Question for the Sisters

[keysersoze]

One of my co-workers who I've know for a while now and have good working/personal friendship with than other people at work asked me for some personal advice:

She started dating this guy with a decent job as lab technician who is starting grad school this coming Fall. I've met the dude a couple of times and he treats her real good.

He told her the other day that he has herpes and that he still wants to be with her (of course using protection).

She asked me for some advice on what I should recommend to her?

Here is more info about her: shes at a point in her where she wants to start dating men that will result in marriage (her age is 28).

I don't know what to say to her since I rarely talk to my own sister.

From what I've seen of this guy she is dating - he seems like he's also ready to get serious/marry since he is in his 30s.

I have a feeling is she continues to date this guy - she will want to marry him. Is that even possible?

Any thoughts on what I can say to her?

 

[Cleopatra_J]

Wow...

I don't have a response yet... but this is interesting because just TONIGHT my friend pitched a short story idea about a girl and a guy who really care about each other, and she discloses a past lover gave her aids... Does the guy pursue the happy ever after with the woman he loves despite the disease or step off...

Interesting... I told him I'd get back to him with how I felt it should end...

I need a moment to think on this one...

 

[melonpecan]

If the both of them think it could be something serious the next thing that should be asked, (more so to the doctors), is can a future be possible? I have heard of people with HIV having children and the children not getting it due to medicine and advanced treatment. If an actual future can be feasible, then I say go for it.


If not then, they have some soul searching to do. Just my opinion 'cause love comes in strange ways.

 

[keysersoze]

If the both of them think it could be something serious the next thing that should be asked, (more so to the doctors), is can a future be possible? I have heard of people with HIV having children and the children not getting it due to medicine and advanced treatment. If an actual future can be feasible, then I say go for it.


If not then, they have some soul searching to do. Just my opinion 'cause love comes in strange ways.

Yea, if you have C-section than the children do not get infected.

 

[jjUSTAZZ]

They both need to have some serious conversation on how a life would be lived with the disease. If they can handle the consequences then why not...

 

[onyxfemme]

They both need to have some serious conversation on how a life would be lived with the disease. If they can handle the consequences then why not...

I agree...
Also-Real Love cant be stopped. As long as they are marrying for the right reasons what does the disease have to do w/ it?
They both need to take prescautions on not transferring the disease to her.

 

[LoneStar29]

I think she should speak with a doctor to find out how his disease can affect their future with sex, kids etc and go from there ... if she really cares for him and he is a great guy that could give her a good future she may want to at least TRY

 

[Izayoi]

Good advice. Communication is key here. She should talk to her doctor about the medical concerns and risk for transmission. Condoms DO NOT provide full protection against herpes (HSV).

HSV can cause complications with pregnancy also.
However the truth of the matter is that HSV is very common- at least that guys KNOWS and was reponsible enough to inform her so she could make an informed decision. The majority of women with HSV have healthy pregnancies and babies. Yet and still there are some couples where one couple has it and the other partner may never manifest HSV symptoms. There's a lot of "what if" scenarious she should be prepared to walk herself through mentally/emotionally and decide if she has the depth of feeling for this man to continue the relationship.

 

[keysersoze]

Good advice. Communication is key here. She should talk to her doctor about the medical concerns and risk for transmission. Condoms DO NOT provide full protection against herpes (HSV).

HSV can cause complications with pregnancy also.
However the truth of the matter is that HSV is very common- at least that guys KNOWS and was reponsible enough to inform her so she could make an informed decision. The majority of women with HSV have healthy pregnancies and babies. Yet and still there are some couples where one couple has it and the other partner may never manifest HSV symptoms. There's a lot of "what if" scenarious she should be prepared to walk herself through mentally/emotionally and decide if she has the depth of feeling for this man to continue the relationship.

Is that medically true? That condoms can't protect against herpes?

 

[keysersoze]

If I REALLY loved him...AND he was really rich AND I could legally assure my kids inheritance...

I mean, hepes is NOT a life threatening disease.

You can't be born with it right?

ETA: Man fuck what I just said. I'll take a broke clean nigga ANY day over that.

We could be friends, thats all.

THat's what I was thinking about telling her

I'll speak to her tomorrow afternoon... anymore thoughts - keep em coming.

 

[LoneStar29]

Is that medically true? That condoms can't protect against herpes?

Check here but it looks to me like it may be around the skin so out of the condoms safety reach

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/STDFact-herpes.htm

THat's what I was thinking about telling her

I'll speak to her tomorrow afternoon... anymore thoughts - keep em coming.

I don't think she should be so quick to dash him away ... a good man is hard to find ... but a nasty disease is hard to get rid of so I'm confused

 

[Izayoi]

Is that medically true? That condoms can't protect against herpes?

Yup.

Check here but it looks to me like it may be around the skin so out of the condoms safety reach

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/STDFact-herpes.htm

Thank you LS. Herpes can occur in many places on the genitals- all over the body actually. Condoms will only protect what skin they cover. Also there is the "viral shedding" issue that can happen even when blisters are not present.

 

[onyxfemme]

Man hell no...think about ALL the men and women who shave their pubes on a regular...then vaginal juices sliding all over the mans groin with microscopic cuts from shaving...

Thats why I could never take a man who eats pussy on the first night or first THREE nights serious...you gotta be mentally fucked to do nasty shit like that..

Niggas justa eating herpes, hep and hiv.

Fuck that.

Peachy I am so sorry...but this just made bust out laughing
But you know what..Your right..
Folks get to know your partner...Look at the pussy..Hell look in the pussy...Look at the dick!! Observe it!!!
AND ASK QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont know why we can ask about how much money someone makes and not ask about there STD status!!

 

[Mo-Better]

They both need to have some serious conversation on how a life would be lived with the disease. If they can handle the consequences then why not...

In addition they both need to seek a medical professional and find out everything there is to know about how their life will be together. He's asking her to make a helluva sacrifice, herpes is no joke.

I know everyone has needs but to ask this of her is IMO very selfish, on his part. What if the relationship fails? What happens if/when she becomes positive with herpes? Where does that leave her? This is pretty scary.

Note: This is EXACTLY why we all need to be smarter about protecting ourselves when we have sex with someone new. It only takes one time to change your life forever.