You Wear Too Much Makeup
Doing so implies to a man that you may lack self-confidence. Looking good isn’t all about trying to achieve perfection. It isn’t about caking your face with so much makeup that you look like someone else. No man wants to wake up in the morning to find your makeup all over the sheets. Think: More confidence, less makeup.
You Check Your Phone Constantly
This is disrespectful to the man you’re on a date with. When your man is around, try to keep your smart phone addiction hidden. It makes you seem obsessive-compulsive when you’re always peeking down at your phone or you leave it out on the table. It’s annoying, and it makes him feel less important. Just throw it in your bag and enjoy yourself.
You Talk Nonstop About Work
There are more interesting things in life to discuss than how much it sucks to fill out reports every day. If all you can talk about is your job, that means you lead a very boring life and you won’t be much fun to hang around with.
You Don't Support Guy Time
Doing this will instantly make you appear insecure and controlling. Whoa there, missy. You’re messing with one of the sacred man rituals now. It’s a necessity, not an option. Instead of ranting and raving about our guys’ night, put that energy to positive use and go out with your girls.
You're All About You (and Your Pet!)
If you’re guilty of this, it may tell a guy who wants to get serious that your timetable for having kids is at odds with his. This may seem innocent, but it can be overkill. How are we supposed to compete with that playful, furry, and loyal friend who probably came before us? We’re not sure we’re ready to take on the responsibility for this pet, especially because we know what’s on your mind next — a baby.
You Don't Eat Leftovers
This means you could be financially irresponsible. The truth is, your staunch refusal to eat leftovers goes far beyond being a little weird. Let’s put it this way… you’re throwing out food. So if you’re throwing out a necessary component for survival — where else are you choosing an “ideal” over a “this will do”?
You Get Dressed Up for Sporting Events
This could tell a man that you’re unable to adapt to different situations. Beware of how you dress at sporting events because if you send the wrong message your man may go running. If you’re more focused on looking “cute”, when everyone around you is dressed comfortably, it says you can’t relax. We have visions of waking up in the morning to grab breakfast with you pulling on the back of our sweats as we’re walking out the door. saying, “You’re not wearing that, are you?” Ditch the fancy outfit and just relax.
You Complain Constantly
No man likes constant negativity, period. Negative attitudes can be the death of a relationship, especially when the other half naturally has a positive attitude. Everyone could, if they wanted to, complain about their day. There are good things and bad things that happen to all of us. When we talk to you after a hard day’s work, we don’t want to spend all our time consoling you and making you feel better. What about our day?
You Have Daddy Issues
Men assume that women who don’t call their fathers either have bad dads, no dads, or bad relationships with their dads. None of those perceptions work in your favor. Never pay so much attention to a guy that you forget about your family.
Your Party Photos Are All Over the Web
If he sees your photos all over nightclub and party sites, he’ll think you’re a party girl and will be unable to settle down. It’s cool that you go to clubs. But there’s a difference between just going to clubs and being a club regular. It’s a recipe for disaster if you’re trying to hold down a relationship.
4 More Mistakes to avoid
Asking him to carry your baggage
A few months ago, I introduced my girl Keisha* to a pro athlete friend of mine. I asked them both how the date went. She said my boy was a good listener and love was in the air. He said the pain Keisha’s ex put her through and the bitterness she felt were the only topics they discussed all night. He had never heard so much complaining, and at the end of the date he sympathized more with Keisha’s ex. Meanwhile, Keisha keeps asking me if I’ve heard from my boy lately.
Attention, women: It doesn’t matter if your baggage is Louis Vuitton or that five-piece set from the L.A. Swap Meet—do not take it on your date. No dude you just met wants to hear about how your ex cheated on you in your own house or how your worthless baby daddy never stepped up to the plate. Most men date with the hopes of getting to know you. That’s very hard to do if you keep talking about your worst experience with the previous guy. It makes your date think, Why should I pay for the last guy’s mistakes?
What should you do if a man asks why a pretty girl like you is single? Don’t answer. It’s a trick question. We want to hear why the last relationship didn’t work out and how you handled the breakup. Inquiring minds (and their unkeyed car doors) need to know how you deal with anger. So give a short response like, “I’ve been focusing on my career and getting some things paid off.” Great answer! She is employed and pays her bills.
Mistake 2
Thinking, I can work with this
You go out on a date or two with Mr. Maybe, figure out what you don’t like about him, and then say those fateful words: I can change him. You’re not entirely wrong. There are small things a guy will switch up for a woman. For example, a man will change his wardrobe, maybe buy a few more of those shirts you said looked “sexy” on him. But if you’re looking for a major transformation, don’t waste your date nights. Raheem isn’t going to convert from Islam. DJ Talk-a-Lot isn’t going to quit his job working the mic at the strip club. And a dude who was having sex before he met you isn’t going to suddenly become abstinent while dating you. “My sex drive is pretty high,” admits my friend Dave. “If I’m dating a woman who puts me through a long waiting period, she is forcing me to lie about my needs and who I am.” A guy may like you enough not to press you about it for a couple of months (and that’s stretching it), but he definitely has some women on speed dial who don’t mind hooking up.
Bottom line: If a number of things about a guy bother you in the beginning, don’t waste time remodeling a distressed home. Keep checking out the real estate section.
Moving too fast
Men get a bad rep for trying to race toward the bedroom, but women are just as guilty of trying to race down the aisle. As soon as you start dishing out questions we don’t have the answer to (“So where is this going?”), we start sweating. You make a brother feel like he’s auditioning for a role in your new movie called The One. Space the serious questions out over a number of dates.
And know that even though a guy might not be sure where the relationship is going after four dates, that doesn’t mean he’s not interested in finding out. But if you pressure a guy about it, he’ll likely give you the right answer, even if it’s not the real one. “It’s a no-win situation,” says my brother Chris. “If you say you’re dating around, you’re a player. If you say you don’t know about a relationship yet, you’re confused or not that interested.”
Let the relationship evolve (or dissolve) at its own pace. If a couple months of great dates, gifts and (maybe) sex don’t get you any closer to a strong monogamous relationship, let him know he has competition. Or start going out without him. A lot.
Reading into the sex
When Tasha met my boy Blair, she made it clear that she wasn’t into casual sex. Blair told her he didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with anyone, but really liked hanging out with her and wouldn’t mind taking the relationship to a sexual level. A month went by and Tasha really liked Blair a lot. They were damn near inseparable. And then one night, things got heated and they had sex. “It was great,” Tasha told me. “Mind-blowing.” Then she began wondering where that put their “relationship.” Unfortunately, it didn’t put it anywhere. Tasha had just had casual sex with Blair, but she didn’t realize it. In scenarios like this, eight times out of ten, the woman thinks that her man must be ready for commitment and the stakes have changed. And nine times out of ten, the guy wipes his forehead, thinking, Thank goodness I told her how I feel about monogamy.
For men, sex before a monogamous relationship is established never means that we are now an item. It only means we have officially started having sex. I’m not telling you to hold out until your wedding day. I’m just saying that if you do give in, don’t assume it means you’ve moved up.
Thankfully, Tasha didn’t voice her thoughts to Blair. “I was glad, too, because I didn’t want it to be like, Now I gotta make a decision or else,” explains Blair. “But I was pretty much all about Tasha after that month.” Tasha and Blair are married now with four kids. Four!
Feel free to add your own SOLers.
Peace
Doing so implies to a man that you may lack self-confidence. Looking good isn’t all about trying to achieve perfection. It isn’t about caking your face with so much makeup that you look like someone else. No man wants to wake up in the morning to find your makeup all over the sheets. Think: More confidence, less makeup.
You Check Your Phone Constantly
This is disrespectful to the man you’re on a date with. When your man is around, try to keep your smart phone addiction hidden. It makes you seem obsessive-compulsive when you’re always peeking down at your phone or you leave it out on the table. It’s annoying, and it makes him feel less important. Just throw it in your bag and enjoy yourself.
You Talk Nonstop About Work
There are more interesting things in life to discuss than how much it sucks to fill out reports every day. If all you can talk about is your job, that means you lead a very boring life and you won’t be much fun to hang around with.
You Don't Support Guy Time
Doing this will instantly make you appear insecure and controlling. Whoa there, missy. You’re messing with one of the sacred man rituals now. It’s a necessity, not an option. Instead of ranting and raving about our guys’ night, put that energy to positive use and go out with your girls.
You're All About You (and Your Pet!)
If you’re guilty of this, it may tell a guy who wants to get serious that your timetable for having kids is at odds with his. This may seem innocent, but it can be overkill. How are we supposed to compete with that playful, furry, and loyal friend who probably came before us? We’re not sure we’re ready to take on the responsibility for this pet, especially because we know what’s on your mind next — a baby.
You Don't Eat Leftovers
This means you could be financially irresponsible. The truth is, your staunch refusal to eat leftovers goes far beyond being a little weird. Let’s put it this way… you’re throwing out food. So if you’re throwing out a necessary component for survival — where else are you choosing an “ideal” over a “this will do”?
You Get Dressed Up for Sporting Events
This could tell a man that you’re unable to adapt to different situations. Beware of how you dress at sporting events because if you send the wrong message your man may go running. If you’re more focused on looking “cute”, when everyone around you is dressed comfortably, it says you can’t relax. We have visions of waking up in the morning to grab breakfast with you pulling on the back of our sweats as we’re walking out the door. saying, “You’re not wearing that, are you?” Ditch the fancy outfit and just relax.
You Complain Constantly
No man likes constant negativity, period. Negative attitudes can be the death of a relationship, especially when the other half naturally has a positive attitude. Everyone could, if they wanted to, complain about their day. There are good things and bad things that happen to all of us. When we talk to you after a hard day’s work, we don’t want to spend all our time consoling you and making you feel better. What about our day?
You Have Daddy Issues
Men assume that women who don’t call their fathers either have bad dads, no dads, or bad relationships with their dads. None of those perceptions work in your favor. Never pay so much attention to a guy that you forget about your family.
Your Party Photos Are All Over the Web
If he sees your photos all over nightclub and party sites, he’ll think you’re a party girl and will be unable to settle down. It’s cool that you go to clubs. But there’s a difference between just going to clubs and being a club regular. It’s a recipe for disaster if you’re trying to hold down a relationship.
4 More Mistakes to avoid
Asking him to carry your baggage
A few months ago, I introduced my girl Keisha* to a pro athlete friend of mine. I asked them both how the date went. She said my boy was a good listener and love was in the air. He said the pain Keisha’s ex put her through and the bitterness she felt were the only topics they discussed all night. He had never heard so much complaining, and at the end of the date he sympathized more with Keisha’s ex. Meanwhile, Keisha keeps asking me if I’ve heard from my boy lately.
Attention, women: It doesn’t matter if your baggage is Louis Vuitton or that five-piece set from the L.A. Swap Meet—do not take it on your date. No dude you just met wants to hear about how your ex cheated on you in your own house or how your worthless baby daddy never stepped up to the plate. Most men date with the hopes of getting to know you. That’s very hard to do if you keep talking about your worst experience with the previous guy. It makes your date think, Why should I pay for the last guy’s mistakes?
What should you do if a man asks why a pretty girl like you is single? Don’t answer. It’s a trick question. We want to hear why the last relationship didn’t work out and how you handled the breakup. Inquiring minds (and their unkeyed car doors) need to know how you deal with anger. So give a short response like, “I’ve been focusing on my career and getting some things paid off.” Great answer! She is employed and pays her bills.
Mistake 2
Thinking, I can work with this
You go out on a date or two with Mr. Maybe, figure out what you don’t like about him, and then say those fateful words: I can change him. You’re not entirely wrong. There are small things a guy will switch up for a woman. For example, a man will change his wardrobe, maybe buy a few more of those shirts you said looked “sexy” on him. But if you’re looking for a major transformation, don’t waste your date nights. Raheem isn’t going to convert from Islam. DJ Talk-a-Lot isn’t going to quit his job working the mic at the strip club. And a dude who was having sex before he met you isn’t going to suddenly become abstinent while dating you. “My sex drive is pretty high,” admits my friend Dave. “If I’m dating a woman who puts me through a long waiting period, she is forcing me to lie about my needs and who I am.” A guy may like you enough not to press you about it for a couple of months (and that’s stretching it), but he definitely has some women on speed dial who don’t mind hooking up.
Bottom line: If a number of things about a guy bother you in the beginning, don’t waste time remodeling a distressed home. Keep checking out the real estate section.
Moving too fast
Men get a bad rep for trying to race toward the bedroom, but women are just as guilty of trying to race down the aisle. As soon as you start dishing out questions we don’t have the answer to (“So where is this going?”), we start sweating. You make a brother feel like he’s auditioning for a role in your new movie called The One. Space the serious questions out over a number of dates.
And know that even though a guy might not be sure where the relationship is going after four dates, that doesn’t mean he’s not interested in finding out. But if you pressure a guy about it, he’ll likely give you the right answer, even if it’s not the real one. “It’s a no-win situation,” says my brother Chris. “If you say you’re dating around, you’re a player. If you say you don’t know about a relationship yet, you’re confused or not that interested.”
Let the relationship evolve (or dissolve) at its own pace. If a couple months of great dates, gifts and (maybe) sex don’t get you any closer to a strong monogamous relationship, let him know he has competition. Or start going out without him. A lot.
Reading into the sex
When Tasha met my boy Blair, she made it clear that she wasn’t into casual sex. Blair told her he didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with anyone, but really liked hanging out with her and wouldn’t mind taking the relationship to a sexual level. A month went by and Tasha really liked Blair a lot. They were damn near inseparable. And then one night, things got heated and they had sex. “It was great,” Tasha told me. “Mind-blowing.” Then she began wondering where that put their “relationship.” Unfortunately, it didn’t put it anywhere. Tasha had just had casual sex with Blair, but she didn’t realize it. In scenarios like this, eight times out of ten, the woman thinks that her man must be ready for commitment and the stakes have changed. And nine times out of ten, the guy wipes his forehead, thinking, Thank goodness I told her how I feel about monogamy.
For men, sex before a monogamous relationship is established never means that we are now an item. It only means we have officially started having sex. I’m not telling you to hold out until your wedding day. I’m just saying that if you do give in, don’t assume it means you’ve moved up.
Thankfully, Tasha didn’t voice her thoughts to Blair. “I was glad, too, because I didn’t want it to be like, Now I gotta make a decision or else,” explains Blair. “But I was pretty much all about Tasha after that month.” Tasha and Blair are married now with four kids. Four!
Feel free to add your own SOLers.
Peace
