FB Question, that I’d love to know the brothers point of view.....

Madrox

Vaya Con Dio
BGOL Investor
Late to this thread.

I didn't need FB to have this discussion because I have been there done that. And have family and friends who have been through it also. Some people's financial responsibility drastically changes when they move in with a person who has more or equal to offer.

First time it happened to me I made the mistake of not discussing splitting the bills. But I was very young and thought it would work out. I had a house and good job and she had a kid working part time. She moved in and got a full time job that was a decent wage. You'd think she would contribute accordingly. Nope.
Her logic..... I make more than her so I should cover all of the bills. She finally agreed to pay some bills but picked the smallest bills to pay; water and cable bills. Nothing was put towards rent.
It wasn't until I literally wrote it out on pen and paper the amount the bills had increased since her and her son moved in and how she was taking advantage of me. I showed her that she was able to keep 75% of her pay because she wasn't paying shit yet I hardly had 10% of mine left over. What made it bad was that her older sister was there and her own sister agreed, albeit reluctantly.
You'd think she would agree to contribute more. Nope. She decided to find her own place.
She moved into an apartment. Got evicted a few months later. Moved in with a female friend. Got kicked out a few months after that.

Point is that some people feel that when a person is doing better than them they don't have to contribute as much.

Right. Its about expenses.. It doesn't matter if you make way more if you're just gonna have hella expenses. She could work at 7-11 and have no expenses and still take home the same when it's all said and done :smh:
 

bgbtylvr

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
I didn't think about property taxes.
Yup. His crib is paid off so all he has is utilities, taxes, insurance, upkeep and groceries. If it were just him, the 8-pack of toilet paper lasts a month. With her he needs to double or triple that. He showers will be more frequent and longer than his. She needs half the under the cabinet space and half his closet space. She might be cold when he’s hot, so the A/C or heat will be on when he never had it on before. Having her there will raise his cost of living so she needs to cover that. If his gas, electric and cable run $400 a month, and property taxes are $3000 a year, she can pay $700 a month. If she doesn’t see that as saving $1100 she can’t move in. He doesn’t even have to explain how he came to $700, just give her the figure.
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
Yup. His crib is paid off so all he has is utilities, taxes, insurance, upkeep and groceries. If it were just him, the 8-pack of toilet paper lasts a month. With her he needs to double or triple that. He showers will be more frequent and longer than his. She needs half the under the cabinet space and half his closet space. She might be cold when he’s hot, so the A/C or heat will be on when he never had it on before. Having her there will raise his cost of living so she needs to cover that. If his gas, electric and cable run $400 a month, and property taxes are $3000 a year, she can pay $700 a month. If she doesn’t see that as saving $1100 she can’t move in. He doesn’t even have to explain how he came to $700, just give her the figure.

I disagree with the last sentence. You wouldn't just accept an arbitrary number if the situation was reversed. He should take the time to educate her on what his expenses include. She may have unrealistic expectations that need to be addressed to avoid problems not only now, but in the future. Just like someone said a woman wouldn't have an issue with it if their son was involved (I disagree tho), if your daughter was involved, you would want to make sure she wasn't being taken advantage of in this situation.

Water bill will definitely go up, heat and electric to some degree, and of course groceries and staples, but other things like phone, internet, cable, taxes and insurance he has whether she is there or not.

Y'all see her balking at this as disqualifying though, and I don't. They obviously like each other, but if she were going to use him for a "come up", she can eagerly agree to this and still use him for one. Even if she was paying to put her stuff in storage, and paying him 800.00, she would be coming out ahead to pay down debt and save for another place. They already have a physical relationship.

I don't think the 800.00 is unreasonable on the surface. The fact the term rent was used changes the scenario though. It puts a wall up, and like someone else said, it implies certain rights. That said, unless I was looking for a "come up", I'd probably stay in my own place or look for a less expensive one.
 

veritech

Black Votes Matter!
Platinum Member
Late to this thread.

I didn't need FB to have this discussion because I have been there done that. And have family and friends who have been through it also. Some people's financial responsibility drastically changes when they move in with a person who has more or equal to offer.

First time it happened to me I made the mistake of not discussing splitting the bills. But I was very young and thought it would work out. I had a house and good job and she had a kid working part time. She moved in and got a full time job that was a decent wage. You'd think she would contribute accordingly. Nope.
Her logic..... I make more than her so I should cover all of the bills. She finally agreed to pay some bills but picked the smallest bills to pay; water and cable bills. Nothing was put towards rent.
It wasn't until I literally wrote it out on pen and paper the amount the bills had increased since her and her son moved in and how she was taking advantage of me. I showed her that she was able to keep 75% of her pay because she wasn't paying shit yet I hardly had 10% of mine left over. What made it bad was that her older sister was there and her own sister agreed, albeit reluctantly.
You'd think she would agree to contribute more. Nope. She decided to find her own place.
She moved into an apartment. Got evicted a few months later. Moved in with a female friend. Got kicked out a few months after that.

Point is that some people feel that when a person is doing better than them they don't have to contribute as much.

i had this exact same shit happen to me. a chick i was kicking it with lost her job and got evicted. i offered up my place for her to get back on her feet. she got a decent job pretty quick but as soon as the topic of her paying rent (it was my house with a mortgage) came up she got salty and bounced. keep in mind i was holding everything down from food to bills to housing.

i learned real quick not to save anymore chicks.
 

veritech

Black Votes Matter!
Platinum Member
I disagree with the last sentence. You wouldn't just accept an arbitrary number if the situation was reversed. He should take the time to educate her on what his expenses include. She may have unrealistic expectations that need to be addressed to avoid problems not only now, but in the future. Just like someone said a woman wouldn't have an issue with it if their son was involved (I disagree tho), if your daughter was involved, you would want to make sure she wasn't being taken advantage of in this situation.

Water bill will definitely go up, heat and electric to some degree, and of course groceries and staples, but other things like phone, internet, cable, taxes and insurance he has whether she is there or not.

Y'all see her balking at this as disqualifying though, and I don't. They obviously like each other, but if she were going to use him for a "come up", she can eagerly agree to this and still use him for one. Even if she was paying to put her stuff in storage, and paying him 800.00, she would be coming out ahead to pay down debt and save for another place. They already have a physical relationship.

I don't think the 800.00 is unreasonable on the surface. The fact the term rent was used changes the scenario though. It puts a wall up, and like someone else said, it implies certain rights. That said, unless I was looking for a "come up", I'd probably stay in my own place or look for a less expensive one.


the problem is flip this around from a gender perspective and that dude would be getting called all kinds of punks and bitches for "not contributing what he should."

and you know i am right.
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
the problem is flip this around from a gender perspective and that dude would be getting called all kinds of punks and bitches for "not contributing what he should."

and you know i am right.

Y'all seem ok applying traditional roles to women following the lead of the man, being submissive, deferring to his judgment etc in deciding whether or not we measure up, but not the traditional role of the man being provider and protector. Why is that?
 

veritech

Black Votes Matter!
Platinum Member
Y'all seem ok applying traditional roles to women following the lead of the man, being submissive, deferring to his judgment etc in deciding whether or not we measure up, but not the traditional role of the man being provider and protector. Why is that?

you are literally doing that thing that women do where they want men to be the provider and leader ONLY when it suits women.

i am cool with all of being a provider and leading if a woman wants to play her role and submit to my authority in my house since i am paying all of the bills.

but if she wants to be a "modern woman" she better appreciate the ability to save some money while still kicking in on some of these bills.

women want it both ways. women can't have it both ways. it is selfish and bullshit.

and women kicking in on bills or not i am still leading the relationship. at least for me that is a non negotiable. i will not have a woman out here embarrassing the shit outta me. nah.
 

Astek

wannabe star
Platinum Member
His request is not out of line, but there are some serious details missing. Details which could be detrimental to him in the long run as well.

Sure the home is paid off, but what happens when he needs a new roof? The basement floods? HVAC needs replacing? What happens when he gets sick or has a drastic drop in income?

If he treats her as a tenant, then she should expect all of that to be his problem. He can't decide to charge her for occupancy and then want it to be a partnership when shit hits the fan.

At the same time, she needs to understand that she is entering into a new situation. Renting a place is costly because the owner bears all the risk. What does she expect her status to be now? They are not bound legally (at least not initially. Depends on local "common law" statutes), so she can bounce when the financial obligations get too intense, even if she contributed via additional wear and tear.

Now consider what happens when there is a dispute about the house, even over minor stuff? Who has the last word? Does she have any word? Carpeting, appliances, curtains, pictures, what to do with the extra room. I'm almost certain they have a different interpretation of what their arrangement would entail.

Bottom line, unless they are bound legally (marriage, contract, etc.) and in thought (values, financial strategies) this has WAY too many avenues to go wrong. The opening of the discussion already has caused tension.

2 mature people with developed communication skills and ability to compromise can get through this. Unfortunately, rarely do those 2 people ever get in a relationship.
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
you are literally doing that thing that women do where they want men to be the provider and leader ONLY when it suits women.

i am cool with all of being a provider and leading if a woman wants to play her role and submit to my authority in my house since i am paying all of the bills.

but if she wants to be a "modern woman" she better appreciate the ability to save some money while still kicking in on some of these bills.

women want it both ways. women can't have it both ways. it is selfish and bullshit.

No. Like PH said, expenses are not rent. As soon as rent was mentioned, when there isn't a monthly rent or mortgage expense, it changed the situation. No one is disputing whether or not she should pay her fair share. However, if I'm paying rent then I want something in writing.

Like I said, I most likely would stay in my own place. I'm very protective of my time and space. I wouldn't consent to move in with a man unless the trust was there and in the OP it doesn't seem like it is there. I don't like to account to anyone how or with/on whom I spend my time and money and I like to be able to set boundaries as to how much time and access I give someone. Moving in blurs those boundaries so unless it's clearly leading to marriage, my preference would be separate homes.
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
you are literally doing that thing that women do where they want men to be the provider and leader ONLY when it suits women.

i am cool with all of being a provider and leading if a woman wants to play her role and submit to my authority in my house since i am paying all of the bills.

but if she wants to be a "modern woman" she better appreciate the ability to save some money while still kicking in on some of these bills.

women want it both ways. women can't have it both ways. it is selfish and bullshit.

and women kicking in on bills or not i am still leading the relationship. at least for me that is a non negotiable. i will not have a woman out here embarrassing the shit outta me. nah.

But this dude is saying he will charge his long time girlfriend rent to live with him. Is that something you would say to your girlfriend that you offered her to move in your house?

I certainly wouldn’t have used to the word rent period, but there would definitely be an understanding that she will be putting most of the utilities in her name and that will be her responsibility. Helping with taxes as well.

If he going to charge like she’s a tenant by asking for rent, then just let her find her own place since protecting his assets means more than the relationship itself. That’s understandable. There is just not enough trust that she’ll hold her end.
 

bgbtylvr

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
I disagree with the last sentence. You wouldn't just accept an arbitrary number if the situation was reversed. He should take the time to educate her on what his expenses include. She may have unrealistic expectations that need to be addressed to avoid problems not only now, but in the future. Just like someone said a woman wouldn't have an issue with it if their son was involved (I disagree tho), if your daughter was involved, you would want to make sure she wasn't being taken advantage of in this situation.

Water bill will definitely go up, heat and electric to some degree, and of course groceries and staples, but other things like phone, internet, cable, taxes and insurance he has whether she is there or not.

Y'all see her balking at this as disqualifying though, and I don't. They obviously like each other, but if she were going to use him for a "come up", she can eagerly agree to this and still use him for one. Even if she was paying to put her stuff in storage, and paying him 800.00, she would be coming out ahead to pay down debt and save for another place. They already have a physical relationship.

I don't think the 800.00 is unreasonable on the surface. The fact the term rent was used changes the scenario though. It puts a wall up, and like someone else said, it implies certain rights. That said, unless I was looking for a "come up", I'd probably stay in my own place or look for a less expensive one.
I don’t want him to end it either. He likes her a lot. And I dislike her attempt to get over, not her. She shot her shot. Now he needs to man the fuck up and set his price. Still, this comes down to the man with all leverage and better situation having to explain something she should already know: nothing is free. I’m sure she knows what his crib looks like, roughly what he paid for it, and there is zero chance a flat $7-800 is not a deal no matter where it is when was $2000. You go from zero or covered parking to a garage, more space, more privacy that condos all lack. She can have bigger dinner parties and the like. Her life improves day ONE simply from being in his home. AND she saves $1100 minimum. She can apply that $1100 to paying off debt. That would be thanks to HIM.

Years ago a woman I knew owned a huge 3-level House with a two car garage. I rented an apartment in a bad area. the basement was finished with a fireplace to boot. I could enter without ever seeing her. It was way nicer, roomier, in a great area, all that. When she said $600 a month i didn’t make her qualify her price, I fucking took it!!! I even cut her grass so she didn’t have to pay anyone. Washed her car same day I washed mine. I showed appreciation without her asking. I saw the worth in what she gave me!

His lady is most likely a good woman, just dealt with men before him who never held her accountable. If he keeps negotiating and explaining himself he takes the weaker position and will always have to going forward when he fucking owns a home free and clear. He has the right to ask whatever he wants. Better yet, if he knows a real estate agent; he could ask what the going rate for renting a room from him would be and I bet it is comparable or higher so she’s already getting the “in-house pussy” discount!!! She pays half his annual expenses, give or take, no Matter what!
 

Cross

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Y'all seem ok applying traditional roles to women following the lead of the man, being submissive, deferring to his judgment etc in deciding whether or not we measure up, but not the traditional role of the man being provider and protector. Why is that?
So she going to be cooking and cleaning and being available to him when he wants her to be since we talking traditional roles.
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
I don’t want him to end it either. He likes her a lot. And I dislike her attempt to get over, not her. She shot her shot. Now he needs to man the fuck up and set his price. Still, this comes down to the man with all leverage and better situation having to explain something she should already know: nothing is free. I’m sure she knows what his crib looks like, roughly what he paid for it, and there is zero chance a flat $7-800 is not a deal no matter where it is when was $2000. You go from zero or covered parking to a garage, more space, more privacy that condos all lack. She can have bigger dinner parties and the like. Her life improves day ONE simply from being in his home. AND she saves $1100 minimum. She can apply that $1100 to paying off debt. That would be thanks to HIM.

Years ago a woman I knew owned a huge 3-level House with a two car garage. I rented an apartment in a bad area. the basement was finished with a fireplace to boot. I could enter without ever seeing her. It was way nicer, roomier, in a great area, all that. When she said $600 a month i didn’t make her qualify her price, I fucking took it!!! I even cut her grass so she didn’t have to pay anyone. Washed her car same day I washed mine. I showed appreciation without her asking. I saw the worth in what she gave me!

His lady is most likely a good woman, just dealt with men before him who never held her accountable. If he keeps negotiating and explaining himself he takes the weaker position and will always have to going forward when he fucking owns a home free and clear. He has the right to ask whatever he wants. Better yet, if he knows a real estate agent; he could ask what the going rate for renting a room from him would be and I bet it is comparable or higher so she’s already getting the “in-house pussy” discount!!! She pays half his annual expenses, give or take, no Matter what!

You're making a lot of assumptions about motivations for a situation that is either made up, or a second hand account sketched out without any of the pertinent details.
 

Cross

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
you are literally doing that thing that women do where they want men to be the provider and leader ONLY when it suits women.

i am cool with all of being a provider and leading if a woman wants to play her role and submit to my authority in my house since i am paying all of the bills.

but if she wants to be a "modern woman" she better appreciate the ability to save some money while still kicking in on some of these bills.

women want it both ways. women can't have it both ways. it is selfish and bullshit.

and women kicking in on bills or not i am still leading the relationship. at least for me that is a non negotiable. i will not have a woman out here embarrassing the shit outta me. nah.
Thats why I live alone, i have my shit you have your shit woman always on some bullshit traditional roles when it benefits them.
 

ANGRY MAN

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Crazy have to sit a grown adult woman down and give her some responsibility. Lmao you pay the electric bill and get the grocery?

Notice how you don’t have to sit a grown woman down on.. Her going out getting her hair/nails done. Going shopping/Ladies night buying make up/ paying her cellphone bill/pay car note and insurance. Your feeding her breadcrumbs meaning, she’ll do the bear minimum to keep the relationship.

She already showed you she knows how to pay bills in her own place. But “Decides” not to pay rent in your house. Your birthday/Christmas gift is coming up short believe me. Tell him get another chick it’s beautiful feeling when a woman got your back!
 

Walter Panov

Rising Star
Registered
Fuck that bitch....a Mayne...don't need to house no hoe...brah...he ain't trying to be a safehaven and savings house...FOLK
He doesn't need to, but he shouldn't have offered it to begin with. He's acting like he's single and he's doing her a favor. He isn't. If she wants she can get a studio in the suburbs for $800 easy.
 

spider705

Light skin, non ADOS Lebron hater!
BGOL Investor
His request is not out of line, but there are some serious details missing. Details which could be detrimental to him in the long run as well.

Sure the home is paid off, but what happens when he needs a new roof? The basement floods? HVAC needs replacing? What happens when he gets sick or has a drastic drop in income?

If he treats her as a tenant, then she should expect all of that to be his problem. He can't decide to charge her for occupancy and then want it to be a partnership when shit hits the fan.

this, this, AND THIS!

The minute he tied rent to that dollar amount she became a tenant. So when shit go sideways she gonna look at him like :dunno:, not my problem LANDLORD.

That's why I say she needs to help with living expenses, because every utility in that house is about to go up once she's moved in.
 

militantmidget

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
They are dating? In a full blown relationship? And he expects her to pay rent?

:lol:

I got a homie right now that did something similar and I just laughed my ass off. She STILL at his crib living rent free.

No chick in the history of chickdom is going to pay no damn rent for a guy she is dating.

It ain't trickin if you got it...or something to that effect.

Everything has a price, including pussy. Not saying it's fair or that I agree with her not wanting to pay him rent. But ain't no such thing as free pussy.
 
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MT Hermit

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Yup. His crib is paid off so all he has is utilities, taxes, insurance, upkeep and groceries. If it were just him, the 8-pack of toilet paper lasts a month. With her he needs to double or triple that. He showers will be more frequent and longer than his. She needs half the under the cabinet space and half his closet space. She might be cold when he’s hot, so the A/C or heat will be on when he never had it on before. Having her there will raise his cost of living so she needs to cover that. If his gas, electric and cable run $400 a month, and property taxes are $3000 a year, she can pay $700 a month. If she doesn’t see that as saving $1100 she can’t move in. He doesn’t even have to explain how he came to $700, just give her the figure.

exactly

:cool:
 

MT Hermit

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
I disagree with the last sentence. You wouldn't just accept an arbitrary number if the situation was reversed. He should take the time to educate her on what his expenses include. She may have unrealistic expectations that need to be addressed to avoid problems not only now, but in the future. Just like someone said a woman wouldn't have an issue with it if their son was involved (I disagree tho), if your daughter was involved, you would want to make sure she wasn't being taken advantage of in this situation.

Water bill will definitely go up, heat and electric to some degree, and of course groceries and staples, but other things like phone, internet, cable, taxes and insurance he has whether she is there or not.

Y'all see her balking at this as disqualifying though, and I don't. They obviously like each other, but if she were going to use him for a "come up", she can eagerly agree to this and still use him for one. Even if she was paying to put her stuff in storage, and paying him 800.00, she would be coming out ahead to pay down debt and save for another place. They already have a physical relationship.

I don't think the 800.00 is unreasonable on the surface. The fact the term rent was used changes the scenario though. It puts a wall up, and like someone else said, it implies certain rights. That said, unless I was looking for a "come up", I'd probably stay in my own place or look for a less expensive one.

so true, even tho it shouldn't

I think if he would have given a number with no breakdown he would have been better. Just say hey babe this is how much it is worth to me. and go from there
 

SVT

Rising Star
Registered
These be the best threads on BGoL

I swear the god

Niggas charging they bitch to be they daughter

Self science has me crying
 

SVT

Rising Star
Registered
@Camille have u ever lived with a man? Not like a fling but actually living. Moving in together(not he already has his house and u brining a bag) no I mean y’all picked this place together.
Have u ever experienced that?
 

pookie

Thinking of a Master Plan
BGOL Investor
I think its the wording, I think he should have left the “rental“ part out, if she’s living there $800 in shared household expenses is reasonable but if you’re saying you’re charging a woman living with you “rent” then that seems odd
 

4 Dimensional

Rising Star
Platinum Member
These be the best threads on BGoL

I swear the god

Niggas charging they bitch to be they daughter

Self science has me crying

giphy.gif
 

Cannibal

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
She's gonna pay the bills, that is ABSOLUTELY NON-NEGOTIABLE, the rent can easily be explained in terms of upkeep, grass, snow, taxes, etc. Now if he says his bills is $250 and the rest is rent, well, that's kinda unfair, but if the bills are around 75% of that 800, she should able to accept that. But either fucking way she pay a little rent or doesn't, she's winning. She getting dick, saving money, and getting a jump financially.
 

militantmidget

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Theres no such thing as free room and board either

You're absolutely correct. That's why she would be fucking dude on the regular in his house. That's the COST for her to stay there.

Niggas would never live with a woman who they not having sex with.

The cost to stay in a man's home is pussy.
 

tallblacknyc

Rising Star
Certified Pussy Poster
You're absolutely correct. That's why she would be fucking dude on the regular in his house. That's the COST for her to stay there.

Niggas would never live with a woman who they not having sex with.

The cost to stay in a man's home is pussy.
Well if you really think that’s an even exchange it sound more cost efficient letting her stay at her own crib and him still getting the buns
 

militantmidget

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Well if you really think that’s an even exchange it sound more cost efficient letting her stay at her own crib and him still getting the buns

I agree. The money it seems was more important to him than having her in the house. For some, money don't matter. For others, it matters alot.
 

killagram

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Well if you really think that’s an even exchange it sound more cost efficient letting her stay at her own crib and him still getting the buns

Shit..just give her 500 toward her bills at her house,buy groceries with my hood bitch ebt card.. and get a key...and still be golden.. it's what KillaMayne would do..brah
 
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