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Contemplating suicide

Helico-pterFunk

Rising Star
BGOL Legend
Request a med reconciliation, so they can go over past and present medicines.

If you have another insurance call the case management department and request another med reconciliation.

Good point. One of our clients at work is going through something similar. They were not doing so well - been in hosp’ this month and gradually taken off all meds for a “reset” of sorts before their med admin regime is reconfigured over time.
 

Dannyblueyes

Aka Illegal Danny
BGOL Investor
I wonder how many other people are going through the same thing, but are too afraid and embarrassed to disclose it.
By the age of 58 I can guarantee that everybody on this board has gone through something similar at some point.

If you haven't then I can only assume that you just woke out of a coma and ran out to the polls trying to re-elect president Clinton.
 

Dannyblueyes

Aka Illegal Danny
BGOL Investor
Good point. One of our clients at work is going through something similar. They were not doing so well - been in hosp’ this month and taken off all meds for a “reset” of sorts before their med admin regime is reconfigured over time.
See, this is a part I don't understand.

I've had many MANY, people tell me that I should be on meds for one reason or another. When I look into it though the doctor always says the same thing.

"We'll start you on this one pill, if you start twitching, drooling, or hearing voices will give you a second pill to deal with the side effects. Then when the second pill gives you side effects we got a third pill that will help you handle that. If it sounds confusing we have this convenient pill box with all the days of the week stamped on it to help you keep track".

If that wasn't stupid enough, now you're telling me that these patients have to go through a hospital monitored "reset" to get off all the old pills and prepare for new pills that actually might work.

If a mechanic told you something like that would you let him bring a wrench anywhere near your car?

So why would you let a doctor do that to your brain and body chemistry?

I've seen way too many friends and family members go through this process. At best they wind up marginally happier than they were before. At worst they jump in front of a train.
 

Helico-pterFunk

Rising Star
BGOL Legend
See, this is a part I don't understand.

I've had many MANY, people tell me that I should be on meds for one reason or another. When I look into it though the doctor always says the same thing.

"We'll start you on this one pill, if you start twitching, drooling, or hearing voices will give you a second pill to deal with the side effects. Then when the second pill gives you side effects we got a third pill that will help you handle that. If it sounds confusing we have this convenient pill box with all the days of the week stamped on it to help you keep track".

If that wasn't stupid enough, now you're telling me that these patients have to go through a hospital monitored "reset" to get off all the old pills and prepare for new pills that actually might work.

If a mechanic told you something like that would you let him bring a wrench anywhere near your car?

So why would you let a doctor do that to your brain and body chemistry?

I've seen way too many friends and family members go through this process. At best they wind up marginally happier than they were before. At worst they jump in front of a train.

It’s definitely frustrating and an eye opener. I talked with the manager a few months ago about the person needing an additional level of care. Their health challenges were becoming more and more frequent. The “reset” in that they were undoubtedly on too many meds to begin with (hospital correcting their primary care doctor). And like you said ... side effects, etc. I just hope their eventual next level of care is more beneficial to them. Fortunately no major injuries from all their falls due to anxiety, etc.
 

Dannyblueyes

Aka Illegal Danny
BGOL Investor
It’s definitely frustrating and an eye opener. I talked with the manager a few months ago about the person needing an additional level of care. Their health challenges were becoming more and more frequent. The “reset” in that they were undoubtedly on too many meds to begin with (hospital correcting their primary care doctor). And like you said ... side effects, etc. I just hope their eventual next level of care is more beneficial to them. Fortunately no major injuries from all their falls due to anxiety, etc.
SMH, I don't know why primary care doctors are able to prescribe mental medication in the first place.

When our daughter died my wife felt so overwhelmed she went to the ER. The doctor gave her a prescription for Ativan.

Problem is, he didn't know that she had a drinking problem and was already taking narcos to deal with the pain of sickle cell. In fact, he didn't look into her medical history at all. Didn't even ask;

I don't need to tell you what mixing opiates, benzos, and alcohol does.

To make things worse, a few weeks later she saw another physician that replaced her Ativan with a zoloft. If he had done his homework he would have realized that she still had an Ativan refill left.

She took all of those pills with a vodka chaser and ended up falling down the stairs. A couple months later she overdosed and died.

The worst part is that unless you take the medication exactly as directed (which nobody ever does) the doctors can't be held liable. So now they're free to make the same bad decisions and fuck up somebody else's life.

I'm not a scientologist, but sometimes I wonder if they have a point about the mental health industry.
 

Helico-pterFunk

Rising Star
BGOL Legend
SMH, I don't know why primary care doctors are able to prescribe mental medication in the first place.

When our daughter died my wife felt so overwhelmed she went to the ER. The doctor gave her a prescription for Ativan.

Problem is, he didn't know that she had a drinking problem and was already taking narcos to deal with the pain of sickle cell. In fact, he didn't look into her medical history at all. Didn't even ask;

I don't need to tell you what mixing opiates, benzos, and alcohol does.

To make things worse, a few weeks later she saw another physician that replaced her Ativan with a zoloft. If he had done his homework he would have realized that she still had an Ativan refill left.

She took all of those pills with a vodka chaser and ended up falling down the stairs. A couple months later she overdosed and died.

The worst part is that unless you take the medication exactly as directed (which nobody ever does) the doctors can't be held liable. So now they're free to make the same bad decisions and fuck up somebody else's life.

I'm not a scientologist, but sometimes I wonder if they have a point about the mental health industry.

Condolences, man. Both daughter and wife.

Agreed re: medications exactly as prescribed. I don’t miss being in places with 3 - 5 times the number of people. There were just too many people coming and going, and of course drugs and alcohol as well. Environment I’m in now is safer with less people and no one potentially interfering with their med admins. Older population too. Alot of it too is more about routines and consistency. Creating a safe environment with stability. Making sure people are sleeping adequately, and staying hydrated, exercising, eating a balanced diet and being motivated with activities and hobbies.

Coworkers have noted they get frustrated when members are seen by health care teams for say 15 - 30 mins. The doc then makes decisions, etc. Our staff are more in tune as we are around people 24-7, 365. We are staffed around the clock. Also, we advocate for people when they can’t articulate it for themselves. Similar to someone advocating for a parent or grandparent at a medical appt. ... work with us, doctors ... and we can tell you exactly how the person has been managing for years. We see them more than just 15 - 30 mins every few months!
 

Mrfreddygoodbud

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
wait... hol UP tho..

is this the infamous billyslowhands, aka repostking and fifty thousand other screen names.. LOL..

If this repostking... BRUH :lol:

Dr Truth better run fo cover because if is repostking,

he about to get stalk trolled to death...:roflmao:
 

Louis Koo

Star
BGOL Investor
If u reach out for help, they'll throw u in a psych ward and force ECT on you. Better to take a breather and reassess.
 

TRUFICTION

SINCE 1998
BGOL Investor
My Brother, I did this show earlier this year because of the loss of a dear friend and business associate due to suicide.
I have only a few things to say outside of this video.
#1 Don't underestimate your legacy and work.
#2 Just because things don't go the way WE believe they should or when we think they should
does not mean they aren't going the way they are supposed too and that the payoff isn't on the way.
There have been plenty of times in my life that I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it
and later realized that It wasn't time for me to have them/that
and what happened next was better than what I wanted in the first place.
#3 Seek counseling or at the very least a mentor or someone who will help to keep you on your square.
Yes...At 58 you can use a mentor. I'm 57 and have a few myself. Seek peace and stop measuring yourself by what other say or do.
find your peace within yourself and all you have accomplished. Give yourself a Chance. Its not over till it is.

 

REDLINE

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
If u reach out for help, they'll throw u in a psych ward and force ECT on you. Better to take a breather and reassess.
And if you don't reach out for help or get help they'll throw you in a coffin, those are the choices.
 
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PJN

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Somewhere there’s a handicap person, a person with terminal cancer that wish they was in your position to be able to live. You have life, you have family, you have a roof over your head, that is doing better than a lot of people. Be proud of what you have and not all the things you don’t. The fact you woke up today there’s thousands of people in the world that wasn’t able to say the same thing
I feel you on that but that doesn't negate how he's feeling, how family is making him feel. He needs help and he needs it now! The fact that he can't pull the trigger most likely means he wants to live. I just hope OP finds the strength to get help. Suicide is not the answer, let the rest of your life be enjoyable, you've accomplished a lot to be proud of.
 

PJN

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
SMH, I don't know why primary care doctors are able to prescribe mental medication in the first place.

When our daughter died my wife felt so overwhelmed she went to the ER. The doctor gave her a prescription for Ativan.

Problem is, he didn't know that she had a drinking problem and was already taking narcos to deal with the pain of sickle cell. In fact, he didn't look into her medical history at all. Didn't even ask;

I don't need to tell you what mixing opiates, benzos, and alcohol does.

To make things worse, a few weeks later she saw another physician that replaced her Ativan with a zoloft. If he had done his homework he would have realized that she still had an Ativan refill left.

She took all of those pills with a vodka chaser and ended up falling down the stairs. A couple months later she overdosed and died.

The worst part is that unless you take the medication exactly as directed (which nobody ever does) the doctors can't be held liable. So now they're free to make the same bad decisions and fuck up somebody else's life.

I'm not a scientologist, but sometimes I wonder if they have a point about the mental health industry.
Condolences bruh, that's tough but you're still living! :cool:
 

sharkbait28

Unionize & Prepare For Automation
International Member
Read up to and liked every post for the first two pages then came up on this update:


Wow. Thank You ALL. I am reading after the fact. I wrote the message and was sitting in my car. minding My business just staring out the windshield. Someone called the police. a Black female officer was on my side with her hand on her weapon her partner a White boy had his gun drawn my gun was on my lap. The female tapped on my window and I let it down a little bit. she asked what's the problem. I said just tired of living this shitty existence. I thought I could chump out and get them to do it. I picked up my gun and the white boy dropped to his knees and so did the female and started praying. :eek2: the female got up opened my door grabbed my hand and pulled me out and hugged me then the white boy came over and said I love you man go home. :eek2:. I read every word yall posted and I cant argue that what I posted is fucked up but at the moment that's where I was. I have always been told I have a purpose, cheated death a few times. Just tired for real but I am off the ledge.
Nigga where they do that at? You live in America?! Now I’m wondering if this is some Billy Slowhands type shit lmao.

If you’re being sincere, I’ve got no better advice for you than the advice my brothers have given so far. Stay up and bless you fr my dude! Do NOT give up. Every single day is a new opportunity to transform your life and you can touch so many lives with your unique gifts.

If you’re trolling, imma find you on some Liam Neeson shit :lol:
 

Mr.Mojo

Crypto Moon Rocker
BGOL Investor
Read up to and liked every post for the first two pages then came up on this update:




Nigga where they do that at? You live in America?! Now I’m wondering if this is some Billy Slowhands type shit lmao.

If you’re being sincere, I’ve got no better advice for you than the advice my brothers have given so far. Stay up and bless you fr my dude! Do NOT give up. Every single day is a new opportunity to transform your life and you can touch so many lives with your unique gifts.

If you’re trolling, imma find you on some Liam Neeson shit :lol:

Can't lie..I said the same thing.them cops woulda swiss cheesed his ass.

:dunno:
 

BlackGoku

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
58 life done beat the shit out of me. Sacrificed my whole life for the fam 8 kids 5 boys 3 girls. All they talk about is when I die the house this and that. One son played NFL ball one played Hockey but they are building their family and cant help at all. One son said I will help fix up the house if I put him on the deed. I always had the most potential. MBA. Service connected disabled vet owned LLC. Agent for a trucking Brokerage. Own a notary service, 501c3 non profit. But I can't get shit to equate to finance. Really tired. Don't know what to do. Should be pulling this trigger but I am failing at that. Not looking for sympathy just an old tired man. I feel like I have failed as a father a son a brother and a husband.
I'm in therapy right now myself bruh and all i can say is it helps talking to someone other than listening to the voices in your head or self doubt...if you need to talk to someone, i will dm you my number, its no trouble at all and no embarassment, im not a professional but i can get you to someone that is..
 

COINTELPRO

United States Detainee
Registered
I would move reset your environment, this can help greatly. We weren't meant to camp out at one spot. Depression is your body's mechanism to conserve energy. Most people experience depression during the winter months when food is less available. Anytime, your calories are restricted where you feel limited, a person will experience depression.

This could be off biologically, requiring medication or resetting your environment somewhere else. Depression is a naturally part of the aging process, your dopamine receptors are depleted, you can see this with drug addicts. Your environment is not stimulating enough, interacting with retards depresses me. Where a youngling is bouncing around acting all excited because it is new to them.




I am depressed being in this town/country, I should be setting up my business, instead I am fighting losers in the U.S.. I need this type of job to leave the U.S. with dignity.

Fools messing with my job search behind my back. Constant scams/theft from lazy pieces of shit like bankster and gay men chasing me around, it is never women. What am I going to do with another homosexual man staring at me?
 
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blaze

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Wow. Thank You ALL. I am reading after the fact. I wrote the message and was sitting in my car. minding My business just staring out the windshield. Someone called the police. a Black female officer was on my side with her hand on her weapon her partner a White boy had his gun drawn my gun was on my lap. The female tapped on my window and I let it down a little bit. she asked what's the problem. I said just tired of living this shitty existence. I thought I could chump out and get them to do it. I picked up my gun and the white boy dropped to his knees and so did the female and started praying. :eek2: the female got up opened my door grabbed my hand and pulled me out and hugged me then the white boy came over and said I love you man go home. :eek2:. I read every word yall posted and I cant argue that what I posted is fucked up but at the moment that's where I was. I have always been told I have a purpose, cheated death a few times. Just tired for real but I am off the ledge.
Real talk, you got a brotha wellin' up over here.
 

Dannyblueyes

Aka Illegal Danny
BGOL Investor
Condolences bruh, that's tough but you're still living! :cool:
Thank you for that.

The day after she died I was sitting there in the apartment smoking a joint, listening to her favorite songs and crying my eyes out.

All of a sudden something inside me snapped! I turned off the music, stopped crying and I haven't been able to since. Spent the rest of the day writing a short story for Godofwine's contest.

She always said that if she died first I would turn into a wreck, maybe even start drinking again. For years after I kept waiting for this big wave of grief to wash over me. Thinking one day I would wake up so broken that I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. It's been almost 10 years and it still hasn't happened.

When I think about her now all that comes to mind is all of the bad things we did to each other. Like the time I got arrested on New Year's Eve and never called because I didn't want to go back home. That's how bad our fights were.

Only time I really miss her is when I'm DJing a party for a room full of black people. I'll throw down "never too much" and "before I let go" back to back and point up to the sky. At that point I'm not playing for the crowd anymore. I'm playing for her.

Her birthday and her death day pass every year without me even thinking about it unless someone else brings it up. Sometimes it feels like the whole marriage happened to someone else.

I'm not even sure why. Maybe her death hit so hard that I couldn't feel it anymore or maybe I'm a sociopath.

All I know is that I've never been married or lived common law with another woman since and I never will! I'm beyond tired of that shit.

At the end of the day all relationships end in one of two ways. Both of them are horrible and tragic. So enjoy your lady while you have her. Even when she pisses you off. Because one day you're going to wake up and she's not going to be there.
 

PJN

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Thank you for that.

The day after she died I was sitting there in the apartment smoking a joint, listening to her favorite songs and crying my eyes out.

All of a sudden something inside me snapped! I turned off the music, stopped crying and I haven't been able to since. Spent the rest of the day writing a short story for Godofwine's contest.

She always said that if she died first I would turn into a wreck, maybe even start drinking again. For years after I kept waiting for this big wave of grief to wash over me. Thinking one day I would wake up so broken that I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. It's been almost 10 years and it still hasn't happened.

When I think about her now all that comes to mind is all of the bad things we did to each other. Like the time I got arrested on New Year's Eve and never called because I didn't want to go back home. That's how bad our fights were.

Only time I really miss her is when I'm DJing a party for a room full of black people. I'll throw down "never too much" and "before I let go" back to back and point up to the sky. At that point I'm not playing for the crowd anymore. I'm playing for her.

Her birthday and her death day pass every year without me even thinking about it unless someone else brings it up. Sometimes it feels like the whole marriage happened to someone else.

I'm not even sure why. Maybe her death hit so hard that I couldn't feel it anymore or maybe I'm a sociopath.

All I know is that I've never been married or lived common law with another woman since and I never will! I'm beyond tired of that shit.

At the end of the day all relationships end in one of two ways. Both of them are horrible and tragic. So enjoy your lady while you have her. Even when she pisses you off. Because one day you're going to wake up and she's not going to be there.
We all process grief differently, so far as it's in a healthy way. Again my condolences.
 

bxclark

Rising Star
Platinum Member
Life is hard brother, but please hang in there. My mother died at 58 about 4 years ago, wish she was still here. Wasn't even married for 2 years, but my divorce has lasted a year so far with no end in sight!! Bitch is trying to take as much as she can!!! Life is hard out here man. Something has to make you happy. Whatever it is, seek it out and do it as often as possible.
Sorry to hear about the divorce, bro. Stay up.
 

dinka64

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Read up to and liked every post for the first two pages then came up on this update:




Nigga where they do that at? You live in America?! Now I’m wondering if this is some Billy Slowhands type shit lmao.

If you’re being sincere, I’ve got no better advice for you than the advice my brothers have given so far. Stay up and bless you fr my dude! Do NOT give up. Every single day is a new opportunity to transform your life and you can touch so many lives with your unique gifts.

If you’re trolling, imma find you on some Liam Neeson shit :lol:
Thank you for that.

The day after she died I was sitting there in the apartment smoking a joint, listening to her favorite songs and crying my eyes out.

All of a sudden something inside me snapped! I turned off the music, stopped crying and I haven't been able to since. Spent the rest of the day writing a short story for Godofwine's contest.

She always said that if she died first I would turn into a wreck, maybe even start drinking again. For years after I kept waiting for this big wave of grief to wash over me. Thinking one day I would wake up so broken that I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. It's been almost 10 years and it still hasn't happened.

When I think about her now all that comes to mind is all of the bad things we did to each other. Like the time I got arrested on New Year's Eve and never called because I didn't want to go back home. That's how bad our fights were.

Only time I really miss her is when I'm DJing a party for a room full of black people. I'll throw down "never too much" and "before I let go" back to back and point up to the sky. At that point I'm not playing for the crowd anymore. I'm playing for her.

Her birthday and her death day pass every year without me even thinking about it unless someone else brings it up. Sometimes it feels like the whole marriage happened to someone else.

I'm not even sure why. Maybe her death hit so hard that I couldn't feel it anymore or maybe I'm a sociopath.

All I know is that I've never been married or lived common law with another woman since and I never will! I'm beyond tired of that shit.

At the end of the day all relationships end in one of two ways. Both of them are horrible and tragic. So enjoy your lady while you have her. Even when she pisses you off. Because one day you're going to wake up and she's not going to be there.
Condolences my Brother.
 

jdubbs

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Man, hope everyone stay up and get the help they need. Love this group...everyone goes through it, and at times I feel it's only us that can relate to each other. Yall stories throughout the years have definitely kept me inspired and rational at times when I want to spazz out on people.
 

babygwirl18

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Brother, you haven’t failed at anything. Listening to your story, you raised a bunch of kids who are grown and productive members of society. That’s a huge accomplishment in this country, for a Black man.

It also sounds like many of your kids had success in life, that’s in part due to you.

Don’t fall for the okie doke. Most Black people your age are in a similar position, struggling financially because they are no longer in their earning prime, and dealing with the complexities of navigating adult relationships with their children.

Our people have overcome much more, and we are here as a direct result of them dealing with life pressures. You can deal with them too, it’s in your dna.

Sounds to me like you need to talk with a professional to get help seeing that things aren’t nearly as bad as you think they are.
 

LordSinister

One Punch Mayne
Super Moderator
You raised kids that were successful bro. That's meaningful. At leat your kids are out of the house. Mine are fucking boomerangs.
On this note, we took my 36 year old son to the hospital yesterday for chest pains he had been having. Turned out, he was having and had a heart attack. The Widow maker kind with the 6% survival rate. He pulled through, but he has decreased capacity on the left side of his heart. (25%)

He's not overweight (6 feet about 165/175) but he does smoke. He waited days before he went in. Please brothers, take the time to get checked out.

I was joking about him living with me, but as a dad. I have to step up and help him, just like I had to help my own father.

Sometimes that's the role we have to play. I'm glad I didn't end myself when I was depressed in my 20's. Now I can be here for the people I love that need me.
 

dinka64

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
On this note, we took my 36 year old son to the hospital yesterday for chest pains he had been having. Turned out, he was having and had a heart attack. The Widow maker kind with the 6% survival rate. He pulled through, but he has decreased capacity on the left side of his heart. (25%)

He's not overweight (6 feet about 165/175) but he does smoke. He waited days before he went in. Please brothers, take the time to get checked out.

I was joking about him living with me, but as a dad. I have to step up and help him, just like I had to help my own father.

Sometimes that's the role we have to play. I'm glad I didn't end myself when I was depressed in my 20's. Now I can be here for the people I love that need me.
Real Talk
 

bxclark

Rising Star
Platinum Member
Big Bro.... Come on thru this weekend, Imma put this Brisket on this Kamado Joe I just bought. I know you are a little strapped for loot right now, so just bring a good attitude and an appetite. O yeah, you aint takin no food back to those ungrateful azz ki
On this note, we took my 36 year old son to the hospital yesterday for chest pains he had been having. Turned out, he was having and had a heart attack. The Widow maker kind with the 6% survival rate. He pulled through, but he has decreased capacity on the left side of his heart. (25%)

He's not overweight (6 feet about 165/175) but he does smoke. He waited days before he went in. Please brothers, take the time to get checked out.

I was joking about him living with me, but as a dad. I have to step up and help him, just like I had to help my own father.

Sometimes that's the role we have to play. I'm glad I didn't end myself when I was depressed in my 20's. Now I can be here for the people I love that need me.
Thank you for sharing that, bro. My father said something very similar when I went through my shit earlier his year. Essentially, that he was glad that he was there to help me.

I am very happy your son made it through that, man. It is amazing that he made it, considering the odds. He is blessed to be alive and to have you.

It's really great to hear these real stories, from real men, bro. It's threads like this that show the maturation of BGOL.
 
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