The Demise of Dating - Hooking Up is Here to Stay: Is this Bad for Women?

[keysersoze]

The Demise of Dating
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By CHARLES M. BLOW

The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.


(For those over 30 years old: hooking up is a casual sexual encounter with no expectation of future emotional commitment. Think of it as a one-night stand with someone you know.)

According to a report released this spring by Child Trends, a Washington research group, there are now more high school seniors saying that they never date than seniors who say that they date frequently. Apparently, it’s all about the hookup.

Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia who has studied hooking up among college students and is the author of the 2008 book, “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.”

It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.

I asked her to explain the pros and cons of this strange culture. According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As she put it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.

The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.

That’s not good. So why is there an increase in hooking up? According to Professor Bogle, it’s: the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum.

It used to be that “you were trained your whole life to date,” said Ms. Bogle. “Now we’ve lost that ability — the ability to just ask someone out and get to know them.”

Now that’s sad.

1st - Is dating dead? I know some friends who do it occasionally. I admit it wasn't a big thing in college and H.S. and haven't heard of my by buddies say they are "dating" - most are in a serious relationship or just smashing their youth away.

Now that dating is dead or almost non existent - how do you ladies addressing the point the article raises about women not finding relationships from the casual sex situations? It seems like women are the losers in this equation.

Men = free pussy, no commitment, no hard feelings... go somewhere else to find a wifey.

What do women gain from this?

 

[followup]

Good (quick) read LOL. Dating is not dead where I'm from. When we're out and about there are always couples milling about--black and other. I think a woman who expects to build a relationship by having casual sex is naive and sheltered because that has never been the case.

 

[Cleopatra_J]

I think to survey college kids and seniors for this is not accurate.. Who dates in college? or high school? They don't even k now what it is to have a good date... I think a more accurate article would have surveyed people in broader age range, let's say 23-34 because those are people who are actually looking to "date" vs. just "hooking up"

 

[shanebp1978]

I think to survey college kids and seniors for this is not accurate.. Who dates in college? or high school? They don't even k now what it is to have a good date... I think a more accurate article would have surveyed people in broader age range, let's say 23-34 because those are people who are actually looking to "date" vs. just "hooking up"

Co-sign. I was like, high school? Dating?

 

[Dannyblueyes]

Bad for women? That depends how much ladies like immature love struck perverts stalking them at work because they felt a magical connection at the malt shop.

With a hookup everything is understood. You get drunk, fuck, if it feels good keep fucking. You know there's no respect, no phone call, no fighting, no feeling, and no expectations. It's just a night of good dirty fun. I fail to see how that could possibly be bad for women.

 

[DarkCity]

I don't think dating is dead. It may be in recession but it isn't dead. "Hooking Up" is becoming more popular just because people are becoming more loose. This is all fine and good for short term satisfaction but when it is time try and build something I don't believe you can start off fucking. If you start off fucking you end up just fucking in my experiences.

As far as this being good or not for women. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

[LoneStar29]

If you start off fucking you end up just fucking in my experiences.

I agree very much with this statement.

I don't think dating is completely dead cuz I still meet men that ask me out but it does seem nowadays (in my experience)that more men want like a quick hook-up meaning they meet you, wanna go home with and fuck you all on the first day you meet them. If I meet a man and he starts asking to see me that same night I'll pretty much throw away his number and not speak to him again.