Is marriage out dated????

[Gods_Favorite]

I'm just sitting here sipping on some Tanqueray and orannge juice, and I've come to the conclusion that marriage is out dated and not realistic, at least here in America, I believe the stats show more than half of all marriages in America end in divorce, but fuck the stats, I've seen enough proof of this in my personal life, everyone I've grown up with either comes from a broken home, or their parents got divorced somewhere along the line, including mine which are now separated. It just seems that marriage is set up to fail from the beginning, especially if you marry at a young age, like say 19 or 20, people start to change in their mid 20s, and I'm seeing this now, I got married when I was 19 and I'm 23 now, my wife has started to change as a person, to the point where we want different things in life, least to say I'll probably be getting a divorce, but nevertheless I've seen very few marriages that actually work where both parties are happy, want to be there, and aren't just hanging in there for the kids or because its "cheaper to keep her", what are your guys thoughts on this? Even if your happily married yourself, look at the people around you and count how many are in the same boat.

 

[Greed]

i think people are outdated, not marriage.

think about the idea of marriage thats promoted in modern day america and who is promoting it. its the 50's and 60's idea of marriage promoted by our parents, god bless them.

people our age are told marriage consist of love and sacrifice defined by a standard from a generation passed. women aint looking for the man to be the man anymore, she wants to be the boss too. i dont know where else in society where 2 people are equally in charge. shit doesnt lead to happiness.

plus divorce holds no stigma like it did back in the days, so people are less inclined to use it as a last resort. nowadays its used by couples so they can get out of a marriage while they're still young, so they can find someone else before its too late.

so we're told since youth that marriage is this way and reality for our generation is another and i dont see that shit working out well around me either.

personally, i'm never getting married, but i respect the institution itself and feel its still important for people to build a strong marriages if kids are involved.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

i think people are outdated, not marriage.

think about the idea of marriage thats promoted in modern day america and who is promoting it. its the 50's and 60's idea of marriage promoted by our parents, god bless them.

people our age are told marriage consist of love and sacrifice defined by a standard from a generation passed. women aint looking for the man to be the man anymore, she wants to be the boss too. i dont know where else in society where 2 people are equally in charge. shit doesnt lead to happiness.

plus divorce holds no stigma like it did back in the days, so people are less inclined to use it as a last resort. nowadays its used by couples so they can get out of a marriage while they're still young, so they can find someone else before its too late.

so we're told since youth that marriage is this way and reality for our generation is another and i dont see that shit working out well around me either.

personally, i'm never getting married, but i respect the institution itself and feel its still important for people to build a strong marriages if kids are involved.

You make very good points, the idea of marriage itself is an old fashioned one, marriage today is not like it was in the day. I've seen so many marriages go down in flames because both the man and woman want to run shit, which isn't going to work, plus its very hard to stay managamous and just be with one person, I believe women cheat more than men do but are alot slicker about it and tend not to get caught, when dudes get caught with some chicks lipstick on em or a used condom in the car or whatever. I think marriage is good when theres kids involved but even then marriages don't seem to last, alot of the times people who are married with kids stay together strictly for the kids, or their used to the misery and just find other ways to cope.

 

[QueEx]

Put that bottle down dude .... ; before you see some more shit you're tired of ... lmbao

 

[Zero]

You make very good points, the idea of marriage itself is an old fashioned one, marriage today is not like it was in the day. I've seen so many marriages go down in flames because both the man and woman want to run shit, which isn't going to work, plus its very hard to stay managamous and just be with one person, I believe women cheat more than men do but are alot slicker about it and tend not to get caught, when dudes get caught with some chicks lipstick on em or a used condom in the car or whatever. I think marriage is good when theres kids involved but even then marriages don't seem to last, alot of the times people who are married with kids stay together strictly for the kids, or their used to the misery and just find other ways to cope.

Mariage is cool, but so many folks today get married for the WRONG reasons. You don't get married for:

1. kids
2. money
3. beauty (which fades)
4. security
5. nothing better to do
6. familiarity
7. I could go on and on

People seem to do a better job choosing friends than spouses in a lot of cases and will put forth the effort to make a friendship work. Your spouse should basically be chosen based on the same criteria as a REAL friend.

If you have to "change" to be in a relationship, it won't last. If you have to change the other person to be in a relationship, it won't last. If you put too many conditions on a relationship, it won't last. Seems like a lot of men are starting to behave like women when it comes to relationships. Like Chris Rock said "You got to love the crust" because when you are with somebody 24x7 for YEARS, you are gonna see a LOT of crust. Me and my wife have been through a LOT of shit over the years and we approach that shit as a team (much like me and my boys do).

Beyond all that, you got to get with the RIGHT person when they come along, peeps tend to bypass the right person for the wrong one based on some specific bullshit criteria that usually amounts to NOTHING in the long run.

Marriage ain't for everybody and a lot of people don't realize that until they are married, but trust me, however bad marriage may be, divorce is WORSE (especially if you have kids). If you love your lady, try to work on that shit. Like Greed said, it used to be a last resort and it should have stayed that way, time allows you to move past shit and marriage is supposed to be a long term commitment. A lot of shit I thought was the end of the world 5 or 6 years ago is not much more than a joke now to me and my wife. You do the marriage thing right and it could be the best thing that ever happened to you, do it wrong and I guarantee it will be the worst.

 

[Zero]

Put that bottle down dude .... ; before you see some more shit you're tired of ... lmbao

LOL

Dude is just venting, I hope. Nothing wrong with that. A stiff drink has gotten me through many a fucked up situation. GF is a cool cat and I'd hate to see ANYBODY go through what I've seen SO MANY of my boys go through.

 

[max-dawg]

Fuck marriage...

Out of ALL my friends that got married, all but two are now divorced.

The women basically acted like they OWNED them and constantly threatened them with divorce if they didn't get their way.

I think the current laws in-place are set forth to feminize men to the point where they are nothing more than a penis with a paycheck attached.

I say stay single as long as you can... enjoy your freedom.

 

[Zero]

Fuck marriage...

Out of ALL my friends that got married, all but two are now divorced.

The women basically acted like they OWNED them and constantly threatened them with divorce if they didn't get their way.

I think the current laws in-place are set forth to feminize men to the point where they are nothing more than a penis with a paycheck attached.

I say stay single as long as you can... enjoy your freedom.

This is gonna sound FUUUUUUUUUUCKED UP, but it's real.

Females are like dogs, throw them a bone every once in a while and give them a treat on special occasions and they will be loyal for life. AND ALSO JUST LIKE DOGS, if you can't get them to act right, you got to get rid of them. Best to just get that done BEFORE you wife them. I know a lot of cats denounce it, but I am a BIG advocate of shacking up. I lived with my girl for 3 years before we got married, so I knew what was up before I signed any papers. No way in hell I'd wife somebody before I knew what was up with them. A cat will test drive a car, but marry a female without "kicking the wheels". A lot of cats let females pressure them into marriage after a few months or a year, I wouldn't marry ANY female unless I'd been with them for at least 2 years just to she what she's about (nobody can fake it forever, so the more time you put in, the more time you have on your side). When I was younger I NEVER wanted to get married, but the shit is like retirement when you are ready and the ONLY WAY I WAS GONNA HAVE KIDS was with my wife (and I wanted a son).

 

[QueEx]

LOL

Dude is just venting, I hope. Nothing wrong with that. A stiff drink has gotten me through many a fucked up situation. GF is a cool cat and I'd hate to see ANYBODY go through what I've seen SO MANY of my boys go through.

Yeah, I know dawg. But I had to say it -- before that truth serum gets his ass in trouble.

QueEx

 

[Gods_Favorite]

LOL

Dude is just venting, I hope. Nothing wrong with that. A stiff drink has gotten me through many a fucked up situation. GF is a cool cat and I'd hate to see ANYBODY go through what I've seen SO MANY of my boys go through.

Que is right, but nowadays it just seems that a stiff drink is all I got to last me through the day, I was one of the guys who always suppored marriage, with the shit I been through lately I really started questioning the purpose of marriage and if it works, lately I've been talking to alot of other people in the same boat, and very few people that can offer me advice on how to fix a marriage.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

Mariage is cool, but so many folks today get married for the WRONG reasons. You don't get married for:

1. kids
2. money
3. beauty (which fades)
4. security
5. nothing better to do
6. familiarity
7. I could go on and on

People seem to do a better job choosing friends than spouses in a lot of cases and will put forth the effort to make a friendship work. Your spouse should basically be chosen based on the same criteria as a REAL friend.

If you have to "change" to be in a relationship, it won't last. If you have to change the other person to be in a relationship, it won't last. If you put too many conditions on a relationship, it won't last. Seems like a lot of men are starting to behave like women when it comes to relationships. Like Chris Rock said "You got to love the crust" because when you are with somebody 24x7 for YEARS, you are gonna see a LOT of crust. Me and my wife have been through a LOT of shit over the years and we approach that shit as a team (much like me and my boys do).

Beyond all that, you got to get with the RIGHT person when they come along, peeps tend to bypass the right person for the wrong one based on some specific bullshit criteria that usually amounts to NOTHING in the long run.

Marriage ain't for everybody and a lot of people don't realize that until they are married, but trust me, however bad marriage may be, divorce is WORSE (especially if you have kids). If you love your lady, try to work on that shit. Like Greed said, it used to be a last resort and it should have stayed that way, time allows you to move past shit and marriage is supposed to be a long term commitment. A lot of shit I thought was the end of the world 5 or 6 years ago is not much more than a joke now to me and my wife. You do the marriage thing right and it could be the best thing that ever happened to you, do it wrong and I guarantee it will be the worst.

Your right dawg, it sounds like you have a good marriage there, hope it stays that way, I used to have a good marriage too, all it takes to happen is one thing, one fucking thing, and its all over, people aren't willing to put in the time to save marriages anymore.

 

[Zero]

Your right dawg, it sounds like you have a good marriage there, hope it stays that way, I used to have a good marriage too, all it takes to happen is one thing, one fucking thing, and its all over, people aren't willing to put in the time to save marriages anymore.

You know one thing that we do that a lot of married couples just can't do is leave each other alone sometimes. If I don't feel like talkin', I'll go in my office and just do my thing for hours (sometimes days) and it ain't a thing to her. She'll be off in her zone doing her thing. You got to have space or you will just drive each other fuckin' nuts. When we have problems, we don't feel the need to talk about shit immediately, we may just not talk at all for a few days and then talk when we feel like talkin'. You also got to fuck through the hard times, there were times when fuckin' was all we had and that's what we did, fuck.

We stay cool because we just don't sweat little shit anymore. If I want to go to the strip club or chill with my boys, she won't question it, if she wants to chill with her girls, I don't. People's expectations are just too damn high, no way you can be in ANYBODY's grill for years and not get sick of them.

Dog, try the best you can before you throw in the towel because you can get divorced, but you can NEVER get unmarried.

 

[nittie]

In the old days marriage was about survival as much as it was about love. A man needed a woman to give him children and care for them and women needed men to care for her and her children, it was business and if you happen to fall in love more power to you. Today it is still the same a married couple will do better than single people, more money, security, better home for the kids. Marriages usually fall apart when people only focus on the love aspect of it, granted you want to be happy but both people have to stay focused on the big picture, you didn't get married for love you got married because you felt you could make it together. Give your woman some space for starters, after things cool off listen to what she has to say, if she's right acknowledge it, don't feel threatened by her, after she's done talking be a man, tell her what things are all about and every now and then remind her. Being a man ain't about controlling her, it's about not feeling as if you have to control her. The only thing a married man should want to be in charge of is his family's welfare.

 

[Zero]

In the old days marriage was about survival as much as it was about love. A man needed a woman to give him children and care for them and women needed men to care for her and her children, it was business and if you happen to fall in love more power to you. Today it is still the same a married couple will do better than single people, more money, security, better home for the kids. Marriages usually fall apart when people only focus on the love aspect of it, granted you want to be happy but both people have to stay focused on the big picture, you didn't get married for love you got married because you felt you could make it together. Give your woman some space for starters, after things cool off listen to what she has to say, if she's right acknowledge it, don't feel threatened by her, after she's done talking be a man, tell her what things are all about and every now and then remind her. Being a man ain't about controlling her, it's about not feeling as if you have to control her. The only thing a married man should want to be in charge of is his family's welfare.

It's the difference between LOVE and being IN LOVE. IN LOVE doesn't last, it's primal, it's just some shit in your programming to help you keep the species going. When your IN LOVE, you want to fuck, hold hands, kiss, stare into each others eyes and whatnot. When you LOVE somebody, you just want them to be happy and content and you are willing to protect that contentment at the risk of your own (that's why you'll fight for your boy, kill for your kids and deal with bullshit from your family). You may not even talk to somebody you love on the regular. Love is sustaining shit that just doesn't go away. You love your kids, you love your momma, you love your boys and, if your lucky, you love your woman. Friendship is love, the problem is, a lot of women don't think so, they place a dividing line between friendship and love that fucks up a relationship big time. All most men want is real love (friendship, fellowship, etc.), women want romance and bullshit. Find a woman that is beyond that and you got a REAL WOMAN.

Love is what you have for your family and friends. It's more settled and familiar, it's EASY to LOVE, being in love becomes a burden wihtout REAL LOVE behind it. Folks always talk about being taken for granted, being taken for granted by a loved one is the greatest appreciation they can show you. It means they KNOW you are there and will be there.

Grand gestures are cool, but they are bullshit if that's all y'all got together because it's not about the grand gesture, it's about the little shit. You help your best friend when he's in trouble because he's your friend, not because you are trying to PROVE your friendship. You fight with your brother and get over it because you KNOW he's not going anywhere. A marriage should be the same, but folks fall IN LOVE with people they don't even like, much less really love.

IN LOVE is what Lions get twice a year when it's time to make cubs, LOVE is something only HUMANS can feel for one another.

Alright, I been drinkin' too, and I ain't tryin' to sound like Dr. Ruth or Dr. Phil, but I'm a BIG fan of marriage when it's good, there ain't shit better.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

In the old days marriage was about survival as much as it was about love. A man needed a woman to give him children and care for them and women needed men to care for her and her children, it was business and if you happen to fall in love more power to you. Today it is still the same a married couple will do better than single people, more money, security, better home for the kids. Marriages usually fall apart when people only focus on the love aspect of it, granted you want to be happy but both people have to stay focused on the big picture, you didn't get married for love you got married because you felt you could make it together. Give your woman some space for starters, after things cool off listen to what she has to say, if she's right acknowledge it, don't feel threatened by her, after she's done talking be a man, tell her what things are all about and every now and then remind her. Being a man ain't about controlling her, it's about not feeling as if you have to control her. The only thing a married man should want to be in charge of is his family's welfare.

Thats good advice Nittie, I think alot of marriages fail because alot of people don't know about things like that, most learn the hard way or through experience.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I'm just sitting here sipping on some Tanqueray and orannge juice, and I've come to the conclusion that marriage is out dated and not realistic, at least here in America, I believe the stats show more than half of all marriages in America end in divorce, but fuck the stats, I've seen enough proof of this in my personal life, everyone I've grown up with either comes from a broken home, or their parents got divorced somewhere along the line, including mine which are now separated. It just seems that marriage is set up to fail from the beginning, especially if you marry at a young age, like say 19 or 20, people start to change in their mid 20s, and I'm seeing this now, I got married when I was 19 and I'm 23 now, my wife has started to change as a person, to the point where we want different things in life, least to say I'll probably be getting a divorce, but nevertheless I've seen very few marriages that actually work where both parties are happy, want to be there, and aren't just hanging in there for the kids or because its "cheaper to keep her", what are your guys thoughts on this? Even if your happily married yourself, look at the people around you and count how many are in the same boat.

What would happen if you just put your foot down? What I mean is, one or more thing that she does that makes her unlivable, decide what you want her to change, and tell her that if she doesn't change this thing you are going to walk. Be as specific as possible. If you say something like "don't be such a bitch" it won't work becuase her idea of what a "bitch" is might be miles away from yours. If you say something like "you go out too much. From now I only want you at the club 2 nights a week", then she knows exactly what you mean. All she can say is yay or nay. Even if she says "nay" at least you know where you stand. You don't have to sit around drunk wondering what's going to happen."

It's kinda hard to make this kind of confrontation so wait till you're good and mad. Not mad enough to lose control, but at least mad enough to not give a fuck. Be sober at the time so she knows you mean it. Most importantly. follow through on everything you say. If you don't it'll make you that much easier to walk over the next time (I hate to say it but that ring on your finger proves that you, and I, are at least a little bit whipped).

Keep your escape route planned. There's a good chance she could call your bluff so make sure you at least have a friend with a couch to sleep on for at least a month. Find a place to store your valubles just in case she gets vindictive. Eventually she will calm down enough to talk to you like a human being on the matter. There could be lots of reasons for her 6 month makeover. They could be easier to resolve then you thought.

Anyway, I'm drunk so take my advice for whatever you think it's worth. Just don't hold me to shit.

Oh yeah, when you make a threat follow through on it no matter what.

 

[mttocs]

I take your point. I think the institution of marriage is good and makes perfect sense, the problem is with people today and their inability to sacrifice towards a greater good (family). It's a fucked up situation. I wish you luck with yours. Perhaps it will work out with your current wife. If not - you're still very young. You might very well end up happily married to someone else.

So many couples that I know had luck the SECOND time around.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

What would happen if you just put your foot down? What I mean is, one or more thing that she does that makes her unlivable, decide what you want her to change, and tell her that if she doesn't change this thing you are going to walk. Be as specific as possible. If you say something like "don't be such a bitch" it won't work becuase her idea of what a "bitch" is might be miles away from yours. If you say something like "you go out too much. From now I only want you at the club 2 nights a week", then she knows exactly what you mean. All she can say is yay or nay. Even if she says "nay" at least you know where you stand. You don't have to sit around drunk wondering what's going to happen."

It's kinda hard to make this kind of confrontation so wait till you're good and mad. Not mad enough to lose control, but at least mad enough to not give a fuck. Be sober at the time so she knows you mean it. Most importantly. follow through on everything you say. If you don't it'll make you that much easier to walk over the next time (I hate to say it but that ring on your finger proves that you, and I, are at least a little bit whipped).

Keep your escape route planned. There's a good chance she could call your bluff so make sure you at least have a friend with a couch to sleep on for at least a month. Find a place to store your valubles just in case she gets vindictive. Eventually she will calm down enough to talk to you like a human being on the matter. There could be lots of reasons for her 6 month makeover. They could be easier to resolve then you thought.

Anyway, I'm drunk so take my advice for whatever you think it's worth. Just don't hold me to shit.

Oh yeah, when you make a threat follow through on it no matter what.

I won't hold you to anything bro, what you say makes sense except I don't really know anyone out here like that that would let me stay with them for longer than a day. All my best friends and family are all in Kansas City, but I do understand what your saying about the follow through though.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

So many couples that I know had luck the SECOND time around.

Thats what I noticed too.

 

[Brown Pride]

I still believe in marriage,I'm from the old school,if you love a women and want children,then marry her for the sake of keepin the children legit.If not than let faggots get married.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

I still believe in marriage,I'm from the old school,if you love a women and want children,then marry her for the sake of keepin the children legit.If not than let faggots get married.

You can't get married JUST for the kids sake, this is why so many marriage crash and burn in this country, because people want to do the right thing, it may be noble, but most people who get married like that divorce within a few years and it turns into a bloody custody battle for the children. Only marry someone if you truly love them and not because you have to, and make sure you have your shit together, these are lessons I'm learning the hard way.

 

[Brown Pride]

You can't get married JUST for the kids sake, this is why so many marriage crash and burn in this country, because people want to do the right thing, it may be noble, but most people who get married like that divorce within a few years and it turns into a bloody custody battle for the children. Only marry someone if you truly love them and not because you have to, and make sure you have your shit together, these are lessons I'm learning the hard way.

You read it wrong,first thing I said was if you "love a woman",got to have the love first mi hermano,I ai'nt gonna marry a woman if I don't love her,some peeps get married just because they knock the woman up,that's not what I ment.You got to have love for her,and I believe in the Church,so I would marry for love and the Church,then the kids.That's they way it is supposed to be,tu sabes mi hermano.

 

[da_monumental_1]

I hate to sound negative, but fuck marriage. Their are three stages to all relationships. It's all biochemical. As with any drug, it's effects will eventually wear off. Hint: Monogamy is a myth!

1: LUST
2: ATTRACTION
3: ATTACHMENT


Stage 1: LUST
Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women.

Stage 2: ATTRACTION
This is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.

In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role:

Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine

Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing

Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane

Stage 3: ATTACHMENT
This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn't possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they'd never get any work done!

Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments:

Oxytocin - This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes

Vasopressin - Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole

http://helenfisher.com

 

[Gods_Favorite]

I hate to sound negative, but fuck marriage. Their are three stages to all relationships. It's all biochemical. As with any drug, it's effects will eventually wear off. Hint: Monogamy is a myth!

1: LUST
2: ATTRACTION
3: ATTACHMENT


Stage 1: LUST
Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women.

Stage 2: ATTRACTION
This is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.

In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role:

Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine

Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing

Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane

Stage 3: ATTACHMENT
This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn't possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they'd never get any work done!

Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments:

Oxytocin - This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes

Vasopressin - Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole

http://helenfisher.com

Truest shit I ever read.

 

[QueEx]

````

 

[VegasGuy]

It's not outdated at all. People tried to modify what marriage is up to the point where even the Reverend Al Sharpton says that for two men to marry or two women to marry is a good thing and should be accepted. It's not a good thing, I don't accept it and that's not marriage.

Marriage today seems to be based largely on sexual activity and not much else. What has changed are values and an old skool thing called courtship and family involvement.

People date any number of people and do that so much they don't stop to figure out what they want long term. Then all the while will screw like rabbits and literally exhaust every deviant sexual pleasure they can think of and here come two are three kids and that responsibility neither one planned for; which always calls for a serious commitment from the two parents. And because neither one ever discussed anything other than the others "infidelity", those relationships always fail after a short while and the kids are left to fend for themselves. Looking for answers, mostly from television and movies.

Then you got popular culture sticking their nose in the mix telling you it's cool to have sex, produce babies and then get married...ala Tom Cruise. We all know that shit won't last. With most people getting their life skills from movies and TV anyway, how else is the relationship supposed to turn out?

-VG

 

[Tru2me]

I think marriage is great. Most get married for LOVE. wrong reason!. Its about commitment. I got married in 1998 to the coolest most devoted of all ALL the girls I had dated. Not the best looking, maybe the finest but loyal and devoted. Most dont look for that in a women. THe marriage was cool. The good so far outweighed the bad. Bought cars and a house. Brah was a manwhore in school and even most of my 20's. but i settled and HAD great 8 years of marriage. She died on 10/7/2006 in my arms in our bed. Complications from lupus and ph. I will marry again someday. Marriage is great if u marry the right person for the right reasons.

 

[Mello Mello]

Damn this old ass thread is still on bgol. I thought HNIC got rid of this shit. Lemme see how far I can go back.

 

[BigATLslim]

I think marriage is great. Most get married for LOVE. wrong reason!. Its about commitment. I got married in 1998 to the coolest most devoted of all ALL the girls I had dated. Not the best looking, maybe the finest but loyal and devoted. Most dont look for that in a women. THe marriage was cool. The good so far outweighed the bad. Bought cars and a house. Brah was a manwhore in school and even most of my 20's. but i settled and HAD great 8 years of marriage. She died on 10/7/2006 in my arms in our bed. Complications from lupus and ph. I will marry again someday. Marriage is great if u marry the right person for the right reasons.

DAMN, brother I am agreeing with everything in this thread but this short story came out of nowhere and just touched me. Man, thanks for sharing. That situation could easily be more, but in reality bruh, that is one in a million. You did have that actual "love" AND commitment. Man, that really was a beautiful story. I wish you the best as you look to ascend to that place again.

P.S. I don't mean to pry but what is ph?

 

[BigATLslim]

It's the difference between LOVE and being IN LOVE. IN LOVE doesn't last, it's primal, it's just some shit in your programming to help you keep the species going. When your IN LOVE, you want to fuck, hold hands, kiss, stare into each others eyes and whatnot. When you LOVE somebody, you just want them to be happy and content and you are willing to protect that contentment at the risk of your own (that's why you'll fight for your boy, kill for your kids and deal with bullshit from your family). You may not even talk to somebody you love on the regular. Love is sustaining shit that just doesn't go away. You love your kids, you love your momma, you love your boys and, if your lucky, you love your woman. Friendship is love, the problem is, a lot of women don't think so, they place a dividing line between friendship and love that fucks up a relationship big time. All most men want is real love (friendship, fellowship, etc.), women want romance and bullshit. Find a woman that is beyond that and you got a REAL WOMAN.

Love is what you have for your family and friends. It's more settled and familiar, it's EASY to LOVE, being in love becomes a burden wihtout REAL LOVE behind it. Folks always talk about being taken for granted, being taken for granted by a loved one is the greatest appreciation they can show you. It means they KNOW you are there and will be there.

Grand gestures are cool, but they are bullshit if that's all y'all got together because it's not about the grand gesture, it's about the little shit. You help your best friend when he's in trouble because he's your friend, not because you are trying to PROVE your friendship. You fight with your brother and get over it because you KNOW he's not going anywhere. A marriage should be the same, but folks fall IN LOVE with people they don't even like, much less really love.

IN LOVE is what Lions get twice a year when it's time to make cubs, LOVE is something only HUMANS can feel for one another.

Alright, I been drinkin' too, and I ain't tryin' to sound like Dr. Ruth or Dr. Phil, but I'm a BIG fan of marriage when it's good, there ain't shit better.

Zero, I was agreeing with everything in this thread but you just hit the nail DIRECTLY on the head. That love and in love sh!t is what cost me my last serious relationship. I told her I loved her and did not believe in "in love." She flipped for three months. She took it as a dis and had no idea that love meant when she acted an azz monkey, and she was a dime so she often did, I would still treat you with respect. Didn't understand it......until I left. Always happens like that. A shame, I tell ya.

 

[Blu Diablo]

This IS an old ass thread but brotha Zero you spit some of the realest shit in the world with that last reply.

I was in a relationship with a chic and she was complainin' and said, "Don't treat me like one of your boys, I'm supposed to be special"

Then I pointed out that in my true circle of friend most I have know since before our teen years (longevity), I can ask them for just about anything and they can ask me the same and rarely is there any problem with the request (unselfishness). There is an unwaivering loyalty that comes along with trust built over time(commitment).

I gave her a few minutes to let that soak and told her that if I'm treating her like one of my boys that's the highest compliment I could give our relationship.

 

[QueEx]

This IS an old ass thread . . .

. . . in my true circle of friends most I have known since before our teen years (longevity), . . . is an unwaivering loyalty that comes along with trust built over time (commitment).

All ingredients of a good thread. Thats why we keep them around.

QueEx

 

[DeSiRe]

heres the problem with marriage these days:

instant gratification society...we want results now...with little work...generations before us had very different work ethic and higher level of patience

unrealistic expectations of a relationship...for men and women

acceptance of children out of wedlock in our society

acceptance of divorce in our society

women becoming more self reliant

the "30 is the new 20" bullshit...people taking forever to grow up/not growing up

shift in societal values (family is important...but material things and personal success is growing in popularity)

lack of a positive male role model in black women's lives

 

[Blu Diablo]

All ingredients of a good thread. Thats why we keep them around.

QueEx

Haha, I see what you did there.

No doubt, wise words are timeless.

 

[Mackavellian Nupe]

Real talk, it isn't that marriage is outdated, it's the fact that marriage is for mature individuals only, and the people who are getting married are for the most part immature or got married prematurely.

The concept of marriage is as sound and solid as it has always been.