The Paducah Insider ·
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June 20 at 7:00 PM · PADUCAH - Norman Weber, 82, has become something of a legend on the local nightlife scene, charming women half his age with slick one-liners, gold-plated cufflinks, and tales of his “vast investments in rotary phones.”
But sources confirm that Norman isn’t the tycoon he claims to be — he’s actually a Walmart door greeter making minimum wage and living off butterscotch candy and boldness with the ladies.
“He told me he owned a chain of car washes,” said Tiffany Eubanks, 26, who spent the evening with Norman last night. “Turns out he just washed cars back in 1964.”
After nights of wining, dining, and questionable slow dancing, the elderly Paducah man usually takes his date back to her place for a night of passion. Afterward, he sneaks out at dawn, trading cologne for a blue smock and resuming his post at the front of Walmart.
“I may not have money,” Norman said, grinning, “but I’ve got charisma and a 10% employee discount!”
Ladies, beware the grandpa with champagne dreams and vending machine income.
This is a developing story.
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The Paducah Insider is a news satire and parody publication. All content contained within this page, however similar to real events, is fictitious. Any real, semi-real or similar names, places, people, products, services and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding story details are purely fictional. Thank you!
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