Jeremy Littel
July 26 at 8:18 PM ·There needs to be a Pooping in a Public Bathroom Etiquette Guide, and I’m not talking about wiping the seat. I’m talking about the art of timing the release.
Like bro… we ALL do it, but there’s still rules:
• The “Wait Till Everyone Leaves” Ninja: You sit there in complete silence, hovering like a prairie dog, praying every single person will finish washing their hands and go home forever.
• The Fan Dropper: You wait for the fan to kick in, then boom. A symphony of shame masked in white noise.
• The Faucet Faker: As soon as someone turns on the sink, it’s go time — you’ve got a 7-second release window before the awkward echo returns.
• The Fake Cougher: You cough like a dying walrus just to sneak out a fart like it wasn’t you. Spoiler: it was absolutely you.
Today, I tried to hold it till the restroom cleared.
Then someone walked in, turned on ALL THREE FAUCETS, and I swear they were doing it for me.
Like some guardian angel of bowel relief.
I dropped that bomb like I was disarming the whole building.
Walked out like nothing happened… made eye contact with the janitor… and said,
“You might wanna give that one a minute.”
