Something i've never heard before....

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

A friend of mine broke up with her babydaddy a few years ago. They had 2 kids together. She left him because she fell in love with another guy. He hasn't seen or talked to her or the kids in all that time. I spoke to him and he said that she took his family from him. All he wanted was a family. He couldn't get his kids with custody because of his record, and he's low paying job. So he figured that she just decided to give his kids to another guy. She wanted a family with another guy. He said he misses his kids and wants to see them. But the thought of what she did tears him up inside. He said he can't be with them everyday but this other guy is. How can he compete with that? He said he doesn't feel like it's fair that she took from him his family but it's not like he can fight for them. He wants to kill her and take the kids and run off but of course that's not a very good way of going about it.

I've never actually heard this aspect from a guy before. About not seeing the kids because the thought that another man is with them. His family is with someone else. And seeing the kids hurts him because he knows they won't be his.

Got me to thinking if this has happened elsewhere. Do guys feel this way when they don't see their kids?

 

[dHustla]

Of course, I'm not a father, but things like this happen all the time. A lot more often than you would think.

You need to advise that man to start plottin'/ on how to make baby mama be easily forgotten/

cocaine in her trunk then make sure she goes through a road block.
make her car blow up in her job parking lot.
put explosive paraphanalia in her purse/on her person.
steal identity and fuck her credit up, fuckin up her money, then appeal for custody.
break in her apt. and trash it, getting her put out of her apt. (I've seen it happen)
Have her randomly beat up ....repeatedly, by masked person. Remember, repeatedly.
shoot up her and/or his car with a silencer overnight, making sure to hit water pump, intake, dash gauges, and every pane of glass.
cut power to her crib and shoot the door lock with a high-powered rifle.

 

[followup]

ummmm...has he ever heard of family court? Each parent has rights to be with the children. Does he not have her contact information or what? he's not telling you the whole story. it is kidnapping if she took the kids and just disappeared.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I'm speaking from an emotional standpoint. he CAN see the kids. He just doesn't. He has his checks garnished. So they get the child support. He just has not SEEN them. All those years. He was like seeing them reminds him of what he had that SHE took from him and gave to some other man.

I just really never considered that kind of emotion coming from a male. Does it absolve him from being in his kids lives? Nah i wouldn't say that. Nah. I dont' feel like that, but the hurt in him about THAT. Seemed real.

 

[Crown&Coke]

He needs to man up and see his kids. He cant do much about what his babymama does but he CAN go see his kids no matter what​

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

He needs to man up and see his kids. He cant do much about what his babymama does but he CAN go see his kids no matter what​

I hear you, but i'm wondering, are his feelings valid? Have other men maybe someone you know? Have heard about? Have they had similar feelings?

 

[M.H.C.]

I can understand why he feels like he does. I mean personally if I was everything I could be to my kids and to my baby momma/wife and she left me on some Jazmine Sullivan shit I would want to ring her fucking neck every time I saw her real talk and maybe he's too weak-minded at this point to separate his kids from the mother.

It is best to man up and leave emotion behind so he can see his kids. I've never seen this though. Most dudes would love to see their kids but hate or could care less about the baby momma.(not saying that's a good thing but it is what it is.)

 

[KING CREOLE]

I know that shit must hurt but at the same time if he really wants to see his kids im sure he could. He got to man the fuck up n realize that its jus about the kids n get ol girl and what they had out his mind!!!

 

[kjxxxx]

... I can understand why he feels like he does. I mean personally if I was everything I could be to my kids and to my baby momma/wife and she left me on some Jazmine Sullivan shit I would want to ring her fucking neck every time I saw her.
...

Seeing her when she brings or comes for the kids brings all those messed up feelings back so everytime he tries to move on that's a constant reminder.

I totally understand. More guys feel that way than you think. This is one of the ways women turn a good guy into a fucked up guy.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Seeing her when she brings or comes for the kids brings all those messed up feelings back so everytime he tries to move on that's a constant reminder.

I totally understand. More guys feel that way than you think. This is one of the ways women turn a good guy into a fucked up guy.

Well i can't put it on HER. But i do kinda get what you're saying here. I see what he means. And like the more i think about it, it's kinda fucked up to tell dude to just get over it. It's like i saw someone say man up. I guess that really does mean, stop feeling and do .........this. Like you can. Whcih is kinda the exact thing women don't want men to do. Put their feelings aside. Turn them off. Hmmm.

 

[charlie dark]

I hear you, but i'm wondering, are his feelings valid? Have other men maybe someone you know? Have heard about? Have they had similar feelings?

Everyone's feelings are valid, if he says he feels that way, you have to accept that's how he feels...
His behaviour, however can be questioned...
Who gives a fuck how he feels, he should go see his kids....!!

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

lol who gives a fuck how he feels. Interesting. Alright so it's pretty much the consensus then. Fuck how he feels. Interesting indeed. The guys are saying this.

 

[geist]

There's a lot of kats like that.

 

[kjxxxx]

lol who gives a fuck how he feels. Interesting. Alright so it's pretty much the consensus then. Fuck how he feels. Interesting indeed. The guys are saying this.

Yah. The people who keep saying that have no idea what they are talking about. There are some people who can and there are others who when they invest in something like a dream, an idealogy they go all in and it becomes part of their being. One of the most successful way of them getting over it is to move from the lifestyle or activities that brings out those emotional response or to refocus their energies into a new project or lifestyle.

When most people without kids break up with their partner they can get over the person much faster because they can remove or move away from any reminder much easier including the town or country. Perhaps if the guy is not able to move on as fast as he should and it's destroying him then it might be best for everyone if he move out of that environment, regain control of his life and then later he can see them. Perhaps he may need an intermediary that prevents him from having any interactions with her. What good is he to the kids then if seeing them is killing him.

 

[True Real Info]

If a man cares about his kids he will most definately kill for them...its not about this man manning up, but rather coming to terms with his own individual emotions as a person and his situation. His whole masculine essence, identity,etc could be on the line in his mind due to his kids not being under his domain primarily...its a hard hit...this thread just proves that nobody cares how men feel about similar situations (if it was a woman, they would take it as "womans nature" to be emotional,etc)...dude needs some perspective on himself, life etc and work to make the biggest impression on his kids when he is with them....


and it sounds like his ex is a wack female...

 

[(0_0)..l.. finger]

If a man cares about his kids he will most definately kill for them...its not about this man manning up, but rather coming to terms with his own individual emotions as a person and his situation. His whole masculine essence, identity,etc could be on the line in his mind due to his kids not being under his domain primarily...its a hard hit...this thread just proves that nobody cares how men feel about similar situations (if it was a woman, they would take it as "womans nature" to be emotional,etc)...dude needs some perspective on himself, life etc and work to make the biggest impression on his kids when he is with them....


and it sounds like his ex is a wack female...

I couldn't say it any better...

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Thank you guys for coming to input. I really do want to get some viewpoints on this and Mr. kjxxxx i like what you had to say. I think i'll extend a hand out to help mediate a reconnection with his kids. Something that can help him, and them. Because i like how you put that. If he's an emotional wreck because of this then he's no good to the kids anyway. And he really was the type to put his ALL into that relationship and his kids. And then when it was taken from him he probably does feel devoid.

 

[blacksmith69]

Thank you guys for coming to input. I really do want to get some viewpoints on this and Mr. kjxxxx i like what you had to say. I think i'll extend a hand out to help mediate a reconnection with his kids. Something that can help him, and them. Because i like how you put that. If he's an emotional wreck because of this then he's no good to the kids anyway. And he really was the type to put his ALL into that relationship and his kids. And then when it was taken from him he probably does feel devoid.

come at it from the angle of what the kids are going to think when they get older. By then if he doesn't get back in there lives it may be too late. To do that he has to put his kids feelings down the line over his feelings right now. It might hurt but if not down the road he may regret the time he missed.

 

[True Real Info]

Thank you guys for coming to input. I really do want to get some viewpoints on this and Mr. kjxxxx i like what you had to say. I think i'll extend a hand out to help mediate a reconnection with his kids. Something that can help him, and them. Because i like how you put that. If he's an emotional wreck because of this then he's no good to the kids anyway. And he really was the type to put his ALL into that relationship and his kids. And then when it was taken from him he probably does feel devoid.

please do what you can to help this dude, and you are right when you say he is the type to put all into his relationship with his kids...but I dont think that he is no good to them b/c of this, at worst this is an example of what not to do in the face of emotional adversity, at best this shows his dedication and he should explain that to his kids.....

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

please do what you can to help this dude, and you are right when you say he is the type to put all into his relationship with his kids...but I dont think that he is no good to them b/c of this, at worst this is an example of what not to do in the face of emotional adversity, at best this shows his dedication and he should explain that to his kids.....

I'mma get on him this upcoming Monday. He's probably a good dude. Just doesn't know how to handle this situation now. He really loved his ex and the kids. And when she left him and took them it kinda crushed him i can tell that much. So when the other poster said that about people putting their ALL into a situation, a light bulb went off in me.

 

[True Real Info]

I'mma get on him this upcoming Monday. He's probably a good dude. Just doesn't know how to handle this situation now. He really loved his ex and the kids. And when she left him and took them it kinda crushed him i can tell that much. So when the other poster said that about people putting their ALL into a situation, a light bulb went off in me.

dont forget to get on your "friend" about how she is doing this dude, if yall are real friends like that....and if she bitches and moans about how her new dude is (should he shit on her) remind her who chose who.....no excuses from either side...man or woman

 

[Upgrade Dave]

ummmm...has he ever heard of family court? Each parent has rights to be with the children. Does he not have her contact information or what? he's not telling you the whole story. it is kidnapping if she took the kids and just disappeared.

While I hate the whining that goes on on the main board about child support and the like, family court does have an ingrained bias toward women. The court gives a woman an attorney to represent them when it comes to getting child support but for a man to get visitation, he has to hire his own lawyer and that's just not feasible for a lot of fathers.

I hear you, but i'm wondering, are his feelings valid? Have other men maybe someone you know? Have heard about? Have they had similar feelings?

Yes, his feelings are valid and there are a lot of men that feel this way. There's also the guys who don't see their kids out of guilt for not seeing their kids, putting them on an endless cycle.

Well i can't put it on HER. But i do kinda get what you're saying here. I see what he means. And like the more i think about it, it's kinda fucked up to tell dude to just get over it. It's like i saw someone say man up. I guess that really does mean, stop feeling and do .........this. Like you can. Whcih is kinda the exact thing women don't want men to do. Put their feelings aside. Turn them off. Hmmm.

You're just getting a taste of the tightrope men have to walk every day. There's the idea that men should open up more about their feelings and emotions but when we do, we're quickly reminded to shut the fuck up. There is a difference between expressing and whining but it often gets lost in the conversation.

If a man cares about his kids he will most definately kill for them...its not about this man manning up, but rather coming to terms with his own individual emotions as a person and his situation. His whole masculine essence, identity,etc could be on the line in his mind due to his kids not being under his domain primarily...its a hard hit...this thread just proves that nobody cares how men feel about similar situations (if it was a woman, they would take it as "womans nature" to be emotional,etc)...dude needs some perspective on himself, life etc and work to make the biggest impression on his kids when he is with them....


..

Thank you guys for coming to input. I really do want to get some viewpoints on this and Mr. kjxxxx i like what you had to say. I think i'll extend a hand out to help mediate a reconnection with his kids. Something that can help him, and them. Because i like how you put that. If he's an emotional wreck because of this then he's no good to the kids anyway. And he really was the type to put his ALL into that relationship and his kids. And then when it was taken from him he probably does feel devoid.

Help him out, LI.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

My friend once told me because i've never had to go through the babydaddy stuff, i lack alot of knowledge on males. My husband like i've said before wasn't like alot of men. He didn't have any children before me. So nah i don't know how to relate to this. It doesn't make sense to me how you just don't see your kids for your very OWN reasons. Damn the bitch. Damn what people say. How is it YOU, YOURSELF won't see your kids?

It was an interesting view he gave me the other day.

 

[True Real Info]

LI,

this is an example of how deep alot of dudes emotions are, ya homegirl dont care b/c she has been taught all her life that it is ok for her to feel what she feels, alot of dudes are ashamed of feeling what they feel so they hide behind bravado,etc. help dude out and if you dont do it for him do it for the kids....

 

[kjxxxx]

For the most part what he needs is friends and distraction. He needs a hobby or something he can get lost into from time to time. He needs friends for when he needs to talk or hang out with. He may need to take up jogging or some shit to get him tired so he think less about them. The loneliness is going to be the worse part for him. When he gets used to being alone or when he find someone to replace her then it will become easier.

 

[kwazdog]

Shit, I've felt that way about about ex girlfriends that said they wanted to have my kids, you can only buss so many raw nuts in a woman before that primal shit takes over.


I dont have kids. I often take this into consideration if I'm talking to a woman that does has kids (which is few and far between), I often wonder how the baby pops would feel about his kids being around me. If I were in a serious relation with a woman with kids I'd do my best to be diplomatic and understanding of the child's fathers needs as "the new guy". I'd make sure he saw his kids. Women and men that don't help keep the parents in contact with their " former lovers" kids really aint shit if you ask me. To me that would be a clear indicator of not know how to have "love" for other ppl. I guess I feel this way because my DAD's wife was this way, she condoned him not seeing me or being in my life all those years out of fear that he would leave her for my mother, at least thats what I suspect. I imagine sometimes women may lie to the "new guy" about the "dad's" whereabouts, shame on them.

 

[kwazdog]

My friend once told me because i've never had to go through the babydaddy stuff, i lack alot of knowledge on males. My husband like i've said before wasn't like alot of men. He didn't have any children before me. So nah i don't know how to relate to this. It doesn't make sense to me how you just don't see your kids for your very OWN reasons. Damn the bitch. Damn what people say. How is it YOU, YOURSELF won't see your kids?

It was an interesting view he gave me the other day.

This is how I feel. I told my homie this. I told him"fuck that bitch. fuck the police, fuck her family" just knock on the door and take control of the situation. Be a part of their lives as much as you what to breathe, do it In an intelligent methodical manner. I had to disown my boy that I told this to, he rather be a father to this other chicks sons who already have a "good father". He loves his new chick more that his lonely fatherless daughter. That showed me how weak and needy this nigga was for validation of women, on the flip side he has always fronted like he values men over women (on some fake honor samurai shit). I suspected he was homo on the low, but often looked past lil quirky things he did. nigga is too Aloof if you ask me.

I think to myself "nigga don't you care wether your flesh and blood daughter is safe and warm at night?" I told him you need to be more primal about yo flesh and blood. I don't get it really, some people prefer comfort over "truth". It's more comfortable for him tho to have a pseudo family than to be alone 3 states away and having visiting rights or custody of his daughter and doing right by her. I'd move outta state to right up the street from baby moms so I could physically protect my daughter if need be, I wouldn't give a fuck if I had to work at CVS or something to make it happen.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

There's alot of truth here. I like it alot. lol let me find out there's some good dudes on BGOL wtf!? lol jk

 

[SoopamanLuva]

HE sounds like a person who invested EVERYTHING into the raising and development of his family and when she bounced, it destroyed him. His feeling are very real. HE most likely wrestling with his manhood over it(what kind of man am i, that i couldn't keep my family together) to down right hate for her at times for destroying what he threw the entirety of himself into. His family was his stamp, his identity. NOw that its gone, he feels like he's noting without them.

Just talk to him. Build him up. Help him gain that confidence back so he can reconcile with his kids. LEt him know that is children need him more than he can imagine, their lives depend on it.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

HE sounds like a person who invested EVERYTHING into the raising and development of his family and when she bounced, it destroyed him. His feeling are very real. HE most likely wrestling with his manhood over it(what kind of man am i, that i couldn't keep my family together) to down right hate for her at times for destroying what he threw the entirety of himself into. His family was his stamp, his identity. NOw that its gone, he feels like he's noting without them.

Just talk to him. Build him up. Help him gain that confidence back so he can reconcile with his kids. LEt him know that is children need him more than he can imagine, their lives depend on it.

THIS. He said these exact words to me. What is wrong with me that i couldn't keep my family together. I have another friend a few months back, his girl left him and the kids to live her life like she didn't have a husband or kids. He said the same thing to me as well. What kind of man am i that i couldn't do...this this and that. And of course i was thinking, "not enough apparently". I didn't say that but i was thinking it.

My husband spent a lot of time with our kids. Kids period. He threatened me amny times if i left i wouldn't leave with his kids. (I was never going to leave i just said that to get his attention). But he would always get the young guys he spent time with, mentored to see their kids. He'd take 1 of them over to go get his kid. Spend time with his kid. My husband had the strong belief that children need the balance of their father to go along with their mother. He would never let me just run off and let another dude raise his children. It wasn't in him.

Part of it was his own arrogance at believing nobody could handle his children or raise them as well as he could anyway.

 

[kjxxxx]

Yah yah. His threat means nothing to another woman that is beant on breaking up the family. The court will most likely side with her as custodial parent. If his threat is given credibility then the conclusion would be that he would kill you or hurt you in a way you couldn't be a good parent which in that case would make him a lousy parent. If you left he would be in the same mental state as your friend. He could try and fight you in court or try to make your life a living hell or he could refocus on getting his life back together first then work with you amicably.

THIS. He said these exact words to me. What is wrong with me that i couldn't keep my family together. I have another friend a few months back, his girl left him and the kids to live her life like she didn't have a husband or kids. He said the same thing to me as well. What kind of man am i that i couldn't do...this this and that. And of course i was thinking, "not enough apparently". I didn't say that but i was thinking it.

My husband spent a lot of time with our kids. Kids period. He threatened me amny times if i left i wouldn't leave with his kids. (I was never going to leave i just said that to get his attention). But he would always get the young guys he spent time with, mentored to see their kids. He'd take 1 of them over to go get his kid. Spend time with his kid. My husband had the strong belief that children need the balance of their father to go along with their mother. He would never let me just run off and let another dude raise his children. It wasn't in him.

Part of it was his own arrogance at believing nobody could handle his children or raise them as well as he could anyway.

 

[kwazdog]

HE sounds like a person who invested EVERYTHING into the raising and development of his family and when she bounced, it destroyed him. His feeling are very real. HE most likely wrestling with his manhood over it(what kind of man am i, that i couldn't keep my family together) to down right hate for her at times for destroying what he threw the entirety of himself into. His family was his stamp, his identity. NOw that its gone, he feels like he's noting without them.

Just talk to him. Build him up. Help him gain that confidence back so he can reconcile with his kids. LEt him know that his children need him more than he can imagine, their lives depend on it.

 

[CADE_BADAZZ]

A While back me and my babymoma broke up. We were cool for a year after that. I still had feelings for her. It would make me kind of mad knowing she was with other people while we where seperated but I had just shake off. The day she told me some guys was so say in my kids life I sighned up for school and took the loan money and grant, and got the most expensive lawyer in my area. I got custody and of my kid just so I would not end up like this guy. If she would have never said that I proberly would have glady paid child support and the whole nine yards, but another nigga raising my kid is a no no. Another nigga raising my kid would hurt more than a nigga fucking my wife or girlfreind , and I think thats the case for mor guys than people think.e

 

[Mo-Better]

This woman has turned this into something very ugly. In turn I would do the same to her. I would have her ass in family court so often they would give her her own key.

Whatever led to the breakup has nothing to do with the kids but she's using the kids to further punish him. So I would make every effort and demand my right to see the kids through the court system, he's paying the price anyway, he has nothing to lose.

She would further get exposed by my making every detail of her actions known to her family, friends, church and even her job. There's ways to deal with this type of woman.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I don't even know if i can blame her upon further thought. I mean what she did was wrong. But then on the other hand she IS only doing what she feels is best for the kids and herself. To her besides her own selfish needs. She's thinking along the lines of, this guy here will provide for them. He will help me take care of them.