Strong willed or Overbearing?

[aluka19]

I have an issue i don't think my wife to be respects me. I preface by saying she was the boss literally at the job she was at. I'm the classic good guy. and she will attest to that but she will make fun me in front of her and my friends and as I'm a man I wont disrespect her in front of everybody I choose to do that in private. We just moved in together and we aren't getting along she picks fights and arguements for no reason. She calls me sensitive when I dislike how she talks to me. I'm not overly sensitive. I just don't want to be disrespected.She asked me if I wanted to get married on the spot the other day. I went at it logically: marriage license, I want our families there, off time from work( I have no intention on getting married and not taking her away), and I cited as much and she went off about us moving in together was a mistake, I'm too sensitive for her, we can stay roommates til the lease is up, I love this woman I asked her to marry me. But she is graduating college in 6 weeks and looking to get out of town. I am too. I'm looking for a new job now. But I want to go to Dallas and she wants to go elsewhere because she hates Dallas. I keep getting the feeling she is about to leave without me. She even told a friend's wife she wasn't planning on us having kids but tells me she wants to have my kids. I have dealt with exes, sugar daddies trying to holla and the like. I believe her when she says she hasn't cheated. But Ialso believe what she said one day during an arguement i'm not compatible to be your wife!!! Ladies any advice for me?

 

[aluka19]

Just to clarify I'm 32 and she is 31. Just in case an age reference is required.

 

[Naha-Nago]

I have an issue i don't think my wife to be respects me. I preface by saying she was the boss literally at the job she was at. I'm the classic good guy. and she will attest to that but she will make fun me in front of her and my friends and as I'm a man I wont disrespect her in front of everybody I choose to do that in private. We just moved in together and we aren't getting along she picks fights and arguements for no reason. She calls me sensitive when I dislike how she talks to me. I'm not overly sensitive. I just don't want to be disrespected.She asked me if I wanted to get married on the spot the other day. I went at it logically: marriage license, I want our families there, off time from work( I have no intention on getting married and not taking her away), and I cited as much and she went off about us moving in together was a mistake, I'm too sensitive for her, we can stay roommates til the lease is up, I love this woman I asked her to marry me. But she is graduating college in 6 weeks and looking to get out of town. I am too. I'm looking for a new job now. But I want to go to Dallas and she wants to go elsewhere because she hates Dallas. I keep getting the feeling she is about to leave without me. She even told a friend's wife she wasn't planning on us having kids but tells me she wants to have my kids. I have dealt with exes, sugar daddies trying to holla and the like. I believe her when she says she hasn't cheated. But I also believe what she said one day during an arguement i'm not compatible to be your wife!!! Ladies any advice for me?

All the highlighted shit are red flags.

You go any further with that chick it's on you. She done told you what she about...

Now a question for you is....


If you see a snake and before you pick it up it tells you it's poisonous, but you pick it up anyways and then it bites you, while you laying on the floor dying....do you blame the snake?



*two cents*

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeave her NOW.

I'm a woman. I'm telling you, you're just headed towards more and more BAD shit. Leave her NOW.

 

[dHustla]

only read first line.......



Let that hoe go

 

[onyxfemme]

How long have you been married? I noticed you said ya'll just moved in together. I will NEVER tell anyone to leave someone....But I will say you need to decide if her current actions are something you can deal with for the rest of your life.

Also what do you do when she says such things about you in front of her friends?

 

[dHustla]

How long have you been married? I noticed you said ya'll just moved in together. I will NEVER tell anyone to leave someone....But I will say you need to decide if her current actions are something you can deal with for the rest of your life.

Also what do you do when she says such things about you in front of her friends?

The reason I said what I said is because the OP stated that,

..."i don't think my wife to be respects me."

That's all I needed to know.... you can't make somebody respect you. You can command it, and demand it....but if they ain't giving it... you gotta respect yourself enough to do what's best for yourself.

I found that the people that usually have no regard and/or respect for others don't have much, if any, respect for themselves.

 

[onyxfemme]

^^you dont owe me an explanation your opinion is yours. I just wouldnt tell anyone that. Also there is a difference between thinking and knowing.....Sometimes our insecurities will have us thinking one thing when it is really something else.

 

[dHustla]

*manages to get put in place again by pretty black woman*

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I'll tell him to leave her. They're not married. He needs to escape NOW. Get a chick that appreciates you for how you are fella.

 

[PrettyToney]

This can't be real...I don't believe it

 

[onyxfemme]

Girl he said they are married.....

I'll tell him to leave her. They're not married. He needs to escape NOW. Get a chick that appreciates you for how you are fella.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH he referred to her as his wife, but later said she asked to get married.....Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm there are no ties....
He needs to lace up his timberlands and get to running!

 

[dHustla]

Girl he said they are married.....





OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH he referred to her as his wife, but later said she asked to get married.....Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm there are no ties....
He needs to lace up his timberlands and get to running!

He called her "wife to be"

 

[onyxfemme]

He sure did! My bad!

He called her "wife to be"

 

[followup]

I think you should sit her down and talk it out and see where she's coming from. And then explain what your concerns are and what you don't like about her behavior. If she gets an attitude or doesn't listen or starts shouting at you, tell he that you like her idea of living together until the lease is up, but you don;t think it is going to work out. Good luck getting the ring back. I suggest before you do all of this, get a photo of her in the apartment with the ring on as future evidence.

 

[RepostKing]

I have an issue i don't think my wife to be respects me. I preface by saying she was the boss literally at the job she was at. I'm the classic good guy. and she will attest to that but she will make fun me in front of her and my friends and as I'm a man I wont disrespect her in front of everybody I choose to do that in private. We just moved in together and we aren't getting along she picks fights and arguements for no reason. She calls me sensitive when I dislike how she talks to me. I'm not overly sensitive. I just don't want to be disrespected.She asked me if I wanted to get married on the spot the other day. I went at it logically: marriage license, I want our families there, off time from work( I have no intention on getting married and not taking her away), and I cited as much and she went off about us moving in together was a mistake, I'm too sensitive for her, we can stay roommates til the lease is up, I love this woman I asked her to marry me. But she is graduating college in 6 weeks and looking to get out of town. I am too. I'm looking for a new job now. But I want to go to Dallas and she wants to go elsewhere because she hates Dallas. I keep getting the feeling she is about to leave without me. She even told a friend's wife she wasn't planning on us having kids but tells me she wants to have my kids. I have dealt with exes, sugar daddies trying to holla and the like. I believe her when she says she hasn't cheated. But Ialso believe what she said one day during an arguement i'm not compatible to be your wife!!! Ladies any advice for me?

Need some cheese for that whine?

 

[Noir]

All the highlighted shit are red flags.

You go any further with that chick it's on you. She done told you what she about...

Now a question for you is....


If you see a snake and before you pick it up it tells you it's poisonous, but you pick it up anyways and then it bites you, while you laying on the floor dying....do you blame the snake?



*two cents*

^^^^^^ That there is wisdom....

I think you should sit her down and talk it out and see where she's coming from. And then explain what your concerns are and what you don't like about her behavior. If she gets an attitude or doesn't listen or starts shouting at you, tell he that you like her idea of living together until the lease is up, but you don;t think it is going to work out. Good luck getting the ring back. I suggest before you do all of this, get a photo of her in the apartment with the ring on as future evidence.

The best thing to do is to cut your losses and leave if things do not work out when you have that conversation with her. I wouldn't even stress trying to get back the ring if she does not give it up willingly. Consider it the relatively small cost for getting out of the situation and avoiding a ton of trouble, aggravation, and headache in the future.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

All the highlighted shit are red flags.

You go any further with that chick it's on you. She done told you what she about...

Now a question for you is....


If you see a snake and before you pick it up it tells you it's poisonous, but you pick it up anyways and then it bites you, while you laying on the floor dying....do you blame the snake?



*two cents*

C'mon son, did you really need advice on this one?

Steal the ring back.

 

[dHustla]

I think you should sit her down and talk it out and see where she's coming from. And then explain what your concerns are and what you don't like about her behavior. If she gets an attitude or doesn't listen or starts shouting at you, tell he that you like her idea of living together until the lease is up, but you don;t think it is going to work out. Good luck getting the ring back. I suggest before you do all of this, get a photo of her in the apartment with the ring on as future evidence.

Good luck?!

My nigga, MY NIGGA, GET YO RING BACK!

^^^^^^ That there is wisdom....



The best thing to do is to cut your losses and leave if things do not work out when you have that conversation with her. I wouldn't even stress trying to get back the ring if she does not give it up willingly. Consider it the relatively small cost for getting out of the situation and avoiding a ton of trouble, aggravation, and headache in the future.

Who said it was a small cost? You don't know homie's financial situation, and in this economic climate who has an extra couple stacks just laying around?

C'mon son, did you really need advice on this one?

Steal the ring back.

Exactly what I was thinking.... but it wouldn't even be stealing. He lives wit da hoe.... just pick it up, in your house, where you lay your head. Put it back in the box it came in and put it in your console or glovebox. Hell, put it in the trunk .... you bought it.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I think you should sit her down and talk it out and see where she's coming from. And then explain what your concerns are and what you don't like about her behavior. If she gets an attitude or doesn't listen or starts shouting at you, tell he that you like her idea of living together until the lease is up, but you don;t think it is going to work out. Good luck getting the ring back. I suggest before you do all of this, get a photo of her in the apartment with the ring on as future evidence.

Talking is for wives. Girlfriends that don't know how to act get dumped.

Exactly what I was thinking.... but it wouldn't even be stealing. He lives wit da hoe.... just pick it up, in your house, where you lay your head. Put it back in the box it came in and put it in your console or glovebox. Hell, put it in the trunk .... you bought it.

I agree. He needs to find a way to talk it off her if she wears it and never give it back.

 

[dHustla]

Talking is for wives. Girlfriends that don't know how to act get dumped.


I agree. He needs to find a way to talk it off her if she wears it and never give it back.

talk it off her or take it off her?

 

[melonpecan]

Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeave her NOW.

I'm a woman. I'm telling you, you're just headed towards more and more BAD shit. Leave her NOW.

The reason I said what I said is because the OP stated that,

That's all I needed to know.... you can't make somebody respect you. You can command it, and demand it....but if they ain't giving it... you gotta respect yourself enough to do what's best for yourself.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH he referred to her as his wife, but later said she asked to get married.....Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm there are no ties....
He needs to lace up his timberlands and get to running!

All the highlighted shit are red flags.

You go any further with that chick it's on you. She done told you what she about...

*two cents*

Please read the bolded and respond in real time action accordingly.

I think you should sit her down and talk it out and see where she's coming from. And then explain what your concerns are and what you don't like about her behavior. If she gets an attitude or doesn't listen or starts shouting at you, tell he that you like her idea of living together until the lease is up, but you don;t think it is going to work out. Good luck getting the ring back. I suggest before you do all of this, get a photo of her in the apartment with the ring on as future evidence.

I'm normally all for talking. At first. There is so much that does unsaid a sit down can clear a lot of shit up. Even the disrespectfulness could be calmed down if everyone stated how they felt and why they are saying / doing what they are. (I mean chick might think he a weak pussy for not telling her off which exacerbates her behavior but he really just being a gentleman [I would think he being a gentleman])


But



Dude asked her to marry him. she graduating from college, they been together for a couple of years, it's the next step in life. And she got the NERVE to say it's not gonna work out but I still get the feeling like she think it might go through cause of the flip flop with the kids talk and trying to 'compromise' on where to relocate.

That bitch delusional.



OP I'm telling you, you marry this girl she is going to take you for everything you got and make you the most miserable person alive. Having a kid with her I GUARANTEE you by the time that baby is 1 you will be petitioning for custody.




Now like I said I'm all for the sitdown but she doomed it from the get go but for some reason holding on. could be because of graduation? Come January she could be singing another tune? You do what you do to make a decision, or you could wait to figure her out, but that's just my take.



I'm sleepy.

 

[dHustla]

Don't leave without grudge fucking the dog shit out of her!

and treat her with total disregard after (grudge)fucking her, be very dismissive as if she is very insignificant.


And get some homegrown for ya folk!

 

[Noir]

Good luck?!

My nigga, MY NIGGA, GET YO RING BACK!

Who said it was a small cost? You don't know homie's financial situation, and in this economic climate who has an extra couple stacks just laying around?


Exactly what I was thinking.... but it wouldn't even be stealing. He lives wit da hoe.... just pick it up, in your house, where you lay your head. Put it back in the box it came in and put it in your console or glovebox. Hell, put it in the trunk .... you bought it.

I was comparing the cost of walking away (even without the ring) vs. the higher cost of headaches, arguments, and possible court costs if he decided to say fight over the apartment, items in the apartment, and the ring itself. I do not know where OP lives or how it stands legally (whether the ring is considered a "gift" or a "promise of marriage" and does not need to be returned, or if he "takes" the ring it would be considered theft.)

Factor in that the chick has all the makings of being a psycho-bitch and could retaliate further (ala "Thin Line...")

 

[followup]

Talking is for wives. Girlfriends that don't know how to act get dumped.

It's his fiancee and he lives with her. Not the same as the girlfriend you don't live with.

 

[dHustla]

It's his fiancee and he lives with her. Not the same as the girlfriend you don't live with.

Please, miss lady, what is the difference?

 

[KW13537]

I'm going to assume that this is real (as stupid as this story sounds). This is a woman who should be kicked to the curb as fast as humanly possible. You have to learn to respect yourself more than what you're doing. Do you really need love THAT badly, that you would allow someone to regularly belittle you? You already know the answers to your questions, just have the guts to do it.

 

[dHustla]

I'm going to assume that this is real (as stupid as this story sounds). This is a woman who should be kicked to the curb as fast as humanly possible. You have to learn to respect yourself more than what you're doing. Do you really need love THAT badly, that you would allow someone to regularly belittle you? You already know the answers to your questions, just have the guts to do it.

 

[swiftandsilent]

only read first line.......
Let that hoe go

C/S

 

[Daddy43205]

your on here asking 4 advice that alone should tell you you need 2 leave.

 

[followup]

Please, miss lady, what is the difference?

Ummmmm...if you ask a woman to marry you, you pretty much are committing for life. Your girlfriend you have not made that step yet and you haven't even committed to her for the night

 

[aluka19]

To let everyone know its over, she wanted to move her momma with us wherever we moved to because she is lonely and having emotional problems since my exs dad died and little brother went to school and left the house. so her siblings and her decided it was a good idea for her not to be alone. she talked with her mom behind my back and got her on board. that was the last straw for me. i love her mom but when we get married the idea of her mom moving in 6 months down the line ain't fun. she tried reverse psychology...if it was your mom...i wouldn't do that without consulting my wife first out of respect if she wasn't down i would think of something else not defy her. she said if you cant love my mom you don't love me. that isn't the case. she chose her mom over me. seeing the current circumstances was i wrong? her mom went in for alcohol abuse for 28 days last month. her siblings live within two hours of her now. her youngest sister is working on her ph.d. and would move wherever we are and the mom move in with her. any advice?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Nah you weren't wrong. You were wrong for staying with that coo coo clock for as long as you did in the first place is what you were wrong for. Check the responses in this thread broham. Every person was like drop that slot. You'll be better off dude. Because if you would have continued on that path you would have been in for a really REALLY unhappy life.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

It's his fiancee and he lives with her. Not the same as the girlfriend you don't live with.

There is no difference until vows are exchanged and papers signed.
This is not the time for bruh to be talking, it's time for him to be packing...


her shit and throwing it out.

Ummmmm...if you ask a woman to marry you, you pretty much are committing for life. Your girlfriend you have not made that step yet and you haven't even committed to her for the night

Nope. A fiancee is a upgraded girlfriend but there is still no real commitment. Until they say "I do", they haven't and with these two, they shouldn't.

 

[dHustla]

To let everyone know its over, she wanted to move her momma with us wherever we moved to because she is lonely and having emotional problems since my exs dad died and little brother went to school and left the house. so her siblings and her decided it was a good idea for her not to be alone. she talked with her mom behind my back and got her on board. that was the last straw for me. i love her mom but when we get married the idea of her mom moving in 6 months down the line ain't fun. she tried reverse psychology...if it was your mom...i wouldn't do that without consulting my wife first out of respect if she wasn't down i would think of something else not defy her. she said if you cant love my mom you don't love me. that isn't the case. she chose her mom over me. seeing the current circumstances was i wrong? her mom went in for alcohol abuse for 28 days last month. her siblings live within two hours of her now. her youngest sister is working on her ph.d. and would move wherever we are and the mom move in with her. any advice?

Bruh. No, you were not wrong.

From the way it sounds, she is inconsiderate and pointing the finger in the most selfish of ways. This kind of woman is the worst and nothing you can do will make her see the err of her ways. She has to see them on her own.

She sounds like she plays the victim when its convenient/she wants her way without compromise/she don't care about the collateral damage.

She conspired with her mother and siblings to have her mom move in with y'all "wherever" y'all moved to? Thats some conniving shit, man. Very deceitful. Manipulative, even.

You gotta love yourself before you can love anyone else, brother.

If you respect yourself, you wouldn't subject yourself.