Does Breast Cancer Unfairly Hog The Cancer Spotlight?
Sean:
I am bothered by the fact that the breast cancer people are everywhere and have seemingly cornered the market on cancer research related 5K runs. The October pinkfest, where everything NFL turns into a bottle of pepto-bismol, has finally pushed me over the edge. The chance of developing invasive breast cancer at some time in a woman's life is a little less than 1 in 8 (12%), while at the same time, about 1 man in 6 (16%) will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during his lifetime. What do you think we need to do in order to get every NFL team decked out in baby-blue for "Prostate Cancer Awareness Month"?
Drew:
We have to give Brett Favre prostate cancer. Couldn't be a simpler solution. Fucking Favre. HOW COULD YOU OVERTHROW HARVIN LIKE THAT AT THE END, YOU CUMBUBBLE? FUCK YOU IN HALF.
Anyway, it's true that breast cancer gets more play than prostate cancer. But the average age of a breast cancer diagnosis is 61, and the average age of prostate cancer diagnosis is 70. In other words, prostate cancer is just one of those things you get when you're already fucking old and dying. Whereas breast cancer can hit women at a much younger age. Both Leitch and I have had family members that have had breast cancer, and it's not fun at all. But you already knew that.
Let's get into the real reason why breast cancer has the best Q rating of all cancers: BOOBS. Boobs are crucial to men and women alike. What woman wants to live without boobs? What man wants to live with a woman without boobs? Boobs are the key to EVERYTHING. A prostate is just a walnut God jammed inside your taint. Boobs, on the other hand, are majestic. They nurture. They protect. They look AWESOME in v-neck sweaters. They must be sheltered and protected. They must be allowed to grow, and thrive, and be nuzzled against. Even old lady boobs. Even a 61-year-old gal's wrinkled, hairy, distressed leather coin pouches deserve your generous support. Don't hate on Susan Komen and the gang just because they have better marketing savvy than Uncle Barney's Olde Tyme Prostate Fund. HATE THE GAME.
Dan:
Everyone is terrified of being ripped off at the store. Grocery clerks are retards, so there's an inherent fear that they'll double scan something, or fail to swipe your card properly, or do something stupid that costs you money. And no one likes to come home from the store, look at the receipt, and figure out they've paid for one extra green pepper they didn't buy. I'm fucking livid when that happens, because there's no fucking way I'm going back to return that shit.
I personally get pissed if I'm in a grocery lane and the person in front of me has failed to do an adequate job of keeping all their shit on the belt tightly bunched together. Sometimes, you get behind a real fucker who leaves oceans of blank belt space around every food item. Meanwhile, you're stuck behind the fucker with a basket and you put a gallon of skim in it because you're fucking stupid and now the basket is crushing your fingers and if this cockgobbler had just taken care to move his shit up, you'd have some relief by now. FUCKFACE. I WANT TO PUT THIS SHIT DOWN. I've pushed people's shit down the belt on occasion. I FEAR NOTHING.
http://deadspin.com/5662137/does-breast-cancer-unfairly-hog-the-cancer-spotlight
Sean:
I am bothered by the fact that the breast cancer people are everywhere and have seemingly cornered the market on cancer research related 5K runs. The October pinkfest, where everything NFL turns into a bottle of pepto-bismol, has finally pushed me over the edge. The chance of developing invasive breast cancer at some time in a woman's life is a little less than 1 in 8 (12%), while at the same time, about 1 man in 6 (16%) will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during his lifetime. What do you think we need to do in order to get every NFL team decked out in baby-blue for "Prostate Cancer Awareness Month"?
Drew:
We have to give Brett Favre prostate cancer. Couldn't be a simpler solution. Fucking Favre. HOW COULD YOU OVERTHROW HARVIN LIKE THAT AT THE END, YOU CUMBUBBLE? FUCK YOU IN HALF.
Anyway, it's true that breast cancer gets more play than prostate cancer. But the average age of a breast cancer diagnosis is 61, and the average age of prostate cancer diagnosis is 70. In other words, prostate cancer is just one of those things you get when you're already fucking old and dying. Whereas breast cancer can hit women at a much younger age. Both Leitch and I have had family members that have had breast cancer, and it's not fun at all. But you already knew that.
Let's get into the real reason why breast cancer has the best Q rating of all cancers: BOOBS. Boobs are crucial to men and women alike. What woman wants to live without boobs? What man wants to live with a woman without boobs? Boobs are the key to EVERYTHING. A prostate is just a walnut God jammed inside your taint. Boobs, on the other hand, are majestic. They nurture. They protect. They look AWESOME in v-neck sweaters. They must be sheltered and protected. They must be allowed to grow, and thrive, and be nuzzled against. Even old lady boobs. Even a 61-year-old gal's wrinkled, hairy, distressed leather coin pouches deserve your generous support. Don't hate on Susan Komen and the gang just because they have better marketing savvy than Uncle Barney's Olde Tyme Prostate Fund. HATE THE GAME.
Dan:
Why do people in line at the grocery checkout get SO ANXIOUS over the little order-divider bars? As if the cashier reached over and touched my stuff, he's legally bound to buy it. We all know it's not a big deal, the register has an undo button.
I was waiting in line today and this guy kept pushing his shit to the back of the conveyor belt while the couple up front was finishing their checkout, boxing me out from starting to put my stuff down. He looked VERY concerned about keeping his pile sacred. Then when I finally had some daylight, I put my first can down while the first couple's final item went through the scanner. In that INSTANT, he shifted from the boxing out to a lighting quick bar-transition to behind his own order.
You'd think this is the behavior of a crazy person, but it happens ALL the time. Either the conveyor belt hogging, or the fucking SCREAM when the cashier goes past your order - "THAT'S NOT MINE! THAT'S HIS!"
I think the reason is, in general, is because everyone at the supermarket is your enemy. From the fuckers jamming up the parking lot, to the assholes leaving their cart in the center of the produce aisle, to the retard cashier. Everyone in that fucking store is an obstacle placed in your way, sucking away precious minutes of your life and keeping you from getting home sooner to rip open the bag of ham and ruin its SHIT. Everyone who goes into a grocery store who is not stoned wants to get the fuck out of there as fast as possible, and thus it creates a more naturally tense environment, where stupid shit like conveyor belt placement takes on all the importance of debating abortion.I was waiting in line today and this guy kept pushing his shit to the back of the conveyor belt while the couple up front was finishing their checkout, boxing me out from starting to put my stuff down. He looked VERY concerned about keeping his pile sacred. Then when I finally had some daylight, I put my first can down while the first couple's final item went through the scanner. In that INSTANT, he shifted from the boxing out to a lighting quick bar-transition to behind his own order.
You'd think this is the behavior of a crazy person, but it happens ALL the time. Either the conveyor belt hogging, or the fucking SCREAM when the cashier goes past your order - "THAT'S NOT MINE! THAT'S HIS!"
Everyone is terrified of being ripped off at the store. Grocery clerks are retards, so there's an inherent fear that they'll double scan something, or fail to swipe your card properly, or do something stupid that costs you money. And no one likes to come home from the store, look at the receipt, and figure out they've paid for one extra green pepper they didn't buy. I'm fucking livid when that happens, because there's no fucking way I'm going back to return that shit.
I personally get pissed if I'm in a grocery lane and the person in front of me has failed to do an adequate job of keeping all their shit on the belt tightly bunched together. Sometimes, you get behind a real fucker who leaves oceans of blank belt space around every food item. Meanwhile, you're stuck behind the fucker with a basket and you put a gallon of skim in it because you're fucking stupid and now the basket is crushing your fingers and if this cockgobbler had just taken care to move his shit up, you'd have some relief by now. FUCKFACE. I WANT TO PUT THIS SHIT DOWN. I've pushed people's shit down the belt on occasion. I FEAR NOTHING.
http://deadspin.com/5662137/does-breast-cancer-unfairly-hog-the-cancer-spotlight
