Texts From Last Night...

[CT's Finest]

I stumbled across this website a few weeks ago, and it is pure comedy. Apparently, these are real text messages people have sent each other. They updatre on a regular basis, so there is usually new content on there when I stop by. Check it out, and feel free to drop some of your favorite texts (from the site and even real ones you have sent and/or received) in here...



http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

...Here are a few from the front page...

(616): David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
(773): Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian

(210): Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.

(+61): yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.

(719): I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

 

[LoneStar29]

(314): I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...




(603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
(1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.




(732): You look like a girl that would like strip clubs

 

[LoneStar29]

(412): Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.


(323): Booty call?
(310): Dude you don't even follow my twitter


(505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

 

[CT's Finest]

A few more...

(541): You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.

(678): Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.

(760): i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.

(843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.

 

[MCP]

(301): Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.

(954): I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on

(360): did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
(425): some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.

 

[CT's Finest]

(513): Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.

(907): I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself

(504): Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.

(315): I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
(203): For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho

(740): i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina

 

[CT's Finest]

(323): are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
(310): i wish

(703): Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

(518): i just had sex bonerless

(616): I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me

 

[CT's Finest]

(570): She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

(508): If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.

(651): my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
(651): I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends

(614): You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.

(813): Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.

 

[CT's Finest]

The laughs continue..

(203): There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
(860): Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head

(858): Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
(858): i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents

(816): I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless

(856): i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear

(319): umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
(1-319): put a dollar in it?

(253): My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.

(716): so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
(914): i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"

(417): I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride

 

[DragonXJC]

 

[mzmillion]

(631): Can you return condoms to CVS?
(516): Only if you return your pride as well.

(703): capris are just wrong
(703): its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

(972): how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes

 

[Beaty Swollocks]

 

[doggish_098]

(505): I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.

(407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.

 

[CT's Finest]

(630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
(815): that's gum

(818): i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
(615): Heaven soaked bacon.

(707): Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.

(201): Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

(215): i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month

 

[Brown Bear]

(630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
(815): that's gum

(818): i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
(615): Heaven soaked bacon.

(707): Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.

(201): Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

(215): i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month

 

[CT's Finest]

(601): i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

(501): fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.

(813): why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!

(806): Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...

(651): After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive

(815): This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.

(916): Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice

 

[CT's Finest]

(402): Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

(443): Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

(801): i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.

(818): Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"

(412): Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.

(403): So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.

 

[LoneStar29]

(412): Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.

 

[CT's Finest]

(202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

(646): My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

(636): It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.

(484): At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.

(610): Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...

(512): it hurts more in the daytime

 

[Twistyaaliyah]

 

[CT's Finest]

(402): I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

(954): everyone is single if you try hard enough

(914): she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.

(724): I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
(1-724): You need to find a taint.

(310): please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
(1-310): negative
(310): come find me please

(714): I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room

(601): Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.

 

[CT's Finest]

Bump

 

[richlove]

(510): i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me

and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"

(630): he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.


Watch somebody start a whole fucking comedy career by ripping off this site.

 

[CT's Finest]

(510): i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me

and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"

(630): he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.


Watch somebody start a whole fucking comedy career by ripping off this site.

 

[dHustla]

bump

 

[CT's Finest]

bump

Word.