58 life done beat the shit out of me. Sacrificed my whole life for the fam 8 kids 5 boys 3 girls. All they talk about is when I die the house this and that. One son played NFL ball one played Hockey but they are building their family and cant help at all. One son said I will help fix up the house if I put him on the deed. I always had the most potential. MBA. Service connected disabled vet owned LLC. Agent for a trucking Brokerage. Own a notary service, 501c3 non profit. But I can't get shit to equate to finance. Really tired. Don't know what to do. Should be pulling this trigger but I am failing at that. Not looking for sympathy just an old tired man. I feel like I have failed as a father a son a brother and a husband.
I've reread this post several times. Still not sure I understand.
Are you really trying to die over a broke down house, some disrespectful kids, and a business that doesn't make as much as you thought it would?
First of all we just came out of a goddamn global pandemic yesterday. Unless your name is Bezos nobody's business is making the money they expected. You're doing great just keeping the doors open.
As for your kids, like I said before, anybody who talks about what they're going to get from you after the dirt nap is beyond disrespectful. Especially when they're talking about being put on the deed for replacing a hot water heater or whatever.
Take out a second mortgage and hire a restoration company to fix things up. Spend the rest of your life paying back the absolute minimum. That way when you are ready to pass on the house it's got a shit ton of debt attached to it. They want the house so bad? Let them pay for it then.
Were you being literal when you were talking about "failing to pull the trigger?" If so I got to ask, why do you even have a gun in the first place?
Have you had to pull it out on an intruder? More than once? If so maybe it's time to move. If not maybe it's time to reconsider whether you actually need it.
Finally, I'm not going to make any personal assumptions, but everything you posted sounds white as fuck. Like your final meal would be pierogies, freshly squeezed orange juice, and a side of sour cream salad. Maybe you have The Doors "this is the end" playing in the background while the TV shows Major Dad reruns on mute.
Is that how you want people to find you?
I can't lie. Felt the same way you do many, many, way too many goddamn times. One thing that helps me through it is to play the following song. It's soft, subtle, and the biggest middle finger that you can hold up against the world and everything it throws your way.
Enjoy!