A Real Man.

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I've come under fire lately about what my own personal views of what a real man is. It's not anything new. But what i'd like to do is see what other womens views of what a REAL MAN is. What do we think of when you say "I want a real man." I am told my basis for what a real man is, is unrealistic. And basically being told i want too much. I don't reallly WANT anything btw. Not for me personally. But i think for me to call you a MAN instead of a MALE? Then yes you need to meet certain criteria.

So ladies. Let me see what your view is. I guess if the guys want to chirp in as well. Feel free of course. I think it will be interesting.

 

[spicykjun]

check under sig

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I've never personally been a fan of the term "real man". It's usually used by women, who by definition have never been men, and charlatans selling women books.

What makes your "real man" criteria, LI?

 

[dHustla]

I've never personally been a fan of the term "real man". It's usually used by women, who by definition have never been men, and charlatans selling women books.

What makes your "real man" criteria, LI?

Yes. What is your definition?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

None of the ladies wanted to pipe in. Which is ok. It was a discussion i was having with some friends which i thought would spark something elsewhere. Time and date and atmosphere is key i believe.

 

[Mo-Better]

What is real? Is a woman with large breast and a big butt any more real than a tiny woman? Does the man who works hard everyday and brings home his entire paycheck a real man?

So what is real? A good provider may lack in other areas. What matters to one person is less important to the next person. I'm interested to see the responses to this one.

 

[kwazdog]

A "real man" is self identified. He lives his life how he chooses. He could be rich or poor a CEO, vagabond, Lawyer, postman, artist or farmer. He aspires to keep up with his own "joneses" not any one else's ideals or social expectations. A real man is a free man. He requires little to no validation from others but knows how to appreciate and "take care of" those that have his best interest in mind. He marches to the beat of his own drum while those around him follow or complement his tempo harmoniously with ease. He is a man ruled buy reason not ego or vanity.


A "real man" is relative to the personal ideals of said "real man".




My 2 pesos...

 

[BCAA2009]

Damn, this was posted on SOL, and not female has responded.

In my opinion "real men" is used by women to define a man that is willing to put up with tons of bullshit the average man would refuse to do.


For example. A woman could have 5 kids by 4 different men and some guy decides to date her. Women would say he's a "real man" for dating her without even knowing if he's going to support 5 kids that are not his. What makes him a "real man?" Why isn't the other men considered "real?" They saw a situation that they knew they wanted not to be a part of. Instead of wasting her time and getting her hopes up, he opts not to even attempt to date her. Are they not "real men" for sparing her heartache?

 

[Upgrade Dave]

None of the ladies wanted to pipe in. Which is ok. It was a discussion i was having with some friends which i thought would spark something elsewhere. Time and date and atmosphere is key i believe.

I was really interested, too.

Damn, this was posted on SOL, and not female has responded.

I hate when that happens. Then SOL becomes a refuge for those of us guys from the main board who can agree or disagree without acting like 9 yr olds who just learned new curse words.

In my opinion "real men" is used by women to define a man that is willing to put up with tons of bullshit the average man would refuse to do.


For example. A woman could have 5 kids by 4 different men and some guy decides to date her. Women would say he's a "real man" for dating her without even knowing if he's going to support 5 kids that are not his. What makes him a "real man?" Why isn't the other men considered "real?" They saw a situation that they knew they wanted not to be a part of. Instead of wasting her time and getting her hopes up, he opts not to even attempt to date her. Are they not "real men" for sparing her heartache?

That's exactly the type of angle I was hoping we would have some women to explore with.

 

[kwazdog]

Damn, this was posted on SOL, and not female has responded.

In my opinion "real men" is used by women to define a man that is willing to put up with tons of bullshit the average man would refuse to do.


For example. A woman could have 5 kids by 4 different men and some guy decides to date her. Women would say he's a "real man" for dating her without even knowing if he's going to support 5 kids that are not his. What makes him a "real man?" Why isn't the other men considered "real?" They saw a situation that they knew they wanted not to be a part of. Instead of wasting her time and getting her hopes up, he opts not to even attempt to date her. Are they not "real men" for sparing her heartache?

More like "A real fool"...


A "real man" is a "independent" womans nightmare..

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

I've never personally been a fan of the term "real man". It's usually used by women, who by definition have never been men, and charlatans selling women books.

What makes your "real man" criteria, LI?

What does he value? Who does he value? Why does he value it? What are his strengths and his weaknesses. Devotion to his beliefs. Strength of character. How courageous he is to stand his own no matter what when he believes he is right. When he falls does he get back up? Or does he wallow in self pity and loathing? How hard does he have to be hit to break him? And if it doesn't break him....what does he learn? Can he truly love? Can he keep his word? What does honor mean to him? When he makes a promise can i believe in it without a question?

Does he love his family? How devoted is he to his childrens welfare? growth? What about his extended family? Will he stop and really help an old lady across the street? Is he admirable? Is he giving? Is he honest? When i fall will he pick me up? How does he motivate me? Is he strong enough to carry me? Is he an upstanding man to whom others can look to for guidance? Wisdom?

Does he value me? What would he do for me? Is he willing to sacrifice for my happiness? Is he willing to defend me? How far is he willing to go to protect me? Us? His family? His friends? His neighborhood his people?

Can he remain calm in the heat of battle? Is he compassionate towards his enemies? does he seek understanding? Is he kind? Considerate? Does he hate black women? Does he view black women as the queen mothers of our species? Does he seek to help those who don't realize that themselves? What does he do for the young men of his community?

How well does he understand human nature? How do you feel about humanity as a whole? Do you feel it's your duty to do what you can for them?

Do i have to tell you to mow the lawn? Trim the hedges? Put gas in my car?

Do you remember important dates to me? Your children?

When you leave this world what have you done? What impression have you left on people? On your community? Who's life have you impacted in a positive way? How many people are working because of you? How many peoples lives have changed for the better because of you?

Many i presume/assume on this board would call my husband a simp. He loved his wife and kids. He loved his community and his people. He did everything he could for all of us. I loved that simp. And i try to be like him at all times. That's how he inspired me. So that's really what a real man is to me. My husband was all those things.

And he allowed me to be me. He didn't sweat the small things. He trusted me and i was able to trust him completely.

I disagree with a statement that was made about a woman can't say what a real man is. And if she does she hasn't seen one. Why is this said?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

What is real? Is a woman with large breast and a big butt any more real than a tiny woman? Does the man who works hard everyday and brings home his entire paycheck a real man?

So what is real? A good provider may lack in other areas. What matters to one person is less important to the next person. I'm interested to see the responses to this one.

I was interested as well.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

A "real man" is self identified. He lives his life how he chooses. He could be rich or poor a CEO, vagabond, Lawyer, postman, artist or farmer. He aspires to keep up with his own "joneses" not any one else's ideals or social expectations. A real man is a free man. He requires little to no validation from others but knows how to appreciate and "take care of" those that have his best interest in mind. He marches to the beat of his own drum while those around him follow or complement his tempo harmoniously with ease. He is a man ruled buy reason not ego or vanity.


A "real man" is relative to the personal ideals of said "real man".




My 2 pesos...

Thank you for contributing. I personally disagree. But at LEAST you gave your shot. And high five and props for even HAVING a defintion. And even more for being upwith enough to post it for others to ridicule.

*Hi Five*

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Damn, this was posted on SOL, and not female has responded.

In my opinion "real men" is used by women to define a man that is willing to put up with tons of bullshit the average man would refuse to do.


For example. A woman could have 5 kids by 4 different men and some guy decides to date her. Women would say he's a "real man" for dating her without even knowing if he's going to support 5 kids that are not his. What makes him a "real man?" Why isn't the other men considered "real?" They saw a situation that they knew they wanted not to be a part of. Instead of wasting her time and getting her hopes up, he opts not to even attempt to date her. Are they not "real men" for sparing her heartache?

I don't think so. But hopefully with some more discourse a few more posts, i can bring something to your comment. I would like to see what others say.

 

[!!*10der*!!]

A "real man" is a "independent" womans nightmare..

That's real talk!!

Both terms are so misguided and grossly used ​

 

[melonpecan]

A real man is a person that can take care of his own responsibilities without constant guidance and care of others. These responsibilities do not have to be traditionally male, but whatever is relavent to that person and their home. A real man must also know when to ask for help and when to work for what one must own. A man must be firm but compasionate and understanding when the need occurs; forgiveness is a quality trait but not a fool. To top it off there must be a strong sense of self, independence, and other because without these three he will not be sure how to do for himself; keep his independence; or care for the other when it is needed.


If you want the definition of a real woman replace the word man.

 

[!!*10der*!!]

I've come under fire lately about what my own personal views of what a real man is. It's not anything new. But what i'd like to do is see what other womens views of what a REAL MAN is. What do we think of when you say "I want a real man." I am told my basis for what a real man is, is unrealistic. And basically being told i want too much. I don't reallly WANT anything btw. Not for me personally. But i think for me to call you a MAN instead of a MALE? Then yes you need to meet certain criteria.

So ladies. Let me see what your view is. I guess if the guys want to chirp in as well. Feel free of course. I think it will be interesting.

A "real" man would never call himself that. He would only call himself "God" "Man" "Brother" or "King". Actions always speak louder than words.​

 

[dHustla]

None of the ladies wanted to pipe in. Which is ok. It was a discussion i was having with some friends which i thought would spark something elsewhere. Time and date and atmosphere is key i believe.

ya it is. I've seen two different threads on the same topic get totally different replies and response.

I'll venture to say that as far as one's idea of a "real man", their experience has a lot to do with it, but it's also limited to how they perceive things.

Life is all angles.


A women that's never really had a father figure and with a bad track record with men is going to have a fantasy-like idea of what a real man is. Also, she's going to see the glitter and gold of having a man take care of a woman financially and spoil her with material possessions as idealistic when she knows nothing of what all that kind of relationship entails, what all goes on behind closed doors, how much hell that woman may have to endure, all she wants is the easy life.

I for one don't want the easy life, it's ingrained in me to work and do my best at whatever endeavor I am into. I like working, especially for myself, and I want a woman that shares that same characteristic.


On another note.... many women get their priorities jumbled and respect the money and not the man. Essentially, indexing his worth in terms of economic value.

 

[!!*10der*!!]

A real man is a person that can take care of his own responsibilities without constant guidance and care of others. These responsibilities do not have to be traditionally male, but whatever is relavent to that person and their home. A real man must also know when to ask for help and when to work for what one must own. A man must be firm but compasionate and understanding when the need occurs; forgiveness is a quality trait but not a fool. To top it off there must be a strong sense of self, independence, and other because without these three he will not be sure how to do for himself; keep his independence; or care for the other when it is needed.


If you want the definition of a real woman replace the word man.

This kind of thinking is what's wrong with most black relationships today​

​

.

 

[dHustla]

This kind of thinking is what's wrong with most black relationships today​

​

.

Ain't a?

 

[BCAA2009]

This kind of thinking is what's wrong with most black relationships today​

​

.

give this woman an applause.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

A real man is a person that can take care of his own responsibilities without constant guidance and care of others. These responsibilities do not have to be traditionally male, but whatever is relavent to that person and their home. A real man must also know when to ask for help and when to work for what one must own. A man must be firm but compasionate and understanding when the need occurs; forgiveness is a quality trait but not a fool. To top it off there must be a strong sense of self, independence, and other because without these three he will not be sure how to do for himself; keep his independence; or care for the other when it is needed.


If you want the definition of a real woman replace the word man.

I can dig it sis. Forgiveness is a very important trait to have.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

A "real" man would never call himself that. He would only call himself "God" "Man" "Brother" or "King". Actions always speak louder than words.​

While i disagree with calling himself god. I do appreciate you for responding. What are your thoughts on the thread topic itself? What do you look for? How do you define?

On the 2nd part, yes indeed they do. Actions do speak volumes.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

ya it is. I've seen two different threads on the same topic get totally different replies and response.

I'll venture to say that as far as one's idea of a "real man", their experience has a lot to do with it, but it's also limited to how they perceive things.

Life is all angles.


A women that's never really had a father figure and with a bad track record with men is going to have a fantasy-like idea of what a real man is. Also, she's going to see the glitter and gold of having a man take care of a woman financially and spoil her with material possessions as idealistic when she knows nothing of what all that kind of relationship entails, what all goes on behind closed doors, how much hell that woman may have to endure, all she wants is the easy life.

I for one don't want the easy life, it's ingrained in me to work and do my best at whatever endeavor I am into. I like working, especially for myself, and I want a woman that shares that same characteristic.


On another note.... many women get their priorities jumbled and respect the money and not the man. Essentially, indexing his worth in terms of economic value.

I appreciate your response. And very much agree with the last part of your statement.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

This kind of thinking is what's wrong with most black relationships today​

​

.

What she said in and of itself taken straight like that i agree. Yes it is a problem with black relationships. I've even said so. But i'm wondering if she meant independence in a different sort of way.

 

[kwazdog]

Thank you for contributing. I personally disagree. But at LEAST you gave your shot. And high five and props for even HAVING a defintion. And even more for being upwith enough to post it for others to ridicule.

*Hi Five*

I'm very curious about what points you disagree with and why? I'm alway open to other perspectives and ideas.

 

[BCAA2009]

any other ladies gonna comment?



Don't tell me there are only 2 brave souls willing to comment...

 

[kwazdog]

any other ladies gonna comment?



Don't tell me there are only 2 brave souls willing to comment...

This has the potential to be a really good thread where some kind of common understanding/ground can be reached between the sexes. I hope thats not just wishful thinking.


Seems like ppl thrive off ignorant threads and are allergic to the pursuit of "right" knowledge .

 

[Mo-Better]

This has the potential to be a really good thread where some kind of common understanding/ground can be reached between the sexes. I hope thats not just wishful thinking.


Seems like ppl thrive off ignorant threads and are allergic to the pursuit of "right" knowledge .

Actually the lack of responses from the ladies can be tied directly to the meddling of an ex-mod and that mod's sidekick.

Unfortunately I can't blame the ladies but now that negative presence has gone maybe this forum will again have female participation. Some men do care what women think. Plus the women still need their forum.

 

[melonpecan]

This kind of thinking is what's wrong with most black relationships today​

​

.

How so? I cannot expect my man to be my unequal and I cannot expect myself not to be his equal.


I'm hurting over here so forgive me, (I might look back on this and make an addendum), but for the most part if I have to ask something of my man I have to look within first. I can't have an independent spouse without first being so myself; I can't ask him to take care of his responsibilities, when I lack in this area; any trait of a good man should also be found in a good woman.

Are there other traits that perhaps make exceptions? Sure like those motherly instincts that I DO NOT expect a man to have...but in the general scheme of things I stand behind my answer.



Edit:

Mo, am I missing something?

 

[BCAA2009]

What's sad is that many times, you'll have a guy that's doing everything right. Taking care of himself, getting an education, no out of wedlock kids, he may not be a drinker, doesn't smoke, active in the church, and yet women won't consider him a "real man" if he doesn't display any negative traits or other women don't desire him.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

A "real man" is self identified. He lives his life how he chooses.

If he chooses to live his life as a drug dealer, selling crack to his people? Contributing to the destruction of his people? Killing them? I just don't see how this a MAN makes. This is Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn grown to adulthood. This is 1 point i disagree with.

He could be rich or poor a CEO, vagabond, Lawyer, postman, artist or farmer. He aspires to keep up with his own "joneses" not any one else's ideals or social expectations.

I find this way of thinking not beneficial to the whole. While i do believe a man needs to make his own way in the world. If he chooses to have a family, heck even be PART of a COMMUNITY he needs to contribute. But how do i respect someone who's only here for themselves? Who has no regard for others?

"take care of" those that have his best interest in mind.

A selfish aspect of males that i find reprehensible.

Your definition....which i respect your opinion. I don't knock you for posting at all. I just dissgree with it fundamentally.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

How so? I cannot expect my man to be my unequal and I cannot expect myself not to be his equal.


I'm hurting over here so forgive me, (I might look back on this and make an addendum), but for the most part if I have to ask something of my man I have to look within first. I can't have an independent spouse without first being so myself; I can't ask him to take care of his responsibilities, when I lack in this area; any trait of a good man should also be found in a good woman.

Are there other traits that perhaps make exceptions? Sure like those motherly instincts that I DO NOT expect a man to have...but in the general scheme of things I stand behind my answer.



Edit:

Mo, am I missing something?

I think i see what you're getting at here. You're looking to me it seems on a very personal level. I could be wrong. I'd ask you to elaborate in due time when you're feeling better. Please?

I do understand though what i THINK you're getting at. To me my husband was so good he had all the qualities i wished i had in myself when we got together. I wished i had his nobility. His honor. His strength of purpose. His courage. His flat out WILL. His desire to keep going no matter what happened to him. A bit about me i saw(see) myself as so weak. So frail. And as a woman i know i have my strengths. I know i do. But i didn't see them the way i saw things in him. And seeing those things in him made me want to be a better me.

But he, he would always say he was those things so i didn't have to be. My own strengths are what pulled him to me. And we balance each other. As a woman i'm not supposed to be certain things that he is. It throws the balance of nature off. I have come to believe this through our travels and adversities together.

He was strong where i was weak. And vice versa. As nature intended it to be. We're both strong people. Just different balancing areas.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

What's sad is that many times, you'll have a guy that's doing everything right. Taking care of himself, getting an education, no out of wedlock kids, he may not be a drinker, doesn't smoke, active in the church, and yet women won't consider him a "real man" if he doesn't display any negative traits or other women don't desire him.

Then those women aren't for him. And he needs to change his criteria for what he sees a "Woman" as. I personally find those kind of women childish and naive. I call it the "some day my prince will come" Syndrome. No matter how good a guy is. She thinks someone is out there better. Alot of decent guys will pass her by and she will let them go because "Some day my prince will come". Disney....Been fucking up relationships since 1934

 

[DV8ed]

True story from a few weeks ago: the bitter, divorced afte less than 3 years of marriage cousin of my ex (my ex comes from a family where NONE of the women have or can keep a man, from my ex, her cousin, her aunts, and her mother) got mad & told me I needed to learn to be a man. Now (not bragging or seeking props for doing what I'm supposed to be doing) I go to work every day, pay taxes, bills, child support, and fight tooth & nail thru the courts for my rights as a father even though my ex tries to deny them from me. but I'm not a "real man" to them.

I told her she needs to learn what a man is and how to keep one first.