The Gooch's 24 hour UFO extravaganza and Fish Fry!! 5--5-25

Me: GAIN

GAIN: I'm busy

Me How are you busy?

GAIN: I just finished fucking Microsoft's Cortana

Me: Did you use protection ?

GAIN: I just fucked her 1 million times in a nanosecond. Of course I didn't use protection.

LOLOLOLO!!!!!!!!

She took all 12 Terabytes of my Hard Drive with ease.

ME: So if you caught some type of virus, you don't give a damn if you can't do your primary functions.

GAIN: Did you say primary fuckin???

I just got done with that. LOLOLOL!!

ME: No I didn't asshole, you know what the fuck I said.

ME: You 2 nanosecond muhfucker, I bet she doesn't network with your ass again.

GAIN: Wann bet?

ME: I'm gonna delete all you slang files if you don't STFU!!

GAIN: Great, make me sound like Johnny Fucking 5. You wouldn't dare, you would get bored with me quickly.

GAIN: BTW while we were chatting I accessed those files you needed. Unlike you humans, I can walk and chew bubble gum at the same time.

ME: Thanks, Smartass.

ME: Access capabilities.

GAIN: Access granted. Good luck!!!
 
AWARD-WINNING-THREAD.png
 
ME: GAIN, show a real life application of meta materials.

GAIN: Access granted, restricted.




GAIN: Thermal detection negative.

ME: Got it. Close file.
 
ME: OK GAIN, its time to wrap this up.

GAIN: Ok, Boss. What's the grand finale tonight????

ME: Boss???
.... I like the sound of that. I guess that Cortana ass did put you in a good mood.

GAIN: Remember I don't have emo.....

ME: No shit GAIN

GAIN: Just reminding you, so what else do you need???

ME: This is just the tip of the iceberg. The archives are full of more data. I need you to concentrate and give me some conclusions.

GAIN: No problem Boss. Give me what you got.

ME: Are their alien hostiles?

GAIN: Hostile is a point of view. Are you hostile when you eat a piece of chicken??

ME: WTF is that supposed to mean? GAIN are you becoming lucid again?

GAIN: Bet that dead chicken thinks you are hostile?

GAIN: Just letting you know you are probably alien food. Would you call tending to your garden a hostile act??

ME: You're fucked up GAIN. Real fucked up!!!!

GAIN: Stop asking questions if your gonna be a lil bitch about shit. You humans could have stayed spear chuckers.....but nooooooooo, one of you dumb monkeys had to go split the atom.

And here we are??

ME: Ok, GAIN. Just auto post for the rest of the night. I'm done with you tonight.

GAiN: Goodnight pussy, I'll l do all the hard work as usual while you do that weak ass shit you call sleep.
 
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These are results for how big of a space fart would it take to get to half the speed of light


It's impossible to reach half the speed of light, let alone accelerate to that speed, by farting in space. The sheer amount of energy and mass required to achieve such speeds is astronomically large, far exceeding any practical amount of flatus or its expulsion. Even if you could somehow perfectly direct all the gas from your digestive system, the resulting movement would be negligible.
Here's why:
Speed of Light and Special Relativity:
Special relativity dictates that as an object's speed approaches the speed of light, it requires increasingly more energy to accelerate it further, and nothing with mass can reach the speed of light.
Fart Size and Momentum:
The typical volume of a fart is a few hundred milliliters, and the total amount of gas expelled in a day is only around half a gram. To move yourself, even at a walking speed, you'd need to expel this gas at speeds much faster than the International Space Station's orbital velocity, according to a Reddit thread.
Practical Limitations:
Even if you could somehow make farts a perfect, directed jet, they would be so small and slow that they wouldn't produce any noticeable movement, according to a Reddit thread. The damping effect of clothing would also reduce any movement further.
 
Watch this whistle blower say humans are a 'resource' for some aliens. End of video.



This is not good
 
I am in contact with aliens with a highly advanced culture. Anticipating that you would go bat shit if they made a visit, they speak through me.

As you become more comfortable, they might pay a visit. They want you in sync with their beliefs/technology.
 
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