I was thinking about the woman who crapped on her boss' desk and I thought about a pointless, useless talent I have. I can call my cousin Earl or my Cousin Ralph on command. I ain't talking about the Karen Carpenter way by sticking my finger down my throat, I mean I can clench my stomach muscles and cause myself to throw up.
Yep...useless...although, one time it did come in handy. A good way of getting out of work.
I worked at Target back in 2001 when the Ravens played the Giants and I had a manager do the most sexist thing ever...and there was nothing any of us could do about it. She seemed cool on most days, but this day she showed who she was and she wasn't fucking around. She really must have had a man do her wrong because of football.
She called a meeting the week before the Super Bowl when she put the schedule up and said that anyone who calls off on Super Bowl Sunday gets fired - no matter what. And then we saw the schedule:
She had every woman in the store either working the morning shift or off completely and EVERY MAN WORKING the evening shift duding the day of the Super Bowl.
Now, most guys don't give a damn who is playing in the Super Bowl, we want to see it, and we want to see it live. We want to eat wings, we want to drink beer (or whatever), we want to get stuffed, talk football for the last time until the draft. Now we were all screwed.
She had instructed that the TV was not to be on the Super Bowl in electronics under ANY circumstances, where I worked, and she would be there to oversee it all. If you called off you were fired. You didn't pass go, you didn't collect $200. You were fired.
The beginning of the shift from 3 - 11:30 - oh yeah, that day everyone who usually did the 2-10:30PM shift was moved back an hour. She wanted to ensure that men missed the ENTIRE game. She had men at every position in the store. Ladies clothes. Jewelry. Snack bar. Cashier. Everywhere. The only woman in that entire store was her.
An hour into my shift I called her and said that my stomach wasn't feeling good. She knew what was going on, so she gave me the perfunctory, "Go sit in the locker room for 15 minutes."
Now you know what happens - you say you aren't feeling good and they say, "Go sit in the break room for 15 minutes"...like that shit was gonna help.
But I had her card pulled. I was ready for that bullshit.
I took my break, came back at 4:15 and ate a pizza and a large pop from the snack bar while I was in there. I had plans for that pizza & pop. At 4:45PM I called my brother and told him to come get me and I set the play in motion.
I looked for her for 15 minutes, and finally at 5PM I saw her. I put on my most woeful face and held my stomach.
"Liz, I'm not feeling guuuuuu...."
And I unleashed a wrath of hell like the dude on Stand By Me (for the old timers).
RAAAAAAAAAALPPPHHHHHHH!
She had quick reflexes, because if she didn't she would have had to replace her shoes. She jumped out of the way just in time as my pizza and pop flowed from my gullet just as planned right at the spot on the floor where she was standing just seconds before. An unappetizing collage of red, yellow, pink and black was on the floor in front of her and she said the words that I was waiting to hear.
"Go home! Just...Just...just go home," Liz said.
Like Ralphie from A Christmas Story, as soon as she looked away, calling someone to cover my shift in electronics, I smiled broadly for a second, and it faded away as soon as her head began to turn in my direction when she hung up the phone.
With the most pitiful slow walk, I walked to the locker room holding my stomach, and out the door to the parking lot to my brother's waiting car.
I jumped in the car and said with a smile, "So, what's to eat, slick?"
I watched the game, stuffed myself silly, completely unaffected by the Ralphing. The Ravens won, and went back to work the following day with every man mad as fuck because they had all missed the Super Bowl. Any time I want to get out of work, I call my cousin Earl or Ralph and they always send me home. I don't do it too often, but when I need to...
Me: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPPPHHHHHHH!
Boss: "Go home"
What's your useless, pointless talent?
Carla Kemp....damn hot mature mama
[URL=http://www.imagebam.com/image/bf407c480658430]
[/URL]
Yep...useless...although, one time it did come in handy. A good way of getting out of work.
I worked at Target back in 2001 when the Ravens played the Giants and I had a manager do the most sexist thing ever...and there was nothing any of us could do about it. She seemed cool on most days, but this day she showed who she was and she wasn't fucking around. She really must have had a man do her wrong because of football.
She called a meeting the week before the Super Bowl when she put the schedule up and said that anyone who calls off on Super Bowl Sunday gets fired - no matter what. And then we saw the schedule:
She had every woman in the store either working the morning shift or off completely and EVERY MAN WORKING the evening shift duding the day of the Super Bowl.
Now, most guys don't give a damn who is playing in the Super Bowl, we want to see it, and we want to see it live. We want to eat wings, we want to drink beer (or whatever), we want to get stuffed, talk football for the last time until the draft. Now we were all screwed.
She had instructed that the TV was not to be on the Super Bowl in electronics under ANY circumstances, where I worked, and she would be there to oversee it all. If you called off you were fired. You didn't pass go, you didn't collect $200. You were fired.
The beginning of the shift from 3 - 11:30 - oh yeah, that day everyone who usually did the 2-10:30PM shift was moved back an hour. She wanted to ensure that men missed the ENTIRE game. She had men at every position in the store. Ladies clothes. Jewelry. Snack bar. Cashier. Everywhere. The only woman in that entire store was her.
An hour into my shift I called her and said that my stomach wasn't feeling good. She knew what was going on, so she gave me the perfunctory, "Go sit in the locker room for 15 minutes."
Now you know what happens - you say you aren't feeling good and they say, "Go sit in the break room for 15 minutes"...like that shit was gonna help.
But I had her card pulled. I was ready for that bullshit.
I took my break, came back at 4:15 and ate a pizza and a large pop from the snack bar while I was in there. I had plans for that pizza & pop. At 4:45PM I called my brother and told him to come get me and I set the play in motion.
I looked for her for 15 minutes, and finally at 5PM I saw her. I put on my most woeful face and held my stomach.
"Liz, I'm not feeling guuuuuu...."
And I unleashed a wrath of hell like the dude on Stand By Me (for the old timers).
RAAAAAAAAAALPPPHHHHHHH!
She had quick reflexes, because if she didn't she would have had to replace her shoes. She jumped out of the way just in time as my pizza and pop flowed from my gullet just as planned right at the spot on the floor where she was standing just seconds before. An unappetizing collage of red, yellow, pink and black was on the floor in front of her and she said the words that I was waiting to hear.
"Go home! Just...Just...just go home," Liz said.
Like Ralphie from A Christmas Story, as soon as she looked away, calling someone to cover my shift in electronics, I smiled broadly for a second, and it faded away as soon as her head began to turn in my direction when she hung up the phone.
With the most pitiful slow walk, I walked to the locker room holding my stomach, and out the door to the parking lot to my brother's waiting car.
I jumped in the car and said with a smile, "So, what's to eat, slick?"
I watched the game, stuffed myself silly, completely unaffected by the Ralphing. The Ravens won, and went back to work the following day with every man mad as fuck because they had all missed the Super Bowl. Any time I want to get out of work, I call my cousin Earl or Ralph and they always send me home. I don't do it too often, but when I need to...
Me: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPPPHHHHHHH!
Boss: "Go home"
What's your useless, pointless talent?
Carla Kemp....damn hot mature mama
[URL=http://www.imagebam.com/image/bf407c480658430] [/URL]
Last edited:
