Any of y’all have experience sharing custody?
I’m going through it right now and have questions about your experiences.
I’m going through it right now and have questions about your experiences.
Any Brothers on here have experience having 50/50 or near 50/50 custody of your child?
- Thread starter ^SpiderMan^
- Start date
Are you at the court portion of your journey trying to get the agreement hammered out, or has it already been adjudicated and you are trying to figure out the living with / life part of it?
My ex and I did it was cool since for me it removed child support since I also had 50/50 custodial/residency rights everything worked until I moved out of state for work but he was 16/17 by then. Our agreement is up for amendment now that he’s 18 and going to school and we’ll most likely move to have nothing in place as he’s on my insurance till 26 and he working and paying for his own shit lol. I mean I got him when life get tight starting out but it’s welcome to the real world jack.
Thanks for responding. My daughters mom and I have had 50/50 since I left her over 8 years ago. She quit her job soon after so I still pay support.
Shit was crazy from the start but got way worse after I met my wife a year later and even worse when I married my wife 3 years after that. Since then, we have went to court 6 times over extracurricular activities, Holidays, Birthdays, our Custodial schedule, timeshare, schools, exchange times and all kinds of other shit. I’ve paid over 35k in Court Fees. My wife and I had 3 kids of our own so we are starting to feel the financial and time burden. The BM plays mind games with my daughter and she is stressed out. My questions are the following:
1.) When did you see things get easier?
2.) What age did your kids begin to process what was going on and the mind games stopped working?
3.) Did your kids ever start to not want to go to either parent’s home?
Shit was crazy from the start but got way worse after I met my wife a year later and even worse when I married my wife 3 years after that. Since then, we have went to court 6 times over extracurricular activities, Holidays, Birthdays, our Custodial schedule, timeshare, schools, exchange times and all kinds of other shit. I’ve paid over 35k in Court Fees. My wife and I had 3 kids of our own so we are starting to feel the financial and time burden. The BM plays mind games with my daughter and she is stressed out. My questions are the following:
1.) When did you see things get easier?
2.) What age did your kids begin to process what was going on and the mind games stopped working?
3.) Did your kids ever start to not want to go to either parent’s home?
This happens far too often. You moved on with your life and she hasn't. You've upgraded and she is stagnant and mad.
I pray for brothers like you because a lot of women when in situations like this do a lot in attempt to poison the mind of the child while they are in their custody.
1. Never.
2. Never.
3. No.
I had custody of my daughter but shared with the mother. Girl children automatically bond more with the mother regardless of what you do. My advice would be to consistently be honest as you can with your child, and prepare yourself for future heartbreak. I no longer speak to my child, but I expected such. Just do the best you can, hopefully your outcome will be better.
The answers to:
1. When she finally matures and realizes it's what's best for the child and not hurting you and making your life harder
2. Whenever the child's mature enough to gauge and understand life and situations in life.
3. Yes, the same as answer number two.
My ex and I didnt have 50/50 but we worked it out to where my daughter would come and stay with me over the summers and I lived in another state because i was in military. We did this until she went to college. One of the big thing we did was when my daughter turned 12 or 13 I opened up a checking account in her name and send the child support payment to it and my EX explained to her that the money was her and to want she wanted with it. So when my daughter wanted to hangout with friends at the mall we didn't have to get her money for those kind of thing. If she wanted some new nikes she had her own money. I didnt stop stop my child support payment time she graduated college.
I got full custody of my daughter when she was 13 years old. (She is 26 now) I used a program called Fathers for equal rights. I got a default judgment. they charge a small fee to provide step by step guidance, do all your paperwork and give you a script when you see the judge.
I had similar situation to yours, shit almost exactly.
1. Shit was up and down with my daughters mom. We would be really good, then she would get on her bullshit. I noticed it would be one of two things that would throw her off. My daughter and I would be talking too much (calling me for homework help, instrument questions, sports questions) the fact she came to me first bothered her, or she would be with out a man and would start her bullshit. Got easier at 11 when all communication with my daughter jwas jusy between us. BM was the middle man… drop her off at the airport, I’ll comescoop her from school.
2. 11 is when my daughter started to process things and see her mom as who she really is. She started to realize the responsibility her put on here wasn’t shared amongst kids her age and that she could actually be child when she was with my wife and I.
3. She left her moms crib at 13 turning 14 for the summer and told her she’s wasn’t coming back she was going to live with her Dad and Smom (she calls my wife that). She went to see her reluctantly but she only would go to see her brothers and they don’t speak but on holidays and birthdays,
1. Shit was up and down with my daughters mom. We would be really good, then she would get on her bullshit. I noticed it would be one of two things that would throw her off. My daughter and I would be talking too much (calling me for homework help, instrument questions, sports questions) the fact she came to me first bothered her, or she would be with out a man and would start her bullshit. Got easier at 11 when all communication with my daughter jwas jusy between us. BM was the middle man… drop her off at the airport, I’ll comescoop her from school.
2. 11 is when my daughter started to process things and see her mom as who she really is. She started to realize the responsibility her put on here wasn’t shared amongst kids her age and that she could actually be child when she was with my wife and I.
3. She left her moms crib at 13 turning 14 for the summer and told her she’s wasn’t coming back she was going to live with her Dad and Smom (she calls my wife that). She went to see her reluctantly but she only would go to see her brothers and they don’t speak but on holidays and birthdays,
1. No it never gets better, you “Must” act like she doesn’t exist to quit from going crazy. You don’t want to die from unwanted stress.
2./ 3. Daughter figure it out around 12 she convince her to testify against me in court. Stating she don’t want to come to my house again. Saying I abandoned her..simply told the judge how I abandon her and I brought the mother to court for contempt. Told the judge when she ready to comeback I’ll be here with open arms.
Mother never returned her she’s now 17. I focus on me hit the gym, bought a C8 fine ass girlfriend and travel my ass off.
I wish you the best but for your sanity you must push forward. Like graduating from high school it was a fun time but that chapter is closed. Your kid will eventually return..How do I know cause my mother did the same thing to me. And me and my pops now is SUPER TIGHT!! I love that guy!!
Is this it? https://www.fathers4kids.com/
Man my life has gotten so much better, but I can't really enjoy it because I'm so embroiled in the BS.
Was it 50/50 the whole time up until 14? Was she really close to her mother before?
I'm really sorry to read that brother. Not to be in your business, but do you speak often?
I had to whup my youngest sons moms ass in court. I mashed that hoes face in the mud and made her dumpy ass kiss my size 13 converse! I co parent and the bitch gets paid automatically from state child support from one of my checks, but I don’t care about the money. My bond with my son is strong, we do it all together and I see him one day each week for 5 hours regardless of it’s my weekend or not. Summer it’s one week on one week off and I still get 2-3 consecutive weeks. Holidays and special days are split by years but I spend so much time with him I don’t give a fuck about that either because I’ll ask and keep him for consecutive weekends and breaks as she a hoe looking to marry some fool so she stay in the streets. Everytime I see her fat dumpy ass I smile and grin knowing she can’t do shit to keep me from my lil dude! He tells me dad I don’t want to go back to mama and I encourage him to be ready to choose at the age of 13. If you want I can send my parenting plan once I scrub the names. That bitch hate me and I love it! She’ll be talking something stupid when I pick him up sometimes and I be like mmmm hmmm ok talk to you laterrrr! On daddy time fatass! My son is a lil rider! Me and this lil mf going lizard hunting in Florida soon. Air soft guns. Took him all around the world already. Got trips lined up. I don’t talk to my two oldest kids anymore. They can eat a fucking dick ungrateful motherfuckers. Their moms too. Them hoes try to call me I hang up on em or ignore their asses.
I appreciate the honest discounse.
Parenting is tough, almost impossible with a spiteful vindictive X.
Parenting is tough, almost impossible with a spiteful vindictive X.
Looks like it. At the time it was only fathers for equal rights. Paid 250 to join then $75 for the first set of documents. Then you walk across the street to the court house to file. Paid $150 extra to have a Marshall find and serve the baby mama. That took a week to get her served. I think she had 21 days to respond then the first Monday after 21 days You get to file for a default judgment. You go see the judge he's gonna ask if you want child support I didn't. But they keep asking I just stood on No. They gave me sole conservatorship.
1.when i accepted she and I will just be on different pages with our life outlook and I must move on and live Mine (not ours I’m a team player to a fault sometimes)
2.for my son he caught on too late…still processing how to handle and move forward. It’s easy to say see “I told you so” but that ain’t gonna help him adjust (there some legal shit I can’t speak one here…not even under a screen name smh)
3. Yes but he recently has started to see that the tensions that was in my home was created by them two not me.
Too keep it 100 he and she both seem emotionally and maybe mentally messed up about it all while I took divorce as a lesson not a loss “I got stronger after Ether” while they both stayed on some jealous victim shit even though a lot of the shit they deal with was/is self inflicted.
Be patient. Hopefully the kid that you had with her knows the type of parent you are
No but before they got jobs I was taking applications the way those motherfuckers ate. The girls more than the boys.
Not true at all.
Spider
Quick question
You say your daughters stressed? Can you see the stress? Or is she telling you this?
Regardless,I would send her to therapist asap, if she hasn’t been please do so.
I think what the man is saying is... they do teach em to be a bitch just like them...they gone mirror the fuck out the Mom...brah... @osirianprncpl
Props to you for being cool headed and handling your shit like a man.
Smart kids are very perceptive.
My best friend had 50/50 custody of his son. He met another woman when his son was one and her daughter was two. Never had any issue with his sons mother.
This new woman was pretty . She looked like Melrose Foxx, No Lie They moved in together and he became stepfather to the young girl.
She was 7 months older than his son, so they grew up together. She called him by his first name, Denver because no one wanted to put pressure on her to call him dad or step dad or whatever
When she was 11 she went to stay with her birth father for the summer. That shit didn't even last 2 weeks. She came back home and she called my best friend Dad, and he broke down and cried
When you EARN that dad title, it's hella worth it when it's appreciated. He had been there for that girl's whole life like he was the birth father and acted as such.
Fast forward some years and this new woman starts to lose her shit. He remains in the house and close to his stepdaughter who is for all intents and purposes his daughter as her mother fell completely off being unreliable in every way possible.
Her mother wouldn't show up to her High School events or would show up late as hell and then leave early. It was crazy.
Shortly after the girl turned 18 and graduated, her and her mother got into it and her mother slapped her. My best friend and his daughter came to stay with me for a while.
She went off to college 2 years ago and hasn't spoken or seen her mother since. Meanwhile, she still maintains a close contact with her father, my best friend.
***
When smart kids become aware and see their parent for who they really are for the good and the bad real changes start to happen
Naa haven’t spoken since the court date. But I set it up like that because I knew she wouldn’t bring her back. The flip slide is it’s easier to pay CS, then getting them up for school etc etc. The stress of bitter mother keep contacting me and arguing. When our daughter has a phone. Trust me brother I got my life back and now I’m at peace and happy.
My last four digits is actually my daughter’s birthday on purpose!
… brainwashing is real. If you have access get therapy for all you WILL be surprised how kids rationalize this shit mayne
Bro, praying for guys like you. Everyone wants to talk about the guy who is a deadbeat dad but no one speaks on the man who wants to be a father but can't because of his child's mother and the barrier she put up against him between him and his child
When I tell you I've seen men cry real heartbreaking tears I can't even begin to express how that made me feel.
I wrote a poem that I will share with you guys once it's published, even though I wrote it 20 years ago. I read it to someone I worked with in 2005 and he broke down crying. He said to me, "Not only am I going through this exact thing right now, you got the ages of my kids right."
That’s what people didn’t understand about Tyrese. He was trying to get custody of his daughter and had a breakdown. Where can you steal any animal or human being child or babies.
Damn it’s some wild stories in here.
I hope all y’all estate plan paperwork is airtight, so that if something happens to you, only your kid(s) are supported by whatever you leave, not their moms and Thugnificant or whoever she’s laid up with.
For those of y’all with kids you don’t fuck with anymore, I hope your paperwork is up to speed so that if you plan to leave them nothing, they get nothing.
I’ve seen both of the aforementioned go sideways when dudes passed and ain’t have their paperwork right.
I hope all y’all estate plan paperwork is airtight, so that if something happens to you, only your kid(s) are supported by whatever you leave, not their moms and Thugnificant or whoever she’s laid up with.
For those of y’all with kids you don’t fuck with anymore, I hope your paperwork is up to speed so that if you plan to leave them nothing, they get nothing.
I’ve seen both of the aforementioned go sideways when dudes passed and ain’t have their paperwork right.
A surprising observation I've had is how toxic mothers can be. Especially in our Black community. The "Deadbeat Dad" scenario is an issue and well covered in our community, but the "Toxic Mother" scenario is very common. Especially the higher economic status. Alot of brothers at work and at my kids schools have been communicating their experiences after separation and divorce. It seems like a standard move for the mothers to raise Domestic Violence concerns, get a restraining order and get custody. I've seen and heard this over and over again. The cold thing is that our society is so used to the idea of the struggling black single mother and boogyman black man, that people tend to believe the mothers. Additionally, men tend to not talk about "our business" to others due to pride while women often seek sympathy.
Another thing I'm seeing are mothers using their kids as social capital and/or a retirement plan. This is definitely what I'm seeing my BM do. She is already telling her that she wants her to go to school in ATL so that she can move with her. She has no job or retirement so she is definitely going to guilt trip my daughter to taking her as a burden when she becomes an adult. Kevin Samuels touched on this a few times.
Damn it’s some wild stories in here.
I hope all y’all estate plan paperwork is airtight, so that if something happens to you, only your kid(s) are supported by whatever you leave, not their moms and Thugnificant or whoever she’s laid up with.
For those of y’all with kids you don’t fuck with anymore, I hope your paperwork is up to speed so that if you plan to leave them nothing, they get nothing.
I’ve seen both of the aforementioned go sideways when dudes passed and ain’t have their paperwork right.
You make a great point. A deceased coworker of mine killed himself due to stress including his ex-wife but didn't change the beneficiary paperwork and rumored to have left her over $800k.
Glad you moved on with your life but moving how you did causes that. Don't no woman wanna see a man happy afterwards.
Women out here crazy..The judge let this woman out for damn near killing her ex husband while the bullet grazed her son forehead.
The. She got out and killed her boyfriend. The court system is very flawed towards women!
https://worldstar.com/videos/wshhiv...s-just-got-charged-for-murderingnbsphernbspex
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