http://www.hulu.com/watch/133760/foratv-science-why-do-we-love-the-people-we-do#s-p3-so-i0
Give it a try, It's pretty interesting.
Give it a try, It's pretty interesting.
Why do we love the people we do?
- Thread starter WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff
- Start date
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I don't know. Like, how do you discern between, say, "in love" and "deeply romanticaly in love"? 
What if the subject is just madly infatuated or just horny? Those are also reward-driven.
I can see how the "feeling" expressed as love could be just one of the various substrates of some emotive drive for well-being. Compassion, tolerance, empathy and self-control would be others and they could show activation in other regions of the brain. I know for a fact that the Right Ventro-Lateral Pre-Frontal Cortex (RVLPFC) is associated with various forms of self-control. So using just one brain region as an index for love. Ehhh...
What if the subject is just madly infatuated or just horny? Those are also reward-driven. I can see how the "feeling" expressed as love could be just one of the various substrates of some emotive drive for well-being. Compassion, tolerance, empathy and self-control would be others and they could show activation in other regions of the brain. I know for a fact that the Right Ventro-Lateral Pre-Frontal Cortex (RVLPFC) is associated with various forms of self-control. So using just one brain region as an index for love. Ehhh...
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How many people you know really know who they are? Do you really know who you are? Many of us don't know. Without that knowledge of self how can you choose the right mate?
Because we allow our fantasies and sexual urges to cloud our judgment we don't choose wisely. We want the beautiful, the handsome, the superstar athletic types, big butts and massive breast, the strong and the rich.
But what about that one person you know who works hard for their money? They're not flashy, but always there if you need them. That one person who likes you for who you are. That person who has your best interest at heart. We all have had someone like that in our lives but did we ever give them a shot? Why not? Were they fat? Not rich? Short?
Without the knowledge of self we can never move beyond our superficial wants and desires. So many of us choose poorly.
Because we allow our fantasies and sexual urges to cloud our judgment we don't choose wisely. We want the beautiful, the handsome, the superstar athletic types, big butts and massive breast, the strong and the rich.
But what about that one person you know who works hard for their money? They're not flashy, but always there if you need them. That one person who likes you for who you are. That person who has your best interest at heart. We all have had someone like that in our lives but did we ever give them a shot? Why not? Were they fat? Not rich? Short?
Without the knowledge of self we can never move beyond our superficial wants and desires. So many of us choose poorly.
I say you don't really know who you are until you've had a proper amount of time and experience to evaluate who you are a person. You don't know who you are at 21. Most people just haven't had the proper TESTS of character to say they do at that young age. Hell you just barely off ya mama titty at 21.
Yessir. Something i try to get through to the youngins.
Alot of differing factors will influence that and i think the biggest 1 is your OWN self esteem and what you feel your own worth is. I was(am) crazy egotistical and vain, so i loved the adoration and whatever my husband doled on me. I felt i deserved it hell. He was physically what i liked as well so it wasn't a problem.
good post. Too many of us want a dime that doesn't have our best interest at heart and contributes nothing.
Interesting topic.
TRUTH!
I definitely agree with both these statements.
Funny thing is with me, I did what y'all suggested as far as looks (she was about a 7 when 8+ is normally what I fucked with) but her personality, intelligence, and heart were things that made her a 10+.
But even that shit didn't work out and I believe mainly due to her being 23 going on 24, potential long distance relationship, and cultural dichotomies.
I'm 28 and probably need to take Legacy's late husband's advice (see I remember
) and just not really fuck with anything dealing with a serious relationship 'til I'm like 33 or 35 and have all my ducks in a serious row financially and all. As far as Sean's comment goes, there are too many factors to try to pin point the molecular or basis/makeup of love. So many different neurotransmitters play a part in the "feeling" that it's hard to try to manufacture. Now manufacturing lust or that dumbass "romantic" feeling is probably easier, but "love", well I guess that's complicated both chemically and philosophically for no damn reason...
I was talking to a friend the other day and we were discussing ages and things like that. Her view is that a man should be ready for relationships and such in early 20's. I'm highly disagreeing because i know for a fact, so many men have told me it's ridiculous. That they wish they would've gotten their "game" or "playing" days over with in their 20's. I say go out into the world, discover who you are. And then you and her can come together as whole people.
But alot of folks spend so much of their life, trying to chase this and get that person they don't know who they are. You don't know what YOU like so much as you know what it is to do for others. You know what she likes. You know what he likes. What about yoru own happiness? Did you ever learn to be happy with your own self? Your own time alone?
I didn't. Not in that aspect. I've been attached at the hip to my husband and gf for 20 years. I'm not trading it in for NOTHING. I've grown into who i am because hubb was 1 of those rare people who beleived in letting a person grow. And discover. But not everyone is cool with that. You might be cool with a person growing? You just don't want them growing without YOU.
But alot of folks spend so much of their life, trying to chase this and get that person they don't know who they are. You don't know what YOU like so much as you know what it is to do for others. You know what she likes. You know what he likes. What about yoru own happiness? Did you ever learn to be happy with your own self? Your own time alone?
I didn't. Not in that aspect. I've been attached at the hip to my husband and gf for 20 years. I'm not trading it in for NOTHING. I've grown into who i am because hubb was 1 of those rare people who beleived in letting a person grow. And discover. But not everyone is cool with that. You might be cool with a person growing? You just don't want them growing without YOU.
Many blessings on what I bolded and the other things are taken into consideration...
I agree with you your friend is wrong the early 20s is no time for a black man to be getting married. This is the time he should be establishing his foundation for his future.
Man Mo my husband was adamantly against black men getting involved in their younger years. Adamantly against. Only of course in rare cases. (Me). From the get go, i wanted to be a wife. I was willing to be a wife. I just didn't know HOW. I had to learn. I didn't ever buck at my husbands will or command. He was my husband, i was his wife. And naturally that's how i felt i should be. When i finally had someone tell me what to do. How to be a good wife. And do things for the benefit of the family, that was when i grew.
Most young ladies my age at that time in life have no CLUE. They didn't want to be wives, but they wanted to be wifed. Young guys don't want to be husbands, they want to run wild and free for a time. Throw they dick in everything moving and i believe they should do that.
I'm like go! GO OUT! Go freakin...climb a mountain. Go on a vision quest. Go do something! But don't sit there and try to settle down unless it's just IN YOU fundamentally to do so. Don't let this chick you're with try to get you to do so either. In this day and age i still say people aren't built for marriage.
Love is a complex thing, and it gets you acting way unreasonably. You sit there and do stuff you KNOW you shouldn't do. But you wind up doing them anyway. Much to your own regret. And others as well.
Most young ladies my age at that time in life have no CLUE. They didn't want to be wives, but they wanted to be wifed. Young guys don't want to be husbands, they want to run wild and free for a time. Throw they dick in everything moving and i believe they should do that.
I'm like go! GO OUT! Go freakin...climb a mountain. Go on a vision quest. Go do something! But don't sit there and try to settle down unless it's just IN YOU fundamentally to do so. Don't let this chick you're with try to get you to do so either. In this day and age i still say people aren't built for marriage.
Love is a complex thing, and it gets you acting way unreasonably. You sit there and do stuff you KNOW you shouldn't do. But you wind up doing them anyway. Much to your own regret. And others as well.
let's not take for granted the effect environment and upbringing plays on maturity. Some people grow up a lot faster than others and "discover themselves" so to speak early. A kid's life experiences growing up in America is a whole lot different from a growing up in some other parts of the world where you develop character a lot faster, earlier. I think some of the Naija and Caribbean kats here will understand where i'm coming from.
Oh, and I completely disagree with the whole too early to get married in your 20's even though I know it's a generalization.
Oh, and I completely disagree with the whole too early to get married in your 20's even though I know it's a generalization.
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