Ladies: Having kid(s) "by arrangement" -- your thoughts please.

[LurkDiggler]

One of the other threads here made me think about this again.

Lately I am being asked more frequently by long-time women friends to father their child.

1) They are successful, mature, single women who do not have children
2) We are not in a relationship (i.e., I am not currently "hitting")
3) They are getting more and more direct in asking about it.

It is sort of a "She Hate Me" scenario WITHOUT the monetary aspect. (i.e., they are not looking to pay; nor are they looking for support)

They know however, that I am not interested in just planting seed and taking off -- I MUST be a very active participant in the lives of any offspring I bring into this world (this is actually a big reason I haven't acted on this).

What are your thoughts about this?

Trust me, I am not interested in contributing to the demise of the Black Family unit -- I would rather this occurs the old fashioned way within a family structure ... but I am thinking about it because of a "paternal" instinct.

Thanks, I appreciate any thoughts on this.

Peace

 

[HoneyBerry]

I wouldn't do it if I were you. Stuff could get really complicated. Who would have custody and the children in the home? What if she gets with another dude and he's acting like your children are his?

 

[femmenoire]

I've had a couple of men say that they'd like to be considered if my plans don't work out the way I want.

I don't know if I'd consider doing that when I'm ready.

I think it would be easier to go to a sperm bank.

 

[LurkDiggler]

I wouldn't do it if I were you. Stuff could get really complicated. Who would have custody and the children in the home? What if she gets with another dude and he's acting like your children are his?

Yes, HoneyBerry, somehow I knew I could get a quick answer from you

I have the same concern about these and other factors -- I would prefer to raise them, to be very honest. And that would obviously be a point of contention for some of them, given their desire for this.

Funny/sad that it has even come to this thought process.

Peace

 

[HoneyBerry]

Yes, HoneyBerry, somehow I knew I could get a quick answer from you

Why?

 

[bigirl]

last year a married man proposed that to me. he is not having any more kids with his wife and wants a son really badly. although i see that combing what he has and what i have we would make one hell of a smart and talented and beautiful child i declined.

 

[LurkDiggler]

I've had a couple of men say that they'd like to be considered if my plans don't work out the way I want.

I don't know if I'd consider doing that when I'm ready.

I think it would be easier to go to a sperm bank.

I hear you femmenoire, but part of it is the background/familiarity/demonstrated character etc.

They have considered the sperm bank, but maybe it is "better the devil you know than the devil you don't know" j/k

Seriously, what they have said is that they know my personality, upbringing, values etc. (And they know about B G O L )

To them it trumps the Sperm Bank on a number of levels.

Peace

 

[LurkDiggler]

Why?

It is more than a little obvious that you like and care about children -- I will have to find the thread posted today.

And, that is a WONDERFUL characteristic.

Respect

 

[AristotlesOwn]

One of the other threads here made me think about this again.

Lately I am being asked more frequently by long-time women friends to father their child.

1) They are successful, mature, single women who do not have children
2) We are not in a relationship (i.e., I am not currently "hitting")
3) They are getting more and more direct in asking about it.

It is sort of a "She Hate Me" scenario WITHOUT the monetary aspect. (i.e., they are not looking to pay; nor are they looking for support)

They know however, that I am not interested in just planting seed and taking off -- I MUST be a very active participant in the lives of any offspring I bring into this world (this is actually a big reason I haven't acted on this).

What are your thoughts about this?

Trust me, I am not interested in contributing to the demise of the Black Family unit -- I would rather this occurs the old fashioned way within a family structure ... but I am thinking about it because of a "paternal" instinct.

Thanks, I appreciate any thoughts on this.

Peace

I'm in that same situation. I have a lesbian friend who has asked me several times to give her and her partner a seed. I've also had some straight female friends (who I don't have sex with) ask me if they didn't find anyone to marry could I father their child...I've thought about it at length and I don't think it's worth the eventual complication. They say that they wouldn't ask for money or anything, but I have a feeling that a change of heart would come about, and then a court would mandate financial compensation for the child. Also, like you, I would want to participate in the child's upbrining.

 

[LurkDiggler]

last year a married man proposed that to me. he is not having any more kids with his wife and wants a son really badly. although i see that combing what he has and what i have we would make one hell of a smart and talented and beautiful child i declined.

I hear you bigirl, in the same thread I am referring to you seemed pretty set against intentionally having children. I can respect that.

Peace

 

[LurkDiggler]

I'm in that same situation. I have a lesbian friend who has asked me several times to give her and her partner a seed. I've also had some straight female friends (who I don't have sex with) ask me if they didn't find anyone to marry could I father their child...I've thought about it at length and I don't think it's worth the eventual complication. They say that they wouldn't ask for money or anything, but I have a feeling that a change of heart would come about, and then a court would mandate financial compensation for the child. Also, like you, I would want to participate in the child's upbrining.

Great to get a dude's input on this as well, I appreciate it.

In fact, the financial is not as much the consideration for me or them (with appropriate Legal verbiage, etc.) -- it REALLY is the custody question.

I REALLY NEED to be an integral part of raising my offspring; it is that important to me.

That actually goes over well with the fiercely independent ones (i.e., Career is #1, like to travel a lot, etc.) ... possibly why it comes up more with them

But, I hear you -- nothing like having a baby to bring out the Maternal instinct that never existed before lol

Peace

 

[HoneyBerry]

It is more than a little obvious that you like and care about children -- I will have to find the thread posted today.

And, that is a WONDERFUL characteristic.

Respect

Oh O.K. Cool

I'm in that same situation. I have a lesbian friend who has asked me several times to give her and her partner a seed. I've also had some straight female friends (who I don't have sex with) ask me if they didn't find anyone to marry could I father their child...I've thought about it at length and I don't think it's worth the eventual complication. They say that they wouldn't ask for money or anything, but I have a feeling that a change of heart would come about, and then a court would mandate financial compensation for the child. Also, like you, I would want to participate in the child's upbrining.

When I was younger I used to feel strongly against homosexual men or women raising children. But with so many het's doing a poor job raising kids and abandoning kids, I am not against it. But they will still need both male and female role models

 

[LurkDiggler]

Oh O.K. Cool



When I was younger I used to feel strongly against homosexual men or women raising children. But with so many het's doing a poor job raising kids and abandoning kids, I am not against it. But they will still need both male and female role models

Agree completely.

Peace