I'm posting this topic on SOL since more females are likely to reply here than the main board. For the record I'm a married guy, full-time mechanic, and father of two so please don't assume I'm speaking on my behalf. Here is the text of what I read from another forum:
Why Women Cannot Find a Good Man
The many variables contributing to this phenomenon actually come down to overcoming one negative attribute of the female mind, which is lack of self-knowledge. If a woman does not know who she is and what her purpose and true nature is, she will never understand how to find (get) a good man.
First, let us dispel all the myths and urban legends. One, there is no shortage of Black men. Though Black men make-up 75% of the prison system, there are not as many Black men in the prison system than there are on the streets. And though statistics suggest that 1 out of 7 Black men are gay, they are only a small percentage of the general population. Again, because the marriage rate of Blacks is small, not all good Black men are married; it merely appears that way because of the female preference and wish list.
Therefore, this leaves the majority of Black men available and marriable. There are many college educated Black men, single Black men who are decent men, and many God-fearing men who want a family and would be dedicated to that family. The problem is not so much with Black men or the shortage myth, but what Black women want in their men.
Second, all too many times, women are expectant of something. They say they will settle for a man with a job, any job, but in reality, when the money is not rolling in plentiful enough to keep up with "girlfriend," the woman's true preferences show through. They then attempt to "better" their man by suggesting more schooling.
Many claim that physique is not important or looks, or size, but when time comes for public appearances, family reunions, or physical satisfaction, some how the woman comes up short. She speaks for the man in public (and society has come to expect Black women to do the talking), she makes excuses to family and friends for her man's situation, and she constantly seeks change and variety in sexuality.
Not to say that all women are like this, but those who cannot seem to find a good man would better fit this profile in more ways than one.
Next, she ignores the brother on her job that just does not spark that physical appeal in her. She is not impressed with the brother's work habits or his nerdy qualities, and she automatically looks the other way because of his lack of sex appeal and she turns to the brother who got it that way instead, yet he is the one who will treat her like a dog.
She has not understood that many men will make her a good husband if she knew what to look for instead of searching for the stereotypical qualities on her list-of-desirable men. She believes in society's definition of what a man is thus she looks for that man. He is the hunk, the bad boy, the jock, the successful, and she ignores the obvious, the nerd, the simple, the bright, the thinker, the anti-social, and the quite.
Last, women cannot find a good man because she does not know who she is and what makes her happy. Her mother told her to find a successful lawyer or doctor but her mother neglected to tell her that lawyers and doctors cheat on their wives. Her friends told her to find a man who could satisfy her sexually but they neglected to tell her that he will satisfy everyone else's sexual desires as well.
The woman's magazine told her to find a man who is sensitive and who will share the house work while she works, yet neglected to tell her that that is reverse oppression and a man will not stay down long under those circumstances.
She has the excuses; she has tried this man and that, but has come to the conclusion that all men are dogs. One problem with that is, if all the men she tried were dogs in her book, then her attempt to train him was a failure. This leads into the drama of what women want.
The mind games, the control factor, and the unrealistic expectations of women have gone beyond that of reality and into the fanatical.
Women first read the man through and then try him in many areas to test his stability. This is a mistake because if she has to test him then she is expecting something other than a real relationship. She is also putting in jeopardy the potential of a relationship from the beginning.
The games, the games, the mind games. The woman then has to gain control. She first seeks out the man's weakness and when she has found it, she will either exploit it for her own benefit, because that is what she is taught by her girlfriends, or she will accept it as is and help strengthen it for her advantage in the future.
She expects sensitivity, consideration, and respect, yet if she is not sensitive, considerate or respectful of others, or herself, she will never receive those things from him. She first has to know herself before expecting this character from others to her own satisfaction.
Does she really want a family or is this something she has come to anticipate from the propaganda of American society and Hollywood. Is she going to be a good mother because many men want children but cannot handle a contentious and or perplexed woman. Thus we have many single mothers.
Not to say that men have it all together, but when women complain about not being able to find a good man, they must first understand what a good man is and what to expect from him. She must also know how to give that which is good to the man if she wants to keep him and call him her own.
So ladies (and bruhs) of BGOL, what do you think?
Why Women Cannot Find a Good Man
The many variables contributing to this phenomenon actually come down to overcoming one negative attribute of the female mind, which is lack of self-knowledge. If a woman does not know who she is and what her purpose and true nature is, she will never understand how to find (get) a good man.
First, let us dispel all the myths and urban legends. One, there is no shortage of Black men. Though Black men make-up 75% of the prison system, there are not as many Black men in the prison system than there are on the streets. And though statistics suggest that 1 out of 7 Black men are gay, they are only a small percentage of the general population. Again, because the marriage rate of Blacks is small, not all good Black men are married; it merely appears that way because of the female preference and wish list.
Therefore, this leaves the majority of Black men available and marriable. There are many college educated Black men, single Black men who are decent men, and many God-fearing men who want a family and would be dedicated to that family. The problem is not so much with Black men or the shortage myth, but what Black women want in their men.
Second, all too many times, women are expectant of something. They say they will settle for a man with a job, any job, but in reality, when the money is not rolling in plentiful enough to keep up with "girlfriend," the woman's true preferences show through. They then attempt to "better" their man by suggesting more schooling.
Many claim that physique is not important or looks, or size, but when time comes for public appearances, family reunions, or physical satisfaction, some how the woman comes up short. She speaks for the man in public (and society has come to expect Black women to do the talking), she makes excuses to family and friends for her man's situation, and she constantly seeks change and variety in sexuality.
Not to say that all women are like this, but those who cannot seem to find a good man would better fit this profile in more ways than one.
Next, she ignores the brother on her job that just does not spark that physical appeal in her. She is not impressed with the brother's work habits or his nerdy qualities, and she automatically looks the other way because of his lack of sex appeal and she turns to the brother who got it that way instead, yet he is the one who will treat her like a dog.
She has not understood that many men will make her a good husband if she knew what to look for instead of searching for the stereotypical qualities on her list-of-desirable men. She believes in society's definition of what a man is thus she looks for that man. He is the hunk, the bad boy, the jock, the successful, and she ignores the obvious, the nerd, the simple, the bright, the thinker, the anti-social, and the quite.
Last, women cannot find a good man because she does not know who she is and what makes her happy. Her mother told her to find a successful lawyer or doctor but her mother neglected to tell her that lawyers and doctors cheat on their wives. Her friends told her to find a man who could satisfy her sexually but they neglected to tell her that he will satisfy everyone else's sexual desires as well.
The woman's magazine told her to find a man who is sensitive and who will share the house work while she works, yet neglected to tell her that that is reverse oppression and a man will not stay down long under those circumstances.
She has the excuses; she has tried this man and that, but has come to the conclusion that all men are dogs. One problem with that is, if all the men she tried were dogs in her book, then her attempt to train him was a failure. This leads into the drama of what women want.
The mind games, the control factor, and the unrealistic expectations of women have gone beyond that of reality and into the fanatical.
Women first read the man through and then try him in many areas to test his stability. This is a mistake because if she has to test him then she is expecting something other than a real relationship. She is also putting in jeopardy the potential of a relationship from the beginning.
The games, the games, the mind games. The woman then has to gain control. She first seeks out the man's weakness and when she has found it, she will either exploit it for her own benefit, because that is what she is taught by her girlfriends, or she will accept it as is and help strengthen it for her advantage in the future.
She expects sensitivity, consideration, and respect, yet if she is not sensitive, considerate or respectful of others, or herself, she will never receive those things from him. She first has to know herself before expecting this character from others to her own satisfaction.
Does she really want a family or is this something she has come to anticipate from the propaganda of American society and Hollywood. Is she going to be a good mother because many men want children but cannot handle a contentious and or perplexed woman. Thus we have many single mothers.
Not to say that men have it all together, but when women complain about not being able to find a good man, they must first understand what a good man is and what to expect from him. She must also know how to give that which is good to the man if she wants to keep him and call him her own.
So ladies (and bruhs) of BGOL, what do you think?
It seems like young black men & women are scared. We are scared to give each other a chance, we are scared that we will end up with a dud, we are scared to completely trust one another, and we are scared of commitment. We have too many stupid expectations instead of being realistic ("oh my man/woman needs to make $100,000 or more", she needs such & such level of education). I know a lot of good working men who I would love to date, but there is something that holds them back once we go beyond physical attraction.
