Female POV Needed

gonzo8402

gonzo8402

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Me and a very good friend had a spat tonight so I want to get a female point of view.

Background: Every once in a while I'll tell her "What's up, b?" a la old school new york slang, and for some reason this offends her...before you comment read the whole thing. I made it as short as possible


Gonzo: so you feel like having the B discussion? or nah?
HOMEGIRL: what are we going to discuss?
Gonzo: why you think I shouldn't use it
Gonzo: why do you find it offensive?
HOMEGIRL: i dont want to be called that, do you want me to call you dumb ass? stupid ass?
HOMEGIRL: etc
Gonzo: if you use it the same way I use B, feel free

.......

Gonzo: homie, why should I stop? Please, I want to understand
HOMEGIRL: b/c i said so just like when i told you to stop putting her hands between my legs (not what y'all think)
HOMEGIRL: you have no respect for me Gonzo
Gonzo: nah, the two aren't even close to being the same
HOMEGIRL: yeah they are, i told you no then and i am telling you no now and you still wont respect me. i dont even know why i bother with you sometimes
Gonzo: You're being really unreasonable. You're mad, and not telling me why, you don't like the word, and don't explain to me why. How can I understand where you're coming from w/o you helping me understand

....

Gonzo: When I call you "man" that doesn't mean you're a man. It just means person. When I call you "B", that doesn't mean you're a letter, you're a friend
HOMEGIRL: dont call me b call your other friends that just not me
Gonzo: I'll stop when you help me understand why. Just telling me to stop isn't helping me homie
HOMEGIRL: well I will stop being your friend
Gonzo: if you feel stongly enough about it and rather not be my friend than help me understand where you're coming from, so be it
HOMEGIRL: just remember no means no

........

HOMEGIRL: you just need to stop calling me it thats what needs and better happens.
Gonzo: why are you demanding me to do things? just explain where you're coming from. I'm more than willing to stop, but not at your command. I want to know why
HOMEGIRL: b/c i am asking you as a friend to please STOP IT
Gonzo: listen, that means a lot to me, that you're asking me as a friend. and normally, i would happily oblige--which is why I don't really say nigga around you-- but this word is not bad or derogotory in any way, so I just don't understand why I should not be saying it
HOMEGIRL: y are you saying it?
HOMEGIRL: why are you calling me that?
HOMEGIRL: you never asked if you could call me that
Gonzo: why do I need your permission to say things?
Gonzo: it's just a funny phrase to me, so I say it. What's up, B? Chillin, son...it's some stereotypical New York talk
HOMEGIRL: then find you a new york broad so you can call her that buddy
Gonzo: okay, you asked me why I call you that. and I game you a real answer. So let me ask you why you don't think I should call you that?
HOMEGIRL: *logs off*
Gonzo: good answer


so, does she have a right to be mad? I don't think so:confused:
 
Ok. . . . I can understand both sides of this.

I can understand that you like to call her that "nickname". I think if you refer to everyone like that it really shouldn't be an issue.

I can understand her side because I hate being called anything other than my name . . . unless it's a shorter version of my name. So no. . . baby, babe, shorty, sexy, etc. . . . I really don't like that.

I think that she kinda blew the whole thing out of proportion but it's hard to really takes sides because neither one of you are really "right" per se.

I think you should respect her wishes and not call her that. But I also think the should try to understand where you're coming from and that your intentions were good.

Just my opinion. Hope that helps. .
 
personally i think u should be respectful about how she feels

expecially if the only reason u say it cause u like the way it sounds...im pretty sure u can find a phrase to use instead that has the same meaning

its kinda like white people and the word nigga

they wanna say it so bad...but they understand it offends people

why not find a different way to say it and keep the party going :dunno:
 
Why is it that you need her to explain the hell out of herself instead of just respecting how she feels:confused:If she don't like it then she don't like it ... period ... why it gotta be a debate and shit:confused:

I don't like the word "bitch" either ... men need to stop trying to be cute about it cuz we all know that at the end of the day it is a disrespectful word ... if you can use it to describe a person you don't like ... then stop trying to use it as a term of endearment with someone you do like

And you know this word is "bad and derogatory" ... it's not cool to use it to describe a female ... especially since if you said it to a male he would be feeling disrespected:smh:

My ex tried to use that word when introducing me to his friend ... when we got alone I had to tell him that if he ever used that word to describe me again I would get really upset:hmm:so he stopped

lone-4a1zswn8w.gif
 
Respect what she is saying. It means something to her to not be called that. Personally I would stop talking to you if you keep on not respecting my wishes especially since you not calling her that doesn't cost you anything. It doesn't affect you emotionally or financially. I doesn't affect your credibility either. In fact it enhances it because it shows you respect others. For you to continue to do it shows you are a desrespectful and selfish.

It doesn't matter the reason she doesn't want to be called that. It could be simple. It could be complicated. It could be something from her past. It could be something of identity crisis. Whatever it is after you've explained what you mean and why you call her that and she still says no, then quit.

This could make one wonder if you the kind of person who understands when to stop and whether "no means no" or "stop means stop" means anything to you. Not saying that you don't. Just that when you start doing it on the small scale, it makes one wonder if its a pattern. So you may want to check the signal you sending.
 
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LoneStar29 said:
Why is it that you need her to explain the hell out of herself instead of just respecting how she feels:confused:If she don't like it then she don't like it ... period ... why it gotta be a debate and shit:confused:

I don't like the word "bitch" either ... men need to stop trying to be cute about it cuz we all know that at the end of the day it is a disrespectful word ... if you can use it to describe a person you don't like ... then stop trying to use it as a term of endearment with someone you do like

And you know this word is "bad and derogatory" ... it's not cool to use it to describe a female ... especially since if you said it to a male he would be feeling disrespected:smh:

My ex tried to use that word when introducing me to his friend ... when we got alone I had to tell him that if he ever used that word to describe me again I would get really upset:hmm:so he stopped

lone-4a1zswn8w.gif
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I'm not talking about the word "bitch" at all...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=B


rd2 said:
Respect what she is saying. It means something to her to not be called that. Personally I would stop talking to you if you keep on not respecting my wishes especially since you not calling her that doesn't cost you anything. It doesn't affect you emotionally or financially. I doesn't affect your credibility either. In fact it enhances it because it shows you respect others. For you to continue to do it shows you are a desrespectful and selfish.

It doesn't matter the reason she doesn't want to be called that. It could be simple. It could be complicated. It could be something from her past. It could be something of identity crisis. Whatever it is after you've explained what you mean and why you call her that and she still says no, then quit.

This could make one wonder if you the kind of person who understands when to stop and whether "no means no" means anything to you. Not saying that you don't. Just that when you start doing it on the small scale it makes one wonder if its a pattern. So you may want to check the signal you sending
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I really do understand where you're coming from. And I know it's petty, but she's restricting my individuality. she doesn't like profanity, so I don't curse in her presence, she doesn't like the word nygga, so I don't say it around her, she doesn't like talking about sex, so I never bring up those kinds of topics...wtf is wrong with "what's up, b?":hmm:


I don't want to be talking 100% properly and having dry conversations with my friends. save that for work...
 
gonzo8402 said:
I'm not talking about the word "bitch" at all...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=B





I really do understand where you're coming from. And I know it's petty, but she's restricting my individuality. she doesn't like profanity, so I don't curse in her presence, she doesn't like the word nygga, so I don't say it around her, she doesn't like talking about sex, so I never bring up those kinds of topics...wtf is wrong with "what's up, b?":hmm:


I don't want to be talking 100% properly and having dry conversations with my friends. save that for work...
Click to expand...


You just have to put her in her special category. All friends liked to be treated differently and you respect and love them with their individuality. If she wants that sterile environment thing, then you may have to respect that. The other friends that its OK to talk to that way continue or find ones you can talk to like that if you don't have them already.
 
Funny enough, this happened in the chat you left last night :hmm:

I called someone a B while I was play fighting. She said she didn't play like that and I said I wouldn't do it again. If she doesn't like it, make an effort not to do it.
 
to each his/her own. respect her wishes as a friend, you never know what happened or why she doesn't want you to talk to her in such manner!:hmm:
 
I'm not a woman but here's my two cents. Just don't call her. It's that simple. I don't think it's anything worth dissecting. Poverty, racial inequality, the genocide in Darfur are things to dissect. I few years ago a female co-worker wanted to call me slim (because I am in fact thin) and politely told her I preferred to be called by my name. I knew you she wasn't trying to be derogatory or mean-spirited (again, because I am in fact slim), just like I know you don't mean anything by it, but I just rather she call me by my name. It's just a personal preference, B.:rolleyes: Not every personal preference requires intense interrogation.
 
I'm from NY but I do hate when a grown man uses slang too much.

What is wrong with just addressing her by her name.

I get mad that everyone calls me by my full name instead of the shortened version. I ask people to do so because that is what I feel comfortable with. I have yet to convince my boss though.:hmm:
 
Spunx said:
to each his/her own. respect her wishes as a friend, you never know what happened or why she doesn't want you to talk to her in such manner!:hmm:
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and what manner would that be? politely?

iron fist said:
I'm not a woman but here's my two cents. Just don't call her. It's that simple. I don't think it's anything worth dissecting. Poverty, racial inequality, the genocide in Darfur are things to dissect. I few years ago a female co-worker wanted to call me slim (because I am in fact thin) and politely told her I preferred to be called by my name. I knew you she wasn't trying to be derogatory or mean-spirited (again, because I am in fact slim), just like I know you don't mean anything by it, but I just rather she call me by my name. It's just a personal preference, B.:rolleyes: Not every personal preference requires intense interrogation.
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it's all good, doggy:cool:

I co-sign 100% about the personal preference. It's her preference not to curse or say the n-word, understandably, I don't do those things with her. but c'mon, b! B?!? If i call her homie, or fam, or whodie, or any other silly hip-hop term she is cool with it.

femmenoire said:
I'm from NY but I do hate when a grown man uses slang too much.

What is wrong with just addressing her by her name.

I get mad that everyone calls me by my full name instead of the shortened version. I ask people to do so because that is what I feel comfortable with. I have yet to convince my boss though.:hmm:
Click to expand...


I don't really use slang much with her. Except for the occasional "What's up, b?!?" or something similar to that.

If she, got mad when I called her any other hip-hop word meaning friend i would understand. but she's inconsistent
 
gonzo8402 said:
and what manner would that be? politely?




it's all good, doggy:cool:

I co-sign 100% about the personal preference. It's her preference not to curse or say the n-word, understandably, I don't do those things with her. but c'mon, b! B?!? If i call her homie, or fam, or whodie, or any other silly hip-hop term she is cool with it.




I don't really use slang much with her. Except for the occasional "What's up, b?!?" or something similar to that.

If she, got mad when I called her any other hip-hop word meaning friend i would understand. but she's inconsistent
Click to expand...


Well if it's as infrequent as you say it is, she's a lame.
 
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