Supporting your man financially...

femmenoire

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Would you do it?

Are there mitigating circumstances that make it a necessity?

I posted a while back that Valerie Simpson met Nick Ashford when he was homeless sleeping on a bench in NYC when he was trying to be a dancer. Would you support your man's dream?

If you do, do you feel you have the right to question his dream?

I wouldn't support a wannabe rapper, but I would support a man who is trying to start his own consulting biz, accounting firm, IT recruiting company etc.
 
Absolutely support a dream as long as everything that goes into making it a reality is discussed in advance (like being financially challenged/living off one salary for a while).

Plus, people in my experience are just much happier people when they are doing what they feel is worthwhile in their lives. I prefer a man that is pursuing his passion and happy with himself at the end of most days, than one that's making money and complaining all the time :hmm:
 
Would you do it?

Are there mitigating circumstances that make it a necessity?

I posted a while back that Valerie Simpson met Nick Ashford when he was homeless sleeping on a bench in NYC when he was trying to be a dancer. Would you support your man's dream?

If you do, do you feel you have the right to question his dream?

I wouldn't support a wannabe rapper, but I would support a man who is trying to start his own consulting biz, accounting firm, IT recruiting company etc.

I'm curious, would you support a wannabe rapper who's also in school getting a reputable degree (i. e. accounting, business, IT etc...)?

Would you support his "rap career" if he had a civil service job, while pursuing his career?

I ask because, I know some grown men who are working at Starbucks still claiming that they're going to make it at 30. And, I also know some men who work for the city, and go to the studio on a regular basis in an attempt to make it big. But they make sure that they handle all their responsibilities: bills, kids, marriage etc..
 
For me, I have done it too many times already and got nothing out of it but shit on. Also, I can't recall anyone ever supporting my dreams except for me. I have been guilty of seeing the potential in a person. Fuck that. Now I do just like men do. Fuck the potential. Whats there right now?
 
I'm curious, would you support a wannabe rapper who's also in school getting a reputable degree (i. e. accounting, business, IT etc...)?

Would you support his "rap career" if he had a civil service job, while pursuing his career?

I ask because, I know some grown men who are working at Starbucks still claiming that they're going to make it at 30. And, I also know some men who work for the city, and go to the studio on a regular basis in an attempt to make it big. But they make sure that they handle all their responsibilities: bills, kids, marriage etc..

I wouldn't. The type of man I'm attracted to wouldn't even see the music industry as his path to success. I like the diamond in the rought type dudes. The more collegiate, school book oriented guys. I'm more game to support grassroots movements than hip hop moviements and believe me, I'm a huge hip hop fan.
 
I wouldn't. The type of man I'm attracted to wouldn't even see the music industry as his path to success. I like the diamond in the rought type dudes. The more collegiate, school book oriented guys. I'm more game to support grassroots movements than hip hop moviements and believe me, I'm a huge hip hop fan.

That's respectable.

Personally, I wanted to be a rapper when I was 10, changed my mind at 14. Now, I have other dreams that I'm working on. I realized that it wasn't for me. But it brings to mind the question: when should a person give up their dreams? And, is it ok for a someone to crush the dreams of their significant?
 
You not a man if u still need help
maybe once/twice n 2-3 years a man will ask for help
but a man is supposed to be a provider not a taker

so n my eyes u not a man
till u can provide for yourself and others
your kids, your girl, i feel like a teenager who
has to share responsibilities with a parent
is more of a man than a 30 year old male who is still try
to dress like he 17

just my opinion............
 
There is nothing wrong w/ supporting another's dream/goals, but if they are not making any progress then it will do nothing but bring you down w/ them.

Dream or no dream, always be aware of the consequences of helping out another.
 
You not a man if u still need help
maybe once/twice n 2-3 years a man will ask for help
but a man is supposed to be a provider not a taker

so n my eyes u not a man
till u can provide for yourself and others
your kids, your girl, i feel like a teenager who
has to share responsibilities with a parent
is more of a man than a 30 year old male who is still try
to dress like he 17

just my opinion............

Bullshit. Everyone needs help at some point. Some more than others.

If a man gets laid off from his job, and the wife has to support the house till he gets back on his feet, he loses his manhood?

If he gets sick, gets cancer, or any debilitating disease he loses his manhood?

If a man becomes disabled, he loses his manhood?
 
I was dating a woman seriously who went ape shit when I told her I was going to quit a good job at a hospital in management position to go into business for myself.

I had every angle covered. All I needed from her was the emotional support.

Right after Hurricane Katrina I was down there making several hundred dollars a day. All I got from her was "why arent you here" When I would call her and say Im meeting a client for dinner or working a bit late all I caught was attitude.

Needless to say I bailed on her with the quickness. She was so sure I wouldn't succeed.


Bottom line ladies is a lil help is one thing but you have to be there for them emotionally.
 
Emotional support is no problem. I have an issue with the financial support.


I don't have an issue with the financial support if I'm shown a business plan or I know that this is something that has been thoroughly thought out and I have confidence in its success.

But don't tell me at 35 you think you're going to be a rapper.

Don't tell me at 35 you think you're going to go to medical school.

Don't tell me 2 months after your medical school idea, that you've decided to be a truck driver instead.

I know alot of men are ok living with 1-2 other dudes or some back room in the basement of some old house. But I work to obtain and to keep things. I shouldn't have to support your choice to give them all up.

And one of the biggest mistakes and the reason why most people never live their dreams is because they are unrealistic. You don't have to live in squalor to become successful. Sure sacrifices are to be made, but I think power, water, shelter, clothing and food are important to have.
 
Would you do it?

Are there mitigating circumstances that make it a necessity?

I posted a while back that Valerie Simpson met Nick Ashford when he was homeless sleeping on a bench in NYC when he was trying to be a dancer. Would you support your man's dream?

If you do, do you feel you have the right to question his dream?

I wouldn't support a wannabe rapper, but I would support a man who is trying to start his own consulting biz, accounting firm, IT recruiting company etc.

Maybe I'm an idealist but a man and woman should work together and it should not matter if the woman or the man has the dream. Valerie Simpson and Nick Ashford are perfect examples of what can happen if one helps the other.

I would help my lady all she has to do is ask. The reason why you help is you should both reap the benefits of her dream if its successful. The bottom line is life is not about "supporting your man or woman financially. Its about always supporting each other." If the two of you can't be there for each other then you really have nothing to anchor your relationship.
 
Maybe I'm an idealist but a man and woman should work together and it should not matter if the woman or the man has the dream. Valerie Simpson and Nick Ashford are perfect examples of what can happen if one helps the other.

I would help my lady all she has to do is ask. The reason why you help is you should both reap the benefits of her dream if its successful. The bottom line is life is not about "supporting your man or woman financially. Its about always supporting each other." If the two of you can't be there for each other then you really have nothing to anchor your relationship.


I don't think Ashford & Simpson are a perfect example. I would guarantee you they wouldn't suggest their daughter to do the same thing, not in this day and age.

And that is what women have to protect themselves from. There are lots of men who are swindlers, who are lazy, who are manipulators and would ride on someone's back before walking on their own two feet.

It's one thing to be supportive, but don't be a fool.
 
I don't think Ashford & Simpson are a perfect example. I would guarantee you they wouldn't suggest their daughter to do the same thing, not in this day and age.

And that is what women have to protect themselves from. There are lots of men who are swindlers, who are lazy, who are manipulators and would ride on someone's back before walking on their own two feet.

It's one thing to be supportive, but don't be a fool.

Femme, I can't think of a better example than Ashford & Simpson. You pointed out that she helped him when he had no home and was living on a park bench. Now if that's not taking a BIG gamble (and a success story) I don't know what is.

Must you always focus on the negative? There are still some good people in this world. Every man you meet is not out to swindle, and manipulate you. BTW swindlers and manipulators are not gender specific. I know I've met my share. FYI we men also have to protect ourselves.

I'm not saying wipe out your entire savings to help someone you met 2 weeks ago. I'm saying if your in a "meaningful relationship" why not help your partner out. What if it was you? Wouldn't you want your mate to help you? How would you feel if you needed help and suddenly your mate looked at you like you were a swindler? Turned his back on you in your time of need and caused you to miss out on win-win opportunity

As I said before, If the two of you can't be there for each other then you really have no relationship. Your nothing more than fuck partners.
 
I have had too many musician boyfriends I was helping out/supporting and then a white bitch with more $ comes along and thy leave you. Never again :hmm:
 
This is my thing, I think if you've decided to make this person a significant part of your life and not just an "other", then you should have no problem doing for them what you would expect them to do for you. If you don't expect anything in return from them, then they should know from the door that they shouldn't expect anything from you. It just seems a little far fetched that if you've committed to someone and think that the relationship is going anywhere that you would hesitate to help someone out, whether it be emotionally, spiritually or financially. Some of y'all need to rethink the definition of a COMMITTED relationship, one where communication is key and where the two involved stick by each other's side through thick and thin.

That's been my problem with the women I've messed with up to the present, they want you to do for them, but then there's no support, and I'm not even talking about the financial kind. I don't ask for financial support, just a good "baby you know I got your back and support you in what you do"...if that is too hard to do then....GET THE FUCK OUT!! :angry::hmm:
 
This is my thing, I think if you've decided to make this person a significant part of your life and not just an "other", then you should have no problem doing for them what you would expect them to do for you. If you don't expect anything in return from them, then they should know from the door that they shouldn't expect anything from you. It just seems a little far fetched that if you've committed to someone and think that the relationship is going anywhere that you would hesitate to help someone out, whether it be emotionally, spiritually or financially. Some of y'all need to rethink the definition of a COMMITTED relationship, one where communication is key and where the two involved stick by each other's side through thick and thin.

That's been my problem with the women I've messed with up to the present, they want you to do for them, but then there's no support, and I'm not even talking about the financial kind. I don't ask for financial support, just a good "baby you know I got your back and support you in what you do"...if that is too hard to do then....GET THE FUCK OUT!! :angry::hmm:

I agree with doing for someone who is in a committed relationship and hopefully a woman isn't committed to an idiot. Because I damn sure am not going to support a man who quits his job, loses his places, so that he can do something that not only isn't generating revenue but isn't even really a viable plan to begin with.

I have heard the "I'm going to start my own shop" or "I'm going to be a record producer" thing before and generally those dudes have been saying the same thing for years with no plan.

Now a brotha who says for example, yeah I'm an accountant but I rehab homes on the side. That's something I can support.
 
I would do it for my husband in a heart beat...After all he has done for me? I would be crazy!
 
I would do it for my husband in a heart beat...After all he has done for me? I would be crazy!

see I have never had a man do anything for me so I don't see why I should. I'm at the point that they would have to do something for me first and then I would most certainly reciprocate but I am tired of always being the first and only one :angry:
 
Hmm. I actually saw something like this on divorce court ha. Her husband was trying to pursue a singing career, but they also had bills and kids. Regardless of that, he was still trying to follow in the same path. You could tell his heart was in it, however....he just wasn't that good. But, his main claim was that she didn't support him.

Basically, I don't mind supporting him as long as he has a backup plan and also contributes in other areas.
 
It just seems a little far fetched that if you've committed to someone and think that the relationship is going anywhere that you would hesitate to help someone out, whether it be emotionally, spiritually or financially. Some of y'all need to rethink the definition of a COMMITTED relationship, one where communication is key and where the two involved stick by each other's side through thick and thin.

:yes::yes::yes:

Basically, I don't mind supporting him as long as he has a backup plan and also contributes in other areas.

EC I don't think that's unreasonable. I think most adults would approach it that way. Like Ons mentioned communication is key- asking what does this mean for US short term/long term and working honestly through the what if scenarios and back up plans like you mentioned can soothe a lot of anxiety I think.
 
Absolutely support a dream as long as everything that goes into making it a reality is discussed in advance (like being financially challenged/living off one salary for a while).

Plus, people in my experience are just much happier people when they are doing what they feel is worthwhile in their lives. I prefer a man that is pursuing his passion and happy with himself at the end of most days, than one that's making money and complaining all the time :hmm:
A Real Sister, Much Love & Respect!
 
For me, I have done it too many times already and got nothing out of it but shit on. Also, I can't recall anyone ever supporting my dreams except for me. I have been guilty of seeing the potential in a person. Fuck that. Now I do just like men do. Fuck the potential. Whats there right now?
So You gave up?
 
:hmm:and I take it your that 33yr old rapper.
No, but most Ninjas in the Rap Game that's successful are of age. If a Ninja is 35 or 16. That don't matter, as long as the Fool doing something with His Life. R. Kelly 40 & he still got Fools buying his Shit, including His Tickets. Negativity a Mutha Fucka!!!!!!!
 
No, but most Ninjas in the Rap Game that's successful are of age. If a Ninja is 35 or 16. That don't matter, as long as the Fool doing something with His Life. R. Kelly 40 & he still got Fools buying his Shit, including His Tickets. Negativity a Mutha Fucka!!!!!!!

The key word is SUCCESSFUL and trust me most of the rapper that are successful & that are 30+ didn't start out rapping when they hit 30 either.I have no problem with it if one can support himself and or a family from it but if you cant...let that shit go before its to late.

:hmm:Its not negativity its reality...
 
The key word is SUCCESSFUL and trust me most of the rapper that are successful & that are 30+ didn't start out rapping when they hit 30 either.I have no problem with it if one can support himself and or a family from it but if you cant...let that shit go before its to late.

:hmm:Its not negativity its reality...
This is true, but most Successful Rappers, don't get Successful till there close to 30 or so. It's not that many Jeezy's & T.I's around here. When I say Successful, not talking about Advances, talking about making something out of it. Expand Yourself far beyond the Rap game, the Rap Game just a ticket in the Door. Most Rappers don't make shit noways.
 
So if a Brother gives up on a Sister as a whole, is he wrong or is that his Own Prefrence?

you are not understanding me. they all left me for richer white women. the others started treating me like shit when they got more successful almost liek they resented that i helped them and no i did not rub it in their face
 
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