Struggling with life. How are you doing?

[Andros the magician]

For the last three years, I've struggled with many things. Depression, existence, sadness, anger, lifelong goals, and relationships.

At one point, I seriously thought of suicide. Clearly I backed out, but I thought about it.

I didn't plan it out, but I out myself in a position to act on it and I backed out.

My depression was high and constant. I tried all sorts of things. Tried seeing a few counselors with no luck. They gave me medication and nothing helped. I tried yoga and meditation. Nothing. I thought about comparing my life to others who are in tough situations and those that die everyday. Thinking that would give me appreciationbto live. Nope nothing. It wasnt that I didn't care or that I'm not grateful for what I have, I just felt or feel empty.

The crazy part is that I have a good career and make good money. I work in IT as a director and a project manager. Well I did, I lost my job recently and I've been hunting for something new. I used to have a strong desire to become a vice president of IT, but I no longer care. It seems like a pointless goal that's been causing me entirely too much internal conflict stress.

Finally, I came across Nihlism. That take upon everything being pointless, helped me a bit. Not a huge amount, but somewhat. Made me lowered my stress with life in general.

Anyway, everyday to keep myself around is still a struggle. I find that in my 20 years of being on this forum, that this is my only real outlet. I fear sharing this with my mom or dad, especially my woman or daughter, would be a mistake.

Anyone else struggling? Any thoughts?

 

[lightbright]

I'm handling my business and hope that you fare better with yours


.

 

[TimRock]

What depresses you?

 

[Heavenlywings77]

Well but u mother lovers are making it hard. Gassing hoes up, now they have high expectations.

Buying up all the gas for no reason driving up the prices.


Voting for the wrong niggas, or atall, cause u want to fit in.

Covid...

Shitty posts.
(Not this 1..)

 

[yureeka9]

What I've noticed over the years is that finding my life's view and keeping it in focus helps me avoid depression and the emptiness that comes with not having anything to look forward to. Life's views are kinda complicated to explain unless you really sit with someone and they show you what it means. But once you find it nothing will look the same again.

 

[RoadRage]

Something to think about!

 

[gene cisco]

Damn. That's deep. You don't find joy in anything? Is your job/career what you want or what others told you that you had to do?

 

[Gazoo]

We spoke several months ago. You were in a major depression then. Two things usually are the reason for mental breakdown. The first one is circumstantial or situational. Basically things are going bad. Typically when things get better the depression goes away. The other is chemical. You're down for no apparent reason. Chemicals and therapy are the solutions.

 

[34real]

I hope you over come this and find something worth doing that you like doing.....there's a huge world out there

 

[Hey Julian!]

So my assessment on op situation is lack of purpose overall. A lot men today struggle with that. By nature we’re bread winners and protectors who need a physical outlet to go with that. OP said being a Vice President of IT was a goal, but that just sounds like a title to me and not really a passion. Do you like IT or was it paper/title chasing? I been working in corporate American for almost a decade now and just realized how little I care about the job I’m doing. Don’t get me wrong it’s not a horrible job by far and it keeps the bills paid, but when I tapped into my entrepreneurial spirit and started my shoe reselling business I made that shit grow from a couple hundred bucks a month to making what I make at my corporate job all while still working full time. Why cause I loved doing something I’m into and can control. I don’t focus on getting promoted now, because the upward trajectory and potential is infinite when you’re your own boss. I suggest OP find that passion and something he can get into on the side.

Second thing, physical activity does a lot of good with depression. I can’t say I know what severe depression is like. My divorce was probably the worst I’ve felt, but hitting the gym and finding some activities I looked forward to doing was a big help dealing with the shit and getting over it. Once you get physically exhausted it’s hard let other shit creep into your mind. You’re spent and pretty chill with a “Fuck it , it ain’t that big a deal” feeling.

Lastly, you got a kid so if your kid means anything then living and making them get the best life should always be the motivation. I used this as a way not lose it whenever I would get into with my BM to keep the peace and my sanity. If I gave up on them, I’d basically give up on life and women will test you. It worked because once she saw I wasn’t falling for the argument trap and kept level headed about everything she fell in line and we’re cool today.

 

[TooTrilla]

I'm handling my business and hope that you fare better with yours


.

You should've been killed yo self

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

For the last three years, I've struggled with many things. Depression, existence, sadness, anger, lifelong goals, and relationships.

At one point, I seriously thought of suicide. Clearly I backed out, but I thought about it.

I didn't plan it out, but I out myself in a position to act on it and I backed out.

My depression was high and constant. I tried all sorts of things. Tried seeing a few counselors with no luck. They gave me medication and nothing helped. I tried yoga and meditation. Nothing. I thought about comparing my life to others who are in tough situations and those that die everyday. Thinking that would give me appreciationbto live. Nope nothing. It wasnt that I didn't care or that I'm not grateful for what I have, I just felt or feel empty.

The crazy part is that I have a good career and make good money. I work in IT as a director and a project manager. Well I did, I lost my job recently and I've been hunting for something new. I used to have a strong desire to become a vice president of IT, but I no longer care. It seems like a pointless goal that's been causing me entirely too much internal conflict stress.

Finally, I came across Nihlism. That take upon everything being pointless, helped me a bit. Not a huge amount, but somewhat. Made me lowered my stress with life in general.

Anyway, everyday to keep myself around is still a struggle. I find that in my 20 years of being on this forum, that this is my only real outlet. I fear sharing this with my mom or dad, especially my woman or daughter, would be a mistake.

Anyone else struggling? Any thoughts?

Sorry to hear you're going through this brother but glad you've been able to continue fighting through it.

The fact that you have is telling and that alone is reason for you to be hopeful even if that isn't apparent to you now.

Keep fighting and know you're far from the only one dealing with these things on some level and that includes on this board.

 

[OutlawR.O.C.]

You should've been killed yo self

Respectfully, this isn't the thread for this.

 

[lightbright]

You should've been killed yo self

I'm in talks with Elon Musk right now.... he's working on a time machine.... Imma go back to the night that you were going to be conceived and kick your dads nads all the way up into his stomach....

.

 

[Lexx Diamond]

If you're pro Black, woke and have lived more than 3 decades it's hard to not feel jaded or cheated. Among other things.

 

[lightbright]

Respectfully, this isn't the thread for this.

No need for respect.... that brown liquor drinking broke scratch off playingfool knows nothing about it


.

 

[letsshoot]

Handle you biz wherever it takes you!! seems to always work one way or another!!! Hope you overcome it youve come to far to end it now homie!! You are here for a purpose!!!

 

[roots69]

Respectfully, this isn't the thread for this.

No doubt, when I saw that I was going to say something. However, you beat me to it!! Good reply!!

 

[daTiger]

Just know you are important to someone brotha, even to this board. I went through a bout of depression during this covid lockdown. Sitting behind a computer screen at home for nine hours a day with no real interaction with people, other than my girl on the weekends was tough.

I recently quit my middle-management job and decided to move out of state - broke up with ole girl. Cashed out everything and said fuck it, if I don't make a change now, Im gonna go crazy. Looking forward to this new adventure has invigorated me. I have a plan and will work the hell out of it. I needed to make a bold move, a power move. I leave in 2 weeks.

Stay strong and fight. I wish you all the best.

 

[A to Dah K]

 

[TooTrilla]

Respectfully, this isn't the thread for this.

The thread? If you're going to a porn board to look for help....you're done.

 

[A to Dah K]

Just know you are important to someone brotha, even to this board. I went through a bout of depression during this covid lockdown. Sitting behind a computer screen at home for nine hours a day with no real interaction with people, other than my girl on the weekends was tough.

I recently quit my middle-management job and decided to move out of state - broke up with ole girl. Cashed out everything and said fuck it, if I don't make a change now, Im gonna go crazy. Looking forward to this new adventure has invigorated me. I have a plan and will work the hell out of it. I needed to make a bold move, a power move. I leave in 2 weeks.

Stay strong and fight. I wish you all the best.

Care to tell a little more?
Pm me if necessary. Im really interested in hearing your plans

 

[TooTrilla]

I'm in talks with Elon Musk right now.... he's working on a time machine.... Imma go back to the night that you were going to be conceived and kick your dads nads all the way up into his stomach....

.

I hope I can get in that same time machine and go back to the day you were born. When they go to check African-American on your birth certificate, I definitely would select CAC

 

[ballscout1]

Hmmm maybe I am mentally damaged.

Growing up when I did, before the civil rights legislation as a black child through adulthood I really don't understand this depression topic.

Maybe it only affects those who were protected from adversity and hardships in later generations.

Well good luck to you OP and hopefully you find the assistance you need.

 

[daTiger]

Care to tell a little more?
Pm me if necessary. Im really interested in hearing your plans

I was self-employed for about 15 years and have always been a hustler. Been a real estate broker for about 20 years. When the market crashed around 2009, I entered corporate America and worked my way up to management, while hustling deals on the side.

Just sitting behind that computer everyday during covid, I realized I wasn't living up to my full potential so depression set in.

To avoid a longer story, I got a brokers license in another state. Went down, secured a place. My plan is to pump this real estate, investing in real estate and possibly look at building houses. I know my potential, I know what I have done in the past. I don't have no other mouth to feed. I can make it anywhere.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

For the last three years, I've struggled with many things. Depression, existence, sadness, anger, lifelong goals, and relationships.

At one point, I seriously thought of suicide. Clearly I backed out, but I thought about it.

I didn't plan it out, but I out myself in a position to act on it and I backed out.

My depression was high and constant. I tried all sorts of things. Tried seeing a few counselors with no luck. They gave me medication and nothing helped. I tried yoga and meditation. Nothing. I thought about comparing my life to others who are in tough situations and those that die everyday. Thinking that would give me appreciationbto live. Nope nothing. It wasnt that I didn't care or that I'm not grateful for what I have, I just felt or feel empty.

The crazy part is that I have a good career and make good money. I work in IT as a director and a project manager. Well I did, I lost my job recently and I've been hunting for something new. I used to have a strong desire to become a vice president of IT, but I no longer care. It seems like a pointless goal that's been causing me entirely too much internal conflict stress.

Finally, I came across Nihlism. That take upon everything being pointless, helped me a bit. Not a huge amount, but somewhat. Made me lowered my stress with life in general.

Anyway, everyday to keep myself around is still a struggle. I find that in my 20 years of being on this forum, that this is my only real outlet. I fear sharing this with my mom or dad, especially my woman or daughter, would be a mistake.

Anyone else struggling? Any thoughts?

"The crazy part is that I have a good career and make good money"

Having money and a good career is certainly a plus. Fewer people look down on you and you don't have to spend as much time worrying about how you're going to get your shelter, food, or annual vacation. However, that alone isn't going to bring lasting purpose or joy to a job you hate.

"I used to have a strong desire to become a vice president of IT, but I no longer care. It seems like a pointless goal that's been causing me entirely too much internal conflict stress."

It seems like you expected the corporate structure of your last company to provide you with professional fulfillment and career satisfaction.

Now you realize it won't. In fact, it's become so clear that you can no longer force yourself to push in that direction.

As disillusioned as it can make you feel. This is a good thing! It shows that you are capable of dedicating yourself to a dream and pulling back when you realize it's not for you.

You're going to feel a bit more emptiness while you try to find a new dream, but in the meantime you have the freedom to try new things.

Right now the world is your oyster. You can start your own business, or maybe even consider a side hustle as a sherpa. Better yet, take a year off and become a beach bum. You'd be surprised how great laziness is for sparking creative ideas and life changing decisions.

That said, I am only an amateur psychiatrist my textbook is nothing more than limited past experience. Hopefully you find something that resonates and helps you out in this. If not I hope you get that spark from someone else here.

Just know that you were absolutely fine and normal. Keep your head up!

 

[Z MONSTER]

Change things up. Try to enjoy yourself. Last night I was drinking a beer listening to this song. I was singing and smiling the whole time.

 

[roots69]

For the last three years, I've struggled with many things. Depression, existence, sadness, anger, lifelong goals, and relationships.

At one point, I seriously thought of suicide. Clearly I backed out, but I thought about it.

I didn't plan it out, but I out myself in a position to act on it and I backed out.

My depression was high and constant. I tried all sorts of things. Tried seeing a few counselors with no luck. They gave me medication and nothing helped. I tried yoga and meditation. Nothing. I thought about comparing my life to others who are in tough situations and those that die everyday. Thinking that would give me appreciationbto live. Nope nothing. It wasnt that I didn't care or that I'm not grateful for what I have, I just felt or feel empty.

The crazy part is that I have a good career and make good money. I work in IT as a director and a project manager. Well I did, I lost my job recently and I've been hunting for something new. I used to have a strong desire to become a vice president of IT, but I no longer care. It seems like a pointless goal that's been causing me entirely too much internal conflict stress.

Finally, I came across Nihlism. That take upon everything being pointless, helped me a bit. Not a huge amount, but somewhat. Made me lowered my stress with life in general.

Anyway, everyday to keep myself around is still a struggle. I find that in my 20 years of being on this forum, that this is my only real outlet. I fear sharing this with my mom or dad, especially my woman or daughter, would be a mistake.

Anyone else struggling? Any thoughts?

Damn bruh, I hope whatever your going thru your able to bounce outta of it!! Do you live in one of those states that allow recreational or medical ccannabis?? If so have you considered edibles or tinctures or capsules cannabis or CBD?? The reason I said edibles or tinctures, they offer a different effect than smoking cannabis.. I knew a nurse who was taking 1200 or 1600mg CBD and she said it worked wonders for her.. I believe CBD are legal nationwide.. Anyway, stay positive and I wish you the best, bruh!!

 

[True Real Info]

For the last three years, I've struggled with many things. Depression, existence, sadness, anger, lifelong goals, and relationships.

At one point, I seriously thought of suicide. Clearly I backed out, but I thought about it.

I didn't plan it out, but I out myself in a position to act on it and I backed out.

My depression was high and constant. I tried all sorts of things. Tried seeing a few counselors with no luck. They gave me medication and nothing helped. I tried yoga and meditation. Nothing. I thought about comparing my life to others who are in tough situations and those that die everyday. Thinking that would give me appreciationbto live. Nope nothing. It wasnt that I didn't care or that I'm not grateful for what I have, I just felt or feel empty.

The crazy part is that I have a good career and make good money. I work in IT as a director and a project manager. Well I did, I lost my job recently and I've been hunting for something new. I used to have a strong desire to become a vice president of IT, but I no longer care. It seems like a pointless goal that's been causing me entirely too much internal conflict stress.

Finally, I came across Nihlism. That take upon everything being pointless, helped me a bit. Not a huge amount, but somewhat. Made me lowered my stress with life in general.

Anyway, everyday to keep myself around is still a struggle. I find that in my 20 years of being on this forum, that this is my only real outlet. I fear sharing this with my mom or dad, especially my woman or daughter, would be a mistake.

Anyone else struggling? Any thoughts?

All i can say is the i can relate. One thing that was told me was “depression is anger turned inward.”

I havent been the same since

 

[cashwhisperer]

The fact that you feel how you feel is a testament to what living under this oppressive system does to a person. Don't let the system kill you. You kill it!!! ...or help to make it better, but for damm sure don't let it kill you.

Live, breathe, enjoy and appreciate life.

Hot, running water is a luxury.

All that the ancestors sacrificed going thru to get you here, you're blessed bruh.

 

[J.U.S.T.I.C.E]

Hey fam, what state are you in? PM if you prefer, let’s discuss IT jobs and go from there.

Stay strong bro.

 

[4 Dimensional]

Good that you’re talking if about it. Life is a journey and suffering is a part of it. If your depression is chemical related, then that medical. However, I also realized that some times depression can be connected with habit. You’re negative thoughts becomes a habit. A constant thing you can’t get out of. Similar to an addict that can’t get off of drugs.

The challenge is changing your habits.

 

[ballscout1]

The world is a toll-free toilet
Our mouths neurological assholes
And psychologically speaking
We're in a state of mental diarrhea
Talking shit a mile a minute
Or in a state of constipated notions
Can't think of nothin' but shit
And in this world of
Stinky futures, shitty memories and
Constipated 19 now-nows
Emerges from the hiney of your head
The doo doo chasers
The Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squad
The prune juice of the mind
The doo doo chasers
Friends of roto-rooter
Bringing you music to get your shit together by
The man in the tidy bowl of your brain
(What was that long word again-Promental?)
Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squad

A musical bowel movement
Designed to rid you of moral diarrhea
Social bullshit
Crazy doo doo
Mental poots
(What was that again?)

They call us the unflushables
One swipe a clean wipe
(Go flush it, fellas)

And what causes all of this shit?
What is the source of food for thought?
Ego-munchin'
Religious doggie bags
A My burger with I sauce on it
A Me burger with I sauce on it
A myself sandwich
A personal burger
A me Hamburger
And a glass of constricted cola
Out to lunch with lunch meat
The fear of being eaten by the sandwich
The Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squad
The doo doo chasers
Friends of roto-rooter
Music to clean your shit by

Low calorie logic
Muscle brains
Skinny brains

Count the calories of your thoughts
Funk, Confucius say
Like Chinese laxatives
Sweet and sour bowel movements
And in this world of stinking memories
Stankin memories
Shitty futures
19 now nows-constipated-like
Emerges the Doo Doo Chasers
The prune juice of the mind
The man in the tidy bowl of your brain
Bringing you music to get your shit together by

Funk, the P-Preparation
The prune juice of the mind
A mental, musical bowel movement
Groove-lax
One swipe, clean wipe
And with no extra charge
A psychological turd remover
A neurological enema
Holy Shit
(let me try one-crap)
Coprolites
Prehistoric doo doo
Helping you get your shit together

Backstage at a Funkadelic rehearsal
We bring you the Doo Doo Chasers
(Which one is George Clinton?)
Out to lunch with lunch meat, once again
The fear of being eaten by a sandwich
Lunchville
Where lunch is a nice time of day
At least twice a week

And fried Ice Cream is a reality

(Which one is George Clinton?)

Fried Ice Cream is a reality
Guess who's coming to lunch
I'm not gonna pay for this lunch, man!

Fried Ice Cream is a reality!
Fried Ice Cream is a reality!
Fried Ice Cream is a reality!

 

[A to Dah K]

I was self-employed for about 15 years and have always been a hustler. Been a real estate broker for about 20 years. When the market crashed around 2009, I entered corporate America and worked my way up to management, while hustling deals on the side.

Just sitting behind that computer everyday during covid, I realized I wasn't living up to my full potential so depression set in.

To avoid a longer story, I got a brokers license in another state. Went down, secured a place. My plan is to pump this real estate, investing in real estate and possibly look at building houses. I know my potential, I know what I have done in the past. I don't have no other mouth to feed. I can make it anywhere.

Well wishes
The move...Where from and where to?

 

[RoomService]

I now understand what the old folks were talking about when they said keep living. It’s the hardest thing you will ever do. Stay strong and reach out for help if needed.