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Contemplating suicide

The Plutonian

The Anti Bullshitter
BGOL Investor
Fa real this Board have some of the most intelligent people on it and a plethora of information.
Not going to rehash everyone here but to you, my fellow vet I am here. I talked with my doc today and I have an idea of what you are going through. If you need to talk, pm me the number and we can chop it up. There’s a lot of good people on this board. Let me know. A lot of us have been there.
 

donwuan

The Legend
BGOL Investor
Suicide is not about what's going on in your life. It's depression. It's not about money, houses, cars, or family. It's an illness. No one is immune to the trials and tribulations of life. I don't think about suicide but I damn sure sit around in this big ass house, looking at these cars, the wife's phat ass, and got money with nothing to even spend it on, and say is this it? Stay up homie. We blessed to make it this far. This material shit is just something to past the time.
 

jack walsh13

Jack Walsh 13
BGOL Investor
I've been there before. Went so far as to contemplating whether to put the gun to the temple or in my mouth, hell I even practiced it. Only thing I can tell you is that it we'll get better. Not perfect by any means, but better.
I think about all the stuff I might have missed out on had I proceeded with it. It's difficult to do, but find something to live for, shit even if it's just your favorite sports team possibly winning the Superbowl (punk azz 49ers blowing leads late), a favorite sitcom, a new place to visit, new food to eat. Plenty of life out there to discover and potentially enjoy.

I listen to this song a lot, and it does help....



Pulling for you Brother.
Damn man. Glad you worked your way through that.
 

cocobeauty

Rising Star
Super Moderator
Man fuck them kids.
Sell the house, buy a camper van and ride off into the sunset and live a simple life.
thank you for saying it.

You can love their ungrateful ass from a distance.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!
I was going to keep quiet, but when I saw this I was high fiving the air. Kids can become ungrateful and will drain the fuck out of you if you allow them. I have told mine, I have given you a good life, taught you the skills to survive, and now I am going to live mine.

Don't get me wrong, I will help them where I can IF I CHOSE TO, but I'm no longer stopping life to cater to anyone but myself. I love my grandkids, but I will get them when I feel like it.

At 58 enjoy your life and as they said above FUCK THEM KIDS!

Hang in there, life can be rough, but there is a bright side to it also. Find at least one thing daily to be grateful for.
 
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Ninja05

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
I thought about it a few times. Even had a pistol in my hand once. I won’t give me life story but reached my zenith too quickly and was not prepared with deep depression. Money isn’t everything, I can’t explain how it feels to get the money/status and realize that I’m just a high paid cog in the wheel making money for other muthafuckas.

I moved back home to Oakland and downsized with wifey and my daughter. I realized to learning to be comfortable in my own skin. Fuck the status man.

I started counseling and starting realizing that
My depression was hereditary. Never saw it with my dad when we were young.

Now, as we speak, I’m chilling with my Dad and Uncle in Clear Lake with an edible and Brown Estate Westside Zinfy (support Black Businesses gents). We are embracing our faults, enjoying life for what it is, but realizing me at 38 and pops at 75 still have some work to do.

Moral of the story. We aren’t we’re we envisioned, but we are still here and will support each other until the end.

My two cents. I love this forum and appreciate y’all brothas. Shit man, the housing bubble thread helped me through this house sale. We got a spot while still trying to sell on ATL. Flying back tomorrow to sign the closing papers on our sale, full asking.

The downs can be plentiful. But so are the blessings. Herb is kicking in so I’m out.
 
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Kemo07

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
To you it seems like the obstacles are insurmountable. You have adult children what they became is not on you solely. They are contributing to your mental state. You are in crisis and it’s important to acknowledge that and reach out to a professional that can help you get through this. You’re young and still have a lot of life left ahead of you. Don’t cut it short before your next triumph. You want to live to tell people about this one because it can surely save others.
 

crazyace718

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Bruh trust me. You have it very good. Don't be fooled there are some really downtrodden people on this board. Niggas that can't afford cars. Get no pussy. And definitely a couple of homeless niggas. Whatever you're going through can be worse. There's time to fix whatever issues are hindering you. We only get one chance at life so make the best of it.
 

mrdiego2020

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
58 life done beat the shit out of me. Sacrificed my whole life for the fam 8 kids 5 boys 3 girls. All they talk about is when I die the house this and that. One son played NFL ball one played Hockey but they are building their family and cant help at all. One son said I will help fix up the house if I put him on the deed. I always had the most potential. MBA. Service connected disabled vet owned LLC. Agent for a trucking Brokerage. Own a notary service, 501c3 non profit. But I can't get shit to equate to finance. Really tired. Don't know what to do. Should be pulling this trigger but I am failing at that. Not looking for sympathy just an old tired man. I feel like I have failed as a father a son a brother and a husband.
i dont know you but you are special to many people although it dont seem like it.i also prayed over you and your troubles rather you believe in god or not i do an i know my god will get you through anything because i was there a time or two and he got me through it so i prayed over you trust in yourself trust in god and you will understand that the one you will be letting down is yourself.you would be taking the kids father away someone friend so settl down understand people is in your corner and trust in god ok .
 

jimmiewine

"Are you gonna bring Halle? That's a fine bitch!"
BGOL Patreon Investor
58 life done beat the shit out of me. Sacrificed my whole life for the fam 8 kids 5 boys 3 girls. All they talk about is when I die the house this and that. One son played NFL ball one played Hockey but they are building their family and cant help at all. One son said I will help fix up the house if I put him on the deed. I always had the most potential. MBA. Service connected disabled vet owned LLC. Agent for a trucking Brokerage. Own a notary service, 501c3 non profit. But I can't get shit to equate to finance. Really tired. Don't know what to do. Should be pulling this trigger but I am failing at that. Not looking for sympathy just an old tired man. I feel like I have failed as a father a son a brother and a husband.
Please don’t. This was me last year around the same time. I was trying to slice my wrist and I couldn’t do it. Please talk to someone. Tomorrow is always another day, my friend. Granted it’s a year later and things are still not good but thank God I am here. Please… get some help.
 

shaddyvillethug

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
You might laugh at this (which would be good) But every time I get down, which is a lot, I put on The Dark Knight Returns.

Why?

Because it is the ultimate redemption story. A man, hunted by the very people he's sworn to protect, goes into deep depression and hides from the world for 8 years.

He comes back and get broken physically and imprisoned by a new enemy.

He could have easily chosen to give up, but his love for his people wouldn't let him quit.

He returns triumphant, vanquishing his demons, and is able to retire because Batman is an idea, not a man.

It's a story of overcoming depression and insurmountable odds.

It's the story of every man. Especially Black.

The point is, you must accept and embrace your fears to get out that pit of depression. If you've seen the movie you know what I mean. Apply those lessons to your life! It's not over, just a bump in the road!

I thought I was the only one who did this

I do the exact same thing

I know it word for word

perfect fucking movie
 

PeerlessMack

Been here longer than you think!
BGOL Investor
@dinka64 ,

Sorry I am late to this. I had a busy couple of days. But I want to say that as long as you are alive, you have a chance to make things better. You got some good people that don't even know you showing you that they care. You are not worthless.

Seek help immediately.. You don't have to reply, but seeing you giving likes to posts shows me you are at least taking the advice here into conaideration.
 

bxclark

Rising Star
Platinum Member
58 life done beat the shit out of me. Sacrificed my whole life for the fam 8 kids 5 boys 3 girls. All they talk about is when I die the house this and that. One son played NFL ball one played Hockey but they are building their family and cant help at all. One son said I will help fix up the house if I put him on the deed. I always had the most potential. MBA. Service connected disabled vet owned LLC. Agent for a trucking Brokerage. Own a notary service, 501c3 non profit. But I can't get shit to equate to finance. Really tired. Don't know what to do. Should be pulling this trigger but I am failing at that. Not looking for sympathy just an old tired man. I feel like I have failed as a father a son a brother and a husband.
I'm just seeing this and will tell you that things will get better, bro. 2022 has by far been the worst year of my life.

I spent over a month in a place I didn't deserve to be for some shit that didn't happen, lost the family I created (after losing my blood family to a bullshit religion), my son now claims he's depressed and angry partly because of the first thing I mentioned, and the list goes on..

I mention this to say we all go through dark times. I am certainly in mine, but I refuse to give up. Re your kids, it sounds like you did your job. You raised them to the point of them doing for themselves. As for you, don't give up, bro. Better times will come. Please stay strong and focus on making it through each day. As others mentioned, therapy/counseling should help you.

I don't know you, but am sending some love and support your way, brother.
 
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KoolJay

Vidi Veni Vici
BGOL Investor
Wow. Thank You ALL. I am reading after the fact. I wrote the message and was sitting in my car. minding My business just staring out the windshield. Someone called the police. a Black female officer was on my side with her hand on her weapon her partner a White boy had his gun drawn my gun was on my lap. The female tapped on my window and I let it down a little bit. she asked what's the problem. I said just tired of living this shitty existence. I thought I could chump out and get them to do it. I picked up my gun and the white boy dropped to his knees and so did the female and started praying. :eek2: the female got up opened my door grabbed my hand and pulled me out and hugged me then the white boy came over and said I love you man go home. :eek2:. I read every word yall posted and I cant argue that what I posted is fucked up but at the moment that's where I was. I have always been told I have a purpose, cheated death a few times. Just tired for real but I am off the ledge.
Big Bro.... Come on thru this weekend, Imma put this Brisket on this Kamado Joe I just bought. I know you are a little strapped for loot right now, so just bring a good attitude and an appetite. O yeah, you aint takin no food back to those ungrateful azz kids. LOL.. J/k. See you tomorrow.
 

dinka64

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Checking into the VA this morning. like many of you said something else is going on. I had a few hours of sanity last night and I remembered that this fucked up medicine Keppra has psychological side effects. I had a seizure 5 months ago it was the second in 5 years. the VA put me on Keppra.
 

REDLINE

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Big Bro.... Come on thru this weekend, Imma put this Brisket on this Kamado Joe I just bought. I know you are a little strapped for loot right now, so just bring a good attitude and an appetite. O yeah, you aint takin no food back to those ungrateful azz kids. LOL.. J/k. See you tomorrow.
Beautiful gesture! :)
 

REDLINE

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Checking into the VA this morning. like many of you said something else is going on. I had a few hours of sanity last night and I remembered that this fucked up medicine Keppra has psychological side effects. I had a seizure 5 months ago it was the second in 5 years. the VA put me on Keppra.
Glad to hear that you're getting some help and have your mind together enough to remember that the medication is causing some issues.



About that house though.




:roflmao:
 

kidmegaii

Medium well
BGOL Investor
Checking into the VA this morning. like many of you said something else is going on. I had a few hours of sanity last night and I remembered that this fucked up medicine Keppra has psychological side effects. I had a seizure 5 months ago it was the second in 5 years. the VA put me on Keppra.
Request a med reconciliation, so they can go over past and present medicines.

If you have another insurance call the case management department and request another med reconciliation.
 

Dannyblueyes

Aka Illegal Danny
BGOL Investor
58 life done beat the shit out of me. Sacrificed my whole life for the fam 8 kids 5 boys 3 girls. All they talk about is when I die the house this and that. One son played NFL ball one played Hockey but they are building their family and cant help at all. One son said I will help fix up the house if I put him on the deed. I always had the most potential. MBA. Service connected disabled vet owned LLC. Agent for a trucking Brokerage. Own a notary service, 501c3 non profit. But I can't get shit to equate to finance. Really tired. Don't know what to do. Should be pulling this trigger but I am failing at that. Not looking for sympathy just an old tired man. I feel like I have failed as a father a son a brother and a husband.
I've reread this post several times. Still not sure I understand.

Are you really trying to die over a broke down house, some disrespectful kids, and a business that doesn't make as much as you thought it would?

First of all we just came out of a goddamn global pandemic yesterday. Unless your name is Bezos nobody's business is making the money they expected. You're doing great just keeping the doors open.

As for your kids, like I said before, anybody who talks about what they're going to get from you after the dirt nap is beyond disrespectful. Especially when they're talking about being put on the deed for replacing a hot water heater or whatever.

Take out a second mortgage and hire a restoration company to fix things up. Spend the rest of your life paying back the absolute minimum. That way when you are ready to pass on the house it's got a shit ton of debt attached to it. They want the house so bad? Let them pay for it then.

Were you being literal when you were talking about "failing to pull the trigger?" If so I got to ask, why do you even have a gun in the first place?

Have you had to pull it out on an intruder? More than once? If so maybe it's time to move. If not maybe it's time to reconsider whether you actually need it.

Finally, I'm not going to make any personal assumptions, but everything you posted sounds white as fuck. Like your final meal would be pierogies, freshly squeezed orange juice, and a side of sour cream salad. Maybe you have The Doors "this is the end" playing in the background while the TV shows Major Dad reruns on mute.

Is that how you want people to find you?

I can't lie. Felt the same way you do many, many, way too many goddamn times. One thing that helps me through it is to play the following song. It's soft, subtle, and the biggest middle finger that you can hold up against the world and everything it throws your way.

Enjoy!

 

Strait_Laced

knowledge alone ≠ power
OG Investor
Checking into the VA this morning. like many of you said something else is going on. I had a few hours of sanity last night and I remembered that this fucked up medicine Keppra has psychological side effects. I had a seizure 5 months ago it was the second in 5 years. the VA put me on Keppra.
glad you are doing better. posting your story helped a lot of people that may be lurking on the board and going through similar situations. keep your head up, keep physically moving, protect your mental state. staying sane is a practice, not a destination
 
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