Serious question for the men on the board...

[HoneyDip]

there is only so much that can be done to get that special someone to open up to you about everything. i do the same shit. i put on a front when i know damn well i'm hurt or pissed off about something. when i'm ready to talk about it that special someone will know. i think all we can do when we're on that end is just let the person deal with it the way they know how. trust me if they want your help they'll ask. if they wanna talk they'll blab lol

 

[mcguyver]

I've never nagged a man so I have no idea what you're talking about.

If you've always been open and all of a sudden you shut down, how long should a woman wait. I've seen men be in a funk for months, even years. I'm not going to hang around that.

Leave his ass alone. Don't be a nag only makes things worst.

 

[SinaminDelite]

there is only so much that can be done to get that special someone to open up to you about everything. i do the same shit. i put on a front when i know damn well i'm hurt or pissed off about something. when i'm ready to talk about it that special someone will know. i think all we can do when we're on that end is just let the person deal with it the way they know how. trust me if they want your help they'll ask. if they wanna talk they'll blab lol

Hit the nail on the head. I learned very quickly that men do not like to tell you what's troubling them, they'd rather handle the situation on their own. Constantly asking does nothing but aggravate them more.

 

[blacktim]

honestly! when shit is goin on in me life, and i'm frustrated as hell:

1) when i walk in the door, don't talk my head off
2) acknowledge that something might be wrong but look at me with puppy-dog eyes, and let me know that everything will be ok
3) rub my back while you read and I watch tv
4) rub my face, touch my arm when we're in the car.

silence or gentle conversation is best. w

we are men. we can typically work things out on our own (sometimes with a little help). but mostly what we need is a neutral quiet environment to let our minds un-ravel.


if that don't work, let me blow a hundred dollars at the strip club, then I'm fine!

 

[max-dawg]

stop naggin leave us alone and be supportive from a distance. you cant fix everything

End of thread.

cosign on the EOT.

when will women understand that men don't VOCALLY express our feelings in an attempt to deal with our problems?

we internalize it all, keep it in, deal with it in silence, and when ready, we'll start talking about it.

don't play psychiatrist with us... we put up with enough mind games when y'all have problems.

 

[SuperGenius]

From a personal standpoint, I've never had an issue expressing what's on my mind to someone I feel totally comfortable with. I strongly feel that one of main keys to a sucessful relationship falls on communication, and I learned at a young age that holding too much in can cause u a nervous breakdown.

But it also depends on the woman, cause i can count on one hand the number of women that I actually felt comfortable telling my troubles to. If I know she is a woman who is down for me, someone whom I can trust, who will just listen without making any judgements, who I can consider a confidant, I have no problem letting her know what's going on with me, because if tables were turned, she would already know that I would be there for her.

 

[eliive]

After dealing with my problems for a while I decided to let my girl in on what was bothering me, only after she seemed to notice and asked. While doing so she made smart assed remarks which further pissed me of and made me realize that I was better off keeping things to myself.

In turn I lost a level of trust in her in regards to my feelings and I will probably never tell her anything of susbstance again. Now instead of dealing with the original issues at hand, I find myself questioning whether or not I can comminicate with her on a deeper personal level. And to think, she wants to get married.

Sometimes giving too much info further complicates matters and just makes thing worse. And if the woman is not in a position to help ease my tension or offer a solution, why even tell her the problem?

I dont know, maybe I look at stuff wrong, or maybe its the right way for me but wrong for everyone else.

 

[THEBLACKWALLSTREET.COM]

just give us our space and we will eventually come out of it on our own.. btw great job femm! i love what ur doin over here!

 

[tyme]

Fall back, let him know he can discuss the issue whenever he's ready.

 

[BigATLslim]

Get his undivided attention, ask him does he understand that he has your undivided attention and ask him, "What's wrong?" If he cannot tell you, you tell him, "The relationship cannot work unless we effectively communicate with each other so I am going to ask one more time what is bothering you?" If he still can't say, in my opinon, you don't mean as much to him as you should. You have to be strong and exit stage left.

 

[Mo-Better]

What should a woman do when something is going on with you and you don't share with your woman?

What do we do when you guys emotionall shut down and shut us out?

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced in a relationship. I'm not one to continually hit brick walls so what should a woman do when you refuse to open up about something that might be bothering you?

Femm, you can't do anymore than we can when your in a mood and don't want to be bothered. Why should it be any different with us? Emotional shut downs happen with both sexes. Just like you women when we snap out of it we'll talk about it, maybe.

 

[deezchocnuts4ru]

Yo. Leave him alone. If it takes too long, and your not willing to let him have his own private personal feelings, and your not married--then leave. It's not going to work out. Peace.

 

[lilsexii]

Every guy gets into this mode. Especially me. I like to deal with my own problems, but if I want my woman's help I will talk with her. I just don't like it when a woman pushes the subject and make it worse. If a man needs your help he will ask, but don't keep digging and digging until the relationship is six feet under.

Well...if ya'll could just consider saying SOMETHING like "i'm okay - it's not you - i just need to deal with this - i'll let you know when/if i feel like talking about it - etc." that would really help her to back off with peace of mind. When you say nothing at all, a woman's mind gets to wandering...drama ensues (can be bad for some)...

Your need to be left alone and her need to help you and be there for you collide at this point. Throw each other a bone and its all good...you get left alone and she feels like she's helping you.

 

[KW13537]

Well...if ya'll could just consider saying SOMETHING like "i'm okay - it's not you - i just need to deal with this - i'll let you know when/if i feel like talking about it - etc." that would really help her to back off with peace of mind. When you say nothing at all, a woman's mind gets to wandering...drama ensues (can be bad for some)...

Your need to be left alone and her need to help you and be there for you collide at this point. Throw each other a bone and its all good...you get left alone and she feels like she's helping you.

I think that Femme established that she didn't think it was about her, but I must add that you made a great point about a woman's reaction to this behavior. The wife told me that before and it made me think about things from her point of view for a second. Then I opened up enough to explain that it wasn't her and it wasn't about us. I just needed time to get shit right in my head about some things. Then she backed up and understood. Later she took me to the movies to see something that I liked that she wouldn't normally see herself and later she made my favorite dinner. She doesn't realize how much it helped just to have that pleasant distraction with her without her making herself an addition to the problem.

 

[BrownTurd]

i mean what you consider being a nag and what you dude considers being a nag may be two completely different things. and on your other point if someone is holding something in for months and years then they have bigger problems then you or anyone else male or female probably want to deal with and they should bail anyway. All i was saying is you just have to sometimes give a person space and time and then in due time they will want to talk or do something about what was bothering them

Do what this person said. They are 100% correct. Sometimes people just need time and space to gather themselves. They are also right in saying if this goes on for an extended period of time then most likely there is nothing anyone could do to help them male or female.

Don't just bail. You just continue loving and caring for them like you always have. Do things like Send text messages saying "I was thinking about you and wanted to say I love you" Or tell him " I understand that you are going through some things. You will work it out or find the answer you need. You have and will always. Just keep searching and it will come". People handle stressful situations differently.

 

[BrownTurd]

i mean what you consider being a nag and what you dude considers being a nag may be two completely different things. and on your other point if someone is holding something in for months and years then they have bigger problems then you or anyone else male or female probably want to deal with and they should bail anyway. All i was saying is you just have to sometimes give a person space and time and then in due time they will want to talk or do something about what was bothering them

Femme, These are pretty much the exact words Dr Gray uses in...

Come to find out...men have 'caves' and women have 'wells'(our version of the cave)...let me shut up and let him tell it...its a good read if you haven't gotten it already.



...

DaleMabry...you should write a book...

anyone has this e-book?

 

[thebxbomber]

most of ya'll either couldn't handle or believe the shit that be on our minds...................
what ever we tell you is also going to turn into 100,000,000,000,0000,0000,000,0000,000,001 questions......... that we dont really want an answer too..... most of the time it would be nice if you JUST listen............

 

[BIGGSARGE]

What should a woman do when something is going on with you and you don't share with your woman?

What do we do when you guys emotionall shut down and shut us out?

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced in a relationship. I'm not one to continually hit brick walls so what should a woman do when you refuse to open up about something that might be bothering you?

Give him space. He'll work through it. When he's ready to talk to you he will.

 

[lilsexii]

I think that Femme established that she didn't think it was about her, but I must add that you made a great point about a woman's reaction to this behavior. The wife told me that before and it made me think about things from her point of view for a second. Then I opened up enough to explain that it wasn't her and it wasn't about us. I just needed time to get shit right in my head about some things. Then she backed up and understood. Later she took me to the movies to see something that I liked that she wouldn't normally see herself and later she made my favorite dinner. She doesn't realize how much it helped just to have that pleasant distraction with her without her making herself an addition to the problem.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! That's how a GOOD marriage should work - you're blessed, but I'm sure you know that

 

[superman2004]

just give us our space and don't nag us. when we want to talk, we will.

 

[KW13537]

That's exactly what I'm talking about! That's how a GOOD marriage should work - you're blessed, but I'm sure you know that

Believe me, it took a long time and a lot of reading on relationships. I took the time to learn the art of relationship discussion. Its a work in progress, but I hope the book helps Femm the way it helped me.

 

[elchoccolatte]

I just ask to be left alone, Eventually I'll come around...

 

[mc2]

What should a woman do when something is going on with you and you don't share with your woman?

What do we do when you guys emotionall shut down and shut us out?

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced in a relationship. I'm not one to continually hit brick walls so what should a woman do when you refuse to open up about something that might be bothering you?

Just let us be alone and give us some space. Nagging about it only makes the situation worse..

 

[femmenoire]

Femme, what made you post this question?

Don't worry Shad.

 

[bigirl]

thats their way and if you need to talk about yours they get freaked out and disappear.
fuck all a dem. get your nut and keep it moving. thats what they do.

 

[DaTakeOver]

This may be a simple answer, but I would say give that person some time. When people are generally upset to the point, to where they are unable express themselves, it's best to just fall back and allow that person to calm down for a while. It takes time and great patience, but if you have an open and honest relationship, that person will eventaully come around and tell you what's on their mind.