This Hasidic couple’s kinky open marriage could get them ‘shunned forever’
ByMelkorka Licea
March 12, 2017|5:53am|Updated
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James tucked his side curls behind his ears and tore off his yarmulke as he left the hotel.
Waiting for him in the parking lot in her car was a sultry brunette stranger, and they were both eager for their first date at an Italian restaurant in Omaha, Neb.
They hit it off. After the meal, they stopped at a golf course and had sex behind a hedge.
“She told me to grab a stick and kept asking me to hit her harder,” the married father recalled about the tryst that unfolded during a business trip last May. “Then she sent a photo of her black-and-blue bruises a few days later.”
It was just another night in James’ double life.
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They found that open marriage suits them better than their culture’s strict monogamy.
“We don’t have jealousy,” Monica said. “We never got to date people, so that made it easier for us.”
They even encourage love affairs with others.
“It’s been so beautiful to watch [Monica] fall in love with someone else,” James said.
Monica needs emotional connections with others before getting physical.
“She’s all about talking and vibing well with someone,” James said.
James has a taste for S&M and for the uninhibited random encounters that can come from sex outside the marriage. “If I’m with a woman and we want to have sex in the park, we can,” he said.
But with a double life comes the cost — keeping secrets from family, friends and synagogue, sheltering their children from their hidden truths, and taking many precautions.
“We don’t want to take any chances,” Monica said.
They keep their modern clothes hidden from their children and have no social media beyond their Tinder accounts. They tell everyone that their forbidden cellphones are for work purposes. They use condoms — illicit among Hasidim — religiously.
Their kids attend yeshiva. Monica keeps kosher, and they pray and sing the Torah before meals.
“No one can tell we’re different. We look traditional. We blend in,” Monica said.
With a double life comes the cost — keeping secrets from family, friends and synagogue, sheltering their children from their hidden truths, and taking many precautions
After all, the consequences of getting caught would be dire.
“What they’re doing involves breaking a host of serious taboos.,” said Hella Winston, author of “Unchosen: The Hidden Lives of Hasidic Rebels.”
Adultery is illegal under Jewish law, and offenders are punished with banishment from the community. Husbands and wives are not even allowed to touch each other during a woman’s menstruation. The sexes are kept separate in the synagogue, at weddings and on buses.
Monica and James are outwardly religious, but no longer believe in their faith.
“Questioning God was a very difficult process for me,” said James, who began having doubts as a young man reading Skeptic magazine and “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. “Religion has a strong hold on your thoughts and the way you think.”
The couple chooses to remain part of the insular community because “we don’t want to lose our family,” Monica said. “We would be shunned forever.”
But they are willing to risk all to share their story.
“We want to inspire other Hasidic couples who also have doubts about God and their marriage,” said James. “We hope to lead by example. By speaking out and breaking the taboo, we hope other Hasidic couples will do the same and feel less alone.”
ByMelkorka Licea
March 12, 2017|5:53am|Updated
Modal Trigger
Shutterstock
James tucked his side curls behind his ears and tore off his yarmulke as he left the hotel.
Waiting for him in the parking lot in her car was a sultry brunette stranger, and they were both eager for their first date at an Italian restaurant in Omaha, Neb.
They hit it off. After the meal, they stopped at a golf course and had sex behind a hedge.
“She told me to grab a stick and kept asking me to hit her harder,” the married father recalled about the tryst that unfolded during a business trip last May. “Then she sent a photo of her black-and-blue bruises a few days later.”
It was just another night in James’ double life.
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They found that open marriage suits them better than their culture’s strict monogamy.
“We don’t have jealousy,” Monica said. “We never got to date people, so that made it easier for us.”
They even encourage love affairs with others.
“It’s been so beautiful to watch [Monica] fall in love with someone else,” James said.
Monica needs emotional connections with others before getting physical.
“She’s all about talking and vibing well with someone,” James said.
James has a taste for S&M and for the uninhibited random encounters that can come from sex outside the marriage. “If I’m with a woman and we want to have sex in the park, we can,” he said.
But with a double life comes the cost — keeping secrets from family, friends and synagogue, sheltering their children from their hidden truths, and taking many precautions.
“We don’t want to take any chances,” Monica said.
They keep their modern clothes hidden from their children and have no social media beyond their Tinder accounts. They tell everyone that their forbidden cellphones are for work purposes. They use condoms — illicit among Hasidim — religiously.
Their kids attend yeshiva. Monica keeps kosher, and they pray and sing the Torah before meals.
“No one can tell we’re different. We look traditional. We blend in,” Monica said.
With a double life comes the cost — keeping secrets from family, friends and synagogue, sheltering their children from their hidden truths, and taking many precautions
After all, the consequences of getting caught would be dire.
“What they’re doing involves breaking a host of serious taboos.,” said Hella Winston, author of “Unchosen: The Hidden Lives of Hasidic Rebels.”
Adultery is illegal under Jewish law, and offenders are punished with banishment from the community. Husbands and wives are not even allowed to touch each other during a woman’s menstruation. The sexes are kept separate in the synagogue, at weddings and on buses.
Monica and James are outwardly religious, but no longer believe in their faith.
“Questioning God was a very difficult process for me,” said James, who began having doubts as a young man reading Skeptic magazine and “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. “Religion has a strong hold on your thoughts and the way you think.”
The couple chooses to remain part of the insular community because “we don’t want to lose our family,” Monica said. “We would be shunned forever.”
But they are willing to risk all to share their story.
“We want to inspire other Hasidic couples who also have doubts about God and their marriage,” said James. “We hope to lead by example. By speaking out and breaking the taboo, we hope other Hasidic couples will do the same and feel less alone.”