Dating more than one person . . . at the same time?

[shanebp1978]

Picked this up from another board, changed some things . . .

Where/when do you say, "Ok, I'm gonna be with/date this person and this person only"?

When feelings start being involved?

Once it gets physical with one? Which for some of ya'll, I know came BEFORE the feelings!

And do you make this decision with the other person's decision in mind? (you don't KNOW what their decision is...just the possibilities)

Say you've decided to date that person only...do you turn down others who pursue (even though there IS NOT a mutual agreement to be exclusive)?

 

[SEXY_SCORPIO]

Picked this up from another board, changed some things . . .

Where/when do you say, "Ok, I'm gonna be with/date this person and this person only"?

When feelings start being involved?

Once it gets physical with one? Which for some of ya'll, I know came BEFORE the feelings!

And do you make this decision with the other person's decision in mind? (you don't KNOW what their decision is...just the possibilities)

Say you've decided to date that person only...do you turn down others who pursue (even though there IS NOT a mutual agreement to be exclusive)?

Damn for me it depends on the person and how I feel about them. Also, I try to have an understanding at the beginning on what kind of arrangement he and I have so there won't be any problems.

and at that physical part.

 

[Shadow]

When I was younger I made no distinctions. I dated a fucked whomever and whenever.

In my older years I realized that I could fuck all the time, but some women can not hold my attention for more that a few weeks.

It may not be time to settle down, but it's definitely time to slow down.

The things that used to draw me (the thought of fucking some new pussy) are not the things that draw me now. Now, I gravitate towards conversation, intellect, and potential. The freak shit is good, but I can develop what I need in a sexual partner, provided the other things are there to keep my attention.

Will be intersting to hear some of the women's points.

Good topic, man.

 

[onyxfemme]

Once feelings are involved and you want to take it a step further....
You can dateand have sex w/ whoever you want. But once feelings are involved and you both have agreed to only date each other, that then turns into a relationship.
There is nothing wrong w/ dating more than one person. If it is only dating.

 

[shanebp1978]

and at that physical part.

I had you on the mind too! I knew you might L O L.

I think we've all probably caught feelings involved with someone that originally was not slated to be more than a sexual interest.

I think with the level of mature security, and sexual comfort possessed by some of the women of SOL, I'm sure they can relate.

I do believe some of ya'll have even insisted upon seeing the tools before starting long term home improvement projects!

It may not be time to settle down, but it's definitely time to slow down.

Will be intersting to hear some of the women's points.

Good topic, man.

Yeah, they usually all are very interesting in their view points.

An, slowing down is like trying to stop the inertia of a fully pay loaded C-5 Galaxy caught in a crosswind attempting to land on a aircraft carrier in adverse sea state!



One for the record books!










I guess also one of the main issues is, sleeping with two people at the time! Depending upon communication, a person might feel awfully betrayed, much less other issues of modern life.

 

[DarkCity]

I was in that situation recently and that is the reason I am so pro-monogamy now. I am just not built for having multiple intimate partners. From my experience it doesn't matter what the "understanding" is someone is always hurt or upset in the situation even if all the cards are out on the table. Myself included.

I am definitely in the slowing down stage in my life. I have been having pretty bad "dating" experiences from older and younger females so right now I am just really focusing my attention on myself. I still have a few females that I am cool with and we kick it and mess around but there are no expectations.

 

[PrincessC]

Where/when do you say, "Ok, I'm gonna be with/date this person and this person only"?

When feelings start being involved?

Once it gets physical with one? Which for some of ya'll, I know came BEFORE the feelings!

And do you make this decision with the other person's decision in mind? (you don't KNOW what their decision is...just the possibilities)

Say you've decided to date that person only...do you turn down others who pursue (even though there IS NOT a mutual agreement to be exclusive)?

I only become exclusive after we've both agreed to become exclusive whether feelings are involved or not. If he doesn't want to be exclusive, what's the point of not dating around? You sit at home and wait for him to call, while he is out with other women? As for the physical aspect, as long as you protect yourself and are open and honest, I don't think either party has the right to get mad.

 

[Shadow]

I only become exclusive after we've both agreed to become exclusive whether feelings are involved or not. If he doesn't want to be exclusive, what's the point of not dating around? You sit at home and wait for him to call, while he is out with other women? As for the physical aspect, as long as you protect yourself and are open and honest, I don't think either party has the right to get mad.

Reminds me of another conversation I recently had. Good stuff, thanks.

 

[SinaminDelite]

This is how I handle those types of situations:
I like him and want to commit. I'll bring it up and see where his head is at. If he's not ready, I have one of two options - leave him and find someone who is willing to commit, or hang around in the hopes that he'll change his mind. Never do I assume (anymore) that because I tell him I'm only sleeping/talking/dealing with him, he's doing the same. If I do so, its with the understanding that at any given moment he can tell me he's moving on to the next. You end up realizing you were essentially in a relationship by yourself if you don't establish what kind of relationship you guys have. If the other party isn't ready to commit, no amount of talking is gonna change that.

 

[tripleds3]

Aaawwww Hell.....

Me myself, I have no problem being intimate with two or more people. Hell, I'm single, no ring on my finger...In fact, I have and do love more than one, two, hell maybe three of them... But I have a different level of love with them all. One of them I am completely in love with....Hell, he's my soulmate..... We have a great relationship and it is not all about sex....years ago, it used to be.....but now that we are older, sex it just a BIG PLUS This man turned me out..... I have had sex with two in the same week, hell, I couldn't help it....Did I feel bad, hell naw...I'm sure they don't....Fuckin is on a whole other level to me..... I fall in love with the mind....that's cause I've already SEEN and had the DICK

Picked this up from another board, changed some things . . .

Where/when do you say, "Ok, I'm gonna be with/date this person and this person only"?

When feelings start being involved?

Once it gets physical with one? Which for some of ya'll, I know came BEFORE the feelings!

And do you make this decision with the other person's decision in mind? (you don't KNOW what their decision is...just the possibilities)

Say you've decided to date that person only...do you turn down others who pursue (even though there IS NOT a mutual agreement to be exclusive)?

 

[Shadow]

I have had sex with two in the same week, hell, I couldn't help it

Is that a big deal for women? If that were applied to men, I would be in trouble.

I have sex with 4 women in a 24 hour period. 3 in 24 hours on numerous occassions. I won't even go into numbers less than that.

 

[PrincessC]

Is that a big deal for women? If that were applied to men, I would be in trouble.

I have sex with 4 women in a 24 hour period. 3 in 24 hours on numerous occassions. I won't even go into numbers less than that.

Shadow, you know it is. How many times have you heard women called sluts and whores on the main board for doing the same thing? The double standards of what is acceptable for men and what is acceptable to women continuously blow my mind.

 

[Shadow]

I must be the anamoly. I don't really give a fuck about that shit.

Just handle yourself properly when you do it.

 

[tripleds3]

Now Shadow, it is a big deal for women...don't get me wrong, I have had sex with two guys in a 24 hour period, but it was not a routine thing that I do...

Is that a big deal for women? If that were applied to men, I would be in trouble.

I have sex with 4 women in a 24 hour period. 3 in 24 hours on numerous occassions. I won't even go into numbers less than that.

 

[Pussy Krook]

Until you both agree you are mutually exclusive shouldn't be a problem dating/fucking others

 

[femmenoire]

Clearly it has to be mutual. But women especially should never assume. In fact, women should always assume you're not the only one he's fucking, because that generally is the case.

I personally don't think that there is anything wrong with dating more than one person. Dating doesn't mean fucking.

Now if you are fucking more than one person, then it is my opinion that you're just not ready to be with one person. So to even suggest exclusivity would be foolish and unrealistic.

There is nothing wrong with having a pair and a spare, date wise because it can keep you from getting hurt...men and women.

 

[SWATLANTA]

Picked this up from another board, changed some things . . .

Where/when do you say, "Ok, I'm gonna be with/date this person and this person only"?

When feelings start being involved?

Once it gets physical with one? Which for some of ya'll, I know came BEFORE the feelings!

And do you make this decision with the other person's decision in mind? (you don't KNOW what their decision is...just the possibilities)

Say you've decided to date that person only...do you turn down others who pursue (even though there IS NOT a mutual agreement to be exclusive)?

When she says "i'm pregnant".....

 

[Cleopatra_J]

I would never assume someone is dealing with only me until we've discussed it. If he tells me that he's dealing with other people, then that means that we aren't exclusive, and he can't be hurt if I see other people. Been in a situation like that before, and I didn't see how he could not expect me to see other people when he TOLD me he was seeing someone else.

I've had relationships with more than one guy at a time and they were all on some different levels. One guy was a long term I couldn't let go, one guy was the new guy I was falling for, another guy was just a local I could get some from... but none of them expected monogamy nor did we discuss it... I prefer monogamy, but I'm not gonna be monogamous by my damn self...

 

[bigirl]

At this point it would take a hell of a lot for me to be willing to make monogamous agreement with anyone. Until that point I will do what i want when i want and don't have to answer to anyone about it

 

[LeroyDibiase]

At this point it would take a hell of a lot for me to be willing to make monogamous agreement with anyone. Until that point I will do what i want when i want and don't have to answer to anyone about it

[flash]http://youtube.com/v/RnDR8OngS1U[/flash]

 

[LoneStar29]

I have sex with 4 women in a 24 hour period. 3 in 24 hours on numerous occassions. I won't even go into numbers less than that.

DANG Shadow ... I hope that was on your day off from workj/k

At the point I am at in my life right now I will date(meaning go out with and get to know)more than one man at a time ... but as soon as I start feeling one of them seriously I let the others go and focus my attention on that one guy ... this happens before the sex or right when we start first having sex ... I'm passed that casual stage in my life so I wont have sex with more than one guy at a time

Edit:I was gonna play "I get around" for Shadow but LD beat me to it lol

 

[Shadow]

Edit:I was gonna play "I get around" for Shadow but LD beat me to it lol

Those were the old day, baby. Now, I like to use all that on one woman.

Makes for such a better connection.

 

[LoneStar29]

^^^I agree ShadowGuess we're both getting soft in our old age

Cuz when I was younger ... oh boy ... these boys never knew what hit 'em

 

[bigirl]

I don't trust a man to hold up his end of monogamous agreement and I never want to go thru that shit again. So I would have to KNOW I can trust him and at this point I have no idea what that would even take.

 

[SinaminDelite]

Clearly it has to be mutual. But women especially should never assume. In fact, women should always assume you're not the only one he's fucking, because that generally is the case.

I personally don't think that there is anything wrong with dating more than one person. Dating doesn't mean fucking.

Now if you are fucking more than one person, then it is my opinion that you're just not ready to be with one person. So to even suggest exclusivity would be foolish and unrealistic.

There is nothing wrong with having a pair and a spare, date wise because it can keep you from getting hurt...men and women.

A pair and a spare, I hear that.

 

[mcguyver]

A pair and a spare, I hear that.

shame....I knew sooner or later you would've made your way in here.

 

[SinaminDelite]

shame....I knew sooner or later you would've made your way in here.

So what's your point?

 

[onyxfemme]

I don't trust a man to hold up his end of monogamous agreement and I never want to go thru that shit again. So I would have to KNOW I can trust him and at this point I have no idea what that would even take.

I want to give you a hug....It seems like you go through so much.

 

[JofromthaNO]

As some other posters said, it's gotta be a mutual feeling...sometimes you catch feelings just off of the conversation and personality of a person, but you want to tread lightly and make sure the other person is feeling the same way.

Generally, if I've been kicking it with a guy for a month or two, and the conversation, etc. is still going strong, I'll consider it and ask him how he feels about it...however, usually, it's been the other way around...a guy will say he wants me to be his girl, and I'll comply...but, it's scary putting yourself out there and asking someone, 'hey, do you want to date me...exclusively?' That's a form of rejection I'm not sure I could handle...

 

[AlexandMorgan]

I have a monogamous gene in me which does not allow me to date more than one woman at a time much less be talking to more than one on that kind of level.

IF a woman lets me know up front that she will be dating me and other guys at the same time i will just leave her to her own devices cause it does not appeal to me.

I have never dated more than one woman at a time and i doubt i ever will. I have enough respect for myself that i will not be in an out and out competition to win a woman's affection.

If a woman needs to date guys to choose one or is unable to choose one from many then she has issues which i can not help her with.

 

[dHustla]

I don't trust a man to hold up his end of monogamous agreement and I never want to go thru that shit again. So I would have to KNOW I can trust him and at this point I have no idea what that would even take.

Sounds like ..

to me

 

[Pussy Krook]

I want to give you a hug....It seems like you go through so much.

I know right.

I wish I could hook you up with a good dude Bi to restore your faith in us.

 

[mariano42]

Is that a big deal for women? If that were applied to men, I would be in trouble.

I have sex with 4 women in a 24 hour period. 3 in 24 hours on numerous occassions. I won't even go into numbers less than that.

son you better get tested every 10 seconds. you might have the HIV.

I have a monogamous gene in me which does not allow me to date more than one woman at a time much less be talking to more than one on that kind of level.

IF a woman lets me know up front that she will be dating me and other guys at the same time i will just leave her to her own devices cause it does not appeal to me.

I have never dated more than one woman at a time and i doubt i ever will. I have enough respect for myself that i will not be in an out and out competition to win a woman's affection.

If a woman needs to date guys to choose one or is unable to choose one from many then she has issues which i can not help her with.

CO- FUCKING- SIGN.

 

[Shadow]

son you better get tested every 10 seconds. you might have the HIV.

CO- FUCKING- SIGN.

I am fine.

Don't conduct mmyself like that anymore and get tested regularly.

 

[Noir]

This is how I handle those types of situations:
I like him and want to commit. I'll bring it up and see where his head is at. If he's not ready, I have one of two options - leave him and find someone who is willing to commit, or hang around in the hopes that he'll change his mind. Never do I assume (anymore) that because I tell him I'm only sleeping/talking/dealing with him, he's doing the same. If I do so, its with the understanding that at any given moment he can tell me he's moving on to the next. You end up realizing you were essentially in a relationship by yourself if you don't establish what kind of relationship you guys have. If the other party isn't ready to commit, no amount of talking is gonna change that.

I gave exactly this advice to this waitress I know at my spot. She wanted my advice (yeah, I seem to be The Advice Man to a lot of people) as she is seeing this dude in a supposedly "open" relationship, she has growing feelings and wants to tell him and see if they could become "monogamous". She was worried about revealing her feelings as he may say he is not ready to commit to a monogamous relationship. I told her she'd better have that talk with him, see where he stands, and make her decision, because as long as she doesn't she may be monogamous to him, but he'll feel free to fuck whatever girl he can hit.