Would you go from mistress or misteress to main???

[nyc2atl4life]

If you were the mistress/bootycall/chick on the side....(whatever makes it politically correct for you)and then the dude flipped the script(because he divorced/broke-up)and wanted to now make you his main girl. Would you do it?? I doubt it!! Then what makes you think we would?? Here's the deal.....

I am a MAN who has been having an illicit/affair/relationship with a UNhappilly married woman. It was purely SEXUAL. I did all the sexually deviant things with her that her husband would not do(swinging, 3somes, role play, semi public, etc). Now that she is divorced she expects us to have this happy, healthy, monogomous relationship.....HUHHHH???? With our history(with each other), how could we trust each other? She does'nt agree. Can I have some SOL/BGOL opinions.

Before you guys and gals start blasting me for being clueless about "the emotional attatchment that women have whenever they allow a man to enter them..................blah, blah, blah". Trust me.....all things were discussed before anything happened. We both knew exactly what we were signing up for. Would love to hear all opinions. What would you do if it were you?????

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

I think I wouldn't be able to do it because I would always feel like he would eventually cheat if he became unhappy and I am sure he would feel the same way.

 

[femmenoire]

It changes the dynamic of the relationship anyway.

I wouldn't.

 

[Peanutbutta]

If the reason she was kicking it with you was just the sexually deviant stuff that hubby wouldn't do and now she is free to do all that stuff with you what is the worry about cheating if was other issues that broke up the mattiage then she needs to deal with those before moving on. YOU NEVER MAKE A NUMBER 2, :NUMBER 1. There was a reason why she started out and stayed at number 2(side piece) If she was qualified to be wifey you would have moved her up to that spot a long time ago and the same goes for you.

 

[KW13537]

That's the dynamics of an affair. You're in a relationship with someone who is cheating on their spouse. They have a romantic fantasy about how life would be with you. They don't consider that most of the excitement for you is the sex and the sneaking and once it becomes more than just crazy, mind-numbing sex, you're not going to want all the other relationship stuff.

 

[SinaminDelite]

If the reason she was kicking it with you was just the sexually deviant stuff that hubby wouldn't do and now she is free to do all that stuff with you what is the worry about cheating if was other issues that broke up the mattiage then she needs to deal with those before moving on. YOU NEVER MAKE A NUMBER 2, :NUMBER 1. There was a reason why she started out and stayed at number 2(side piece) If she was qualified to be wifey you would have moved her up to that spot a long time ago and the same goes for you.

c/s I wouldn't take them seriously.

 

[bigirl]

Its hard for me to answer these types of questions as every situation is unique. With some people no way, but it could be possible with someone else. I have seen it happen and the people ended up very happy together.

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

If the reason she was kicking it with you was just the sexually deviant stuff that hubby wouldn't do and now she is free to do all that stuff with you what is the worry about cheating if was other issues that broke up the mattiage then she needs to deal with those before moving on. YOU NEVER MAKE A NUMBER 2, :NUMBER 1. There was a reason why she started out and stayed at number 2(side piece) If she was qualified to be wifey you would have moved her up to that spot a long time ago and the same goes for you.

You basically said what I was thinking

 

[owl]

From my experience, it never works out. The fact that she was cheating added a pinch of erotic flavor to the whole escapade, and the fact that she was cheating is going to add a pound of insecurities once you enter an exclusively intimate relationship.


YBO

 

[Upgrade Dave]

If you're not feeling her like that then let her know. She might be the woman you like to do crazy shit with but not the one you want to keep full time. Only you know that. No cliche fit every situation with every person so what we say doesn't matter. None of us are in your place, sit down with yourself first and be honest about your feelings then tell her and be prepared for however she responds.

Pretty interesting, tell us how it works out.

 

[Chicutie]

I don't think that would ever work for me. . . I have totally different perception of someone I have a casual relationship with, then someone I have a serious relationship with. There would be trust issues. . . What if she eventually cheated on you?. . . Couldn't really be surprised

 

[DaleMabry]

I mean, much of your relationship history with this woman involved group sex and polyamory, the idea that you will both just shut that down and be monogamous is a rebound fantasy.

She's divorced, hurting, and the person that makes her feel GGGRRRREAT!!!! most often is you.

If you are both willing to keep dating without strings while she heals and dates others, cool.

If she wants to turn what you had into some kind of hybrid of her marriage and your affair, not cool.

Most likely she used you as an escape and is trying to still do so.

Which means YOU may need to escape...ASAP.

If she can take what she learned with you sexually and incorporate aspects of it into the next monogamous situation she encounters, i.e., not you, maybe she will finally be happy.

 

[debrookcaturlyn]

I mean, much of your relationship history with this woman involved group sex and polyamory, the idea that you will both just shut that down and be monogamous is a rebound fantasy.

She's divorced, hurting, and the person that makes her feel GGGRRRREAT!!!! most often is you.

If you are both willing to keep dating without strings while she heals and dates others, cool.

If she wants to turn what you had into some kind of hybrid of her marriage and your affair, not cool.

Most likely she used you as an escape and is trying to still do so.

Which means YOU may need to escape...ASAP.

If she can take what she learned with you sexually and incorporate aspects of it into the next monogamous situation she encounters, i.e., not you, maybe she will finally be happy.

VERY well put....co-sign...

 

[Jam_Jam]

First of all, if you are a mistress don't even waste your time marrying the dude once he gets divorced. Over 90% of marriages that evolve from an affair end in divorce. This is basically because karma is a bitch. Personally, I would never be a mistress because I refuse to be #2 and I don't like to share.

 

[debrookcaturlyn]

But if I may add my $0.02... Let's keep it real!! Who is in a relationship that they TOTALLY trust their partner? We are for the most part in relationships that we are comfortable that our significant other ain't gonna do nothing TOTALLY disrespectful and crazy. Who on here can honestly say they don't, haven't and won't cheat on their mate. Women are waaaay more likely to try monogamy with someone they have been ho-ing around with, because 9 times out of 10...THEY iniciated the acts that took place or at least allowed them. For that time, it fed the womans needs....now she wants to go from hoe to housewife. Unless a woman is a str8t up HOE......most women are more than happy with some good dick, an open ear(or two), and a warm heart. Men, we simply like variety. I think that the situation mentioned at the top of the thread CAN work. As long as the man continues to understand and feed the woman her "medicine" as she requires, and she allows him the freedoms that were always "his"....THEY WILL BE FINE........for a minute

 

[lilsexii]

It's possible for you to be happy together, but you'd be taking a big chance. Fidelity and honesty are huge necessities, but both of you have already demonstrated that you're capable of cheating and quite good at lying (if ya'll haven't been caught yet)....its hard enough to trust people as it is...do you think you could ever really trust her? can she trust YOU?

If you're really into her too, tell her how you feel and just kick it for a while...if it turns into something serious, so be it...but I wouldn't run off to Vegas or anything