How do you know when it is time to leave the wife?
- Thread starter Grea818
- Start date
why the fuck do yall always gotta be so hard on bros asking for advice?
Are you asking for advice???
I know you wanted input from other men, but maybe a woman's touch will help too. I just have a few questions
(1) Was your wife in college before you got married? She makes $60,000 a year, so I assume she got a college education at some point
(2) Do you love her?
(3) When was the last time she told you she loves you?
(4) How was she dressing to go to clubs while you were dating? (this is a separate issue from the money issue)
1 she was done with school I was still in
2 yes
3 i think 1 month ago but that is after i said it to her
4 she dress the same when we was not dating she tone down when we was together and she back at it.
in the future i might, but hell if i don't get discourage when niggas gotta be so blatant and nasty with it...
LISTEN.....and LISTEN CLOSE........
- Don't take advise from people on a porn board that are not in tuned with the real dynamics of your marriage.
- Go to counseling. If you have health insurance it is covered and you can request a black counselor if you choose.
- GET GET YO ASS OFF THIS BOARD WITH THAT.
We are not aware of the good characteristics of that woman. You would not have posted shit about her if all was well between you two right?
Peace.
C/S. Get a good lawyer lined up and get ready for battle. Since she's making more money than you, she won't necessarily be able to extort you for alimony. She sounds very similar to the lunatic I was married to; however, her problem centered around trust & jealousy, not finance / money issues. You can't let her dictate what should happen when you're trying to follow a career path. It's obvious she isn't with & won't eventually get with the program, so it's time to cut her loose.
yo man. i feel for you bro. I've been with my wife for a long time. we been together for ten years and been married for six. i guess my prayers before i found her helped because she is truly my second/better half. When i was broke, she was there, taking on the financial stuff. When i started getting paid, she was there, still doing her part. now we are blessed and everybody on her side and my side of the family excluding our parents and siblings are jealous as hell because we are lasting. We have true hapiness together. You sound like you lacking that and I know the kid situation is killing you too, cause you would probably bounce if it wasnt for that. You say you was a club promoter, so you already know the obvious. my wife has friends that try to get her to go out from time to time but my wife dont even go for the shit. she know what she got. same on my side of the fence. I told her to look at her friends that go out. how many of them have men. of them, how many are happy. the answer is always none. so my wife chills with me and we go out together or with other similar couples. you gotta watch your surroundings. i knew what i wanted in a wife from looking at my moms, so my girl was the only one of all those i was fucking with in my youth that fit the bill. man my wife makes more than me, but only by a little. she makes 70k+ depending on her hours and I make 60k being a contractor and that working like 3/4 of the year. i aint got a problem with it because we do everything together. truth be told, no one can tell you what to do. its an individual choice cause we aint living through it. you need to point blank ask her if she still wants this cause your mom and her mom wont stop her from doing her. i've seen too many brothers that try to change a woman and it dont work. be straight up and good luck bro. if she dont, fight hard and dirty for your lil man.
defined by cheese...rats?
Every bitch out here wana be cashed out! If she dont then she ugly or rich! Just cause a bitch want nice shyt dont make her a rat.
Moral of the story is bitchs will always find some shyt they dont like! Once you find one that can keep that stupid shyt to herself then you wife!
Every bitch out here wana be cashed out! If she dont then she ugly or rich! Just cause a bitch want nice shyt dont make her a rat.
Moral of the story is bitchs will always find some shyt they dont like! Once you find one that can keep that stupid shyt to herself then you wife!
1) SHe is getting bad advice from a girlfriend or ex boyfriend/"wanna get some ass" dude (probably at work). This can be overcome. Once you isolate exactly why she is feeling this way you can attack it.
2) This might be part of the problem. Tell her not to cook and clean. You'll do it. She is simply expressing some frustrations. This is not unusual.
3) Go to the club as well. There are plenty of women that you have already dealt with that will be GLAD to see you back on the scene. Right now she thinks you NEED her. Let her know that plenty of women will be glad to have a man with goals and is moving forward. Nothing gets a woman in line more than her thinking that you might get something better.
Every marriage that lasts sometimes goes through unhappiness, infidelity, financial problems, and outsider interference. This is not new. Nobody is perfect, and neither are you. It is frustrating however you have to maintain a long term outlook.
Keep your parents (and hers) out of your business. They have their own agenda.
Imagine how Beyonce's dad was dealt with when he quit his high paying job to work on her career. He probably heard the same shit you are hearing now. We all see how that turned out.
When you have long term goals it is not easy for someone else to understand. In todays world of IM, internet, and cell phones, everyone wants things NOW! It is the ones with long term vision that win out at the end. You will win as well.
You have a child, that is the most important thing.
Question....is the sex still good? Does she complain about that?
What type of girls does she club with?
LISTEN.....and LISTEN CLOSE........
- Don't take advise from people on a porn board that are not in tuned with the real dynamics of your marriage.
- Go to counseling. If you have health insurance it is covered and you can request a black counselor if you choose.
- GET GET YO ASS OFF THIS BOARD WITH THAT.
We are not aware of the good characteristics of that woman. You would not have posted shit about her if all was well between you two right?
Peace.
One more time in case you missed it.
I did it. Just gotta find the right chick which takes lots of time, patience, and perseverance. To the OP, if your wife ain't down to ride thru the tough times, which sounds to me like you guys aren't even going through, and feels the need to go to the club half naked, before or after you guys got married, then she was never wife material in the first place. I hate to say it, but get a divorce while you're still young brother. Especially if you haven't already gotten her pregnant. I don't know you, but you portray yourself as a good nigga. There's one out there for you.
LISTEN.....and LISTEN CLOSE........
- Don't take advise from people on a porn board that are not in tuned with the real dynamics of your marriage.
- Go to counseling. If you have health insurance it is covered and you can request a black counselor if you choose.
- GET GET YO ASS OFF THIS BOARD WITH THAT.
We are not aware of the good characteristics of that woman. You would not have posted shit about her if all was well between you two right?
Peace.
If this is the case then take this brothers advice before mine. Ultimately, you are the only one who knows exactly what kind of woman you're dealing with.
that is my question. are ya'll still active at all. how frequently?
i'm pretty sure if she's half naked in the club she's cheating n wants to get serious with the next cat so she's starting lil arguments n issuing warning to lay the seed 4 u to fuck up i.e question her so she can file 1st or u leave so she can file 1st.
best bet her girls r in her ear n she's fucked a lawyer.
my advice build a file whenever she goes out take pics when she does keep a log 4 how long she is out n secretly record your convos with her to counter any bullshit from her, contact a lawyer and set up a bank account n give the court the info to show u r setting money aside 4 the child, keep records of what u spend on the child n the house hold expenses n what u contribute and start building an exit strategy then when u get a better job with a second to think file 1st for divorce n file for custody then get an order of separation on your terms n hope 4 a judge who will help u.
your marriage as u know it is done...shes cheating n wants out but doesnt have a falback option yet thats reliable, women never leave marriages without a fallback option...plan now n cover your ass n leave soon as u get the better job so she can't claim n e of that money...PLAN NOW!
best bet her girls r in her ear n she's fucked a lawyer.
my advice build a file whenever she goes out take pics when she does keep a log 4 how long she is out n secretly record your convos with her to counter any bullshit from her, contact a lawyer and set up a bank account n give the court the info to show u r setting money aside 4 the child, keep records of what u spend on the child n the house hold expenses n what u contribute and start building an exit strategy then when u get a better job with a second to think file 1st for divorce n file for custody then get an order of separation on your terms n hope 4 a judge who will help u.
your marriage as u know it is done...shes cheating n wants out but doesnt have a falback option yet thats reliable, women never leave marriages without a fallback option...plan now n cover your ass n leave soon as u get the better job so she can't claim n e of that money...PLAN NOW!
Damn. Y'all only been married two years? How long have you two been together? You're in a tough spot because you have a kid with her. She's already cheating on you with another nigga at this point. Probably a nigga that makes a bit more money than you do.
Tough it out and kick that bitch to the curb. Stick to your goals and work it on your time table. She'll come back around when she sees you're making moves.
BTW, you fucked up marrying a spoiled bitch with a "princess complex". That fuck up is on you my dude.
super c/s
We all go thru it dawg. Its up to you to be true to yourself. If you tolerate that bullshit, that means you want it to happen. I had an ex try me like that. I left her azz and she got prego really quick. She married dude so she would'nt look bad. Now, she is his punching bag and he doesnt want her to work from last I heard. The funny shit is I moved to ATL right after leaving her and now her ass is there too. Do you playa, make tha money and the rest will follow.
Damn...don't know how I missed that part. That makes your situation very difficult. Get counseling homie. The last thing you want is the possibility of having another ninja raising your son when you aren't around. I really don't know what else to say. You need a professional.
Some of y'all need to read the entire thread before you start asking questions. The OP has answered most of the questions people keep asking.
Your wife appears to be immature and insecure, as she doesn't realize what she has in you, and she apparently needs constant attention/validation. But I think your real problem began when she started making more money than you (60K vs 37K), substantial to be sure, but very immature on her part. Cuz in her mind, the man should make more money, this makes him a man, job satisfaction be damned.
She will likely be the woman 7 or 8 years from now who has been divorced, has another child (or two) by another man (or two) who can no longer get by on her looks, and complaining how there are no good black men out there.
She can be saved, but it's gonna take a lot more strength than you're showing right now, but you've got to put your foot down and take control of your marriage. Money is just material.
Even if you get divorced and get alimony, she will quit her job and get with some dude who will take care of her so she doesn't have to pay.
Cutting and running is easy, trying to make it work is difficult.
Your choice.
Your wife appears to be immature and insecure, as she doesn't realize what she has in you, and she apparently needs constant attention/validation. But I think your real problem began when she started making more money than you (60K vs 37K), substantial to be sure, but very immature on her part. Cuz in her mind, the man should make more money, this makes him a man, job satisfaction be damned.
She will likely be the woman 7 or 8 years from now who has been divorced, has another child (or two) by another man (or two) who can no longer get by on her looks, and complaining how there are no good black men out there.
She can be saved, but it's gonna take a lot more strength than you're showing right now, but you've got to put your foot down and take control of your marriage. Money is just material.
Even if you get divorced and get alimony, she will quit her job and get with some dude who will take care of her so she doesn't have to pay.
Cutting and running is easy, trying to make it work is difficult.
Your choice.
k.
Leave her.
It's over.
Get yourself a lawyer, but that woman is GONE.
You KNOW this. Really, if you try that bullshit with her mom and your mom, all she'll be doing about it is talking to her friends and going to the club looking for a guy she has less disdain for.
People change...that's one of the dangers of getting involved young...this woman hasn't even hit 30 yet and is going thru a midlife crisis.
Yes it hurts, yes it's painful...but dude...IT'S DONE.
Get your business in order and fight like hell to get custody of your son.
Leave her.
It's over.
Get yourself a lawyer, but that woman is GONE.
You KNOW this. Really, if you try that bullshit with her mom and your mom, all she'll be doing about it is talking to her friends and going to the club looking for a guy she has less disdain for.
People change...that's one of the dangers of getting involved young...this woman hasn't even hit 30 yet and is going thru a midlife crisis.
Yes it hurts, yes it's painful...but dude...IT'S DONE.
Get your business in order and fight like hell to get custody of your son.
Maybe she forgot, but most people do not come out of undergrad making $60,000 a year. You did not have a steady job when she first got with you and now you are coming up in a different area. She has to understand that.
If you love her, then you have to try everything before you call it quits. A lot of men (and women) do not take their marriage vows seriously and always want to jump ship at the slightest sign of discord. That shows that you truly don't love the other person more than you love yourself or that you are weak minded. I think that if you still got love for her, then you should try to reach an understanding.
The fact that she has not told you that she loves you in a month is an omen. When a woman stops telling you she loves you, there is room for her to tell someone else she loves him. Especially when her actions that you have described are not loving. I'm not saying she is completely gone, but we don't want to get to that point. As others have said, I think you all need to go to a marriage counselor. Someone who is trained and is a stranger to you all.
Basically you gotta let her know where you stand on these issues and ask her if she really loves you and is willing to take the ride wherever it goes.
About how she dresses to go out: when you met her she was dressing really sexy to go out and it was all good. Seems to me that a lot of men expect a woman to change who she is after she gets married. Most women go through phases in their life as far as how they dress. She is still young and she deserves to feel and dress sexy. When she is 40 or 50 I imagine that her idea of "sexy" is going to be different. I have a feeling that if your relationship was going just perfect, this wouldn't be such an issue for you. I advise you to not confront her on this issue because it will be a lost cause
Grea818
Listen man. Divorcing your wife is probably not a realistic option. I mean to have dated her, married her, and had a child with her means that your truly love this woman. I don't expect anyone just to up and leave a relationship especially marriage.
Looking at the both of your salaries you guys make a combined 100K. That is about 8000 a month. Since you are married and share the same income I am not so sure the entire problem is finances unless you two are living beyond your means.
You do need to talk to your wife. I don't want to bash your wife but she is being selfish. There are people in this world who have real problems like physical and mental abuse, evictions. low income, ect.
Explain to your wife to be patient and have faith in you. Let her know that it hurts you not to be able to provide her the life style she desires. Tell her you love her and you are willing to do what it takes to make her happy. Ask her to help you. Don't go tic for tac because you will be playing her game. As a man I know you truly want to provide your wife & child with the world. At times it can be frustrating with all the pressure to do so. BUT DON'T GO TIC FOR TAC.
A good man is one who is faithful, loving, caring, a leader, and takes care of his family. A good man is not defined by the amount of money he makes. There are some damn good husbands and fathers who only made 30,000 a year. All you can do is tell your wife to trust you. Leaving your wife at this point would be a bad move.
Clearly show her your dream and let her be actively involved in your plans for success. Also do make her feel special. Even tho you don't make allot of money 37 k is very good. Bring her home a gift every now and then. Shower her with love and gifts from time to time. Get a baby sister and wine and dine her. Little things like this can make a huge difference
Listen man. Divorcing your wife is probably not a realistic option. I mean to have dated her, married her, and had a child with her means that your truly love this woman. I don't expect anyone just to up and leave a relationship especially marriage.
Looking at the both of your salaries you guys make a combined 100K. That is about 8000 a month. Since you are married and share the same income I am not so sure the entire problem is finances unless you two are living beyond your means.
You do need to talk to your wife. I don't want to bash your wife but she is being selfish. There are people in this world who have real problems like physical and mental abuse, evictions. low income, ect.
Explain to your wife to be patient and have faith in you. Let her know that it hurts you not to be able to provide her the life style she desires. Tell her you love her and you are willing to do what it takes to make her happy. Ask her to help you. Don't go tic for tac because you will be playing her game. As a man I know you truly want to provide your wife & child with the world. At times it can be frustrating with all the pressure to do so. BUT DON'T GO TIC FOR TAC.
A good man is one who is faithful, loving, caring, a leader, and takes care of his family. A good man is not defined by the amount of money he makes. There are some damn good husbands and fathers who only made 30,000 a year. All you can do is tell your wife to trust you. Leaving your wife at this point would be a bad move.
Clearly show her your dream and let her be actively involved in your plans for success. Also do make her feel special. Even tho you don't make allot of money 37 k is very good. Bring her home a gift every now and then. Shower her with love and gifts from time to time. Get a baby sister and wine and dine her. Little things like this can make a huge difference
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Damn, that's exactly how I was feeling, but I didn't want to put it so bluntly. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because we've only gotten one side of the story, but I can't get past the half naked in the club statement. I couldn't imagine my reaction if my wife even thought of going to any club half naked. That's just crazy.
what the hell for you think her mom is going to be on your side get a lawyer collect some dirt, and bounce as for your son in time when he's old enough you can talk to him but thats out of your hands now.
You just need to tell her how feel. Say what you just told us. If she still dont understand dont talk to her ass anymore. Just take care of your son, and do your own thing. Dont sweat her for no pussy, dont ask her where she going, dont say shit to her unless its about bills and your son. Let her try to end it, not you. She make 60 you make 40 if she divorce you she gonna have to split some of that cash with you.
Lemme chime in...
1) When you 1st met, ya'll were in school... She was broke.
2) You was young & hustlin' and always had money for (her) entertainment purposes / bills.
3) And *club promotions* raised your STATUS amongst the ladies... BIG TIME!!
4) She graduated first and got a nice career / salary bump.
5) You had a child together & got married.
6) Pretty soon you/she realized that *club promotions* doesn't have a *retirement plan*...
7) So you decided to switch careers into an industry with more *growth potential*.
8) Now while you are going to school to get ur education game up & struggling at *entry-level* on a new career path...
9) She starts hitting the clubs on some *ladies night* type ish.
10) Leaving you home to watch JR.
11) Now she is unwilling to move/leave LA - so that YOU could make money for the TEAM.
12) Together you bring home $100K in salary.
13) But since getting married, you 2 have NOT worked together on any BIG *life goals*? (like saving for a house, college fund, retirement, etc.)
14) She doesn't want you to hang with her & her girls anymore.
15) You are doing *most* of the day-to-day household chores.
16) And getting into petty arguments about Bullshit.
Sounds about right?
Jamie Foxx said it best on his Foxxhole radio show...
She's a *RIGHT NOW* chic.
She wants a man to provide the lifestyle that she wants... RIGHT NOW.
She prolly wishes you made more money... RIGHT NOW.
She want you to change [x,y,z]... RIGHT NOW.
Women will say things like "She deserves to look & feel sexy"... VERY TRUE.
But does your wife currently wear ANY of these same skimpy outfits for YOU alone?
(i.e. around the house? or going to the mall / movies? or out to dinner? to the grocery store?)
Or does she only dress like that for *girls night out*?
If so, she's likely *shopping around* for an UPGRADE.
(i.e. She gets dressed up for strangers, but looks like a SHLUB for her man.
)
BAD SIGN.
Stylish Women who desire to *look & feel sexy* will do so at ANY given time. Trust.
Not just at the club. They don't need a *reason* to show off that thong. They just do it.
THEY STAY SEXY. But usually need a reason to *dress casual*.
That's the difference.
TO SUM UP...
She is in the company of OTHER MEN... (i.e. dating, fucking, dinners, flirting, whatever).... RIGHT NOW.
So whatcha gonna do, playboy?
MAN UP. RIGHT NOW. THAT's WHAT.
1) When you 1st met, ya'll were in school... She was broke.
2) You was young & hustlin' and always had money for (her) entertainment purposes / bills.
3) And *club promotions* raised your STATUS amongst the ladies... BIG TIME!!
4) She graduated first and got a nice career / salary bump.
5) You had a child together & got married.
6) Pretty soon you/she realized that *club promotions* doesn't have a *retirement plan*...
7) So you decided to switch careers into an industry with more *growth potential*.
8) Now while you are going to school to get ur education game up & struggling at *entry-level* on a new career path...
9) She starts hitting the clubs on some *ladies night* type ish.
10) Leaving you home to watch JR.
11) Now she is unwilling to move/leave LA - so that YOU could make money for the TEAM.
12) Together you bring home $100K in salary.
13) But since getting married, you 2 have NOT worked together on any BIG *life goals*? (like saving for a house, college fund, retirement, etc.)
14) She doesn't want you to hang with her & her girls anymore.
15) You are doing *most* of the day-to-day household chores.
16) And getting into petty arguments about Bullshit.
Sounds about right?
Jamie Foxx said it best on his Foxxhole radio show...
She's a *RIGHT NOW* chic.
She wants a man to provide the lifestyle that she wants... RIGHT NOW.
She prolly wishes you made more money... RIGHT NOW.
She want you to change [x,y,z]... RIGHT NOW.
Women will say things like "She deserves to look & feel sexy"... VERY TRUE.
But does your wife currently wear ANY of these same skimpy outfits for YOU alone?
(i.e. around the house? or going to the mall / movies? or out to dinner? to the grocery store?)
Or does she only dress like that for *girls night out*?
If so, she's likely *shopping around* for an UPGRADE.
(i.e. She gets dressed up for strangers, but looks like a SHLUB for her man.
)BAD SIGN.
Stylish Women who desire to *look & feel sexy* will do so at ANY given time. Trust.
Not just at the club. They don't need a *reason* to show off that thong. They just do it.
THEY STAY SEXY. But usually need a reason to *dress casual*.
That's the difference.
TO SUM UP...
She is in the company of OTHER MEN... (i.e. dating, fucking, dinners, flirting, whatever).... RIGHT NOW.
So whatcha gonna do, playboy?
MAN UP. RIGHT NOW. THAT's WHAT.
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yeah them bitches do be changing after you marry em'. my wifey was the sweetest most adorable dyme i ever meet, then 3 months after marriage she morphed into a completely different woman on the inside. i was ready to bounce.
that somes it up i know i fucked up going to talk to her when I get off work in like 2 hours. I pretty much got the point as to grow some balls and take control of this before it gets worst.
when was the last time you hit it playa?
And she knows you're scared of that too, which is why she will continue to club and I hate to say it, she's likely fuckin' other niggas. When a woman tells you' "We have no chemistry" and "I'm used to the guy paying for everything"...it means this.
"We have no chemistry" = I'm going to find someone I have chemistry with, club until I do and use you as a permanent "free" baby sitter to recoup some of the money you are not making.
"I'm used to the guy paying for everything" = You're not doing enough, so if it takes me leaving you to get child support to supplement my income even more I'll do it.
Basically, she has got you by the nuts...I know, because I've lived this exact situation...exact. If sista's want to know why we're not marrying them, they need look no further than this thread. Most black women have LOST THERE NATURAL BLACK ASS MINDS!!! Get out, you won't make out, but the healing process will start sooner...staying in will only prolong the situation and cause her to do something very drastic.
A woman's mind says she can get anything she wants, that's what the skimpy outfits are about. But trust, it will go from that to condoms in the house, to phone calls and hangups, to her staying out all night and comin' home with her hair messed up, smellin' like Drakkar...trust when a woman wants you out of her life, there's no extreme she won't go too. GET OUt!!! while you still have your dignity.
Bruh, if you didn't have nuts from the jump don't grow none now. All thats gonna do is hurt you even more. You should've had them from the beginning and you wouldn't be in this situation. You coming in acting different because you got some heart from niggas on this site is gonna get you laughed at. Lick your wounds and get ready to move on.
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