Got into it with with a dyke broad that had me by at least 25-50 pounds. Few years back, I go to talk to this broad and her dagger girlfriend come out of nowhere talking shit, pushing up on me.
I'm smiling. I ain't fazed, 'cause shit ain't that real. She was talking tough, but talking is talking. I was laughing at the situation. I kinda Roy Jones'd it a bit too much and she got one off on me, catching me off guard.
Bam! Wild swing got me in the glasses as I pulled my head away just in time, but the glasses went flying.
I touched the bridge of my nose and looked at it.
Blood.
My Blood.
I charged that bitch like a wild bull and her eyes got wide as fuck like "What have I got myself into". I throw a wild left on purpose, which she ducks and she runs right into my right and left jab, wop, wop.
Knowing that I am fighting a broad, still, I took 30-40% off and threw "stunners". The broad hit the ground like a shot cow.
I get on top of her and start choking her out.
I felt bad, though. It's a broad still. She can't beat...
I get up off of her and she charges me again. I "ole!" her ass like Bugs Fucking Bunny in the old Looney Tunes joints and give her more stunners, up'd maybe 10% strength.
Boom.
Down goes Butch. Down Goes Butch.
Again, I get on top of her and choke her out, again, not all the way, just to keep the bitch offa me. I get up off of her again. I tell her like Gorgeous George said to the Pikey in Snatch, "You want to stay DOWN!"
Then she gets up and says the most unbelievable shit I have ever heard someone utter as she stumbles to her feet.
"You a lesbian, yourself. You a lesbian, yourself"
Uhhh, come again? I swear I heard her wrong and I just stood there with a dumb assed look on my face and she said it again, "You a lesbian, yourself. You a lesbian, yourself"
I bust out laughing.
"You just...
You...
GTFOH"
By then her broad was there, holding her up and the dyke didn't want any more by that point, so I grab my shit and head home. I thought it was done.
Nope.
Fast forward about 6 months later. I was unemployed looking for jobs with Temp agencies. One came to me with a job that was long term. They asked me if I minded a background check. I said no. I was clean as hell. No arrest. No priors. No nothing.
"Go ahead"
I was about as scared as a virgin at the HIV clinic.
I go to the agency about a week later and they say, "Uhhh, we can't offer you this job"
I'm like, "Why not? I have worked many jobs for you before"
"There is a warrant for your arrest."
Come again?
"I got a who? How?
Come to find out, this bitch, knew somebody who knew me and that asshole gave her my shit.
Aggravated Menacing
I had never even heard of such a thing. Assault, maybe. But menacing? WTF was that?
Long story short, I REALLY need the job, since I have no job and need to pay my rent. I turn myself in after asking a friend and he saying that they would let me off with a personal bond since I had no record. The week before I go down I rent "Roots" from the library and watch it all. I didn't have a job, and I was turning myself in. Why not watch a movie about slaves. They might let me off with a personal bond, right?
Heh, heh.
WRONG
Not only do they NOT give me a personal bond, but the prosecution is acting like they want to burn me like I am a real criminal and shit. They beg the judge to keep me and give me a high bond. The judge doesn't go for that and puts bond at $2500 ($250), but I was broke and didn't have even that much.
Went to lock up for a week. Saw judge and the prosecution again is trying to burn me, but they can't find the Butch. They ask the judge for ANOTHER week. Judge grants the OK.
Another week in hold looking like Snoop Dogg from Murder was the Case.
Saw judge again at the end of the second week, prosecution STILL can't find the broad and ask for 2 more weeks but the judge steps in.
"Hold on. You have had 2 weeks. Still nothing. You have had your chance. Dismissed"
I was happy and lucky as hell. I don't know the charge that menacing holds but I have never been caught up like that, and to get caught up fighting somebody who started a fight with me, threw the first punch and got their asses handed to them because they thought they were tougher than they really were? THEN, after all that, they call the police on ME?
I got that shit erased from my record and got the job at the Temp agency. but that was some bullshit.
Fighting is for the birds. Fuck that. Mofo's don't take ass whoopins no more. I know another dude who got caught up like that with a dude. Dude hits him in the face, but he hit like a bitch and got his ass whooped and got dropped by the first punch my dude threw. That bitch ass dude called the police, but I don't know what happened, since I moved right after that.
I have ALWAYS lived by, "If you don't want to GET HIT, then DON'T HIT." You are a woman, and I am a man. I probably hit harder than you do, so it would behoove you to not hit me first. Because if you do, and I hit back, it won't be pretty. Some bitches think they are dudes, some talking back like Robin Givens in "A Rage in Harlem" where she was just standing there "Fuck you, no FUCK YOU, no FUCK YOU!" at some dude.
Since it was basically no harm, no foul, and all I did was spend 2 weeks in the lockup, it's cool. But I ain't fucking around with fighting anymore. But, if I had it to do all over again I would have never fought that butch. My record got expunged, but still, I couldn't find more than a couple of days or weeks worth of temp jobs for almost a year.
Come to find out, he was doing 95+ in a 35 mph zone and hit a dip in the road. The car hit a pole and literally split in half. All 5 of them died on the scene. I wasn't the only one he asked to go, but for yrs I always wondered if it was somehow my fault. It took me years to accept the fact that it was his fault for driving drunk. 
i dont dui anymore.
