The Death of Relationships - Grown Folks Topic

tallblacknyc

Rising Star
Certified Pussy Poster
What about compatibility?
A percentage of people in relationships don't fit like a glove.. Your significant other should be like your best friend except she got tits, ass, pussy, and ya fuck... There's a lot of people who are more cooler with their boys/homegirl than their significant others... Reason is ya connection ain't as natural as you and your homies... Some relationships were build under other situations and cause of that have very weak foundations to hold them together...so when a small crack happens them shits collapse with the quickness...compatibility was lacking and really wasn't there
 

sammyjax

Grand Puba of Science
Platinum Member
Its so difficult for humans to separate their experience versus the rest of the world. Their experience becomes the truth for them. Then it’s generalized.
The proselytization that often comes from that can have a propagandizing effect that over time is net negative for society.

Young minds soak it up and it becomes cultural reality. We're living that right now.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
A percentage of people in relationships don't fit like a glove.. Your significant other should be like your best friend except she got tits, ass, pussy, and ya fuck... There's a lot of people who are more cooler with their boys/homegirl than their significant others... Reason is ya connection ain't as natural as you and your homies... Some relationships were build under other situations and cause of that have very weak foundations to hold them together...so when a small crack happens them shits collapse with the quickness...compatibility was lacking and really wasn't there

So I guess my question is, how does one know they are compatible?

Seems like their are so many variables to account for. And it also seems like compatibility can change to something incompatible overtime.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
The proselytization that often comes from that can have a propagandizing effect that over time is net negative for society.

Young minds soak it up and it becomes cultural reality. We're living that right now.

I had to look up proselytization. That’s not part of my vocabulary. Lol.

Yes, this is also how stereotypes are created. Seems like we are experience this more now since we have enhanced communication. People is operating off if “my truth” instead of searching for the “ultimate truth”, which I think we agree would be impossible to achieve without dismantling their own reality.
 

tallblacknyc

Rising Star
Certified Pussy Poster
So I guess my question is, how does one know they are compatible?

Seems like their are so many variables to account for. And it also seems like compatibility can change to something incompatible overtime.
kinda hard to go into details and I don't know if any of ya got brothers from another or homegirl that's like your sisters... But true blue friends no matter your economic status, career, look, ups, downs, gonna still fuck with you no matter what... You and your boys have a bond like no other and are on wave lengths that can't be explained... Ya see eye to eye on a lot of shit, think alike... They'll hold you down if you tucked up and visa versa...you could politic with your boys for hours cracking mad jokes, switching up subjects, etc... Ya enjoy each other presence... Well throw some tits, ass, pussy, and ya fucking and that's damn near what your significant other should be... Does she thoroughly enjoy your presence, can ya talk for hours and juss be vibing, do ya have a lot of things in common, if ya not fucking can ya be in the same room for long periods of time and still enjoy each other's company, would she still be with you if you fell off, can she bring you up when you down, can she help you become a better person or upgrade you...Lot of people can't say that in their relationship
 

Mo-Better

The R&B Master
OG Investor
What I learned about myself if that I can change some of it, but I’ll never be 100% they way she wants me to be. And same for her. I don’t think youre ever to old to change something, it just probably will not be natural to you, so you’ll retreat back to natural behaviors when stressed.

I’m use to resolving things on my own as well, but my wife also likes to feel needed. So I have to give her that aspect even if I don’t really want to.

That seems to be the norm with women. I just got an offer to tidy up my man cave. The thing is I have things where I want them with projects being active. I don't need anyone moving my stuff to where I can't get to it. The funny thing is she's not consistently organized herself.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
kinda hard to go into details and I don't know if any of ya got brothers from another or homegirl that's like your sisters... But true blue friends no matter your economic status, career, look, ups, downs, gonna still fuck with you no matter what... You and your boys have a bond like no other and are on wave lengths that can't be explained... Ya see eye to eye on a lot of shit, think alike... They'll hold you down if you tucked up and visa versa...you could politic with your boys for hours cracking mad jokes, switching up subjects, etc... Ya enjoy each other presence... Well throw some tits, ass, pussy, and ya fucking and that's damn near what your significant other should be... Does she thoroughly enjoy your presence, can ya talk for hours and juss be vibing, do ya have a lot of things in common, if ya not fucking can ya be in the same room for long periods of time and still enjoy each other's company, would she still be with you if you fell off, can she bring you up when you down, can she help you become a better person or upgrade you...Lot of people can't say that in their relationship

And so much of that goes into compatibility. I think very few people even has the ability to recognize that.

That is something that takes time to nurture. I've never had a girl that was close like my homies. If I did, I tried (or did) to smash which killed any chance I had with her because sex changes the dynamics.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
That seems to be the norm with women. I just got an offer to tidy up my man cave. The thing is I have things where I want them with projects being active. I don't need anyone moving my stuff to where I can't get to it. The funny thing is she's not consistently organized herself.

Lol. I understand that. I'm the same way. We can also have boundaries as well.

I have a movie collection that is not to be messed with.
 

CptMARVEL

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
I couldn't finish listening to this drivel.
If this dude was really interested in the status of male/female relationships, I believe he should've gathered a panel of men & women to discuss it, rather than going on & on about his biased views on the shortcoming in women...:yawn:
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
This is what I tell people: You have to LIKE your girl as much as you love her. Love, in a sense, means very little in a successful relationship. There are people that I truly love, but can't stand to be around them.

I tell this to people as well. I go a step further say probably like her more than you love her.
 
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4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
If you're not compatible on base levels and some intricate ones then it won't work
Compatible doesn't mean just alike just means work well
That's why relationships don't last some major and minor things you fundamentally don't work well with ends it

And some of that compatibility could use fine tuning over time.

I definitely can say that I didn't know I was compatible with my wife until years later after meeting. We are very different.
 

Mo-Better

The R&B Master
OG Investor
Lol. I understand that. I'm the same way. We can also have boundaries as well.

I have a movie collection that is not to be messed with.

Oh I know, I'm the same way with music. We do see eye to eye, my music collection is in my man cave, so you already know. Like you I too have music that can never be replaced, especially my vinyl which I don't even have out on display. Ask me don't take.
 

largebillsonlyplease

Large
BGOL Legend
And some of that compatibility could use fine tuning over time.

I definitely can say that I didn't know I was compatible with my wife until years later after meeting. We are very different.

Yeah and like I said compatible doesn't mean the same means works great together
If you like to eat and she like to cook that works regardless of body type and everything else.
 

Mixd

Duppy Maker
BGOL Investor
And so much of that goes into compatibility. I think very few people even has the ability to recognize that.

That is something that takes time to nurture. I've never had a girl that was close like my homies. If I did, I tried (or did) to smash which killed any chance I had with her because sex changes the dynamics.
A close friend that was older than me always used to go by this saying:
"The way you enter a relationship, is the same way you'll leave"

You can't really become friends with a chick then change the dynamic later with sex. Sometimes it works, more times it will be a fuck buddy friendship. Rarely seeing the two develop and become in a love type relationship.

But if you enter a relationship with attraction as the initial factor like lust and desire, finding out mutual likes and letting down your guard and hers will eventually become your best friend.

My wife is my best friend.

I've seen many couples we knew over many years come and go. Many don't have the closeness and openness that we have and live a life with a facade that's so phoney.

I had this female coworker once, asked me if my wife ever farted in front of me. I was like yeah like what's the big deal. She was like oh my I would never. That's that fake type relationships that I can't understand.

If you can't be real with your wife, then what do the two of you really have. A show for others?
 

spider705

Light skin, non ADOS Lebron hater!
BGOL Investor
Mannnnnn... Where to start

The woman I've been with off and on the past two years has earned significantly more money than me. She once told me that if she ever got down to the principle in her bank account she'd lose her mind. She doesn't work at all, is a total free spirit, and polar opposite of me.

That shit was intimidating as fuck when we started dating. Completely self made, mad talented, all money earned on her own accord. Poet, author, songwriter for a POPULAR 90s RnB group. Houses in 3 states, travels at the drop of a dime, hell she has a diamond ring that costs more than my 65k yearly salary.

My confidence in our relationship was shit at first, because I always felt any given moment she'd snap to her senses and get someone that matched her status. But she didn't... It was completely mind blowing to me that this chic saw past all my insecurities, flaws, shortcomings, etc and loved me for the man I was.

I began (finally) to look past all the things she had and focused on who she was. Once I did that I saw that all she wanted was simple: safety, security, and loyalty. Three things that money can never buy. When I gave her those things, money didn't matter, status didn't matter, where we were didn't matter, who was around didn't matter, nothing matters.

I think with relationships it's imperative to learn the person you're with. If you listen closely enough and pay attention, a woman will tell you EXACTLY how to love her.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
Mannnnnn... Where to start

The woman I've been with off and on the past two years has earned significantly more money than me. She once told me that if she ever got down to the principle in her bank account she'd lose her mind. She doesn't work at all, is a total free spirit, and polar opposite of me.

That shit was intimidating as fuck when we started dating. Completely self made, mad talented, all money earned on her own accord. Poet, author, songwriter for a POPULAR 90s RnB group. Houses in 3 states, travels at the drop of a dime, hell she has a diamond ring that costs more than my 65k yearly salary.

My confidence in our relationship was shit at first, because I always felt any given moment she'd snap to her senses and get someone that matched her status. But she didn't... It was completely mind blowing to me that this chic saw past all my insecurities, flaws, shortcomings, etc and loved me for the man I was.

I began (finally) to look past all the things she had and focused on who she was. Once I did that I saw that all she wanted was simple: safety, security, and loyalty. Three things that money can never buy. When I gave her those things, money didn't matter, status didn't matter, where we were didn't matter, who was around didn't matter, nothing matters.

I think with relationships it's imperative to learn the person you're with. If you listen closely enough and pay attention, a woman will tell you EXACTLY how to love her.

Sounds like you had to work past your own personal insecurities. Things that you has predetermined before hand. I'm guilty of that as well. I think that difficult for some guys to admit, but we do have insecurities. Some times not as "in-your-face" as we would like it to be.

I'm interested in your last statement though. I can't agree with the strong emphasis on exactly. Exact bares the burden being absolute and something like how to love some (even if they are giving you signs) doesn't always ring true, imo. But maybe I read too much into what you meant by that as well (which I have a tendency to do).

For example, you mentioned you was already doing the many things you she already wanted unbeknownst to you. I love my woman they way I see fit for myself and I treat her with respect.

My wife and I had a discussion what it mean to love each other and to no surprise to me it was different. We want for the same things, but after 13 years we still see it differently.

I can't giving everything she wants nor do I expect her to do the same. I like effort better than nothing.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
A close friend that was older than me always used to go by this saying:
"The way you enter a relationship, is the same way you'll leave"

You can't really become friends with a chick then change the dynamic later with sex. Sometimes it works, more times it will be a fuck buddy friendship. Rarely seeing the two develop and become in a love type relationship.

But if you enter a relationship with attraction as the initial factor like lust and desire, finding out mutual likes and letting down your guard and hers will eventually become your best friend.

My wife is my best friend.

I've seen many couples we knew over many years come and go. Many don't have the closeness and openness that we have and live a life with a facade that's so phoney.

I had this female coworker once, asked me if my wife ever farted in front of me. I was like yeah like what's the big deal. She was like oh my I would never. That's that fake type relationships that I can't understand.

If you can't be real with your wife, then what do the two of you really have. A show for others?

As cold as it sounds, I approach my relationship (hell, life in general) from an amoral perspective.

I want my wife to be human. To just be herself and if she struggles at times figuring that out, I will be compassionate with her. So you can say, I play a role to make her comfortable even if it's against something I believe. I know I can't be totally honest with her because I do live amorally and sometimes honesty isn't going to help anything. I have to ask myself does it really matter how I feel about something if she is entrapped in her own feeling.

I like to say I manipulate certain aspects of my relationship, but not with malicious intent. Only because I know the dynamics can become real complicated quickly, especially when emotions are involved. The other aspect are the things I know I can't control which has become increasingly easier for me to let go of the older I get.
 

spider705

Light skin, non ADOS Lebron hater!
BGOL Investor
Sounds like you had to work past your own personal insecurities. Things that you has predetermined before hand. I'm guilty of that as well. I think that difficult for some guys to admit, but we do have insecurities. Some times not as "in-your-face" as we would like it to be.

I'm interested in your last statement though. I can't agree with the strong emphasis on exactly. Exact bares the burden being absolute and something like how to love some (even if they are giving you signs) doesn't always ring true, imo. But maybe I read too much into what you meant by that as well (which I have a tendency to do).

For example, you mentioned you was already doing the many things you she already wanted unbeknownst to you. I love my woman they way I see fit for myself and I treat her with respect.

My wife and I had a discussion what it mean to love each other and to no surprise to me it was different. We want for the same things, but after 13 years we still see it differently.

I can't giving everything she wants nor do I expect her to do the same. I like effort better than nothing.

Yeah I put an emphasis on it because I'm talking about this one woman in particular. That's what she wants, those three simple things. Now that I know her, her background, her upbringing, I know why she values those things. (She grew up homeless abandoned by her mother and father passed early on in her life.) So loving her is easy because she doesn't want much. She can provide for herself, so it's the things she can't buy that she values.
 

spider705

Light skin, non ADOS Lebron hater!
BGOL Investor
I don't think anything in life is absolute, @4 Dimensional. Love surely isn't. And you're spot on in the assessment that I had to work past my own insecurities to be with her.

But for the most part when I hear people talking about relationships or decide to over relationship advice it's usually very simple stuff I'm saying because when it comes down to it, loving the right person is easy. You gotta find the one, and when you do never let it go.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
Yeah I put an emphasis on it because I'm talking about this one woman in particular. That's what she wants, those three simple things. Now that I know her, her background, her upbringing, I know why she values those things. (She grew up homeless abandoned by her mother and father passed early on in her life.) So loving her is easy because she doesn't want much. She can provide for herself, so it's the things she can't buy that she values.

Got you. Thanks for that clarification. Happy for you man. Wish yall many years of success.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
I don't think anything in life is absolute, @4 Dimensional. Love surely isn't. And you're spot on in the assessment that I had to work past my own insecurities to be with her.

But for the most part when I hear people talking about relationships or decide to over relationship advice it's usually very simple stuff I'm saying because when it comes down to it, loving the right person is easy. You gotta find the one, and when you do never let it go.

I pay a lot of attention to words and how they are used, so sometimes I have to get what you mean from it so our conversation doesn't get lost in semantics. It's just a way for me to understand what the person is talking about.

I was guilty for loving for the wrong reasons (or superficial reasons) in the past. In my mind, I thought it was the right one, but turned out to be a bad decision. I think this is what happened to simps. Kats, got to know about the game because it's tricky as fuck with no experience. I had to have my heart broken once to understand my future approaches.
 

wwetv100

Rising Star
BGOL Patreon Investor
A lot of modern construct has caused relationships to mean a different thing in this time and age from what it would mean before. The biggest thing is people believing they are strong and independent and not "needing" anyone. Well, this society is based on people needing people in all facets. It's a breakdown of community and is a cause of a lot of issues.
 

Dannyblueyes

Aka Illegal Danny
BGOL Investor
Men just have to understand that there's no such thing as an equal relationship anymore.

you have to make more than your woman and be willing and able to elevate her living situation before she will ever consider you an equal. Even then it's not guaranteed.

I mean she could be a stay-at-home wife while you go out there work a job for 20 years, save every dime, buy a beautiful house great car give her every single thing she could ever want or need. But the moment you bring it up in any way whatsoever she will come back with "oh yeah, well when you applied for that job in 1999 who made your breakfast that morning? See? If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be shit."

Afterwards every single person she knows or loves is going to hear about what an asshole you are. Her social media posts will be filled with bitchy condescending statements just in case somebody didn't hear about it. The truth will get twisted, exaggerated, and turned inside out until by the end of the week you might as well be Harvey fucking Weinstein. at that point you either come back hat in hand grovelling or be prepared to hand over the keys.

now I know a lot of the older cats are going to say they've never had to deal with that with their woman which is probably true. then again, you also have regular working stiffs living in Manhattan because they got rent control back in 1983. In other words, you have the advantage of getting an early at a time when nobody else wanted to.

For everyone else there are only four types of straight men in relationships. the ones with inherited wealth, the ones who make 6 figures and up, the ones with absolutely no ambition, and drug addicts. Guess which one of those four groups you have to belonging to be considered an equal?
 

Famous1

Rising Star
Platinum Member
This nigga contradicts himself.




Nothing wrong with women being bread winners. If she’s not winning bread in some way or another she is a liability.

Some niggas just dont want to pick up the household duties at all and want to relegate it to a gender role lol But if your woman is making more money than you and taking care of business go wash the dishes, make a meal and shit. What happened to team work? Oh its only team work when you get to do what you want to do.

My wife is not my mother she is my lover. I dont expect her to be my mommy I had one of those already.!

And to his point about women being accessories in relationships. That’s these simp ass niggas fault not the women. The women are going to cash in on any benefits these simps are giving them. When dudes start choosing women who bring more to the table than a phat ass and good pussy they’ll be doing better. Stop rewarding medicority because you thirsten for pussy witcha thirsty ass.

He trying to put men back in the same trap that’s been hurting us. Things aren’t going backwards, we have to adapt and find new ways. He’s right about men have been consistently traditional despite women earning as much as men and more.

Relationships arent dying because of this but traditional relationships are. That’s what he’s upset about.
:clap:
 

Famous1

Rising Star
Platinum Member
Men just have to understand that there's no such thing as an equal relationship anymore.

you have to make more than your woman and be willing and able to elevate her living situation before she will ever consider you an equal. Even then it's not guaranteed.

I mean she could be a stay-at-home wife while you go out there work a job for 20 years, save every dime, buy a beautiful house great car give her every single thing she could ever want or need. But the moment you bring it up in any way whatsoever she will come back with "oh yeah, well when you applied for that job in 1999 who made your breakfast that morning? See? If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be shit."

Afterwards every single person she knows or loves is going to hear about what an asshole you are. Her social media posts will be filled with bitchy condescending statements just in case somebody didn't hear about it. The truth will get twisted, exaggerated, and turned inside out until by the end of the week you might as well be Harvey fucking Weinstein. at that point you either come back hat in hand grovelling or be prepared to hand over the keys.

now I know a lot of the older cats are going to say they've never had to deal with that with their woman which is probably true. then again, you also have regular working stiffs living in Manhattan because they got rent control back in 1983. In other words, you have the advantage of getting an early at a time when nobody else wanted to.

For everyone else there are only four types of straight men in relationships. the ones with inherited wealth, the ones who make 6 figures and up, the ones with absolutely no ambition, and drug addicts. Guess which one of those four groups you have to belonging to be considered an equal?
Got damn man...that bitch stole your sole didnt she..:giggle:
 

34real

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Men need what I've been preached to about my whole life on what you need as a man and nothing else.

You need a job or a source of income that allows you to survive on your own with no help from anyone else outside of taking care of your bills,child or children and once you have established that you are free to do as you please without a woman having something hanging over your head,about this,that or anything else;You are free to leave and do and say whatever when it's your own shit that you are the master of and remain that way,don't allow her to move in or take care of you in no way shape and form and if you do something for her do it because you want to and not because you want something in return from her and most importantly BE WILLING TO WALK AWAY FROM HER FOR WHATEVER REASON because if you allow bullshit to fester it will and she will have the upper hand and that's not freedom.

Sorry for the jumble talk but its all good.
 

Dannyblueyes

Aka Illegal Danny
BGOL Investor
Got damn man...that bitch stole your sole didnt she..:giggle:

My soul was the price I paid to learn what's expected of a man in a relationship.

Since I'm not on drugs, do have ambition, make only 5 figures, and won't ever inherit real wealth. I know better than to try and even talk to another bitch. It sucks, but it's better than humiliating yourself while losing time and money that could be put to better use.
 

Famous1

Rising Star
Platinum Member
My soul was the price I paid to learn what's expected of a man in a relationship.

Since I'm not on drugs, do have ambition, make only 5 figures, and won't ever inherit real wealth. I know better than to try and even talk to another bitch. It sucks, but it's better than humiliating yourself while losing time and money that could be put to better use.
Humiliating yourself? ... damn... she cut you deeper than I thought... bitch turnt you gay..:lol::giggle:.... Musta been a sista..
 
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