Posted on Male Side, just trying to get a sisters opinion.
What Should I do From A Woman's Perspective
This is the 3rd time that my wife has called the police to our home for something that I felt was not correct.
The 1st time my wife called the police a couple of years ago, whereby I felt we were both wrong. I went to jail & it has hindered employment as well as cost me money. That was in 1998 almost ten years ago. I actually had to hold her down from hitting me. Their pretense was that I was not supposed to hold her down. They took me to JAIL.
A couple of months ago my wife called the police because I threw the kid’s toys away. Me & my wife got into a disagreement about the house being in disarray & also about the children’s toys. My wife told me that “if you throw those toys away I am going to call the police” I took that as a threat. I did throw the toys away & she called the police. When the police came the felt that it was a domestic issue that did not warrant a police to be called to the house. I felt horrible so I left for about a week. I intended on staying away & leaving the relationship. I missed my children & we reconciled. We never really dealt with why she called them.
Today my wife called the police today after we had a disagreement about one of my daughters. We had talked about what school we wanted our daughter to go to, but we never came to a conclusion about what school we would send her to. I wanted her to go to a particular school & she wanted her at another. Last night I was telling my wife about how important it was for us to be good to one another because you never know if you are going to be here the next day. We are have dinner at the time. Somehow the conversation came up about School. My wife told me in front of my children that “She is not going to the school you want them to go to because she does not want to go to that school” I told my wife that it is not her choice we have to decide what school she wants to go to. I felt the argument was about her trying to align our daughter with her. Me & my wife got into an argument about the whole incident. She left the house saying “She is not going to the school you want her to go to” The reason why I was upset about it is because we did not decide together as a family. Her & my daughter talked about it & kept me “out of the loop.” I felt left out as if what I said did not have any value. This morning they were going to a function to talk to the principals & representatives that the county was having (Magnet Mania) even after we disagreed last night I told my wife that I was going to the magnet mania with her & my daughter. My wife said to me “you are not going with us” I felt again she was trying to leave me out of the decision of determining what school my daughter went to. I told my wife “If that is the case she cannot go’ I physically got my daughter & told her that she could not go. My wife went outside & called the police on me again. Again the police told me there was nothing they could as to no crime or potential crime as they saw it was committed.
In Conclusion, I feel a ton of feelings. The most important feeling is disrespect as a father. I feel she uses the police as her “Trump Card”. She said to me the 2nd time after we made up. “ I felt calling the police worked because I got you to leave” I feel she mimics victim behavior, as a sort of adaptive tool to get leverage when the police came to the house. The way that she acts is almost like a show to me. She exaggerates the situation when the police arrive. It is almost comical. The sad thing about it is that my girls are watching the show.
If she is calling the police on me like that, it only takes one stupid cop to come to my house & I am screwed. They could make up anything or say anything. I guess what I am saying is how can any black woman call the police on any black man for something as trivial as that. I feel she cannot tell me what to do, so she is getting the white man (system) to control me. I know there are tons of men in relationships who “go along to get along” at the expense of not having a word in how their children are being raised. Many of these guys get married & become a shell of a man. If I am to be with my wife & children I would like to think that we are going to make important decisions together.
The damage that this does to my two children has to be great. A friend of mine told me today how torn he was when something similar happened to his family when he was a young man. His mom wanted him to do one thing his father wanted another & he could only stand in one place and cry. He said to me that incident still haunts him to this day. The message that this sends to my two girls is when you disagree with daddy call the police!
For the sake of my sanity, safety and to keep level of respect that my children have for me now, I think I have to leave.
2nd Comment on Board
I cannot say how very thankful I am for all of the advice. I have to be gone for about a week working, however that gives me time to step back & think very clearly before I make my next move. Believe me I have read everything everyone has said at least three times. I will let you guys know how everything turns out. Let me say this, at least to give a clear picture. We do not really argue & have very little problems. I have to honestly say, she is not a total bitch. She does take good care of my children, cooks, but does not clean. I am not taking up for her, but as they say there is always two sides to every story. One thing is a fact for sure. 2nd & 3rd times the Police were Like GTF outta Here!!
When my partner told me that when he was young his mother & dad had him caught in the middle & all he could do was just be stand in one place be still & cry, this man is 59 years old & it still haunts him to this day. All I could do is think about my children. It does not matter who is right or wrong at that point, we cannot live like that as decent people.
3rd Comment on Board
For you guys that say you must have done something, Look Niccas, They have been coming to my house & shrugging their shoulders like " We cannot decide for you two what you guys should decide" I feel she uses the police as her “Trump Card”. She said to me the 2nd time after we made up. “ I felt calling the police worked because I got you to leave” I feel she mimics victim behavior, as a sort of adaptive tool to make up for her leverage when the police came to the house. The way that she acts is almost like a show to me. She exaggerates the situation when the police arrive. It is almost comical. The sad thing about it is that my girls are watching the show. The police being called to my house I cannot take lightly. Every thing is at risk for me, Freedom, Earning Potential, etc... The list goes on. IF I GET LOCKED UP OVER SOME BULLSHIT, I WILL BE SITTING IN JAIL SAYING, I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TOOK THE ADVICE OF "To Stay" It is Simple I have to leave because by leaving I can at least control me keeping my freedom. I know very few brothers on BGOL counsel, but It does not take a rocket scientist to know that I am at risk of my freedom to stay. Just as another person said, In jail I could get a murder charge or some shit. I feel almost a .05% chance of getting counsel, but that is almost nill. AS for now, when I get back from my trip next week, I gotta file for divorce, take care of the current bills, & Move! Just like someone said " save my self first so I can be there for my daughters" NO CHOICE
What Should I do From A Woman's Perspective
This is the 3rd time that my wife has called the police to our home for something that I felt was not correct.
The 1st time my wife called the police a couple of years ago, whereby I felt we were both wrong. I went to jail & it has hindered employment as well as cost me money. That was in 1998 almost ten years ago. I actually had to hold her down from hitting me. Their pretense was that I was not supposed to hold her down. They took me to JAIL.
A couple of months ago my wife called the police because I threw the kid’s toys away. Me & my wife got into a disagreement about the house being in disarray & also about the children’s toys. My wife told me that “if you throw those toys away I am going to call the police” I took that as a threat. I did throw the toys away & she called the police. When the police came the felt that it was a domestic issue that did not warrant a police to be called to the house. I felt horrible so I left for about a week. I intended on staying away & leaving the relationship. I missed my children & we reconciled. We never really dealt with why she called them.
Today my wife called the police today after we had a disagreement about one of my daughters. We had talked about what school we wanted our daughter to go to, but we never came to a conclusion about what school we would send her to. I wanted her to go to a particular school & she wanted her at another. Last night I was telling my wife about how important it was for us to be good to one another because you never know if you are going to be here the next day. We are have dinner at the time. Somehow the conversation came up about School. My wife told me in front of my children that “She is not going to the school you want them to go to because she does not want to go to that school” I told my wife that it is not her choice we have to decide what school she wants to go to. I felt the argument was about her trying to align our daughter with her. Me & my wife got into an argument about the whole incident. She left the house saying “She is not going to the school you want her to go to” The reason why I was upset about it is because we did not decide together as a family. Her & my daughter talked about it & kept me “out of the loop.” I felt left out as if what I said did not have any value. This morning they were going to a function to talk to the principals & representatives that the county was having (Magnet Mania) even after we disagreed last night I told my wife that I was going to the magnet mania with her & my daughter. My wife said to me “you are not going with us” I felt again she was trying to leave me out of the decision of determining what school my daughter went to. I told my wife “If that is the case she cannot go’ I physically got my daughter & told her that she could not go. My wife went outside & called the police on me again. Again the police told me there was nothing they could as to no crime or potential crime as they saw it was committed.
In Conclusion, I feel a ton of feelings. The most important feeling is disrespect as a father. I feel she uses the police as her “Trump Card”. She said to me the 2nd time after we made up. “ I felt calling the police worked because I got you to leave” I feel she mimics victim behavior, as a sort of adaptive tool to get leverage when the police came to the house. The way that she acts is almost like a show to me. She exaggerates the situation when the police arrive. It is almost comical. The sad thing about it is that my girls are watching the show.
If she is calling the police on me like that, it only takes one stupid cop to come to my house & I am screwed. They could make up anything or say anything. I guess what I am saying is how can any black woman call the police on any black man for something as trivial as that. I feel she cannot tell me what to do, so she is getting the white man (system) to control me. I know there are tons of men in relationships who “go along to get along” at the expense of not having a word in how their children are being raised. Many of these guys get married & become a shell of a man. If I am to be with my wife & children I would like to think that we are going to make important decisions together.
The damage that this does to my two children has to be great. A friend of mine told me today how torn he was when something similar happened to his family when he was a young man. His mom wanted him to do one thing his father wanted another & he could only stand in one place and cry. He said to me that incident still haunts him to this day. The message that this sends to my two girls is when you disagree with daddy call the police!
For the sake of my sanity, safety and to keep level of respect that my children have for me now, I think I have to leave.
2nd Comment on Board
I cannot say how very thankful I am for all of the advice. I have to be gone for about a week working, however that gives me time to step back & think very clearly before I make my next move. Believe me I have read everything everyone has said at least three times. I will let you guys know how everything turns out. Let me say this, at least to give a clear picture. We do not really argue & have very little problems. I have to honestly say, she is not a total bitch. She does take good care of my children, cooks, but does not clean. I am not taking up for her, but as they say there is always two sides to every story. One thing is a fact for sure. 2nd & 3rd times the Police were Like GTF outta Here!!
When my partner told me that when he was young his mother & dad had him caught in the middle & all he could do was just be stand in one place be still & cry, this man is 59 years old & it still haunts him to this day. All I could do is think about my children. It does not matter who is right or wrong at that point, we cannot live like that as decent people.
3rd Comment on Board
For you guys that say you must have done something, Look Niccas, They have been coming to my house & shrugging their shoulders like " We cannot decide for you two what you guys should decide" I feel she uses the police as her “Trump Card”. She said to me the 2nd time after we made up. “ I felt calling the police worked because I got you to leave” I feel she mimics victim behavior, as a sort of adaptive tool to make up for her leverage when the police came to the house. The way that she acts is almost like a show to me. She exaggerates the situation when the police arrive. It is almost comical. The sad thing about it is that my girls are watching the show. The police being called to my house I cannot take lightly. Every thing is at risk for me, Freedom, Earning Potential, etc... The list goes on. IF I GET LOCKED UP OVER SOME BULLSHIT, I WILL BE SITTING IN JAIL SAYING, I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TOOK THE ADVICE OF "To Stay" It is Simple I have to leave because by leaving I can at least control me keeping my freedom. I know very few brothers on BGOL counsel, but It does not take a rocket scientist to know that I am at risk of my freedom to stay. Just as another person said, In jail I could get a murder charge or some shit. I feel almost a .05% chance of getting counsel, but that is almost nill. AS for now, when I get back from my trip next week, I gotta file for divorce, take care of the current bills, & Move! Just like someone said " save my self first so I can be there for my daughters" NO CHOICE
