Connecting with your children?

[blackpepper]

Is it important to connect with your children through casual conversations about mundane even inconsequential stuff? My parents were the kind not to talk to their children much unless it was to get information, give direction or discipline. It was rare that I would have conversations greater than three or four sentences with my folks. They didn’t’ involve themselves in our activities much at all. I knew they loved me, because they were defensive of me and didn’t want anything bad to happen to me but that was it.

I’ve tried to be more connected to my children, but it isn’t easy, as they’ve become teenagers. They don’t want to talk much especially after I’ve had to say something to correct them, and you know kids need to be corrected. Did my folks have it right, not caring if we were friends? We are now, but it didn’t happen until many, many years after I had been out of their house. I think there is a better way to parent but sometimes it just seems like the old tried and true methods of; because I said so, and I don’t want to hear no more about that worked best. Just handling it now and we’ll be friends later or not. What’s up?

 

[LSN]

Is it important to connect with your children through casual conversations about mundane even inconsequential stuff? My parents were the kind not to talk to their children much unless it was to get information, give direction or discipline. It was rare that I would have conversations greater than three or four sentences with my folks. They didn’t’ involve themselves in our activities much at all. I knew they loved me, because they were defensive of me and didn’t want anything bad to happen to me but that was it.

I’ve tried to be more connected to my children, but it isn’t easy, as they’ve become teenagers. They don’t want to talk much especially after I’ve had to say something to correct them, and you know kids need to be corrected. Did my folks have it right, not caring if we were friends? We are now, but it didn’t happen until many, many years after I had been out of their house. I think there is a better way to parent but sometimes it just seems like the old tried and true methods of; because I said so, and I don’t want to hear no more about that worked best. Just handling it now and we’ll be friends later or not. What’s up?

Based on my parents' raising of me it's better that you establish yourself as a parent more than a friend early on...it works out better in the end...if you can achieve a fair balance then that would be even better...but it's definitely more important that you are a parent to them first and foremost...when your kids become mature, stable, successful adults early in life as a result of their proper upbringing there will be plenty of time left for you all to truly be friends...

 

[VegasGuy]

Is it important to connect with your children through casual conversations about mundane even inconsequential stuff? My parents were the kind not to talk to their children much unless it was to get information, give direction or discipline. It was rare that I would have conversations greater than three or four sentences with my folks. They didn’t’ involve themselves in our activities much at all. I knew they loved me, because they were defensive of me and didn’t want anything bad to happen to me but that was it.

I’ve tried to be more connected to my children, but it isn’t easy, as they’ve become teenagers. They don’t want to talk much especially after I’ve had to say something to correct them, and you know kids need to be corrected. Did my folks have it right, not caring if we were friends? We are now, but it didn’t happen until many, many years after I had been out of their house. I think there is a better way to parent but sometimes it just seems like the old tried and true methods of; because I said so, and I don’t want to hear no more about that worked best. Just handling it now and we’ll be friends later or not. What’s up?

Let me say at the onset, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER EVER relegate your role as PARENT to one of FRIEND! It is the worse kind of mistake a parent can do. Every time I hear these PhD. types advocating that bullshit it makes my skin crawl. Being a parent takes work and requires you to be the leader of the child(ren). It's a tough tour of duty and many times you don't make all the right decisions. But when you fuck up, only the parent can make it right. A friend cannot. Because to your "friends", you'd just be a fuck up.

Leroy Soup Nutz is on point and I won't waste time re-stating what he said. Except to say don't be afraid to parent. Talk to your kids and find time to do stuff together. Go places with them and I don't mean just out to get a burger.

-VG

 

[femmenoire]

If it involves your children, it isn't mundane and inconsequential.

 

[Dannyblueyes]

I think there has to be level of friendship between parents and children just so that they feel comfortable talking to you about things.

I was talking to my oldest daughter today. She was telling me that Jesus doesn't let white people go to church. Her logic was that since almost everyone in the church is black and neither I or her white step dad go then it was probably because we weren't allowed.

I decided to explain to her, very carefully, that the real reason is that not everyone has the same beliefs as her mom does. And maybe it might be better to ask these kinds of questions to the pastor.

I don't know if I convinced her, but hopefully I gave her something to think about. At any rate, I can only imagine what would happen if that thought went unchecked.

 

[VegasGuy]

I think there has to be level of friendship between parents and children just so that they feel comfortable talking to you about things.

I was talking to my oldest daughter today. She was telling me that Jesus doesn't let white people go to church. Her logic was that since almost everyone in the church is black and neither I or her white step dad go then it was probably because we weren't allowed.

I decided to explain to her, very carefully, that the real reason is that not everyone has the same beliefs as her mom does. And maybe it might be better to ask these kinds of questions to the pastor.

I don't know if I convinced her, but hopefully I gave her something to think about. At any rate, I can only imagine what would happen if that thought went unchecked.

I think you can be and should be "friendly" with your children, but NEVER their friend. It will always bite you on the butt-tocks when you least expect it.

-VG