*SHARE*Funny Kid Stories..lolol..*SHARE*

[onyxfemme]

So I can remember this as clear as day....Spring of 1983 I was in the 2nd grade. I wanted the Michael Jackson Thriller album SO BAD. But my mom and dad said I couldnt have it because I wasnt old enough. So I decided I would make the money to buy it myself, without anyones help. So I had a yard sale. But I didnt sell my stuff, oh no I sold my mom's porcelain dolls. She came home from work like WTF??? I didnt get the album...But I did get beat like I was a Jackson. What's crazy is my brothers who are 1 and 5 years older than me let me do it, but theyt didnt get whippins'!!! Not Cool, Not Cool
But me being a daddys girl and because he felt sorry for the beat down I got from my mom, my favorite man in the world my dad got me the album like two weeks later.
Thinking back now I swear the yard sale was a good idea at the time


This time of year always makes me remember funny stories about my childhood...I wont even tell ya'll how I found out our house wasnt haunted....I will come back for that one

 

[Steelwill2006]

8 years of age, went to the store without any money with a family friend and stole some combos(That was the first time I had ever stolen anything). On the way back home, I lingered behind him and started eating them. Dude turned around to see why I had fallen back so far. Well, he noticed I had something in my mouth as I got closer and asked me what I was eating. I told him the the lady at the register bought them for me. He didn't believe it so we went back inside to verify.

Long story short, she denied it and I blamed it on one of my neighbors. I don't even remember seeing him that day now that I think about it. So then we hold a KLAN meeting at my house and every body is standing outside trying to get me to confess. People were coming from everywhere. Even my neighbors and their mother(She had 3 boys) was there. My sister was trying to get me to make a plea deal because the abundance of evidence in the case was way too high.

The mother was saying how the boy I said gave them to me(I changed my story after I got home) couldn't have because he was with her. His older brothers were trying to get him to confess before their mother showed up. Shit was not looking good. I was still fighting cus I knew without a confession, they couldn't get me. But the Prosecutor(Sister)told me to "Swear to god". I couldn't do it. In those days, you never swear to God unless you are telling to truth and we took that shit serious. Needless to say , I got beaten 3 times that night.

THE END​

 

[Steelwill2006]

But I did get beat like I was a Jackson. What's crazy is my brothers who are 1 and 5 years older than me let me do it, but theyt didnt get whippins'!!! Not Cool, Not Cool
COLOR]

Funny stuff

 

[Machete]

Used to take violin lessons, my parents scraped together the money so that I could learn. They used to send me with the money to pay the teacher. One day I forgot to give the teacher the money.

I decided to keep the money for myself and buy some G.I. Joe's from the toy store a few blocks from where I lived. Made the huge mistake of telling my younger brother. He tells my mother about how much fun he's going to have with the new toys that he's getting. Of course, since we were broke my mother wanted to know where the money was coming from. She asked my brother who was going to get him the toys, of course he pointed at me. By this time, I'm shitting bricks; my mother asks me about the money. I don't know how I came up with this lie, but this is what I told her:

"I was coming from violin practice, and I saw this old lady standing on the corner. At the bus stop, and she was just taking money out of her purse and throwing it on the ground. The wind was blowing it away and I picked it up and put it into my pocket". It took my mother all of one second to say: "I'm telling your father". And I knew that my ass was done. I didn't sit right for about 4 days.

 

[ladyscorpio]

the majority of these stories will end in us getting our black ass beat....

 

[onyxfemme]

the majority of these stories will end in us getting our black ass beat....

LOLOLOLOL TRUE! TRUE!!

 

[mk23666]

I was 7-8 yrs old my brother was 4-5 yrs old. We were playing in our room when for some reason I wanted to better understand electricity. I figured that the rubber and plastic coverings on wires kept me from seeing how it worked. So I took a coat hanger and unraveled it making a "U" and stuck it into the outlet. Well, the next thing I recall was a loud bang and a bright flash. I was luckily thrown 10-12 feet across the room still holding the coat hanger wire.

My brother was watching the whole thing and yelled out, "OOOOO, DO THAT AGAIN!!!" For a second I thought I got away with it, but my parents were in the living room watching TV at the time and:

1 the power went out in both rooms.
2 they heard me hit the opposite wall.
3 they heard my brother yelling, "DO THAT AGAIN!"

Needless to say, after I was deemed "OKAY" I got a beating.

 

[0utsyder]

4th Grade Mrs. Brodericks' class. As a child I would always get in my fathers "stash". One night I get the idea that I will take one of his books to school. I get it to school no problem show it to a select few w/out a hitch. Lunch rolls around and I think it is a good idea to take the mag out on the playground. By now you can imagine what a bunch of over active 4-6th graders are gonna react w/a magazine named 'Lesbians'. The playground aides see us and think we are only playing football (yeah we were that rowdy w/it) Eventually pieces start to tear off that one of the aides picks it up and now they want to know where did it come from. People say "Stop Snitching", cats been snitching since the cradle, I tried hiding w/some white kids these kids tracked me down and ratted me out. Anyway I get carted to the principles office and I can hear the principle upset and yelling a moment of silence then the principle trying to calm my mother down (yes my ass was about to hit the fan, my mother think a black version of the mother on Malcolm in the Middle) So my father comes to pick me up which only can mean that my mother is doing calistenix right now. As you can imagine it is the longest ride home, my father doesn't say anything to me. I get home let me put it this way there were parts of my ass that looks like it had revitaligo (get it?)

 

[onyxfemme]

4th Grade Mrs. Brodericks' class. As a child I would always get in my fathers "stash". One night I get the idea that I will take one of his books to school. I get it to school no problem show it to a select few w/out a hitch. Lunch rolls around and I think it is a good idea to take the mag out on the playground. By now you can imagine what a bunch of over active 4-6th graders are gonna react w/a magazine named 'Lesbians'. The playground aides see us and think we are only playing football (yeah we were that rowdy w/it) Eventually pieces start to tear off that one of the aides picks it up and now they want to know where did it come from. People say "Stop Snitching", cats been snitching since the cradle, I tried hiding w/some white kids these kids tracked me down and ratted me out. Anyway I get carted to the principles office and I can hear the principle upset and yelling a moment of silence then the principle trying to calm my mother down (yes my ass was about to hit the fan, my mother think a black version of the mother on Malcolm in the Middle) So my father comes to pick me up which only can mean that my mother is doing calistenix right now. As you can imagine it is the longest ride home, my father doesn't say anything to me. I get home let me put it this way there were parts of my ass that looks like it had revitaligo (get it?)

This sounds like my household!! Lolololol my husband is the peacemaker and I am the one that doesnt play w/ the boysI would have beat your ass too!!

mk23666: Those brothers are a mess!!! They will encourage you all the time, trust me I know. W/ your bad ass!!!

 

[SinaminDelite]

the majority of these stories will end in us getting our black ass beat....

So true!!

I have so many stories, b/c me and my brother were some silly ass kids. When I was 5 I was fascinated with my parents' percolator. My mom went to put coffee on one day, and I was watching the top, and as it was heating up, it didn't bubble up at the top. I thought that if I put dish detergent in it, it'll bubble up. So I proceeded to pour the detergent in it, and the soap made bubbles all in the percolator. Happy, I closed the lid and went back to my parents room. My mom comes back with coffee for her, my dad and my aunt. They all take a sip, and realize the coffee tastes like soap. My mom washes out the cups and pours another cup for them. Same taste. So my dad goes to the percolator, opens it up, and mad bubbles come pouring out of the percolator. I was the only kid at the time, so they knew I did it. He took one of those wooden car window brushes and beat the hell outta me. I blacked out and didn't wake up till very late that same night.

 

[onyxfemme]

So true!!

I have so many stories, b/c me and my brother were some silly ass kids. When I was 5 I was fascinated with my parents' percolator. My mom went to put coffee on one day, and I was watching the top, and as it was heating up, it didn't bubble up at the top. I thought that if I put dish detergent in it, it'll bubble up. So I proceeded to pour the detergent in it, and the soap made bubbles all in the percolator. Happy, I closed the lid and went back to my parents room. My mom comes back with coffee for her, my dad and my aunt. They all take a sip, and realize the coffee tastes like soap. My mom washes out the cups and pours another cup for them. Same taste. So my dad goes to the percolator, opens it up, and mad bubbles come pouring out of the percolator. I was the only kid at the time, so they knew I did it. He took one of those wooden car window brushes and beat the hell outta me. I blacked out and didn't wake up till very late that same night.

You know what...I think I need to spank you for this right now Bend Over and drop em!

 

[t0k3]

I was watching my brother hit some golf balls,I was 9,he was 14.
We are on this hill looking out over the high school's field.
Some students are running track with the coach.
The whole time I'm egging my brother on,telling him he's hitting the ball like a girl.
At this point none of the balls are going anywhere close to the track.
He gets mad and smacks one,we watch it fly and it keeps going and going.
We're both look at each other like this is not good.
We see the track coach go down and I try to run.
My brother grabs me by collar and tells me I'm going with him to apologize to the man(he was always the responsible one).
We go down there and my brother apologizes,the dude is still down.
He's bleeding all over the track from his mouth and trying cuss my brother out from his back.
Turns out he lost a few teeth and received a multi fractured jaw

 

[Rythm]

So true!!

I have so many stories, b/c me and my brother were some silly ass kids. When I was 5 I was fascinated with my parents' percolator. My mom went to put coffee on one day, and I was watching the top, and as it was heating up, it didn't bubble up at the top. I thought that if I put dish detergent in it, it'll bubble up. So I proceeded to pour the detergent in it, and the soap made bubbles all in the percolator. Happy, I closed the lid and went back to my parents room. My mom comes back with coffee for her, my dad and my aunt. They all take a sip, and realize the coffee tastes like soap. My mom washes out the cups and pours another cup for them. Same taste. So my dad goes to the percolator, opens it up, and mad bubbles come pouring out of the percolator. I was the only kid at the time, so they knew I did it. He took one of those wooden car window brushes and beat the hell outta me. I blacked out and didn't wake up till very late that same night.

That's hilarious!

 

[SWATLANTA]

the majority of these stories will end in us getting our black ass beat....

So true, so very true...

I could go with the story that involved me jumping off of the roof of my house with a couple of grocery store bags trying to parachute, or I could tell about getting kicked out of kindergarten for repeatedly looking up teachers skirts during nap time. I think that the story of my first love would be more fitting for SOL. I was about 9 years old and she was the girl next door (literally). We used to play all the time, and of course, me being a young pervert, the game of choice was house, or doctor, or whatever my young mind could create to get a chance to feel on the poor girl. This particular day we were in a game of house. I decided that today's game would take place in my fathers car. I went to my family key rack by the door and grabbed my dads keys and we went outside to "drive" to the store. Once I got in the car I started pretending to drive and she was content playing the good "wife". I decided that it was time to shift gears and go faster. This was around 1984-85 so I just grabbed the gear shift (located right by the steering wheel) and pulled down.

The car went into neutral and started slowly backing down the driveway (oh shit !!!), I was paralyzed with fear !! Before I knew it, I was sitting in the middle of the street with my 8 year old girlfriend/neighbor and cars were honking and going crazy. I started crying, the girl started crying, and before I knew what was happening the door flew open. My dad was pissed !! He snatched me out of the drivers seat with one hand, crunk the car up, and pulled back in to the driveway. He snapped at the girl to go back to her house when we were in the driveway. He picked me up with one hand and carried me inside while beating my ass from the driveway to my room. He proceeded to get about 12 more solid shots to my ass before my mom came in and asked him to stop. He dropped my ass and went outside. I never ever talked to or played with that girl again. We would wave when we saw each other, but that was it !

 

[SinaminDelite]

That's hilarious!

It is to me now too. Do you know how bad those old school ass wooden brushes hurt? Just as bad as getting hit with an electric wire

 

[0utsyder]

It is to me now too. Do you know how bad those old school ass wooden brushes hurt? Just as bad as getting hit with an electric wire

Those are nothing my mother used this belt that... If Satan wears pants, then this would be the belt that holds them up. It looked evil studs, dual holes for the buckle, even the buckle was made to be grasped and swung!!!!

 

[Rythm]

It is to me now too. Do you know how bad those old school ass wooden brushes hurt? Just as bad as getting hit with an electric wire

Its just funny how children think. You were seeing bubbles instead of perculation

I have a 2.5 y/o niece that tries to show me her new outfits through the phone Some of the things that kids do are hellafunny

 

[Mr.O]

1997 i was in 2nd grade, stole a neighbors son's bike and sold it for 15$ to some random dude, noone knew but me and my bestfriend , i went to the candy lady and bought freeze cups and pickles for all my friends which were like 9-10 kids then we played ball and watched his momma yell at him for gettin his bike stolen.

 

[Rythm]

1997 i was in 2nd grade, stole a neighbors son's bike and sold it for 15$ to some random dude, noone knew but me and my bestfriend , i went to the candy lady and bought freeze cups and pickles for all my friends which were like 9-10 kids then we played ball and watched his momma yell at him for gettin his bike stolen.

You were too wrong for that. But on another note, damn I guess everybody had a candy lady LOL

 

[mk23666]

mk23666: Those brothers are a mess!!! They will encourage you all the time, trust me I know. W/ your bad ass!!!

I won't bad ... I was just inquisitive. I once took apart a wind up alarm clock and put it back together. I received a beating for that one too.

 

[MCP]

I remember once me and my older brother getting into an argument about whose turn it is was to play darts. We eventually got into a scrap. I guess out of anger I remember throwing the dart at him whilst his back was turned, hitting him in the back.

To cut a long story short, I still remember to this day my skin being softened by the blows from the leather belt dad was raining down on me...

As for the lashes I've received over the years, you name it I've been beaten with it. Curtain wire, clothes hanger, belts. Even a shoe.

 

[melonpecan]

Oh my goodness!

 

[onyxfemme]

The other day my daughter saw some gay parade on TV. She came in and was like "Mommy look at all the gay people, they are happy"
I said yeah...Do you know what "gay" is? She said yes it is when a spider bites you....

Me: What?
Her: It is when a spider bites you and it makes you gay..They didnt even cry, they are happy!


Me:That is all that matters



She is 4..................................

 

[melonpecan]

The other day my daughter saw some gay parade on TV. She came in and was like "Mommy look at all the gay people, they are happy"
I said yeah...Do you know what "gay" is? She said yes it is when a spider bites you....

Me: What?
Her: It is when a spider bites you and it makes you gay..They didnt even cry, they are happy!


Me:That is all that matters



She is 4..................................

Wow.






She too young for that though, bask in her innocence.

 

[Mo-Better]

I'm going to title this,

"Your Ass Needs to be Back on TV, not on My Foot"

My daughter around the age of 2 adored Barney. I used to record the show twice a day for her so she could watch the shows in the evening when she returned home from daycare.

Daddy being daddy decides to get her a talking Barney for Christmas. Barney was about 2 1/2 feet tall made with a felt material very soft and cuddly, seemed perfect.

Christmas morning I'm already up I look up around 7am and here she comes. Wearing her pajamas and her velcro strap house shoes.

She's looking at the tree all the toys and she notices Barney standing on the side but she's not giving Barney that warm "I love you" look. The fact is she's scared of it. So I try to get her to feel it which she does then suddenly Barney falls over. Over on her foot. Remember those velcro shoes? Barney's mouth has landed on the child's shoe and the child is in a total panic. She's kicking and backing away and Barney won't let go. At this point I'm stupid with laughter (I couldn't help it OK?) because it looks like Barney is trying to bite off her foot. After I composed myself I detached Barney from her shoe. Barney got no love that day or any other. Barney on TV still got her attention but the one I bought her was off limits. Barney ended up being donated to the American Kidney Foundation.

 

[onyxfemme]

MO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We gotta talk soon! This just made me bust out laughing and couldnt stop
poor little girl! she was traumatized!

I'm going to title this,

"Your Ass Needs to be Back on TV, not on My Foot"

My daughter around the age of 2 adored Barney. I used to record the show twice a day for her so she could watch the shows in the evening when she returned home from daycare.

Daddy being daddy decides to get her a talking Barney for Christmas. Barney was about 2 1/2 feet tall made with a felt material very soft and cuddly, seemed perfect.

Christmas morning I'm already up I look up around 7am and here she comes. Wearing her pajamas and her velcro strap house shoes.

She's looking at the tree all the toys and she notices Barney standing on the side but she's not giving Barney that warm "I love you" look. The fact is she's scared of it. So I try to get her to feel it which she does then suddenly Barney falls over. Over on her foot. Remember those velcro shoes? Barney's mouth has landed on the child's shoe and the child is in a total panic. She's kicking and backing away and Barney won't let go. At this point I'm stupid with laughter (I couldn't help it OK?) because it looks like Barney is trying to bite off her foot. After I composed myself I detached Barney from her shoe. Barney got no love that day or any other. Barney on TV still got her attention but the one I bought her was off limits. Barney ended up being donated to the American Kidney Foundation.