Are the lack of committed relationships in the black community a cultural thing?

[sakinnuso]

Wanted to toss this out to the board. I posted part of this in another thread, but I would love to hear what folks had to say.

Basically, I’m from DC and I’m living in Cali. Admittedly, my view might be slanted. Hell, Los Angeles might be in it’s own crazy microcosm, but…

I work at MTV in the gaming division. It’s a majority white office (I’m one of 4 blacks in a staff of 43). The age range falls between 24-35 (I’m one of the oldest at 33)…

Anyway, most of the people here are either married or engaged to be married. While that might not seem peculiar, the stickler is that none of us here can be considered financial ‘ballers’. Talking to some of these guys, you get the impression that while the marriage might not always be rosy, there’s certainly NO idolizing or celebrating of ‘pimps’, ‘playas’, or ‘Gigolos’.

I started thinking about my people, and how differently our paths at the same age range/statistics have gone. At 33, many black guys still love having lots of women to run between. Also – and this is from my experience – black women still chase after the guys that are the ‘obvious bad looks’ unless they’ve already reached ‘baller’ status.

If this was a majority black office, would the marriage/relationship ratio be the same? In North Hollywood where I live, it’s a predominantly Spanish community. You should see how these Latin folk cherish family (even the bangers), and how they’ll put EVERYTHING toward building fam. Hell, even their relationship choices and what they’re looking for in partners seems different.

Thoughts?

 

[BS2011]

It's a lack of maturity thing and unfortunately it's now deeply entrenched in black culture.

 

[charlie dark]

why do niggas listen to some shit some goddamn honky said on TV.....black people are in relationships we're just not dumb enough to get married to a mothafucka we barely know .

Interesting choice of language!!!!!!

 

[Twistyaaliyah]

those white bitches b gettin married after 6 months talkin about 'It feels like we've known each other for years. He's/She's my soulmate"

 

[JofromthaNO]

When I was in graduate school, I definitely noticed many of my white counterparts get engaged and/or marry. Although I was in a relationship at the time, and it carried throughout my graduate studies, I didn't feel the need to "rush to get married" like some of my white girlfriends did. I actually knew white women that got upset when another girlfriend "became engaged" because their boyfriend hadn't proposed yet...they were just competing to get married/engaged first.

However, in these relationships, I did see women valuing certain values and standards over what I see in many relationships of my black girlfriends. For example, physical attractiveness came behind same interests, backgrounds, and ambition/career success... What do I notice in some of my black girlfriends? Cuteness, good hair, nice complexion, pretty smile...lol...you get the picture...

 

[LennyNero1972]

Don't let these white folks fool ya. A lot them get married, but many of them get divorced just as quick. I remember this one clown was married 3 times by the time he was 23. They really push getting married while young in their community. Most blacks seem to wait until they get established before tying the knot. Also, one has to look at how social dynamics have changed over the decades women now have more of a say in who they marry and how the marriage is run. I'm done typing off subject slighty, but to answer your question slighty yes and no.

 

[sakinnuso]

those white bitches b gettin married after 6 months talkin about 'It feels like we've known each other for years. He's/She's my soulmate"

What I'm talking about goes beyond foolish white people marrying early. I've noticed that people - even at my age - still have an immature mentality when it comes to being serious with a partner. One of my buddies realized at 33 that he's never EVER had a serious girlfriend and has only been fucking chickens all these years. It didn't dawn on him until he saw Why Did I Get Married, that at the age he is, maybe he's kinda immature. Hell, half the cats on BGOL idolize Tariq Nasheed, and he's a grown-assed man giving high school advice about being a 'man' and 'fucking bitches'!

Nah, man...it goes deeper than foolish white chicks. Like I said earlier, the Hispanics i see around me meet, marry, and work on building a strong family for the next generation.

I also mentioned how nobody in our office is rich. Just on the outside - and this is from what I can see from my experience - those white couples are willing to build from the ground up. I don't see that in our community anymore.

Real talk.

 

[femmenoire]

But white men do get married and they believe in it.

Even if they do cheat they understand the goals of marriage and creating legacies.

So I do think its a cultural thing.

 

[Crown&Coke]

Yes and No. Its not the whole black community but you see it alot. Some due to changing role of women and some of it due to overall society changes. People now get married older for the most part. Alot of people I dont like to stick with relationships when they get rough. Quick to give up.​

 

[Word]

You just made his point thanks for being that guy.

why do niggas listen to some shit some goddamn honky said on TV.....black people are in relationships we're just not dumb enough to get married to a mothafucka we barely know .

 

[Word]

I thought i was the only one who thinks Tariq Nasheed was silly. I think a lot where our minds are as a people is what we see and hear. We think cause the next man "getting bitches" then we dont need to be tied up so we can do the same. I been trying to get all my older friends minds more focused on growth and moving forward.

What I'm talking about goes beyond foolish white people marrying early. I've noticed that people - even at my age - still have an immature mentality when it comes to being serious with a partner. One of my buddies realized at 33 that he's never EVER had a serious girlfriend and has only been fucking chickens all these years. It didn't dawn on him until he saw Why Did I Get Married, that at the age he is, maybe he's kinda immature. Hell, half the cats on BGOL idolize Tariq Nasheed, and he's a grown-assed man giving high school advice about being a 'man' and 'fucking bitches'!

Nah, man...it goes deeper than foolish white chicks. Like I said earlier, the Hispanics i see around me meet, marry, and work on building a strong family for the next generation.

I also mentioned how nobody in our office is rich. Just on the outside - and this is from what I can see from my experience - those white couples are willing to build from the ground up. I don't see that in our community anymore.

Real talk.

 

[HALO2]

 

[DAHITMAN]

But white men do get married and they believe in it.

Even if they do cheat they understand the goals of marriage and creating legacies.

So I do think its a cultural thing.

It is so sad that nowadays that women in general have been brainwashed to want "ballers", "sugar daddies, and whatnot to support them. But they are not willing to work at anything worthwhile. They just want things right now and they do not think about the bigger picture.

 

[femmenoire]

white men get married to keep up appearances......everything white people say and do is a fucking mirage.......you sound like you have a little self hatred in you.

And you sound like you're teetering on getting banned.

 

[femmenoire]

what did i say worthy of getting me banned? don't you like hearing the truth?.

You're good in this post, but I done checked other threads. You are walking a fine line.

 

[Blu Diablo]

You can't look at the marriage rate with also taking into account the divorce rate.

I've had white co-workers that were working on their second, third and fourth marriages. Are those relationships really any more committed? Having a ceremony and signing paperwork seemingly didn't make those relationships any stronger.

I simply we are less inclined to jump into marriage than our white counterparts.

 

[Lola]

You can't look at the marriage rate with also taking into account the divorce rate.

I've had white co-workers that were working on their second, third and fourth marriages. Are those relationships really any more committed? Having a ceremony and signing paperwork seemingly didn't make those relationships any stronger.

I simply we are less inclined to jump into marriage than our white counterparts.

You hit it exactly on the head. Whites do get married more, but they divorce a LOT too! My white gilfriends are on their second and third marriages and they are in their early thirities.

Only thing that bothers me is that black women have their kids young and unmarried and they marry when they are older. That's pretty ass backwards to me.

I had my first child at age 35. I got married at age 30. I can't tell you how many black folks think my toddler is my grandchild, because they can't fathom a black woman having a child 35 or older. I can't get mad at them, because unfortunatly I know many black "grandparents" that are in their thirties and early forties.

 

[black again]

I would really love to see some numbers on this. I've learned to ignore most stories that stereotype any one group, unless there's verifiable data to back it up. However, in my family (5 adult siblings)...one marriage for 20 yrs, one committed relationship, three of us ..60% not in a committed relationship isn't good.

On the other hand, I see alot of Whites, who I work with jumping in and outta relationships, damn near immediately. So to me, their level of committment is kinda bogus.

 

[DaleMabry]

But white men do get married and they believe in it.

Even if they do cheat they understand the goals of marriage and creating legacies.

So I do think its a cultural thing.

Big if, right? I guess it goes back to do we view marriage as a spiritual / emotional vehicle or financial / economic one.

I would really love to see some numbers on this. I've learned to ignore most stories that stereotype any one group, unless there's verifiable data to back it up. However, in my family (5 adult siblings)...one marriage for 20 yrs, one committed relationship, three of us ..60% not in a committed relationship isn't good.

On the other hand, I see alot of Whites, who I work with jumping in and outta relationships, damn near immediately. So to me, their level of committment is kinda bogus.

And on the low, this is happening a lot in Latin families too. I've dated a latina or two who were married before. But once they realized they didn't want to be at home as the good little wifey watching the kids while hubby did his thing with impunity...

or once they realized they got married at 19 or 20 just because that's what girls in their "zona" or "varrio" do...

they were like "psh, fuck THIS shit" and got divorced. To me, kids raised in two homes are kids raised in two homes, marriage or not. And kids raised by two parents who are just together for the kids is even worse.

And you sound like you're teetering on getting banned.