Choosing a Mate...What Is Really Important?

[Mo-Better]

This is a spin off from the, "when you dress in a tight dress with all ya shit hangin out...." thread.

I got to thinking about what I believe may be present day misconceptions in what the opposite sex wants in a mate.

For the ladies aside from the usual (money) what attributes do you look for in a mate? An for the men I ask the same.

I was told by two women that they weren't big enough. What? Do you women really believe you can't get a mate unless you got a big ass ass and huge titties?

Has the black woman become forgotten what her greatest asset her mind? You can't judge all men by comments seen on BGOL. Most would rather go along with the crowd rather than speak their mind.


I know some brothers like big women for some they can't get too big but personally I don't want to end up rolling over next to my lady just because she gets in the bed.

I don't want a big woman we might end up fighting over a chicken wing.

I don't want a big woman who might be able to kick my ass.

I don't want a big woman extra weight its likely to cause HBP or diabetes (or worse) as she ages from being overweight.

The bottom line is you shouldn't jeopardize your health or lower your standards just to attract a mate. But in the long run I know its to each his/her own.

 

[wetlioness]

Honesty & being able to trust them.

 

[capcomq]

I have new criteria.

-I know it will sound shallow but first, she has to be the visual image of what I prefer. (Men are visual creatures and I think all women have felt the sting of not being attractive enough to their mate)

-Then her spiritual beliefs are priority, not only must she see it the way I do but it must be her choice, not a choice in parallel to my own.

-Next is that her background needs to be the opposite but from a similar region/understanding of my own (ex. she's from the other side of town, city, state but basically has common roots...but, not the exact same, she "didn't get whuppins but I did" kinda thing)

-...and finally I'll be needing a full disclosure at the beginning so the bone in the closet need not fly out. We should both know what we're getting into early.

 

[followup]

attractive appearance, steady income, ambition, attentive, honest, puts his family first & kind-hearted. hard to find it all wrapped up in one man

 

[mo_snitching]

attractive appearance, steady income, ambition, attentive, honest, puts his family first & kind-hearted. hard to find it all wrapped up in one man

No it's not hard to find that. You have to put yourself in a target rich enviorment.

Do you even know where are you most likely to run into men like this? If you do not then it's YOU.
There are plenty of men that fit that bill. It's probably you just cant keep him.

And funny you say attentive...lol you arent the most active listener/reader as i've demostrated already. Agreeing with someone and trying to argue with them isn't very attentive at all.

 

[mo_snitching]

This is a spin off from the, "when you dress in a tight dress with all ya shit hangin out...." thread.

I got to thinking about what I believe may be present day misconceptions in what the opposite sex wants in a mate.

For the ladies aside from the usual (money) what attributes do you look for in a mate? An for the men I ask the same.

I was told by two women that they weren't big enough. What? Do you women really believe you can't get a mate unless you got a big ass ass and huge titties?

Has the black woman become forgotten what her greatest asset her mind? You can't judge all men by comments seen on BGOL. Most would rather go along with the crowd rather than speak their mind.


I know some brothers like big women for some they can't get too big but personally I don't want to end up rolling over next to my lady just because she gets in the bed.

I don't want a big woman we might end up fighting over a chicken wing.

I don't want a big woman who might be able to kick my ass.

I don't want a big woman extra weight its likely to cause HBP or diabetes (or worse) as she ages from being overweight.

The bottom line is you shouldn't jeopardize your health or lower your standards just to attract a mate. But in the long run I know its to each his/her own.

This sounds like it was written by Bow Wow

 

[creepin]

A Woman with CHARACTER!

 

[Mo-Better]

I have new criteria.

-I know it will sound shallow but first, she has to be the visual image of what I prefer. (Men are visual creatures and I think all women have felt the sting of not being attractive enough to their mate)

-Then her spiritual beliefs are priority, not only must she see it the way I do but it must be her choice, not a choice in parallel to my own.

-Next is that her background needs to be the opposite but from a similar region/understanding of my own (ex. she's from the other side of town, city, state but basically has common roots...but, not the exact same, she "didn't get whuppins but I did" kinda thing)

-...and finally I'll be needing a full disclosure at the beginning so the bone in the closet need not fly out. We should both know what we're getting into early.

This is not exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not saying anyone should have a set criteria. When you have a set criterias you limit your options. Its like painting yourself into a corner. But you should have standards.

I'm talking about how some women feel they need to put on extra weight to get a man. Women didn't always think like this.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

family oriented, community oriented, knowledgeable about their people/culture, educational, inspirational, strong mentally. Highly responsible. Highly dutiful. inquisitive, concerned, empathic, willful. Brave. They have to have a deep sense of honor. Deeply loving. PASSIONATE. , Love children and have a little inner child themselves. Not be too serious, can't stand that. Know how to play. Think outside the box. Be unconventional. Willing to sacrifice.

She has to be connected to the spirit realm. Or at least acknowledge it's existence. She has to be able to flow with me. feel me, and allow me to balance myself with her. 5'0 - 6'2. i'll take 130 - 200+ lbs depending on her shape. All skin colors welcome. Hair doesn't really matter.

He has to be strong in body. Virile. Open minded to possibilities. And balanced. 6'3. over 230lbs. Dark skinned. Bald headed.

All these things are HIGHLY important to me, in order to be a husband/wife.

 

[Mo-Better]

family oriented, community oriented, knowledgeable about their people/culture, educational, inspirational, strong mentally. Highly responsible. Highly dutiful. inquisitive, concerned, empathic, willful. Brave. They have to have a deep sense of honor. Deeply loving. PASSIONATE. , Love children and have a little inner child themselves. Not be too serious, can't stand that. Know how to play. Think outside the box. Be unconventional. Willing to sacrifice.

She has to be connected to the spirit realm. Or at least acknowledge it's existence. She has to be able to flow with me. feel me, and allow me to balance myself with her. 5'0 - 6'2. i'll take 130 - 200+ lbs depending on her shape. All skin colors welcome. Hair doesn't really matter.

He has to be strong in body. Virile. Open minded to possibilities. And balanced. 6'3. over 230lbs. Dark skinned. Bald headed.

All these things are HIGHLY important to me, in order to be a husband/wife.

A most interesting summary. But this "Open minded to possibilities" is most intriguing.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I wanna put this out there for the guys in the thread.

 

[Rossini]

family oriented, community oriented, knowledgeable about their people/culture, educational, inspirational, strong mentally. Highly responsible. Highly dutiful. inquisitive, concerned, empathic, willful. Brave. They have to have a deep sense of honor. Deeply loving. PASSIONATE. , Love children and have a little inner child themselves. Not be too serious, can't stand that. Know how to play. Think outside the box. Be unconventional. Willing to sacrifice.

He has to be strong in body. Virile. Open minded to possibilities. And balanced. 6'3. over 230lbs. Dark skinned. Bald headed.

All these things are HIGHLY important to me, in order to be a husband/wife.

and bgol member wanted to know if he has a chance with you based on looks, heres his pic

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Are those earrings? No. Absolutely not.

 

[Rossini]

Are those earrings? No. Absolutely not.

 

[capcomq]

This is not exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not saying anyone should have a set criteria. When you have a set criterias you limit your options. Its like painting yourself into a corner. But you should have standards.

My bad if I wasn't on target but what you say is true, I plan to paint myself into a corner. That way only a select few even register for approval. They say there is to be one woman for every one man. So I think if I limit options I'll have a better candidate base. It's only a hypothesis but nevertheless.

 

[Mo-Better]

My bad if I wasn't on target but what you say is true, I plan to paint myself into a corner. That way only a select few even register for approval. They say there is to be one woman for every one man. So I think if I limit options I'll have a better candidate base. It's only a hypothesis but nevertheless.

Uh the way I'm reading this your limiting your options not theirs. Although some don't realize it women always have options. We men stay hungry so if you wont someone else will.

You paint a picture of being introverted. Which limits who can reach you anyway. While your painting don't forget to paint yourself an exit.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

My bad if I wasn't on target but what you say is true, I plan to paint myself into a corner. That way only a select few even register for approval. They say there is to be one woman for every one man. So I think if I limit options I'll have a better candidate base. It's only a hypothesis but nevertheless.

I dig it. Don't settle. Be specific in what you want.

 

[Swizz Heat]

attractive appearance, steady income, ambition, attentive, honest, puts his family first & kind-hearted. hard to find it all wrapped up in one man

Not really, if the first thing you list is "attractive appearance", that means that's the first thing you're looking for. So if a guy isn't attractive to you at first, you don't take the time to get to know him so how else can you find out that he maybe kind-hearted, honest, or his ambition. You probably pass this perfect guy for you everyday, but of course if he's not attractive you don't find out that he may be a good family man. The first two items on your list is looks and money ... really .... not a good look.

 

[JofromthaNO]

Ambition and a desire to build something credible...

Looks are important, but not as important as a zeal and zest for life...

Loves to "think outside the box," and is not just ok with the status quo...so, he's gotta be a thinker, an intellectual, regardless of what school he has/hasn't had...

Likes to smile and is ok with laughing at himself or at life sometimes...

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Not really, if the first thing you list is "attractive appearance", that means that's the first thing you're looking for. So if a guy isn't attractive to you at first, you don't take the time to get to know him so how else can you find out that he maybe kind-hearted, honest, or his ambition. You probably pass this perfect guy for you everyday, but of course if he's not attractive you don't find out that he may be a good family man. The first two items on your list is looks and money ... really .... not a good look.

And these relationships never seem to last long even when it does happen. It always amazes me how people never seem to "get" this.

 

[M.H.C.]

Are those earrings? No. Absolutely not.

Ross you wrong for that.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

First, a woman has to attract me physically.

Then she has to have some depth to her. When I'm watching cable news, this should not be the look on her face or . She doesn't have to be a political geek like me but if you take "Basketball Wives" and "Real Housewives of ..." seriously, we will never get past a "just fucking" stage.

For the wife I have, we had similar outlooks on family and priorities and she had the first two criteria so that was it.
I've had other women try to step in her spot but the bar is raised really high and they always come up short.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

And these relationships never seem to last long even when it does happen. It always amazes me how people never seem to "get" this.

 

[followup]

Not really, if the first thing you list is "attractive appearance", that means that's the first thing you're looking for. So if a guy isn't attractive to you at first, you don't take the time to get to know him so how else can you find out that he maybe kind-hearted, honest, or his ambition. You probably pass this perfect guy for you everyday, but of course if he's not attractive you don't find out that he may be a good family man. The first two items on your list is looks and money ... really .... not a good look.

say what? LOL. I don't actually get your point. It doesn't matter what order I put it in, a man has to have at least all of those qualities to be with me. If he is lacking any one, he is not the right man for me. it worked--I'm not looking any more.

EDIT: Oh I see. By typing 'steady income' you assumed I meant rich? LOL. Poor thing.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

say what? LOL. I don't actually get your point. It doesn't matter what order I put it in, a man has to have at least all of those qualities to be with me. If he is lacking any one, he is not the right man for me. it worked--I'm not looking any more.

EDIT: Oh I see. By typing 'steady income' you assumed I meant rich? LOL. Poor thing.

Steady income is a must. No broke chicks allowed.

 

[Swizz Heat]

EDIT: Oh I see. By typing 'steady income' you assumed I meant rich? LOL. Poor thing.

I assumed you meant rich, nope, far from my mind, I knew you meant a guy with a 9-to-5. But what if that guy is making steady minimum wage, is that acceptable? Minimum still is income, so I'm sure you want him to be in a certain income bracket. Well, since the search is over I guess you was happy with his steady income amount, congrats!

 

[followup]

Steady income is a must. No broke chicks allowed.

Right. anybody who accepts anything less when they are ready to marry is a fool.

I assumed you meant rich, nope, far from my mind, I knew you meant a guy with a 9-to-5. But what if that guy is making steady minimum wage, is that acceptable? Minimum still is income, so I'm sure you want him to be in a certain income bracket. Well, since the search is over I guess you was happy with his steady income amount, congrats!

I don't necessarily mean a man with a 9-to-5. I mean someone who was taking care of himself financially before me and will continue to be able to take care of a family. I would recommend you look for the same in any woman you want to have a serious relationship with.

 

[onyxfemme]

Interesting thread wonder how I missed this
I'll be back by the weekend Mo

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I don't necessarily mean a man with a 9-to-5. I mean someone who was taking care of himself financially before me and will continue to be able to take care of a family. I would recommend you look for the same in any woman you want to have a serious relationship with.

Yep. The question is "Can you feed/clothe/house yourself?" The answer should be "Yes" if you want to be considered. The next question though is just as important "Could you do the same for a family?" If the answer is "No", we're done here.
I work and provide and shit but anything can happen to me so I had to feel going in that I had a woman that could thrive in case of something tragic.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Yep. The question is "Can you feed/clothe/house yourself?" The answer should be "Yes" if you want to be considered. The next question though is just as important "Could you do the same for a family?" If the answer is "No", we're done here.
I work and provide and shit but anything can happen to me so I had to feel going in that I had a woman that could thrive in case of something tragic.

This was 1 of the things my husband chose me for. Even though i failed miserably at it. We had Wifey and the gf for back up. I guess he didn't factor in that without him i'd feel life was worthless.