitely way more talented than I am. That's why I steal stuff like this.

Yo that poor man's copyright doesn't work! You're talking about that mailing your shyt to yourself right?
 
I've already done a poor man's copyright. I'm submitting it to the publishers and/or printers this afternoon. Even though I've been published three times and helped two others, I'm really not a great writer. He's definitely way more talented than I am. That's why I steal stuff like this.

Copyright your written work, it only costs $60. It takes em a few months to finalize it after submission. Gone do that, cause you can at least shop your stuff around. Somebody MIGHT buy it.

The first thing i ever wrote as an adult got published immediately by Warner Aspect. But its not because i'm just that good, the editor of the book sought me out cause i can write action well, and none of the other stories were action oriented.

Its all about who you know. Warner sold their fantasy/sci fi imprint to Hatchette in 2006 and fired all of Warner's people. This is why you never saw any of my other stuff ever published. :crying:
 
Me, @godofwine and a few others were trying to get a writers thread going but nobody were interested. We would write a short story and the members would vote to see,who had the best story..This was around 2008 or 2009.

Bro...

Y'all were dropping some stuff so good you were unintentionally scaring dudes and actually demoralizing burgeoning writers.
 
One more word of advice.

Don't post too much of your prepublished writing. When you're done copyright asap. It's easy for any of us to simply copy and paste what you've posted already and then rewrite some parts.

:lol:

Shit I might do it.

Might?
 
One more word of advice.

Don't post too much of your prepublished writing. When you're done copyright asap. It's easy for any of us to simply copy and paste what you've posted already and then rewrite some parts.

:lol:

Shit I might do it.

:giggle: you might can, but it won't be the same.....but i see what you saying. Book I will be about 80 to 100 chapters. The excerpt posted is somewhere in the middle. But thanks for the advice...
 
Copyright your written work, it only costs $60. It takes em a few months to finalize it after submission. Gone do that, cause you can at least shop your stuff around. Somebody MIGHT buy it.

The first thing i ever wrote as an adult got published immediately by Warner Aspect. But its not because i'm just that good, the editor of the book sought me out cause i can write action well, and none of the other stories were action oriented.

Its all about who you know. Warner sold their fantasy/sci fi imprint to Hatchette in 2006 and fired all of Warner's people. This is why you never saw any of my other stuff ever published. :crying:

Bro?

That story right there novel?

Is script worthy.

We have never had a truly honest hour long drama about a fledgling or struggling modern writer and the challenges and disappointments of that life. And it would translate well to all demographics.

The hurdle is making the art of writing itself sexy to the audience who ALL think they can do it.
 
Bro?

That story right there novel?

Is script worthy.

We have never had a truly honest hour long drama about a fledgling or struggling modern writer and the challenges and disappointments of that life. And it would translate well to all demographics.

The hurdle is making the art of writing itself sexy to the audience who ALL think they can do it.
Maybe worth looking into.

To be honest, if i worked hard at it i coulda got some other company to publish my work. Its on me...not my contacts.

I was too busy publishing comic books and now making this movie.

I'll revisit it.
 
We all did

If you deepen the dialogue in that church fingers scene?

You may have to go straight to adapt this for TV

You GOT SOMETHING HERE bro.

You gotta work on the character voices and distinctions, this thing already jumps off the page.

You hold attention well.

Thanks. Good to hear this kind of feedback. and I really hope I can pull it off. Not too many brothers are involved in Fantasy writing or Sci-Fi. we need to represent. Show them that we have an equal imaginative mind.
 
Me too.

Just some comedic writing bro.

Yall writers are all so damn sensitive and serious.

That's why I don't really read people's stuff anymore like I used to.

:giggle:

Have you written anything before bro. Articles, books, scripts?
 
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