Is international the way to go . . . . 4 the African American Male?

[shanebp1978]

Someone on the main board made a comment.

I find the comment to be profoundly enlightening, and may get to a root problem between Black men and black women in America, so it sparked a question?


CAN AN AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN BE ATTENTIVE, CATER TO, AN AFRICAN AMERICAN MALE . . . WITHOUT FEELING AS IF SHE IS TAKING ON SOME CHAUVINISTIC FEMALE ROLE, OR SOMEHOW DISRESPECTING HERSELF, OR FEELING LIKE SHE IS SOMEHOW BEING PUT IN, " A WOMAN'S PLACE ".


I've dated, Lebanese, Iranian-American, Hispanic women, Spanish, and Cuban, and Jamaica and Haiti have both had a piece.

An I thought on them all, before making this statement.

There is a difference of hospitality. There is a general difference in the respect, and reverence for men, black men, with women who did not grow up in America.


IMO.


I wish I had some Pumpkin/squash soup. Random thought.


So anyway, anyone?

 

[Adam Knows]

yeah they can....

i thought otherwise but down in the south some thirsty azz women....

they're trying to do everything and then some for a person...

there's been this lady trying to cook me something, even offered to come fix my place (not that it don't need fixing so i don't know what she meant by that)

 

[REMINGTON_BLACK]

For me it is. My main girl is first generation Mexican (raised mostly old skool without the hate for blacks). I never have a problem out of her, so I think twice before a do or say something that might fuck things up.

BTW yes I did date many many many many black females and it wasn't working for me. I still love my sisters, I just ain't dating yall again on a serious tip.


this might turn out to be a very interesting topic

 

[shanebp1978]

yeah they can....

i thought otherwise but down in the south some thirsty azz women....

they're trying to do everything and then some for a person...

there's been this lady trying to cook me something, even offered to come fix my place (not that it don't need fixing so i don't know what she meant by that)

Yeah. I seen it . . .


Bait . . .

http://www.myninjaplease.com/politricks/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/charlie_brown_lucy_football.jpg

. . . and switch.

I like to beware women, and persons in general that are overtly solicitous. People are weird these days!

A lot of those women are thirsty because their well is drying up.

 

[ladyscorpio]

yeah they can....

i thought otherwise but down in the south some thirsty azz women....

they're trying to do everything and then some for a person...

there's been this lady trying to cook me something, even offered to come fix my place (not that it don't need fixing so i don't know what she meant by that)

Do not eat the food. That is all.




peace n love

 

[Adam Knows]

Do not eat the food. That is all.




peace n love

you couldn't PAY me to eat it.

ever since i heard about what some women do to their food in hopes of getting a man....hell to the fuck naw

 

[Adam Knows]

Yeah. I seen it . . .


Bait . . .

http://www.myninjaplease.com/politricks/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/charlie_brown_lucy_football.jpg

. . . and switch.

I like to beware women, and persons in general that are overtly solicitous. People are weird these days!

A lot of those women are thirsty because their well is drying up.

yeah...true..

there are a lot of women who will play the role of a housewife though. for those that do, you just have to give them a strong enough reason to do so. like actually playing the role of the man of the house.

unfortunately though, there are enough out there with the negative vibe that mask the presence of those women....

 

[ClevelandDawg216]

in my experience i've found foreign women to be more subservient, but that was a cultural thing. i've also had sistas that were down for me like that, but i see less and less of that lately. i don't know what to say, but REAL black people no matter the gender seem to be the last of a dying breed.

 

[jucurious]

For me it is. My main girl is first generation Mexican (raised mostly old skool without the hate for blacks). I never have a problem out of her, so I think twice before a do or say something that might fuck things up.
BTW yes I did date many many many many black females and it wasn't working for me. I still love my sisters, I just ain't dating yall again on a serious tip.


this might turn out to be a very interesting topic

i find the bolded part to be interesting...hmm i will discuss more when i get back from class

 

[black again]

I've certainly considered it. Logistically it's just a problem. I'd need to spend several months in a country to do my searching, checking her background, family, and stuff. Then, if I got her back to the country, I'd have to be very careful of the female friends she made in this country. I'd find a chick that didn't speak English, and I wouldn't want her to learn it.

 

[Eva Hornae]

I've certainly considered it. Logistically it's just a problem. I'd need to spend several months in a country to do my searching, checking her background, family, and stuff. Then, if I got her back to the country, I'd have to be very careful of the female friends she made in this country. I'd find a chick that didn't speak English, and I wouldn't want her to learn it.

 

[OnSlaught]

On the real, even though the sistas might come in and hate a bit on this thread, there is something to be said about the rebelliousness of most black women to black men when it comes to gender roles of men and women.

I've dated plenty of women, and even had some long term that worked great with both African American women and international women...just the distance killed it!

Anyway, I did notice differences between the two:

1. Regardless of any type of quarrel, tiff, or real argument you get into with the international women still do for you. As long as you're not cheating, it's all gravy.

2. International women tend to look for a man with qualities that make a great father, not necessarily a great lover. Sure the women want to be satisfied, but they look for those qualities that need to be there in order to raise a family, not trick off on them or strictly to sex them up.

3. International women will do just about anything for you. I got dehydrated on the beach down in St. Lucia when I was out swimming (if this happened to anyone, you know how scary this can be), home girl that didn't even know me, not only got help but stayed for the next 5 hrs to make sure I was alright and doing shit that probably my girl wouldn't even do back in the states. She did such a good job that she was invited to my boy's wedding reception...wow, beautiful dark brown skin girl with blue eyes, shit was crazy! She was from Curacao, not St. Lucia by the way

Also, I see this in a lot of my friends that are Cape Verdean. They tend to do shit naturally in order to make their relationship work. They view the relationship as the first priority, with the man being the focus to making happy AND having it reciprocated, but this is their main focus.

Point I'm making is that there's nothing wrong with standards, but fucking African American women want a T3 2000 as a fucking life partner and most African American men aren't all those things. International women (not all) want a man who is a good provider of stability and they reciprocate that without all the extra attitude...

 

[DeSiRe]

i think there is a unique dynamic in the african american community...

we have been a highly matriarchal soceity i would say since the 80s. because of that women have not only had to be mommy for thier kids...but daddy too...not to mention be the main bread winner

now u have women who grew up seeing this...and personally i think some of us have issues with giving up that power...sometimes it is because thats all some women know to to mention i think it is a defense mechinsim

for black women...respect is earned not given...but once a man earns the respect of a black woman u will not want for anything...but its not given out freely

in international cultures and even some here in america, more men have been part of the family so women have a better understand of what thier role is...and growing up thier daughters learn also

lemme also add that in other cultures women teach thier daughters how to not get a man...but get a husband...and how to keep him

i dont think many black girls get those lessons...instead our lesson is..."you dont need a man to be happy/sucessful"

 

[hawk919]

Black women want every man to fit in their window of perfection.

A woman with 5 kids out of wedlock, no job, bad attitude, no education wants a man with a BMW, 10 inch cock, six figure income and "good hair".

The shit dont add up. My wife is black, and the only reason I married her because she wasnt raised in the States, she grew up in a lot of different countries, and is not as ignorant as the typical "Homegrown" woman.

I wish I dated more people outside my race before marriage. For some reason I wanna fuck a mexican bitch, and a asian bitch, but I cant now, unless I spend an eternity in hell fire so...........

 

[OnSlaught]

i think there is a unique dynamic in the african american community...

we have been a highly matriarchal soceity i would say since the 80s. because of that women have not only had to be mommy for thier kids...but daddy too...not to mention be the main bread winner

now u have women who grew up seeing this...and personally i think some of us have issues with giving up that power...sometimes it is because thats all some women know to to mention i think it is a defense mechinsim

for black women...respect is earned not given...but once a man earns the respect of a black woman u will not want for anything...but its not given out freely

in international cultures and even some here in america, more men have been part of the family so women have a better understand of what thier role is...and growing up thier daughters learn also

lemme also add that in other cultures women teach thier daughters how to not get a man...but get a husband...and how to keep him

i dont think many black girls get those lessons...instead our lesson is..."you dont need a man to be happy/sucessful"

Great post Desire! WOW, we finally agree on something! But on the real, I think that's where the divide is too. I've explained this plenty of times on and off the board.

 

[shanebp1978]

i think there is a unique dynamic in the african american community...

we have been a highly matriarchal soceity i would say since the 80s. because of that women have not only had to be mommy for thier kids...but daddy too...not to mention be the main bread winner

now u have women who grew up seeing this...and personally i think some of us have issues with giving up that power...sometimes it is because thats all some women know to to mention i think it is a defense mechinsim

for black women...respect is earned not given...but once a man earns the respect of a black woman u will not want for anything...but its not given out freely

in international cultures and even some here in america, more men have been part of the family so women have a better understand of what thier role is...and growing up thier daughters learn also

lemme also add that in other cultures women teach thier daughters how to not get a man...but get a husband...and how to keep him

i dont think many black girls get those lessons...instead our lesson is..."you dont need a man to be happy/sucessful"

Co-sign so many points here.

 

[Adam Knows]

i think there is a unique dynamic in the african american community...

we have been a highly matriarchal soceity i would say since the 80s. because of that women have not only had to be mommy for thier kids...but daddy too...not to mention be the main bread winner

now u have women who grew up seeing this...and personally i think some of us have issues with giving up that power...sometimes it is because thats all some women know to to mention i think it is a defense mechinsim

for black women...respect is earned not given...but once a man earns the respect of a black woman u will not want for anything...but its not given out freely

in international cultures and even some here in america, more men have been part of the family so women have a better understand of what thier role is...and growing up thier daughters learn also

lemme also add that in other cultures women teach thier daughters how to not get a man...but get a husband...and how to keep him

i dont think many black girls get those lessons...instead our lesson is..."you dont need a man to be happy/sucessful"

I HAVE TO AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID.....

 

[JofromthaNO]

i think there is a unique dynamic in the african american community...

we have been a highly matriarchal soceity i would say since the 80s. because of that women have not only had to be mommy for thier kids...but daddy too...not to mention be the main bread winner

now u have women who grew up seeing this...and personally i think some of us have issues with giving up that power...sometimes it is because thats all some women know to to mention i think it is a defense mechinsim

for black women...respect is earned not given...but once a man earns the respect of a black woman u will not want for anything...but its not given out freely

in international cultures and even some here in america, more men have been part of the family so women have a better understand of what thier role is...and growing up thier daughters learn also

lemme also add that in other cultures women teach thier daughters how to not get a man...but get a husband...and how to keep him

i dont think many black girls get those lessons...instead our lesson is..."you dont need a man to be happy/sucessful"

I agree with this last point, Desire. So many times I have said, as a young girl, a boy is taught, how to be a good man for your woman. But, as a young girl, we're taught how to get a good man, but not the viable lesson of how to be a good woman for your man. We're taught to be on the receiving side of it all, and no, I'm not talking about aggressive tactics to pull a random guy, etc. I'm talking about ways to take care of your man, nurture him and show him respect, etc. Very few women I know - dating and/or not dating - do this for their man, and, in the end, I think they'll lose him this way just as easily as they gained him...

 

[shanebp1978]

I agree with this last point, Desire. So many times I have said, as a young girl, a boy is taught, how to be a good man for your woman. But, as a young girl, we're taught how to get a good man, but not the viable lesson of how to be a good woman for your man. We're taught to be on the receiving side of it all, and no, I'm not talking about aggressive tactics to pull a random guy, etc. I'm talking about ways to take care of your man, nurture him and show him respect, etc. Very few women I know - dating and/or not dating - do this for their man, and, in the end, I think they'll lose him this way just as easily as they gained him...

This thread has absolutely nothing to do with you Jo, we all know you are the pinnacle of perfection, the mirror of merit, the vision of virtue, the echelon of excellence!

Nothing to see here for you. Please sit down. Thank you. No comment @ press time.

 

[AristotlesOwn]

i think there is a unique dynamic in the african american community...

we have been a highly matriarchal soceity i would say since the 80s. because of that women have not only had to be mommy for thier kids...but daddy too...not to mention be the main bread winner

now u have women who grew up seeing this...and personally i think some of us have issues with giving up that power...sometimes it is because thats all some women know to to mention i think it is a defense mechinsim

for black women...respect is earned not given...but once a man earns the respect of a black woman u will not want for anything...but its not given out freely

in international cultures and even some here in america, more men have been part of the family so women have a better understand of what thier role is...and growing up thier daughters learn also

lemme also add that in other cultures women teach thier daughters how to not get a man...but get a husband...and how to keep him

i dont think many black girls get those lessons...instead our lesson is..."you dont need a man to be happy/sucessful"

I agree with this very much. As for that last little piece...bitter single mothers probably raised by single mothers themselves. It's not their fault to be sure, but the cycle continues. Fathers need to step up and end this madness.

Back on topic...

Personally, I have considered finding a mate internationally; within the diaspora of course. In my experience, African and Caribbean women, raised in their native countries, who migrate to the U.S. for education or other reasons seem to naturally 'get it' when it comes to us...the big problem with this arrangement is that when you're trying to date someone and her famiily finds out that you're African American, it's pretty much an instant NO unless you can prove to the family that you don't represent the media stereotype (this is a real concern).

 

[DeSiRe]

I agree with this last point, Desire. So many times I have said, as a young girl, a boy is taught, how to be a good man for your woman. But, as a young girl, we're taught how to get a good man, but not the viable lesson of how to be a good woman for your man. We're taught to be on the receiving side of it all, and no, I'm not talking about aggressive tactics to pull a random guy, etc. I'm talking about ways to take care of your man, nurture him and show him respect, etc. Very few women I know - dating and/or not dating - do this for their man, and, in the end, I think they'll lose him this way just as easily as they gained him...

so so true and its something we really gotta work on...although there are still good black women out there i really dont blame some black men dating outside thier race

alot of us have got do to better

 

[maynard]

I don't know what being black has to do with anything. American women in general are 1 step above "absolutely worthless". Most western women are not worth the effort, really.

So are most American men.

Anyway, the women who are worth marrying (traditional hispanics, asian, eastern european) have no interest in black men so I guess you're shit out of luck.

 

[ClevelandDawg216]

i'm leaving america after the election.

 

[melonpecan]

To answer the question, I don't see why not. But truly is where my man and I clash.

Personally, (and I can't speak for the rest of Black Female America), but I try and WANT to do everything in my power to keep a smile on his face. In fact I take great pleasure knowing that what I do or don't do puts a smile on his face.


Now I have read here the reasons why an international woman might be- what is a good word- better for a Black man, and it is what it is. But I am not so sure that the problem is Black women in general rather than the mentality that is instilled in American women.

On the other hand, one COULD surmise that the majority of Black women here in this country are so content with the "green" factor and what it takes to keep it, (welfare, child support, gold digging, etc), that they haven't thought of how to truly get and keep a real man and not a little boy, let alone how to be a real woman. Then there are the lesser majority of Black women here that rose above the "green" factor but now are stuck on their "high horses". They think they are either too good for the majority of real men out there or think that every real man or any man isn't, and is one of the aforementioned "little boys". This makes up about seventy to eighty-five percent of the women in question.

The small minority I believe makes up at least fifteen percent that are real women, who are about themselves, their family, and their man (in that order) and would do anything to keep the harmony and continuation of these three sects.


We are out there BGOL Men! Maybe it is because you look in the wrong place; maybe you are not where you need to be to find us. Perhaps that woman destined for you is not where you are yet. I don't know. But in the company I keep I KNOW that there are Black Women who are willing to have water for dinner with their man, if that meant surviving and supporting him; sacrificing and scrounging, if that meant surviving and supporting that man; there are Women who are down for their man ready with a cooked dinner, a clean house, and a full tub of hot water- buck naked with the Xbox running. All the good things you look for. Been there, still do it .


Keep your eyes open, because who you are looking for might be the last person you'd think to look for.

 

[Izayoi]

Personally, (and I can't speak for the rest of Black Female America), but I try and WANT to do everything in my power to keep a smile on his face. In fact I take great pleasure knowing that what I do or don't do puts a smile on his face.

Now I have read here the reasons why an international woman might be- what is a good word- better for a Black man, and it is what it is. But I am not so sure that the problem is Black women in general rather than the mentality that is instilled in American women.

On the other hand, one COULD surmise that the majority of Black women here in this country are so content with the "green" factor and what it takes to keep it, (welfare, child support, gold digging, etc), that they haven't thought of how to truly get and keep a real man and not a little boy, let alone how to be a real woman. Then there are the lesser majority of Black women here that rose above the "green" factor but now are stuck on their "high horses". They think they are either too good for the majority of real men out there or think that every real man or any man isn't, and is one of the aforementioned "little boys". This makes up about seventy to eighty-five percent of the women in question.

The small minority I believe makes up at least fifteen percent that are real women, who are about themselves, their family, and their man (in that order) and would do anything to keep the harmony and continuation of these three sects.


We are out there BGOL Men! Maybe it is because you look in the wrong place; maybe you are not where you need to be to find us. Perhaps that woman destined for you is not where you are yet. I don't know. But in the company I keep I KNOW that there are Black Women who are willing to have water for dinner with their man, if that meant surviving and supporting him; sacrificing and scrounging, if that meant surviving and supporting that man; there are Women who are down for their man ready with a cooked dinner, a clean house, and a full tub of hot water- buck naked with the Xbox running. All the good things you look for. Been there, still do it .


Keep your eyes open, because who you are looking for might be the last person you'd think to look for.

*sigh* Thank you melonpecan. The idea that there's a location cure for failed relationships is over simplified imo. This isn't about black women; It's about American inculturation and economic parity for American women. There is a marked economic and societal NECESSITY for women in other countries to maintain and PERFECT traditional gender roles. There are still places where a woman absolutely can not survive in society without a male spouse. The countries with the lowest divorce rates are primarily middle eastern and South American. America is not one of those places. Women (black and white and green and yellow, etc) have economic power and options. This creates a different (and sometimes damaging) dynamic.

I don't have a problem with traditional gender roles and those who want to find a compatible partner that agrees with them. I am in many ways a traditionalist and in freak ways...well let me not go there...but the idea of submission and pleasing a man is a sweet idea to me.

What I do find troubling is this stereotyping of American black women as if "blackness" is the key factor when really our American culture has a different value system. I.E CASH MONEY- and if people (male or female) have money, they have options and are therefore less likely to invest 100% in another person to survive.

I'm all for love wherever one finds it. If you need to fly around the world in 180 days I'm happy for you, but don't be blind that in some of those places women are just naturally "better women" but they are reared to understand that their ability to master traditional gender roles often make the difference between them surviving and thriving in their society or perishing.