Selling shit on FB Marketplace is like volunteering for a social experiment run by meth heads.

[MASTERBAKER]

Dustin Sims ·
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August 25 at 10:13 PM ·


Selling shit on FB Marketplace is like volunteering for a social experiment run by meth heads.
I listed a microwave for $50. Within 12 seconds my inbox looked like I was giving away crack rocks dipped in Jesus blood. First message “Is this available?” YES, Deborah. It was available 14 seconds ago when you asked, and it’s still available now that you ghosted me like my father.
Then come the bargain hunters. “Will you take $5, a coupon for Jiffy Lube, and a handful of my ex husband’s ashes?” NO, BRENDA. I don’t want your cremation starter kit. I said fifty bucks..
And why does everyone’s pickup plan sound like an FBI sting? Them “I’ll be there at 6.” Me “Cool.” 6 o’clock hits. Nothing. 7 o’clock. “Sorry, my cousin got locked up.” BITCH, what does that have to do with my microwave?
Finally, they show up in a Prius the size of a lunchbox. Six grown adults hop out like it’s Cirque du Soleil.. trying to shove a microwave, two kids, and a pit bull into the backseat. Grandma’s smoking a Virginia Slim, the baby’s chewing on my extension cord. Whole scene looked like an episode of Intervention.
At that point I don’t even want the fucking money. Just take it. Take the microwave, take my soul, take the ghost of every bad decision that led me here.
Marketplace ain’t about selling shit. It’s a psychological test to see how far you’ll go for gas money before you set your house on fire.

 

[MASTERBAKER]

Tresa McKinney
O my shitin stars I laughed so hard I had to go back a reread this damn thing to make sure I read it right and still laughed my ass off. This shit can’t be made up


Shea Howe
This is the best post I’ve seen in a long, long, long time.

I can’t stop laughing. You need to write a book about your life. I’m sure it would make some good money. You definitely got a great sense of humor. Made my day. I’m going to be up all night reading all the replies.

I’ve scrolled through some of the replies and not one person has gone to the negative on this one. I think you might have a world record that FB needs to give you an award. Thanks for the good laugh

Laurie Hunt
Dude you have a serious talent! You had me smiling then full laughing by the end. And I had a yucky day!! Thank you for going there. It was such a fun ride. You need to look into writing humorous stories… find you niche. Make this chaos called life more enjoyable for us out here….. write!!!

Emmy Teller
One time I bought a microwave off marketplace and when I got to the woman's house to pick it up, she asked if I minded if she finished cooking her sweet potatoes in it. I stood there awkwardly for 3 minutes while they finished and asked her if she was sure she didn't need to keep it? Then when she was done, I carried it out and it was super hot.