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Star Wars: The Force Awakens - A Godofwine Review [Porn Inside]

godofwine

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The good - most of the movie & much of the plot - the parts they didn't creatively reuse. The bad - Harrison Ford actually has wigs worse than Donald Trump. I didn't think that was possible. The ugly - the horrid, unbelievable acting of General Hux. And the repetitive - yet ANOTHER Death Star. No spoilers.

Let's start with the ugly. If you are six foot, 160 pounds soaking wet then you've got to be convincing as a tough guy - he was not. Its not that he is a horrible actor, he just wasn't convincing in the role he played. He reminded me of a sniveling coward who most of us have seen as a boss or supervisor in our day jobs and they should not be. Between him and Kylo Ren (mask off) I'd say they tried to Jar-Jar Binks the movie. Luckily, they weren't in the movie for an extended period to ruin it as Jar-Jar did Episode 1.

Kylo Ren with mask - good, and believable, however, I thought he inspired pity more than fear from his tantrums, but at least he different from Darth Vader in that fashion. He was childish and petulant, yet believable - but he ruined it with his face, I have to say. His face didn't fit the part. Without the mask, remember the show Friends ("So no one told you life was going to be this way..." No? "We were on a break!" No? Screw it. Hulu it. It's funny). Anyway, Kylo Ren looks like he could have been Ross Geller's (David Schwimmer's) son. With the mask he was tough with it - I SAID DON'T MOVE WOMAN! - yet without the mask he couldn't sell water to a thirsty man in the desert.

The repetitive. Okay...prepare yourself for...yet another...attempt at...A Death Star. The first was Mercury. The second was Earth. Now this one will be Jupiter, each complete with a secret exploitable point that everyone knows about. Lame and lazy writing. If they are going with the super duper planetbuster go full Unicron. Why not a huge floating ship like in The Avengers - no. They go with the seen it, done it, let's do it again...wait...we already did it again? Grab Sidney Poitier and Bill Cosby, wait, not Cosby - The Staple Singers and Let's Do It Again.

The repetitive part deux: because I watched 4,5, & 6 between Thursday and Saturday, parts of the plot looked like I'd seen it before...Because I had. I feel that Hollywood dreads stepping out on something that has not been successful before so they rinse wash repeat movie plots. Supreme Leader Snoke doing the same puppeteer act with Kylo Ren that the Emperor did with Vader was Hollywood fear to step out on the new just a little bit. Give me a leader, not another spineless puppet - with this puppet having a little less spine. My story should not so closely mirror the life and times of my grandfather who lived 90 years before me, should it?

The repetitive part Tres: using the Droid as a genie in a bottle yet again. First, "Help me Obi Wan Kenobi..." Now this. Okay, there's more, but let me get to the good. I don't want to make you think I'm bashing the movie because I'm not. I liked it.

Daisy Ridley (Rey), John Boyega (Finn), and Oscar Isaac (Poe), were excellent in their roles and very believable in their acting. All looked very seasoned considering I have seen little of their work in the past. Oh how I feared another Hayden Christensen, for whom the Razzie should be permanently named, that I critique these three and found little flaw. So great casting. Their characters' aim and direction was evident and plausible. They wanted to get away, or get away and get back to (not gonna tell you), or just do what they do best.

The action, acting, fight scenes were visibly fantastic. The ambiguity of Rey's character bothered me a tiny bit because I thought that they were going to do what they did with Luke and Leia, so the fact that they went vague leaves hope that they didn't just rehash yet another storyline. Also, excellent use of The Force to hold people at bay. I liked that part. And using The Force to freeze the laser beam mid-air... Classic. And Maz, she was my favorite character in the entire movie say. Wonderfully played.

Last but not least, Han Solo's wig from the Trump Collection or at least Dolly Parton. Han Solo is still Han Solo with hair or not. We didn't need him with the same hairdo from Episode 4,5, & 6 only grayer. Even Leia changes her hair and we still recognized her. If Harrison Ford is bald, then he'd still be Han Solo.

Overall, I liked the movie, and believe even Star Wars heads will enjoy it. I tried not to predict the predictable parts, and one part definitely caught me off guard. I did not see that...at all. A little bit of bad is one character got very powerful very fast, which seemed a bit forced and not unlike Luke Skywalker in Episode 5, but at least he teained with Yoda for a while. By all means, go see it. It earned 8 of 10. I'll say it again next week to see if I missed anything but I think the 8 will hold. I've put it above the prequels by far, and just above Return of the Jedi for number three all time its cool

 
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